Snooping On The Mobile Phone, NewsRevue Lyric, 30 August 1992

This lyric was my first attempt at Princess Diana and certainly wasn’t the last. In fact, I adapted this one a good few times over the years to address various Princess Diana news stories; not least a string of 1994 stories – click here.

Needless to say, the Princess Diana mirth industry stopped abruptly five years and one day later. But the mobile phone snooping did not stop in the late 1990s, no siree.


(To the tune of “Hanging on the Telephone”)




He’s on the car phone I am calling from the Palace,

I call James Squidgy but my other words sound callous,

I hate the Queen, Prince Charles and Princess Alice;


Hope no-one’s snooping on his mobile phone,

Hope no-one’s snooping on his mobile phone.




I like to listen in on other’s conversation,

I am a banker so I know about inflation,

I sold the tapes and that has caused a press sensation;


Oh I hope they talk again,

Lots of dirty talk again,

That would raise my pork again.


That’s why I snoop on mobile telephones,

That’s why I snoop on mobile telephones.




I hate the fact Diana gets all the attention,

Since Squidgy hit the news I’ve hardly had a mention,

I’ll call some old boy friends to get back in contention;


As long as they have mobile telephones,

(They all have mobile telephones).




I gave Charles chances but that big eared fat head blew it,

Why don’t you ride me, Squidgy, we both want to do it,

Sorry, wrong number, James, I thought you were James Hewitt;


Just got my lines crossed on the mobile phones,

But either James will do,

{Oh-oh} and Gilbey’s car is new,

{Oh-oh} I’m sure I’ll cope with two,

{Oh-oh} or I could try a few,

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh for a screw.

I also tried combining the above lyric in a medley with the Sarah Ferguson lyric I wrote a week or so earlier – click here.

If you would like to see Blondie singing Hanging On The Telephone, you can do that by clicking the embedded vid below:

A version of the above Blondie song with lyrics is embedded in the later versions of my “Calling On The Mobile Phone” lyrics – here.

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