I Don’t Want To Go To Haiti, NewsRevue Lyric, 24 October 1994

The log suggests this was written in September but perhaps not finalised/submitted until the above date.

This was all around Z/Yen start up time; I don’t recall if it was used or not…it blooming well should have been.

I DON’T WANT TO GO TO HAITI
(To the Tune of “I Don’t Want To Go To Chelsea”)

VERSE 1

Photographs of Haiti’s tricks,
Could be as daft as Bay of Pigs;
Bill Clinton smokes but don’t inhale,
He launches fleets but don’t set sail;
We shafted Vietnam and we fucked up the Somalis,
We don’t sit around and talk like your Boutros Boutros Ghalis,
But when we go off to fight we look like a bunch of Charlies;

CHORUS 1

Now Bill and Raoul are in cahoots and matey,
I don’t want to go to Haiti;
Oh no, it’s not strategic,
Don’t want to end up paraplegic;
I don’t want to occupy,
I don’t want my pals to die,
I don’t give a fuck for Haiti.

VERSE 2

Photographs of Clinton’s daughter,
Her nose is bent as Shirley Porter,
She is so spoilt it’s a disgrace,
She wears her teeth in mum’s embrace;
She is a little flirt when she walks out with her waddle,
She’s a real daddies girl but he talks a load of twaddle,
So she can’t walk and fart without getting in a muddle;

CHORUS 2

They say she keeps fit but she looks so unhealthy,
I don’t want to go with Chelsea;
Oh no she won’t get tongue-kissed,
Until she’s seen her orthodontist;
I don’t want to meet her folks,
Those Clintons are a bunch of jokes,
I don’t want to go with Chelsea.

Even if you don’t like my lyric, here is Elvis singing I Don’t Want To Go To Chelsea with the lyrics on screen – worth the price of admission alone:

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