Bunny and Monkey Spend a Half Day in Derby
Here We All Are
By Hippity the Green Bunny
August 12 2008
Hippity the Green Bunny travelled all the way to Derby and reports on today's play. We learn more about his dour Yorkshire-born brother, Monkey-Face, than we do about the cricket, but everything in the report is worth knowing, that's for sure. He's keen, he's mean, he's absolutely green, Hippity, Hippity.........
My brother, Monkey-Face and I went to Derby for the day to watch the cricket.
Monkey-Face and I are both adopted. I come from Dublin originally and support Middlesex.
Monkey-Face comes from Pickering originally and supports Yorkshire. Monkey-Face claims that he used to open the batting for Pickering, but the only reference I can find for his cricketing exploits is opening the batting for Pickering Monkeys Second XI.
No matter.
We set off from London in a monsoon very early this morning. We hitched a lift (don't try this yourselves, youngsters) by hitching ourselves to the rear bumper of a lorry bound up the M1. It was like having a Jacuzzi for two-and-a-half hours only not so warm. Good job we both have fur.
It was dry in Derby when we arrived but soon the rain caught up with us.
"There'll be no play today at Derby, mark my words" said Monkey-Face.
The announcer told us that the umpires would inspect at 1:30.
"No chance," said Monkey-Face, "Let's go up to Pickering and visit Great-Uncle Ape".
"I've come here to watch cricket, Monkey-Face", I told him, "and I'm not interested in more hitch-hiking until stumps".
It actually looked quite hopeful for a while.
Soon Monkey-Face was saying "what did I tell you? Play to commence at 2:30. What did I tell you?"
"Actually, you told me that there'd be no play at all, Monkey-Face", I said.
"I never did. You need to wash out those big floppy-doppy ears of yours, Hippity. Two-thirty I said."
"I can't see us starting at Two-thirty actually", I said, "cos it's raining again. Maybe three-thirty".
"But that's what I said", insisted Monkey-Face, Geoffrey Boycott-like in his tenacity, "three-thirty". Is everyone from Yorkshire like this?
Derbyshire won the toss and inserted us. I felt a sense of foreboding, especially knowing that people like Barmy Kev and Ged were likely to be tuning in to Cricinfo at the exact moment that the score might register 30/4 or something.
Out came the players at 3:30 and back in again they went at 3:33 after Billy Godleman had scored a run. That didn't feel like a day's-worth of entertainment to me.
"Oh well, at least we've had our money's-worth," said Monkey-Face.
"Only because we don't pay for anything," I pointed out helpfully.
But soon the players came out again and we were to get half a day's play which felt like a bonus after the match position at 3:35.
Godleman and Joycey (my hero, in case you aren't aware) got off to a flyer. The bowlers were not putting the ball in the right areas (as the jargon has it) but the batsmen were hitting it to the right areas OK.
Suddenly, as if from nowhere, Langeveldt found his straps and gave Billy G a severe work-out, getting him edging on the final delivery of the over and we were one down.
To be fair, Joycey (my hero - have I mentioned that before?) was a little tentative at times also, lots of edgy shots and near-misses, yet he remained positive in his approach like a true hero.
He was joined by Eoin Morgan (my other hero), so it was an Irish double, which sent me into seventh heaven, especially when they were both going well.
"Mark my words", said Monkey-Face, ever the voice of doom "your Joycey flatters to deceive every time this season. He'll score 40-odd and then get himself out".
"Joycey's on fifty now", I was soon saying.
"You mark my words", said Monkey-Face.
"Joycey's on sixty now", I was soon saying.
"You mark my words", said Monkey-Face.
And when he was on 64, would you believe it, Joycey somehow managed to get himself run out. Monkey-Face couldn't stop laughing but I was inconsolable for a while.
Dawid Malan (my third hero) came out to replace Joycey and soon I was in seventh heaven again.
"You mark my words", said Monkey-Face, "your boy Morgan has the same disease as Joycey - he'll find a way to get out before stumps".
Well, I should have known that my know-all brother Monkey-Face with his bad-mouthing and hexes would jinx my other hero. Eoin Morgan went for an unnecessary shot in the final over and holed out in the deep off the bowling of the very ordinary bowling of Ian Hunter, who isn't even a professional cricketer - by all accounts he spends most of his time singing with a granddad band called Mott the Hoople.
Still, I think 146/3 is a decent return after being inserted with only half a day's play.
And it's hardly 30/4 is it. I wonder what Ged, Kev and others thought when they saw the score on Cricinfo during the afternoon? Probably thought the computers had gone wrong as usual.
Thank you for reading this.
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StumbleuponI'm free Thursday night, fancy a drink at the the Fox and Rabbit to discuss further? I'm on, so long as you don't bring misery Monkey Face with you.
Barmy Kev
I'm only here for the tele
I feel a sense of calm and tranquility as I now depart MTWD for a day of relentless work!
Quote:BarmierKev
I'm free Thursday night, fancy a drink at the the Fox and Rabbit to discuss further? I'm on, so long as you don't bring misery Monkey Face with you.
Thanks for the invite! Thanks for the invite!! Thanks for the invite!!!
But I'm staying at home washing my ears this evening.
Surely you have something better to do than meet me for a drink anyhows?
Hippity is author of top features: Hippity's Tale and Bunny Away
Story of your life ain't it.
Anyway Monkey Face was down in London on business and invited me for a nutty swinging night out, followed by a game of cards. He was very knowlegeable and provided me with some exclusives about behind the scene Middx/ Yorkshire happenings, which I believe, unless this is superceded by other events. He did say you were more interested in stalking players, especially Joycey your " hero" than watching cricket.
Sadly he left his wallet behind and I had to buy him drinks all night and missed his last train so he's crashing out on our sofa.
But at least he saved me from a night in studying when our players have been awarded their County Caps.
Barmy Kev
I'm only here for the tele
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