Closed To You, NewsRevue Lyric, 10 October 1992

This was a very successful song in NewsRevue. Not a laugh out loud song at all, but a biting/make you think lyric and room for some business.

“Care in the community” was one of that Major Government’s big things. Not much changes (he says, writing in December 2016).

The song ran for several runs towards the end of 1992 and was part of the early 1993 Bowden submission, although I’m not sure Mark used it.



(To the Tune of “Close To You”)

(A vagrant wanders the stage, very scruffy, perhaps rummaging in bins, perhaps talking to himself incessantly, perhaps both.  The singer and chorus are clearly disturbed by him and hurry out of his way to take their positions.)


VERSES 1 & 2

Why do flies suddenly appear, every time you are near?

Just like fleas, they long to be, close to you.


Passers by all avert their eyes, with the fear that implies,

Traversees, don’t want to be, close to you.



Everyone who sees the poor believes it’s not their problem,

And the homeless ought to find a job to do,

So they hose the vagrants off the streets,

And hope they bugger off to Waterloo.



That is why all the cops in town, wish that you weren’t around,

{cops in town….wish that you weren’t around}

Endlessly society’s closed to you.



(During the instrumental the tramp dances with an inanimate object – e.g. a traffic cone – and talks gently to it – e.g. “Good evening, my dear.  Do you come here often.  The hyacinths are particularly beautiful this year.  Would you care for another glass of sherry?”)



When the Tories came to power, accountants got together,

And decided they could save a bob or two.

So they closed the residential homes,

Those Tories are more lunatic than you.



That is why cranks roam round the town, since their homes were shut down,

{cranks roam town….since their homes were shut down}

Care in the community’s closed to you.

Care in the community’s closed to you.


(Either end it there, or dance off going “Waaahhh, closed to you”)


copyright © Ian Harris 1992


Click here or below for a link to Close To You by The Carpenters with lyrics on the screen.


Comments on Ogblog pieces are always welcome - please write something below if you wish.