The Redwood Challenge, NewsRevue Lyric, 27 June 1995

Another Tory rebel lyric, this time about John Redwood. I really like this one, but I’m not sure it was used much, if at all. Hard to perform.

I have subsequently met John Redwood. While I would sometimes change my opinion on a person (e.g. the extent of their humourlessness) after meeting them, in this case I wouldn’t change a single word.

THE REDWOOD CHALLENGE
(To the Tune of “Whip Crack Away” with optional ejaculations by Mr Redwood)
VERSE 1

Oh the Redwood challenge’s comin’ on over the place,
He’s a right wing humourless Tory from outer space;
Don’t take a poke – he won’t get the joke
(REDWOOD: What joke?),
Whip John away, whip John away, whip John away.

VERSE 2

John Redwood’s tough on Europe and tough on crime,
Attilla The Hun with buckets of right wing slime;
Cane folk who mug – and seize cocaine drugs,
Whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away.
(REDWOOD: Is that meant to be funny?)

MIDDLE EIGHT

His challenge will be fought, I’d have thought,
For his right wing think tank;
And when at home alone he likes a quick wank.
(REDWOOD: Are you coves lampooning me?)

VERSE 3

John Redwood’s policies sound like a heap of shit,
Not takin’ the piss cos the bastard’s a humourless git;
(REDWOOD: Ha. That’s a joke. I think.)
Birch marks go septic – with this Eurosceptic,
Whip John again, whip John again, whip John again.

(REDWOOD: Could you repeat the line about cocaine please, I think I got the joke)

Seize more cocaine – that bad pun again,
Whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away.

(REDWOOD: No, I still don’t get it)

Whip John away!!!!! (Chorus drags Redwood off)

Here is a YouTube of Doris Day singing The Deadwood Stage, with the lyrics in the text area below the vid:

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