You Can’t Hurry Trusts, NewsRevue Lyric, 7 May 1992

Buoyed by my early success with California Here I Go, I wrote quite a lot of lyrics during John Random’s Spring 1992 run.

Eventually I’ll upload the others; those performed and those not. Actually I’m not sure which John used and which he didn’t; I think he was (rightly) quite selective with those earlier efforts. But I do recall that John used this one about NHS Trusts; indeed it was revived, updated and used quite a lot for at least a couple of years – one of my better and more successful ones.

Virginia/Gini refers to Virginia Bottomley, the much-maligned Secretary of State for Health at that time. The song still works pretty much word for word, by merely changing the name of the Health Secretary and the future year in which a bed might become available – at the time of writing I am using “2028” when I lay this one down on my baritone uke.

I especially remember Chris Stanton starring in this number, as the lead singer/unfortunate old codger who was suffering while the NHS tried to transform into trusts. John Random will doubtless remember more about it, including the names of the other cast members from that run. I’m guessing Ian Angus Wilkie…

My WP file is dated 4 May 1992 and I am pretty sure that my version was first performed that Thursday, 7 May 1992.

♬ YOU CAN’T HURRY TRUSTS ♬

(To the tune of “You Can’t Hurry Love”)

 

VERSE 1

I need drugs, drugs, to ease my pains, I need some treatment, NHS explains;

 

CHORUS 1

{Virginia says}You can’t hurry trusts {No} you’ll just have to wait;

{She says}List’ll get shorter, numbers doctored by the state.

You can’t hurry trusts {No} you’ll just have to wait;

{You gotta}Pop pills for a while, that way you will be sedate.

 

VERSE 2

But how many more months must I pine,

Before they find a bed in which to mend my spine?

Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on,

Is the pethidine and this mogadon.

 

CHORUS 2

{But Virginia always says}

You can’t hurry trusts {No} you’ll just have to wait;

{She says} While we raise finance, operations will be late.

How long must I wait, how much more can I take?

Before all ‘dis traction, will cause my poor back to break.  {You must wait}

 

VERSE 3

NHS trusts, don’t come easy,

So they keep debating, pontificating,

While Gini argues, what trusts ought to provide,

The NHS shoots off down the slide.

But I keep hoping, {Oooooh} that one fine day,

( {The hospital’ tell me}, I can stay.})

 

CHORUS 3

{But Gini says}You can’t hurry trusts {No} you’ll just have to wait;

{Why?}We must hire accountants, and a huge inspectorate.

You can’t hurry trusts {No} you’ll just have to wait;

{We promise}You’ll have a bed soon, autumn nineteen ninety eight.

{So just wait!!!!!!!!!!!}

Click here or below for a link to a YouTube of the original Supremes hit recording of You Can’t Hurry Love, with the lyrics thrown in.