Harold Davison was, by this time, taking some of my lyrics back to the states with him and showing them to his friends.
Harold told me that Frank Sinatra would enjoy a parody lyric to the tune “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”, as that song was a personal favourite of Frank’s.
Never one to waste an opportunity to double or treble up, my mind turned to the recent Fergie & Johnny Byrne royal toe-sucking scandal and to the profession of my new squeeze, Janie, in the hope that the same song might strike NewsRevue gold.
It didn’t strike NewsRevue gold, although Janie really liked it.
Harold told me that Frank thought the lyric was funny, but I think that if Frank had actually sung it at a smoker or a party, Harold would have told me about it.
I’VE MUSHROOMS UNDER MY SKIN
(To the Tune of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”)
This song is dedicated to all the unfortunate people out there whose health problem prevents them from enjoying the most trendy erotic pleasures. I mean of course, those blighted with the dreaded fungus, athletes foot.
I’ve mushrooms under my skin,
I’ve mildew deep in the arch of feet;
So deep in my arch they really enlarge my feet,
I’ve mushrooms under my skin.
You’ve got me on the Mycin,
You’ve got me deep in chiropody;
So deep is your cut it’s really podiatry,
You’ve got me on the Mycin.
I crave for a tender pedal caress,
From a former actress or ex Duchess;
For there’s love afoot with sensuousness,
When my mate,
On my toe.
Even priests confess,
It isn’t a sin;
To want to bed you for,
An oral pedicure.
But each time you do,
The sight of mildew,
Makes you stop before you begin,
Cos I’ve mushrooms under my skin.
(And I like nudes under my shin.)
Here’s a vid of “Ole Blue Eyes” singing that Cole Porter song: