Maastricht Voice Over, NewsRevue Submission, 13 September 1992

This one didn’t even make my print out file, but is there in the electronic file.

It is about the 20 September French Referendum on the Maastricht treaty…

…you know the one…

…when the French said “oui”…by a whisker…after the Danes had already voted “nej”.

Jokes that need to be explained are not usually the very best jokes. This isn’t a great voiceover and I don’t think it got used.

MAASTRICHT VOICE OVER

(This quickie is a mock French commercial for the Maastricht referendum)

The music Je t’aime plays while the following voice over is read in a cross between mock Frenchman and mock commercial voice over:

The Maastricht Treaty……

Vote oui to Maastricht on September 20th…..

and get shafted by the rest of Europe.

Snowbush, NewsRevue Lyric, 13 September 1992

The 1992 US Presidential Election provided a rich source of material for satirists.

Bill Clinton’s flaws as a candidate and an individual were well known before the election. It all feels a bit familiar writing 25 years later, except not quite so awful as the Trump election last year and the prevailing shower in  its aftermath.

Anyway, this lyric did well in NewsRevue, running for many weeks over that election period.

I recall one duo reprising the first line through gritted teeth as an additional last line – excellent idea:

SNOWBUSH

(A Duet for Bill and Hilary Clinton to the Tune of “Snowbird”)

 

VERSE 1 – BILL AND HILARY GAZE LOVINGLY INTO EACH OTHERS EYES

We Clintons live in harmony and sing,

While George and Barbara Bush have both mislaid the vision thing;

George sells war planes to Saudi Araby,

But still the dollar falls deep in our slump economy.

 

CHORUS 1 – GOSH, BILL AND HILARY MUST REALLY LOVE ONE ANOTHER

Dump your running mate or you will fail,

Cos we’ve got beefy Albert Gore and George Bush has Dan Quayle;

When George says “no more taxes” it’s untrue,

Cos if he could we know that he would try to raise a few.

 

VERSE 2 – SOME FRICTION MAY BE CREEPING IN TO THE SONG

 

BILL:Old George believes abortion is a sin,

And no-one’s homosexual in his 4,000 kin;

HILARY:But George and Bill’s morality concur,

When they both take a shine to chicks who are named Jennifer.

 

CHORUS 2 – HILARY SINGS ALONE

(While Hilary sings the final chorus, Bill slopes off into the audience to chat up any pretty females he can find there)

Girls like men with presidential powers,

But Bill don’t send me Gennifer when I ask for some flowers;

The man that I’m supporting is untrue,

And if he could I know that he would try a casual screw;

Yes, if he could I know that he would try-ay-ay-ay-ay a casual screw.

Below is a YouTube link to Anne Murray singing Snowbird, with the lyrics on the video screen along with some sweet pictures of birds…the flighted variety:

Stand By Your Bank, NewsRevue Lyric, 6 September 1992

This is not one of my greatest lyrics but it is 25 years old on the day I am writing this Ogblog piece.

I wrote the lyric in response to some banking cartel activity (allegedly) long since forgotten, upping bank charges for everyone.

Actually, rereading mine yesterday reminded me of one of Ivan Shakespeare’s great lyrics, written not long after. The opening line of Ivan’s piece:

Sometimes it’s hard to be a new man…

…building to the cracking initial chorus line/title…

Stand by your flan…

Mine seems pale in comparison, but here it is:

STAND BY YOUR BANK

(To the Tune of “Stand by Your Man”)

 

VERSES – PAUPER

 

(Perhaps the chorus, offstage during the verses, could harmonise by making “slide guitar wowing sounds” during the verses.  The pauper should probably be “music hall cockney”)

 

Sometimes it’s hard to stay in credit,

When the wolves are knocking at your door;

The banks all tried to impress,

By paying me some interest,

And 5p made me feel less poor.

 

Then thoroughbreds lost on the bourses,

The better off dumped third world debt;

Those banks need easy action,

We’ll pay for each transaction,

They’ll charge whatever they can get.

 

CHORUSES – A WUNCH OF BANKERS

 

Stand by your bank,

We listen and we say yes,

This wunch of bankers largesse,

Extends to all our charges.

 

Stand by your bank,

We shall recoup our losses,

We’ve banked so much our assets shrank,

Stand by your bank.

 

Stand by your bank,

Don’t bother looking elsewhere,

Our charges all went up in rank,

Stand by your bank.

Here’s Tammy Wynette singing Stand By Your Man:

…and here is a link to the Stand By Your Man lyrics.