I wrote this lyric during a bout of comedy lyric writing for no particular purpose other than to entertain friends in the very early 1990s. NewsRevue came later and indeed I later revised this one for NewsRevue.
BYE BYE NHS
(to the tune of “Bye Bye Love”)
CHORUS
Bye bye lab,
Bye bye surgery,
Hello misery,
I think I’m gonna cry.
Bye bye staff,
Bye bye NHS,
Hello stinginess,
I feel like I could die,
Goodbye Health Service goodbye.
VERSE 1
We had our baby,
In Bartholemews,
We asked “which one’s ours?”,
They said “you choose”.
They said “the reason,
for uncertainty,
Is lack of budget,
In maternity.
Bye bye love,
Bye bye pregnancy,
Hello celibacy,
I think I’m gonna cry.
Bye bye cap,
Bye bye IUD,
Hello vasectomy,
I think I’d rather die,
Goodbye Health Service goodbye.
VERSE 2
I need a hip joint,
But it appears,
The NHS list,
Goes back three years.
Now there’s a reason,
Why I’m serene,
Cos while I’m waiting,
I’m on Morphine.
Bye bye blood,
Bye bye saline drip,
Hello Opium trip,
I think I’m gonna cry.
Bye bye drugs,
Bye bye pharmacy,
Hello lunacy,
I feel like I could die,
Goodbye Health Service goodbye.
VERSE 3
They’ve called a priest in,
For the last rights,
My condition’s worsened,
Overnight.
With the right treatment,
I may survive,
But they can’t afford to,
Keep me alive.
Bye bye life,
Bye bye wakefulness,
Hello deadliness,
I think I’m gonna cry.
Bye bye lungs,
Bye bye artery,
Hello mortury,
I think I’m gonna die,
Goodbye Health Service goodbye,
Goodbye Health Service goodbye (repeat, fade).
Below is the Everly Brothers singing Bye Bye LOve with the lyrics on the screen:
In truth I cannot see any difference between the 1991 version and the version I submitted to NewsRevue in the spring of 1992. I might have just described it as an updated version. Sneaky.