Eight Babies, NewsRevue Lyric, 16 August 1996

I don’t remember all the details of this news item but I think the lyric provides plenty of clues. Here is a link to the news item at the time.

I think this one did well in the show, but only briefly. The publicity-seeking, octuplet-carrying mother sadly lost all the babies, which rather put a dampener on the story as a source of comedy.

EIGHT BABIES
(To the Tune of “Two Ladies”)

A song for pregnant woman (PW), other woman (OW) and rogue father (RF). Brummy accents would be nice but aren’t compulsory

VERSE 1 – PREGNANT WOMAN AND (ROGUE FATHER)

Biddly-diddly-de, biddly-diddley-de, biddly biddly biddly biddly de;
Diddly-di-de-de (eight babies),
Diddly-di-de-de (eight babies),
Diddly-di-de-de (and I’m the only man here);
Diddly-di-de-de (she crackers),
Diddly-di-de-de (I’m knackered),
Diddly-di-de-de (there’s eight for one).

VERSE 2 – ROGUE FATHER AND (PREGNANT WOMAN)

Diddly-di-de-de (eight papers),
Diddly-di-de-de (eight papers),
Diddly-di-de-de (but only one exclusive);
Diddly-di-de-de (Max Clifford),
Diddly-di-de-de (fat cheques for),
Diddly-di-de-de (News of the World).

MIDDLE EIGHT – ALL

PW: I’m Mandy Allwood,
OW: I’m the one he’ll wed,
RF: I’m taking hormones to serve them both in bed;
ALL: We’ve one thing in common with publicity;
PW: The fee, OW: The fee, RF: The fee.

VERSE 3 – ALL

Diddly-di-de-de (OW: two ladies),
Diddly-di-de-de (PW: two ladies),
Diddly-di-de-de (RF: and I get all the bad press);
Diddly-di-de-de (OW: two timer),
Diddly-di-de-de (PW: eight timer),
Diddly-di-de-de (RF: they’re up the duff).

OUTRO

PW: Are you going to help me to change all those nappies then, Paul.
RF: I thought Max Clifford said he’d do that for me.
OW: He never, he just said he could take all the shit off your hands.
BLACKOUT

Here is Two Ladies from the movie Cabaret:

Here is a link to the Two Ladies lyrics.

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