I even had to look up Michael Mates, writing over 25 years later in March 2019, to remind myself about him. He was a Tory MP. But why I thought he was lyric-worthy in 1993 is a bit of a mystery to me, other than the link with Asil Nadir alluded to in the lyric. I don’t think this piece was used in the show.
MICHAEL MATES
(To the Tune of “My Old Man Said Follow The Van”)
OPENING BIT
Michael Mates,
Brought on mass debates,
And caused lots of ‘asil on the way;
Off went Nadir with ‘is wrist watch tickin’,
John Major wished that Mates had gone with ‘im.
MIDDLE BIT
John dillied and dallied,
Dallied and dillied,
Changed ‘is mind, u-turned, gave Mates the sack.
CLOSING BIT
But they can’t judge the special Serious Fraud Office,
‘Cos Nadir ain’t coming back.
Here’s Marie Lloyd singing “My Old Man Said ‘Follow The Van!'”, with the lyrics on the screen. The chorus arrives after about 40 seconds: