By Ged
September 7 2006
Ged Ladd reports on the second day against Notts at Lord’s. This time Ged’s guest is Big “Papa Zambesi” Jeff. There’s nothing like a day of competitive cricket, and boy, that was nothing like a day of competitive cricket.
First session
Like a fool, I
had arranged to meet Big Jeff at 10:50, having forgotten that September matches
start half-an-hour earlier than usual..
Rather than confuse matters by calling Jeff the night before, I decided
to let the arrangement stand. Well
prepared this morning (for once), I got to the ground for 10:30 and watched the
first 4 overs of play from the Upper Allen before going back out to meet Big
Jeff. Silverwood was bowling well.
Big Jeff and
I go back a long way. We batted out a
particularly tricky 12-15 overs in a charity match a few years ago achieving
personal and partnership milestones in the process. Jeff is a Northants man, who suffered the
indignity of watching Northants struggle to bowl out Middlesex in 2004 while
Northants were hurtling down the 1st Division tubes. Some readers will remember the bowling
performance of a certain Northants pace bowler named J-Louw during that match
and also a maiden ton for a certain B-Scott on the very day that Big Jeff came
as my guest for that match.
Still, like a
fool, I thought that toddling off to collect Jeff might induce a wicket. Then I thought that going to the bar to get
the first beer of the day might induce a wicket. But nothing was going to induce a wicket this
morning. Nothing.
Silverwood’s
bowling was good and luckless. I am only
going to say positive things about the bowling this morning, so that’s all that
I’m going to say about the bowling this morning.
Jeff
suggested that Notts might finish the day with 400. I suggested 500.
Big Jeff also
suggested that MCC and MCCC members must be midget-dwarfs, because he found the
upper tier structure so difficult to navigate without banging his head. Once navigated, though, and in our seats, the
beer went down very nicely indeed.
Lunch
Mr
Perambulate was our announcer for the day, but no mention of perambulation
today – no-siree. He informed us in his
prolonged, thespian tones that the playing surface had been treated and we
therefore had to keep off. Treated to
what? I mused. Ice cream? A nice frothy beer? It certainly had not been treated to a competitive
game of cricket this morning.
Big Jeff and
I perambulated round to Harry Morgan’s in
Afternoon
We brought
our deli spoils back to the Compo Upper and took our lunch up there, hunkering
down for a sunny afternoon session. The
weather really was top notch – sunny but not too hot. Play soon resumed. (I think it is OK to call it play. I couldn’t honestly say “the contest soon
resumed”. But “play soon resumed”,
that’s OK).
Big Jeff and
I started to discuss
Turns out
that “Baby Zambesi” Chris is doing a bit of import/export, buying/selling,
project management and that sort of thing, “Out of Africa” as they say. It all seemed a bit diverse and complicated,
but I did catch a remark about selling agrochemicals to middle-eastern
countries which sounded potentially alarming.
More or less
on cue, a helicopter starts hovering over Lord’s and will not go away. What are they looking for, we wonder. A missing person perhaps? Surely not the father of a chap trading
agrochemicals between Africa and the
At this
point, perhaps stirred up by the helicopter or perhaps by happenstance, one of the
empty plastic bags from our lunch takes on a life of its own and starts blowing
around. At first it just blows along our
row, but then it blows back in my direction and then leaps in the direction of
the playing area. I jump forward as best
I can to try and catch it, but anyone who has played cricket with me, not least
Big Jeff, can tell you that I do not take catches under pressure.
The bag
hurtles towards the field of play and then, as rapidly as it ascended, it of
course descends onto the playing area.
Oh no! Doesn’t it know that the
playing area has been treated? Jeff
cannot contain his laughter and keeps telling me that the whole crowd is
looking at me and pointing at me. I can
barely contain my laughter either. One
of the fielders (Compo I think) grabs the bag and takes it to the safety of his
little drink cart across the boundary.
If you are reading this, good sir, may I have my plastic bag back,
please, next time I see you?
Soon after,
Chris Wright executes a fine run out.
Smith’s gone, they’re three down and Middlesex are now totally back in
the hunt. Big Jeff and I agree that the
run out looks like the only way Middlesex will get a wicket and in particular
the only way that young Chris Wright will get a wicket. Although we also agree that Silverwood has
again bowled without luck and was the only one who looked like he might just
take a wicket.
But more or
less as soon as we had established that no-one but no-one was going to get a
conventional wicket, J-Louw cleans up David Hussey. Middlesex near as dam-it on top, in my
dreams.
We celebrate
in the run-up to tea with some chocolate ginger biscuits, very nice, which help
us to drain the last remaining drops of the red vino.
Evening All
Fleming
looked so set, but soon after tea and totally against the run of play hit one
of Chris Wright’s square pies (£4 at all good Lord’s food outlets) straight to
Ed0 while on 192. Fleming deserved a
double ton, to be truthful, it was a truly fine knock.
But Middlesex
are specialising in fine knocks this year (feeding them you understand, not
making them) and young Samit Patel was just getting started.
At this stage
Big Jeff and I decided that it was time for our evening beer, so we went back
to the Pavilion. And in another first
for Ged, while buying the beers, I saw Wright get Ealham out LBW on the
CCTV. (This was a first for me in the
sense of witnessing a wicket on the CCTV, you understand, not a first in terms
of buying my fair share of the beer).
But then
Samit and Franks really cashed in. It
perhaps speaks volumes that Ben resorted to Ace in these circumstances and
let’s just say that we don’t often see 26 runs scored off a single over. I just hope the umpires checked the condition
of that match ball after the 3 sixes contained therein and don’t start asking
nasty questions about the state of the ball.
That ball suffered. Middlesex
fans all suffered.
Big Jeff then
complained that I was taking it all with good heart and good humour, whereas he
had been hoping for morbidity, feeble excuses and a great opportunity to tease
the living sh*t out of me. Having been
brought up to be relentlessly hospitable to guests, I tried to help. After all, moderating MTWD I had a fair
amount of morbid and feeble excuse material that I could readily call to
mind. “Bad toss to lose, several
umpiring decisions have gone the wrong way, bowling attack decimated with
injuries.…..”. But Big Jeff knew that I
was just saying it to try and make him happy, so wasn’t going to waste his
breath on teasing me.
Big Jeff was
so wrong when he estimated 400 as the close of play score. And I was so wrong when I estimated 500. 601/6 at stumps. Samit 150+* and he might well make the double
ton that Fleming didn’t.
I get some
stick from some MTWD readers for saying that I enjoy my day even when Middlesex
do badly, but I’m afraid it is true. I love watching 1st class
cricket and I love spending days at Lord’s.
Of course I enjoy it more when Middlesex perform well (I think I prefer
it, it’s getting hard to remember things that happened so long ago), but I
still enjoy it even when we’re dire.
I’m resigned
to the fact that we’ll be playing 2nd division cricket next year but
it really is where we deserve to be just now.
And I do believe that Middlesex can make the changes needed to bounce
back quickly. And Division 2 for a while
does at least mean that Big Jeff and I will get to see our teams playing
against each other again. I might even
take a day at