Month: April 1995

Meet Me In The Mansion, NewsRevue Lyric, Probably Unused, 3 April 1995

Presumably Jamie Blandford got himself into the news a fair bit that year. I cover quite a lot of ground in this lyric. Perhaps too much.

MEET ME IN THE MANSION
(To the Tune of “Meet Me on the Corner”)

VERSE 1

THE LAW: Hey Jamie Blanford, say, how have you been,
Tell me, have you Coke you can snort?
We came along, to grab you by the shlong,
And to seize the blow you’ve not bought.

TAXI DRIVER: You and your raids, on the Chemists and maids,
You’re a lecher, junkie and ponce;
You jump out and run while my meter’s still on,
When in the back of my taxi once.

CHORUS 1

JAMIE: Meet me in the mansion,
When the drugs are passing through,
And I’ll be there, inhaling herbal air;
THE LAW: We’ll check up your arse,
And if we find a trace of grass,
Then your conviction will be fair.

VERSE 2

TAXI DRIVER: O, Marquis Blanford, now see what you’ve done,
You’re a convict taking the stand;
You claim you’re hung up, but you should be strung up,
Only language that you’d understand.

CHORUS 2

JAMIE: Meet me in the mansion,
When the Coke is passing through,
They’ll blow the place, to try and crack the case;
THE LAW: Jamie tried to make,
A pile by swiping passing flake,
Once more this Burks Peer’s in disgrace.

I like Meet Me On The Corner – one of my early efforts on the baritone uke too. Here is the original Lindisfarne version with lyrics:

 

Electric Chair In Georgia, Unused Lyric For NewsRevue, 3 April 1995

Midnight Train To Georgia is a great song, but it does not lend itself to comedy lyrics. I should have learnt my lesson a couple of years earlier with my “Midnight Plane To Jordan” lyric.

It also wasn’t the best idea to return to the subject of state execution, although my very first success in NewsRevue, “California Here I Go”, was on that subject.

Mercifully, the following lyric, which makes some excellent points but is low on laughs (to say the least), was never used.

ELECTRIC CHAIR IN GEORGIA
(To the Tune of “Midnight Train To Georgia”)
VERSE 1

England proved too much for Ingram {too much for Ingram, he had to leave here},
So he left Old Blighty’s shores decades ago, oh-oh,
{He said he’s goin’} So he went to find a land {went to find a land}
Ohhh-ohhh where the gun cannot be banned,
But in the State’s he’s found, he too can be canned.

CHORUS 1

He’s leavin’ {leavin’} on that midnight chair in Georgia,
{Leavin by electric chair, yeh};
So he’s now about to find {now about to find},
Eye for an eye leaves justice blind,
{If his appeal’s not compliant , his lawyer better find another client}
Are fiends electric? {we know they are}
In electric chairs in Georgia {shocking things, electric chairs, ssshhhwwwiiittt-bang}
He must be desperate as hell {desperate as hell},
Approaching John Major’s kind.
{Poor sod has gone half out of his mind}

VERSE 2

Ingram’s dreamin’ {dreamin’} ohhh that John Major takes his side,
{it’s suicide, but Nick might as well try}
And he’ll soon find out the hard way, dreams don’t always come true,
{Major’s plea may yet come through, pigs fly, Nick’s screwed}
So he’s written to his folks {ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh}
And to law reformer blokes {ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh}
He is mighty eloquent for an irredeemable miscreant,
Oh yes he is, but he’s still fucked.

CHORUS 2

Because he’s leavin’ {leavin’} by electric chair in Georgia,
{Leavin by electric chair, oh yeh}
So he’s goin’ to have some jolts {goin’ to have some jolts}
Of several thousand volts
{If you think that this song is shlock, it’s not as nasty as Nick Ingram’s shock}
He’ll write his story {best seller stuff}
About that ‘lectric chair in Georgia {the royalty’s a static charge, ssshhhwwwiiittt-bang}
If he’d been a football star {with OJ’s charisma}
He’d live despite all his faults.

Gladys Knight and the Pips and the lyrics below: