Mrs T, Attempted Spitting Image Lyric, Eventually NewsRevue Lyric, 10 February 1992

One of my earlier attempts, this.

Originally submitted to Spitting Image, 9 or 10 February 1992, I subsequently submitted it to NewsRevue.

Anything that worked to “I Will Survive” was automatically on John Random’s prohibited list, I later discovered, but I did eventually get a version of the song into NewsRevue, perhaps as late as October 1993 but I think probably before that too.

You can’t keep a good lyric down, John; this one is, in my view, quite a good lyric.

The following version is e-dated April 1992, so the original Spitting Image one might be lost for all time, but I doubt if I really changed it between February and April – just a tiny tweak I suspect, otherwise I’d have saved it as a revised version:

MRS T

(sung by Maggie Thatcher to the tune of “I Will Survive”)

 

VERSE 1

At first I was afraid; (yes, even Mrs T),

Was scared of living out my life without publicity;

But then I spent so many nights just watching “Grey Man” droning on,

And I grew strong; and I learned how to get back on.

 

So now I’m back, from outta space,

To find that people know my voice and they still recognise my face.

 

I should have sacked the bleeding lot, I should have left the EEC,

If I had known for just one second that they’d end up sacking me.

 

CHORUS 1

Oh yes it’s me,

I’m on TV,

Even though it’s only Channel 4,

Or sometimes BSkyB,

But I’ve got interviews to give,

So while I still can breath and live,

I’m on TV,

I’m on TV.

 

VERSE 2

I tried to warn you, John, about the EMU,

But now I fail to understand what people see in you;

Cos then you took me to one side and whispered softly in my ear,

That it was better for the party if I quietly disappear.

 

So I went back, across the sea,

Where I had organised a Brussels photo-opportunity.

 

Yes I went straight up to the top, because I’m never one to tarry,

And I tried to head-butt Jacques Delors and kneecap Ray McSharry.

 

CHORUS 2

So no more blues,

I’m in the news,

Even though it’s just page seven,

Of the Finchley Evening News,

But I have speeches left to make,

And there are photographs to take,

I’m in the news,

I’m in the news.

Here is Gloria Gaynor singing I Will Survive:

…and here is a link to the lyric to the Gloria song.

For any completists out there who are still reading, here is the October 1993 version which was adapted for some hoo-ha around Mrs T’s memoirs or something:

  MRS T – AUTUMN 1993

(sung by Maggie Thatcher to the tune of “I Will Survive”)

 

VERSE 1

At first I was afraid; (yes, even Mrs T),

Was scared of living out my life without publicity;

But then I spent so many nights just watching “Grey Man” droning on,

That I grew strong; and I learned how to get back on.

 

So now I’m back, and out in print,

My memoirs will be a best seller so I’m going to make a mint.

They detail how I discharged Howe, because he backed the EEC,

I’ve been voracious for revenge since those dumb bastards ousted me.

 

CHORUS 1

Oh yes it’s me, literally,

You know my book has been reviewed on Channel 4 and BSkyB;

And I have memoirs left to write,

That dump John Major in the shite,

I will revive, I will reprise.

 

VERSE 2

I tried to warn the public that John Major’s thick,

And that those arseholes Clarke and Lawson used to make me sick;

But then the Tory party magnets whispered softly in my ear,

That it was better for the party if I quietly disappear.

 

So I went home and wrote my book,

And now those jerks who tried to gag me are deep in the shtook,

You see my memoirs have a knack of making everyone look silly,

And they ought to circulate more quickly than Dave Mellor’s willy.

 

CHORUS 2

So no more blues, my book’s reviewed,

Even tho’ it’s one of seven in the Finchley Evening News;

But I’ve more paragraphs to draft,

Cos half my cabinet was daft,

I will surmise, I will surprise, hey, hey.

(People in white coats lead her away, saying “there there” and “just slip your arms into this nice little jacket”)

 

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