Hizbullah, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 April 1996

Gosh this was a tough topic to take on for a comedy lyric and an attempt to be even-handed. Not quite sure what made it topical right then – yet another Syrian/Southern Lebanese/Israeli skirmish I suppose.

The reference to Assad back then was to Hafez al-Assad, Bashar al-Assad’s dad.

I’m pretty sure the lyric never got used in public performance, which is probably just as well.

 HIZBULLAH  HIZBULLAH (To the Tune of “He’s So Fine”)

Salaam salaam salaam, salaam salaam;

Hizbullah (salaam salaam salaam),

Waging a war (salaam salaam salaam),

That hunky boy over here,

The one with the galabia;

But now he’s deep in the mire (salaam salaam),

Down in Southern Lebanon (salaam salaam),

With Katyushas and rocket fire (salaam salaam),

Till all the people are gone (salaam salaam).

He’s an Israeli guy (shalom shalom shalom),

With an eye for an eye (shalom shalom shalom),

Makes me wonder why,

He don’t give peace a try;

Cos these people shouldn’t fight (shalom shalom),

They should get along together (salaam, salaam),

Be all sweetness and light (shalom shalom),

End the lunacy forever (salaam salaam).


CHORUS He’s Hamas (oh yeh), Blowing up a bus (oh yeh);

TERRORIST: See you all later (oh no),

CHORUS: He won’t be back later (oh no).

TERRORIST: My bombs and me together (oh no), Will pull the chicks for ever (oh no),

CHORUS: He just can’t wait, he just can’t wait, to get to paradise.

If I were Assad (salaam salaam salaam),

I would end this Jihad (salaam salaam salaam),

I’d do anything appropriate,

Except, perhaps, kiss Yasser Arafat;

Or Hizbullah (uh-huh),

Or Hamas (uh-huh),

Or Mossad (uh huh),

They’re all mad.

Here is a video of The Chiffons singing He’s So Fine, with lyrics:

I Am Old, NewsRevue Lyric & Ben Murphy Inspiration, 16 April 1996

The only version I have electronically is the one below, dated April 1996, but I must have sent Ben Murphy an early version in 1995 which he heavily adapted and recorded.

I prefer my lyric, but what do I know?

(To the Tune of “All Right”)

I am old, I’m obscene,
Keep my beard nice and clean;
Sleep alone every night,
Feel all right.

I wake up, scratch my arse,
Take my teeth from the glass,
Talk a whole load of shite,
But I’m all right.


Am I senile?
I can’t recall,
And I can’t learn me lines,
So me songs don’t all rhyme.


Cos I am old, I am daft,
Cannot quite raise me shaft,
So I smoke and get tight,
But I’m all right.

Then I wank, have a shit,
A cantankerous old git,
In the pub, when I fight,
But I’m all right, I’m all right.


And if you want to know what Alright by Supergrass sounds and reads like:

Letter To Mike Ward, Actors’ Workshop, 16 April 1996


Mike Ward 16 April 1996
Actor’s Workshop
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax West Yorkshire


Dear Mike


Life is something between anarchy and chaos since I got back. I don’t know what the “something” (as in “something in the City”) is, but at times I wish it was something else. Is that a cue for a song??

I have finally managed to down tools for long enough to print out my latest batch of stuff for you. Hope it isn’t too late. Some day soon I hope to find time to write some more – this weekend looks like a contender as I can feel the need to write welling up inside my tormented little brain.

Hope to see you and speak soon.

Yours sincerely



Ian Harris


Letter To Mike Ward, Actors’ Workshop, 5 April 1996


Mike Ward 5 April 1996
Actor’s Workshop
West Grove Terrace
Hopwood Lane
Halifax West Yorkshire


Dear Mike

I’M BACK!!!!!

Sorry I missed your trip to London last month. Thailand and Vietnam were fascinating and refreshing. Now it’s back to reality I’m afraid and it doesn’t feel so good.

I recall leaving the country owing your charity money, as you did not deduct any angel money from the 1996 New Year Revels cheque. From memory, Angelling costs £25. Let me know if this is not the right amount.

Hope to see you and speak soon.

Yours sincerely



Ian Harris