We’re In The Mood For Grafting, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 May 1995

Sometimes I tweaked and resubmitted lyrics because the song was being used and needed updating. Sometimes I tweaked in an attempt to get a song used. This was the latter. Unsuccessfully, I am pretty sure. July version below the vid.

WE’RE IN THE MOOD FOR GRAFTING
(To the Tune of “I’m in the Mood For Dancing”)
ANNOUNCER: And now we present, that well known all singing all dancing Government enquiry: the Nolans.

CHORUS 1

We’re in the mood for grafting,
Three in a bed shafting,
We do it the Tory way;
We’re in the mood for grafting,
Feeble excuse crafting,
We’ve all been caught out today.

MIDDLE EIGHT

Grafting grafting,
We’re in the mood;
Rafting rafting,
We’re also crude;
Shafting shafting,
You’ve all been screwed,
Die laughing.

CHORUS 2

We’re in the mood for rake offs,
Police accountant make offs,
With cash that could be a bung;
We’re in the poo for sharing,
Without declaring,
We’ve even ripped off this song.

(Enter policeman)

POLICEMAN: Oy, you lot. Is that huge wad of cash your royalty money for this song?

NOLANS: (reluctantly admit that it is)

POLICEMAN: Hand it over then. That’s vital police evidence that is.

(Nolans reluctantly hand over huge wad of cash and exeunt muttering displeasure)

POLICEMAN: (Exit, saying) Mmmm, nice wad. Should buy me two or three questions in the House of Commons that should. Or me entrance fee to the Masons.

Below are my tweaked July 1995 lyrics:

WE’RE IN THE MOOD FOR GRAFTING
(To the Tune of “I’m in the Mood For Dancing”)
ANNOUNCER: And now we present, that well known all singing all dancing Government enquiry into standards in public life: the Nolans.

CHORUS 1

Oooh-oooh-oooh, oooh-oooh-oooh, oooh-oooh-oooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-h-h-ooh-ooh,
We’re in the mood for grafting,
Three in a bed shafting,
Oooh – we do it the Tory way;
We’re in the mood for grafting,
Feeble excuse crafting,
Oooh – we’ve all been caught out today.

MIDDLE EIGHT

Grafting grafting,
We’re in the mood, Tories, rack up director’s pay;
Oooh – shafting shafting,
You’ve all been screwed, lately, so underneath the carpet this must stay.

CHORUS 2

We’re in the mood for rake offs,
Police accountant make offs,
Oooh – with cash that could be a bung;
We’re in the poo for sharing,
Without declaring,
But you’ll never find, backshish that’s gone;
But MP’s don’t mind, we’ve even ripped off this song.
Oooh-oooh-oooh, oooh-oooh-oooh…………

(Enter policeman)

POLICEMAN: Oy, you lot. Is that huge wad of cash your royalty money for this song?

NOLANS: (reluctantly admit that it is)

POLICEMAN: Hand it over then. That’s vital police evidence that is.

(Nolans reluctantly hand over huge wad of cash and exeunt muttering displeasure)

POLICEMAN: (Exit, saying) Mmmm, nice wad. Should buy me two or three questions in the House of Commons that should. Or me admission fee to the local Masonic lodge.

Comments on Ogblog pieces are always welcome - please write something below if you wish.