I Don’t Want To Go To Haiti, NewsRevue Lyric, 24 October 1994

The log suggests this was written in September but perhaps not finalised/submitted until the above date.

This was all around Z/Yen start up time; I don’t recall if it was used or not…it blooming well should have been.

(To the Tune of “I Don’t Want To Go To Chelsea”)


Photographs of Haiti’s tricks,
Could be as daft as Bay of Pigs;
Bill Clinton smokes but don’t inhale,
He launches fleets but don’t set sail;
We shafted Vietnam and we fucked up the Somalis,
We don’t sit around and talk like your Boutros Boutros Ghalis,
But when we go off to fight we look like a bunch of Charlies;


Now Bill and Raoul are in cahoots and matey,
I don’t want to go to Haiti;
Oh no, it’s not strategic,
Don’t want to end up paraplegic;
I don’t want to occupy,
I don’t want my pals to die,
I don’t give a fuck for Haiti.


Photographs of Clinton’s daughter,
Her nose is bent as Shirley Porter,
She is so spoilt it’s a disgrace,
She wears her teeth in mum’s embrace;
She is a little flirt when she walks out with her waddle,
She’s a real daddies girl but he talks a load of twaddle,
So she can’t walk and fart without getting in a muddle;


They say she keeps fit but she looks so unhealthy,
I don’t want to go with Chelsea;
Oh no she won’t get tongue-kissed,
Until she’s seen her orthodontist;
I don’t want to meet her folks,
Those Clintons are a bunch of jokes,
I don’t want to go with Chelsea.

Even if you don’t like my lyric, here is Elvis singing I Don’t Want To Go To Chelsea with the lyrics on screen – worth the price of admission alone:

Comments on Ogblog pieces are always welcome - please write something below if you wish.