Twelfth Night, Alleyn’s School, 12, 14, 15 & 16 December 1978

Malvolio (Martin Brassell), Sir Toby Belch (Chris Grant) & Fabian (David Wellbrook). Thanks to Paul Hamer for extracting from Scriblerus.

Squeaky Newton (John Newton, the Deputy Head) tapped me up for this production, but I didn’t want to act again after the Andorra experience, which I had enjoyed but which had convinced me that, while I loved theatre, the boards weren’t really for me. But Squeaky persevered and suggested that I help with the production behind the scenes. I realised that I wanted to do that. He also suggested that I take a small part, Valentine, otherwise I’d feel a bit spare on the nights of the actual show.

Then, with various droppings out (Mark Stevens was originally cast as Antonio) I ended up with two parts and a fairly sizeable one in Antonio with only about four week’s notice for that one.

Meanwhile, I was so blasé about this production I didn’t mention it in my diary at all until a passing mention of “rehearsal” on Friday 17 November before going on to the grandmothers’ (yes, that apostrophe is in the right place, I did the rounds that night, “G Jenny for dinner, then on to G Anne”) places.

Occasional mentions of rehearsals for the rest of November, then best part of 2 weeks with no diary entries at all – very rare – but I guess the play and my other commitments were keeping me a bit too busy.

Next entry is 8 December “rehearsal for play till late”, then:

  • 10 December “dress rehearsal went quite well for 12th Night”,
  • 11 December “day of ignoring school play completely” (not really completely, because I mention the play in my diary entry),
  • 12 December “12th Night matinee then on to BBYO (youth club) with makeup on still”,
  • 13 December “day off from play”,
  • 14 December “12th Night first proper night, very good”,
  • 15 December “most important night of play – went brilliantly”,
  • 16 December “went to school with Julie – last night of play – party afterwards which went on until one”.

I also have a small recollection of the after show party and its impact on the rest of my life – to follow/linked here.

Two more recollections about the production itself.   Neil Kendrick, who was one of the officers, discombobulated one night and forgot to say the “away sir”…or whatever line it was that got Paddy Gray, me and him off the stage. I recall that Paddy and I needed to concoct some ad lib business to get the three of us the heck off the stage that night!!

Because I was late to the part of Antonio, I had limited time to learn lines and rehearse the part. Squeaky had also choreographed a brief sword fight with Sir Toby Belch (Chris Grant) before the law arrives, for which Chris and I were under-rehearsed.

One night, I think the first proper performance, unsurprisingly the fight went awry. Perhaps I got over-excited and forced too hard, or perhaps Chris wasn’t holding on tight enough to his sword. It’s too late now for blame or recriminations. Chris went on to be head boy and on the Board of Sport England, so let’s guess it was my fault.

Anyway, Chris’s sword flew out of his hand and over the edge of the stage. I remember listening out for a yelp from an impaled member of the audience, but I don’t think the sword had actually gone very far. Still, there we were, Chris and me, all dressed up, no place to go with our fight. The law weren’t expecting to come on to stop the fight for another 30 seconds or so. Another ad-lib classic, mercifully lost to posterity.

“Did you get good notices?” I hear you cry. Pretty good, it turns out. My recollection was that I had been damned with some faint praise, but in November 2020 Paul Hamer (thanks, Paul) dug out and dusted off his Scriblerus (as it were) to uncover the following rather charming notice by Chris Chivers, an English master who did not generally look kindly upon my slovenly approach to formal grammar. 

With many thanks also to Mike Jones, who somehow survived being my form master and teaching me geography in the third year, preserved the programme and uploaded it to our Alleyn’s Facebook Group.

Twelfth Night Page One
Twelfth Night Page Two
Twelfth Night Page Three
Twelfth Night Page Four

Andorra, 23, 24 & 25 February 1978

I got involved with “proper drama” at Alleyn’s for a couple of productions. Andorra by Max Frisch was the first of them, when I was just 15.  Here are my diary extracts.

