Snatchbroker, Snatchbroker, NewsRevue Lyric, 4 October 1992

This song was used in NewsRevue in late 1992 but I don’t think it made the Christmas run nor was it used in the early 1993 Bowden run.

Not my most subtle lyric.

I’m not sure it was especially topical either, other than (presumably) a revival of Fiddler on the Roof was on the go…but then there usually is a revival of that musical on somewhere.



(A Song for Madame and Fresh Tart to the Tune of “Matchmaker Matchmaker”)

(MADAME:There’s no use you working here if you’re fussy, luv.  We have to put up with all sorts.  Accountants, judges, MPs, sports commentators, MPs who are also sports commentators…..)


FRESH TART:Snatchbroker, snatchbroker, hire out my snatch,

To men who’ll sleep, in the damp patch,

Snatchbroker, snatchbroker find one who’s clean,

With no germs that I may catch.


MADAME:Snatchworker snatchworker I’ll find the match,

Swallow his pride, straight down the hatch,

Snatchworker snatchworker he may well be,

A man who once worked for Thatch.


FRESH TART:Oh madame make him a lawyer,

Cos at least then he’ll stick to the rules;

MADAME:But my God the bastard will bore yer,

Cos they rarely know how to use their tools.


FRESH TART:Snatchbroker snatchbroker find me a man,

Who doesn’t need taking in hand;

MADAME:Fresh Tart, there’s one thing you must understand,

There’s not even one, in the land.


MADAME:Accountants won’t please you, cos they like to work in teams,

They take double entry to logical extremes,

But always pay the right money, true? true;

Try a politician, I may have the man for you,

Was in the cabinet (Aside: in ’62).

It is never easy cash, cos their ego’s hard to stand,

With their speeches and families and early day motions they don’t stay up for long.


FRESH TART:Snatchbroker snatchbroker thanks all the same,

I think that I’ll, keep off the game,

I’ll make some cash when I kiss and tell names,

BOTH:So tease your MPs,

No nights of vice,

No sucking toes,

No tax advice,

Until men come up to scratch.

Click here for a link to Matchmaker Matchmaker in the film of Fiddler On The Roof, with lyrics as subtitles. 


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