Tag: Norman Lamont

I’ve said most of the things I want to say about this story and song in the posting for the original, May 1993 version of this song, so you can follow this link if you wish.

In May, I had a hunch that Norman Lamont would make a subsequent pile in the City and by September it had been announced that he was joining the Board of N M Rothchild.

The line about Lamont buying stuff in Threshers was based on a big news story a few months before alleging that Lamont bought cheap champagne and cigarettes in The Praed Street branch of Threshers on an over the limit credit card; a story that it seems was partially fabricated – click link for The Independent factual account.

Soon after, Lamont must have moved even closer to my W2 residence, as I went through a phase of seeing him on the main strip of Notting Hill Gate, shuffling along in his inimitable manner. We even had a branch of Threshers along there at the time, which added to my fun at the sightings. But I never saw him go in to Threshers.  On that N M Rothchild stipend, I suspect that Norman was buying more expensive booze than the Threshers kind and that his credit limit was, by then, more manageable/much bigger.

In truth I prefer the simplicity of the May 1993 original version, but I do recall the cast making hay with the “children and teacher” setting of this N M Rothchild version of the song:

♬ NORMAN THE CHANCELLOR – N M ROTHCHILD VERSION ♬

(To the Tune of “Nellie The Elephant”)

TEACHER:Gather round children.  I’m going to tell you a story about a nasty grey man who made your mummies and daddies all very poor.  And who made himself very very rich.

 

VERSE

One grey day,

A cabinet shuffle came;

The people said they were badly lead,

And Norman got the blame.

Some may say,

Lamont is a merchant banker; (children giggle, TEACHER:  settle down children)

So Norman smiled, joined N M Rothchild,

And called Major to say…… “thank ya”.  (perhaps children mouth “wanker”)

 

CHORUS

Oh, Norman the Chancellor left the bunch,

And said goodbye to John’s circus;

Since the pound had gone bumpety bump, bump, bump, bump.

Norman the Chancellor did some lunch,

And said hello to the city;

He’ll get rich in the slumpety slump, slump, slump, slump.

 

MIDDLE BIT

Directorships were calling far far away,

He stopped and bought,

His cigars and port,

In a Threshers on the way.

 

OUTRO

So, Norman it’s evident had a hunch,

To make himself pots of money,

When he screwed up the country’s account,

Count, cunt, cunt.

(TEACHER:children, really!)

BLACKOUT

I cannot recall whether or not my January 1992 sardonic song about Norman Lamont was ever performed in NewsRevue.

But this one, when he resigned in May 1993, was a feature of the show for some time and I think went to Edinburgh that summer too. It has a nice political knockabout quality to it.

Strangely, I don’t think there were, in May 1993, confirmed rumours that Norman was going to score City directorships in a hurry; I was supposing. But by September he had joined the Board of NM Rothchild and I wrote a rather pointed update to my lyrics that autumn, click here to see those, which extended its shelf life.

The tune is the well-known children’s song, Nellie the Elephant:

• here’s a link to some good ukulele chords for that song – enabling me to perform this song myself in my dotage…for a suitable fee of course…
• …click here or below for a link to a YouTube of Mandy Miller’s classic version of the song.

Here’s the original May 1993 version of my lyrics:

♬ NORMAN THE CHANCELLOR ♬

(To the Tune of “Nellie The Elephant”)

VERSE

One grey day,

A cabinet shuffle came;

The people said they were badly lead,

And Norman got the blame.

John may say,

He offered environment;

But Norman’s sights were on greater heights,

So he left in discontent.

 

CHORUS

Oh,

Norman the Chancellor packed his punch,

And said goodbye to John’s circus;

Off he went in a grumpety grump, grump, grump, grump.

Norman the Chancellor did some lunch,

And said hello to the city;

He’ll get rich in the slumpety slump, slump, slump, slump.

 

MIDDLE BIT

Directorships were calling far far away,

He stopped and bought,

His cigars and port,

In a Threshers on the way.

 

OUTRO

So,

Norman the Chancellor left the bunch,

To slag them off in his memoirs;

Griping that he was dumpety dump,

Dump,

Dump,

Dumped.

 

 

Well, I wrote far better lyrics about Norman Lamont – not least this pre-NewsRevue one…

Norman Lamont, Topical Lyric, 17 January 1992

…and the following, from after his demise, which is undoubtedly my favourite:

Norman The Chancellor, Topical Lyric, 30 May 1993

But while Lamont’s gig as Chancellor hung in the balance, I wrote this lyric – which I am pretty sure didn’t make the cut.

I can’t think of a lyric to this tune without thinking of Ivan Shakespeare’s wonderful piece: “Sometimes it’s hard to be a new man…Stand by your flan…” – a true classic.

STAND BY NORMAN

(To the Tune of “Stand By Your Man”)

 

VERSE 1 – JOHN MAJOR 

Sometimes it’s hard to be the PM,

Giving all your trust to just one man;

I have a wrecker,

In the exchequer,

Doing things that no-one understands.

 

VERSE 2 – STILL JOHN MAJOR

But as I’m desperate I’ll forgive him,

Even though the pound’s gone down the pan;

Wherever we go,

He fuels my ego,

Cos I look smart beside Norman.

 

CHORUS 1 – OF SUBTLE DOUBTERS

Stand by Norman,

Give him a rope to cling to,

Just hope he doesn’t hang you,

When you’re back is turned for moments.

 

CHORUS 2 – OF LESS SUBTLE DOUBTERS

Stamp on Norman,

And show the world we’re changing,

We want less mouse and need more man,

Stamp on Norman.

Here is Tammy Wynette singing Stand By Your Man with the lyrics popping up on the screen:

If that one doesn’t work, try this one:

…and a link to these lyrics.