All Things Wild And Shootable, NewsRevue Lyric, 30 September 1993

I don’t think this short song ever got performed, although I’m sure it would have done well in the hands of a half-decent Prince Philip impersonator, of whom NewsRevue had many.

All these years later, I still find the idea of Prince Philip being the patron of WWF bizarre. I mean the World Wide Fund for Nature, of course. Philip The Greek God as patron of the wrestling lot would make a bit more sense.

ALL THINGS WILD AND SHOOTABLE _

(A Quickie to the Tune of “All Things Bright and Beautiful”)

CHORUS 1

All things bright and beautiful,

Love the World Wildlife Fund;

Their patron’s not cute at all,

Prince Philip has beasts gunned.

VERSE 1 – PRINCE PHILIP

I shoot the grouse on Moorlands,

But won’t hunt baby fawns;

I’d sooner stuff their mummies,

And mount their daddies’ horns.

CHORUS 2

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures tasty hot;

All things wild and shootable,

Prince Philip kills the lot.

(PRINCE PHILIP:Hear, hear.)

(c) Ian Harris 1993

In Autumn 1994 I replaced the “Hear hear” line with

(PRINCE PHILIP: I think I’ll start with that stupid wimp of a son, Charles)

…it looks as though I had another go at resubmitting it in autumn 1995 as well.

I was reminded of this song when I found my October 1993 submissions letter to John Random, which I Ogblogged here. 

Click here or below for a link to a cute kiddy YouTube recording of this hymn, with the lyrics on the screen.

All these years later, I still find the idea of Prince Philip being the patron of WWF bizarre. I mean the World Wide Fund for Nature, of course. Philip The Greek God as patron of the wrestling lot would make a bit more sense.

ALL THINGS WILD AND SHOOTABLE _

(A Quickie to the Tune of “All Things Bright and Beautiful”)

 

CHORUS 1

All things bright and beautiful,

Love the World Wildlife Fund;

Their patron’s not cute at all,

Prince Philip has beasts gunned.

 

VERSE 1 – PRINCE PHILIP

I shoot the grouse on Moorlands,

But won’t hunt baby fawns;

I’d sooner stuff their mummies,

And mount their daddies’ horns.

 

CHORUS 2

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures tasty hot;

All things wild and shootable,

Prince Philip kills the lot.

(PRINCE PHILIP:Hear, hear.)

 

(c) Ian Harris 1993

Norman the Chancellor, N M Rothchild Version, Topical Lyric, 20 September 1993

I’ve said most of the things I want to say about this story and song in the posting for the original, May 1993 version of this song, so you can follow this link if you wish.

In May, I had a hunch that Norman Lamont would make a subsequent pile in the City and by September it had been announced that he was joining the Board of N M Rothchild.

The line about Lamont buying stuff in Threshers was based on a big news story a few months before alleging that Lamont bought cheap champagne and cigarettes in The Praed Street branch of Threshers on an over the limit credit card; a story that it seems was partially fabricated – click link for The Independent factual account.

Soon after, Lamont must have moved even closer to my W2 residence, as I went through a phase of seeing him on the main strip of Notting Hill Gate, shuffling along in his inimitable manner. We even had a branch of Threshers along there at the time, which added to my fun at the sightings. But I never saw him go in to Threshers.  On that N M Rothchild stipend, I suspect that Norman was buying more expensive booze than the Threshers kind and that his credit limit was, by then, more manageable/much bigger.

In truth I prefer the simplicity of the May 1993 original version, but I do recall the cast making hay with the “children and teacher” setting of this N M Rothchild version of the song:

♬ NORMAN THE CHANCELLOR – N M ROTHCHILD VERSION ♬

(To the Tune of “Nellie The Elephant”)

TEACHER:Gather round children.  I’m going to tell you a story about a nasty grey man who made your mummies and daddies all very poor.  And who made himself very very rich.

 

VERSE

One grey day,

A cabinet shuffle came;

The people said they were badly lead,

And Norman got the blame.

Some may say,

Lamont is a merchant banker; (children giggle, TEACHER:  settle down children)

So Norman smiled, joined N M Rothchild,

And called Major to say…… “thank ya”.  (perhaps children mouth “wanker”)

 

CHORUS

Oh, Norman the Chancellor left the bunch,

And said goodbye to John’s circus;

Since the pound had gone bumpety bump, bump, bump, bump.

Norman the Chancellor did some lunch,

And said hello to the city;

He’ll get rich in the slumpety slump, slump, slump, slump.

 

MIDDLE BIT

Directorships were calling far far away,

He stopped and bought,

His cigars and port,

In a Threshers on the way.

 

OUTRO

So, Norman it’s evident had a hunch,

To make himself pots of money,

When he screwed up the country’s account,

Count, cunt, cunt.

(TEACHER:children, really!)

BLACKOUT