One of my earlier attempts, this.
Originally submitted to Spitting Image, 9 or 10 February 1992, I subsequently submitted it to NewsRevue.
Anything that worked to “I Will Survive” was automatically on John Random’s prohibited list, I later discovered, but I did eventually get a version of the song into NewsRevue, perhaps as late as October 1993 but I think probably before that too.
You can’t keep a good lyric down, John; this one is, in my view, quite a good lyric.
The following version is e-dated April 1992, so the original Spitting Image one might be lost for all time, but I doubt if I really changed it between February and April – just a tiny tweak I suspect, otherwise I’d have saved it as a revised version:
MRS T
(sung by Maggie Thatcher to the tune of “I Will Survive”)
VERSE 1
At first I was afraid; (yes, even Mrs T),
Was scared of living out my life without publicity;
But then I spent so many nights just watching “Grey Man” droning on,
And I grew strong; and I learned how to get back on.
So now I’m back, from outta space,
To find that people know my voice and they still recognise my face.
I should have sacked the bleeding lot, I should have left the EEC,
If I had known for just one second that they’d end up sacking me.
CHORUS 1
Oh yes it’s me,
I’m on TV,
Even though it’s only Channel 4,
Or sometimes BSkyB,
But I’ve got interviews to give,
So while I still can breath and live,
I’m on TV,
I’m on TV.
VERSE 2
I tried to warn you, John, about the EMU,
But now I fail to understand what people see in you;
Cos then you took me to one side and whispered softly in my ear,
That it was better for the party if I quietly disappear.
So I went back, across the sea,
Where I had organised a Brussels photo-opportunity.
Yes I went straight up to the top, because I’m never one to tarry,
And I tried to head-butt Jacques Delors and kneecap Ray McSharry.
CHORUS 2
So no more blues,
I’m in the news,
Even though it’s just page seven,
Of the Finchley Evening News,
But I have speeches left to make,
And there are photographs to take,
I’m in the news,
I’m in the news.
Here is Gloria Gaynor singing I Will Survive:
…and here is a link to the lyric to the Gloria song.
For any completists out there who are still reading, here is the October 1993 version which was adapted for some hoo-ha around Mrs T’s memoirs or something:
MRS T – AUTUMN 1993
(sung by Maggie Thatcher to the tune of “I Will Survive”)
VERSE 1
At first I was afraid; (yes, even Mrs T),
Was scared of living out my life without publicity;
But then I spent so many nights just watching “Grey Man” droning on,
That I grew strong; and I learned how to get back on.
So now I’m back, and out in print,
My memoirs will be a best seller so I’m going to make a mint.
They detail how I discharged Howe, because he backed the EEC,
I’ve been voracious for revenge since those dumb bastards ousted me.
CHORUS 1
Oh yes it’s me, literally,
You know my book has been reviewed on Channel 4 and BSkyB;
And I have memoirs left to write,
That dump John Major in the shite,
I will revive, I will reprise.
VERSE 2
I tried to warn the public that John Major’s thick,
And that those arseholes Clarke and Lawson used to make me sick;
But then the Tory party magnets whispered softly in my ear,
That it was better for the party if I quietly disappear.
So I went home and wrote my book,
And now those jerks who tried to gag me are deep in the shtook,
You see my memoirs have a knack of making everyone look silly,
And they ought to circulate more quickly than Dave Mellor’s willy.
CHORUS 2
So no more blues, my book’s reviewed,
Even tho’ it’s one of seven in the Finchley Evening News;
But I’ve more paragraphs to draft,
Cos half my cabinet was daft,
I will surmise, I will surprise, hey, hey.
(People in white coats lead her away, saying “there there” and “just slip your arms into this nice little jacket”)