Sealed Syphilis, NewsRevue Lyric, 5 June 1995

Sexually Transmitted Infections don’t particularly lend themselves to comedy. I’m not sure this lyric breaks that rule either.

Still, it is a summer song – from June 1995. The version below was re-submitted (perhaps tweaked) in November 1995. I don;t think it was used then either.

(To the Tune of “Sealed With a Kiss”)

‘Tho’ we’re gonna get well laid for the summer,
Darling I promise you this;
I’ll give you all my love but I’ll wear a French letter,
So you won’t get Syphilis.


Yes it’s gonna be a gel coated rubber,
And I’ll fill its emptiness;
I’ll give you my pork sword, but I’ll wear a French letter,
Cos it hurts me when I piss.


You won’t get any herpes,
I’ll spare your parts from my Trich;
We’ll catch the germs in my clap trap,
And darling you’ll miss the Itch.


I don’t wanna wear this cold, lonely rubber,
Knowing the love I’ll miss;
So let me make a pledge to clean up my member,
No more urithritis.


Yes its gonna be a cold lonely rubber,
But I’ll fill it none the less;
And I shall soon attend the STD clinic,
And clear my syphilis,
And have a painless piss.

Here’s Brian Hyland singing Sealed With A Kiss, with lyrics on the screen:

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