Camilla, NewsRevue Lyric, 3 July 1994

Written in July 1994, revived in October 1994, I’m unsure how well this did in the show, I’m pretty sure I saw it performed.

I rather like it.

In those days, of course, no-one knew that Camilla would emerge as Chuck’s other half – she was perceived as his bit on the side back then.

(To the Tune of “Diana”)


CHORUS: Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah,
Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah;
CHARLES: I’ll be King and you’ll be Queen,
‘Tho folk don’t know where we’ve been;
I don’t care when press berate,
I shall never abdicate;
There’s always adultery,
In the British monarchy,
Oh please rule with me……..Camilla.
CHORUS: Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah; (Camilla enters during this)


CAMILLA: Then the press gave us lots of stick,
Over where you dip your wick;
When we ride a cross country course…
CHARLES: …I confuse you with my horse;
She’s so young and you’re so old,
But I have been Parker-bowled;
CAMILLA: Please don’t match me with Diana.
CHORUS: Wah, wag-wag-wah, wag-wah-wah, wah-wah; (Queen & Philip enter during this)


QUEEN: Stupid Charlie,
CHARLES: Sorry mother,
QUEEN: Don’t let on you have a lover;
Take a tip from dad and me,
BOTH You just don’t talk to Dimbleby. (PHILIP: You’re a bloody wimp, boy!)


CHARLES: I still find Diana duller,
QUEEN: Camilla is no water-colour;
PHILIP: She looks like my old dog Rover,
QUEEN: But Charles had her three times over;
CHARLES: I’ll go ruin an architect,
QUEEN: You command naff-all respect;
CAMILLA: Oh please God spare me the Windsors. (EITHER: blackout….
OR: Queen, Philip and Charles, incredulous at this outburst, hound Camilla off the stage).

Here is Paul Anka singing Diana – you need to click through to read the original lyrics underneath the YouTube:

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