I don’t think this one was used. I wasn’t at my funniest that autumn – I was taking the job of starting up Z/Yen too seriously, probably.
Michael Howard, then Home Secretary, deserved the treatment, though.
(To the Tune of “My Girl”)
VERSE 1 – VILLAIN
I’ve got lobster in a crowded gaol,
When it’s cold outside I still crap in a pail;
CHORUS 1 – STILL WITH THE VILLAIN
I guess you’d say,
Where do crooks behave this way?
Talking ’bout Whitemore, Whitemore.
VERSE 2 – MICHAEL HOWARD
I’ve got so much money the thieves envy me,
I’ve got privilege aplenty, cos I’m home secretary;
CHORUS 2 – MICHAEL HOWARD
I guess peep-ill,
Think I’m tough on crimin-ills,
Diction’s strange, Mike-ill, Mike-ill.
VERSE 3 – TERRORISTS
We don’t need no bar files baked in a cake,
We’ve got Semtex, guns and fittings for bombs that we make;
We guess your bloke’s,
Law and order’s Grade A joke,
Howard’s crap, Michael, Michael.
Here is The Temptations singing My Girl, with lyrics on the screen: