Parallel Lives, A NewsRevue Medley, 30 August 1992

I was clearly listening to Parallel Ines by Blondie in August 1992…

…and why not?

I wrote my “Picture Tits” lyric (about Sarah Ferguson) on 22 August and then my “Snooping On The Mobile Phone” (about Princess Diana) just over a week later.

It seemed that the princesses were leading parallel lives, so I tried combining the two into a medley…

…I’m not sure it was used. If it was used, it was only used for a week or two. Whereas “Snooping” was used on and off in various rewritten versions for years.

Anyway, for the completists amongst us (that’s probably just me) here is the medley lyric as published.


(A medley based on Songs from “Parallel Lines”)


SNOOPING ON THE MOBILE PHONE (To the tune of “Hanging on the Telephone”)




He’s on the car phone I am calling from the Palace,

I call James squidgy but my other words sound callous,

I hate the Queen, Prince Charles and Princess Alice;


Hope no-one’s snooping on his mobile phone,

Snooping on his mobile phone.




I like to listen in on other’s conversation,

I am a banker so I know about inflation,

I intercept the lines and cause a press sensation;


That’s why I snoop on mobile telephones,

Snoop on mobile telephones.


PICTURE TITS (To the Tune of “Picture This”)




NEWSHOUND:All I want is a picture of boobs;

A shot of Fergie, a nipple or two,

All I want is a picture of boobs;

Wo-oh-oh, wo-wo-wo.


FERGIE:All I want is financial advice,

John raises finance, I raise his vice,

What I get is a sensible price,

Oh-oh-oh, if I can…..




NEWSHOUND:Picture tits – with lenses and zoom tubes,

Picture tits – Fergie’s final boobs,

She’s got nothing to lose,

Since she jacked in Andrew’s,

Quiet life with his feet up reading Beano with a mug of hot cocoa;

FERGIE:Picture tits – and our peccadillos,

Picture tits – sucking ones big toes,

Johnny Bryan says he’s goanna sue,

He will instruct Carter-Ruck,

If the papers claim that we fuck – yeh.

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