The first block, from January, shows little emotion or detail at having got a decent part in a Bear Pit production:

Friday 13 January 1978, Got a talking part in the school play – I’m the innkeeper – V pleased,

16 January 1978, should have rehearsed – cancelled,

17 January 1978, first Andorra rehearsal,

20 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra, 23 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

24 January 1978 Andorra rehearsal,

26 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

27 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

30 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

31 January 1978, Andorra rehearsal.

Two weeks in, by the start of February, I’m a critic as well as a performer.  Didn’t I know about hubris?  I was way overconfident anyway – “perfected” is not a term I would ever use now:

Thursday 02 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – OK,

03 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – OK,

05 February 1978, first Sunday rehearsal for Andorra – not bad,

06 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

07 February 1978, Andorra rehearsal – good,

09 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – good – seems to be OK,

10 February 1978, rehearsed in evening for Andorra,

12 February 1978 rehearsal for Andorra in afternoon – a good one,

13 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – not bad,

14 February 1978, scene 11 of Andorra perfected.

Matters were bound to take a turn for the worse after that and so they did:

Friday 15 February 1978, Dennis [Galvin] rushed to hospital last night with colitis – Mick Lemp [Michael Lempriere] has taken over,

16 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – not bad rehearsal but still looks poor,

17 February 1978, field day and rehearsal,

19 February 1978, rehearsal cancelled as Mick Lemp visits relatives in Exeter,

20 February 1978, Mick stuck in snowdrift, Dan [Shindler] in bed with flu, disaster for play,

21 February 1978, Rehearsed all day for Andorra – Mick & Dan & Den all absent,

22 February 1978, flop dress rehearsal this evening – does not look good.

But the show had to go on:

Thursday 23 February 1978, Yesterday’s flop dress rehearsal lead to an almost empty house [tonight] watching a great performance,

24 February 1978, 2nd night of Andorra – even better than last night – 3/4 house – enjoyed it,

25 February 1978, Last night of Andorra – 7/8 house – performance good – party afterwards – got drunk.

I suffered more than my fair share of embarrassment on the last two nights – written up and available by clicking here or through the link below:

Andorra Embarrassment Story, 24 February 1978

With thanks to Mike Jones, who rescued a copy of the programme, here are scans of the pages:

Andorra CoverAndorra CastAndorra Bear Pit Production TeamAndorra PreambleAndorra Acknowledgements

 

Andorra Embarrassment Story, 24 February 1978

The story of my selection, hubris, decline, fall and this production of Andorra’s resurrection can be seen by clicking here or below:

Andorra, 23, 24 & 25 February 1978

I’m pretty sure my parents came to see Andorra on the middle (Friday) night of the run. And I’m fairly sure the following dialogue (or something like it) took place on the drive home after the show.

MUM: I wasn’t very impressed by some of your school chums in the audience behind us.

ME: What happened, Mum?

MUM: Well, during the interval one of them said to his pals, “I’m looking forward to the bit where Harris has to run around the stage yelling ‘I’m not a Jew, I’m not a Jew.”  Then they were giggling.  I wasn’t going to let that pass without comment.

ME: Oh, God, Mum, what did you say to them?

MUM: I turned around and asked them why that was so funny.  One of the boys explained, “because Harris is a Jew.  But he has to run around the stage saying “I’m, not a Jew”.  Then the boys giggled some more.

ME: …and then…

MUM: I said, “I’m well aware of all that.  I’m his mother and I’ve helped him to learn his lines.  I’m just trying to understand what makes it funny.”  They went very quiet after that.

ME: Oh, Mum.  I’m going to get mercilessly teased on Monday when I get back to school.  Or worse.  Why couldn’t you just let it go?

DAD: I knew it.  I could have told you he’d be upset.

To be fair on the poor boys involved (and I do wonder who they might have been – any confessions?) it was an ironic, rather funny matter.  Indeed, with the benefit of hindsight, my casting in the role of the Innkeeper might well have been based more on my physiognomy than my stagecraft.  In any case, we cast had all had a bit of a laugh about the irony of me yelling “I’m not a Jew” during rehearsals and I saw little malice in the remarks as reported by my mum.

But to be fair on my mum, although I did get some serious ribbing on the Monday (as recorded in my diary), it was not at all to do with my mother’s intervention.  Indeed the poor boys who got my mother’s tongue-lashing were probably more embarrassed than I was about that matter.

No-one would relish a tongue lashing from my mum. Cruel spectacles and cut glass voice to go with them.

No, the ribbing I received resulted from reports of my drunkenness at the after show party on the Saturday.

As to the exact details of my ribbing-inducing party antics, I recall very little.  I do remember drinking far too much cheap party cider – a once-in-a-lifetime mistake (drinking cheap cider, not the occasional over-drinking).  I think the party was at Tiggy’s house, mostly in a rather large garage/out-house.  Or am I am confusing the Andorra party with the Twelfth Night party?…

…on reflection the Twelfth Night one, which was differently embarrassing, was held at the school, in the dining room if I recall correctly.

Twelfth Night, The Aftermath, 17 December 1978

Others who were a bit older (I was only 15-and-a-half) and a bit wiser (almost everyone else who was there) might recall the Andorra after show party better.

Still, my mother’s parental intervention was a pretty cringe-making one.

Oh mum!