Mad Frogs And Englishmen, NewsRevue Lyric, 5 February 1994

One of the longest-running of the lyrics I wrote for NewsRevue, it is about the Bosnian war. There were several updated versions of this one, but take a look first of all at the version I believe to be the first of them, from February 1994.

It was my dad’s absolute favourite, this one. But then he was a Noel Coward fan. My other recollection of it was the great Paul Cawley having a love/hate thing with it. Love in that he liked delivering the material. Hate in that he reckoned it was one of the hardest lyrics he’d ever had to learn.

MAD FROGS AND ENGLISHMEN

(To the Tune of “Mad Dogs And Englishmen”)

VERSE 1

In Balkan climbs these are torrid times they say,

When former Yugoslavs conspire to lie in wait and open fire;

It’s one of those wars where guerrillas cause affray,

In which a wise peacekeeping force is not prepared to stay the course and goes away.

Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat – machine gun fire – whizz splatt, whizz splatt;

We make Serbs irate yes their warlords hate our guts, because our aid workers are definitely nuts.

CHORUS 1

Mad Frogs and Englishmen take aid to the Bosnians, Americans don’t care to, Italians wouldn’t dare to;

The loss via the cross fire cannot be described as fun, but England has beserker aid workers;

In Sarajevo they are so brave, oh why don’t they have a go at,

Herzegovina? No, don’t bother, the place is entirely Croat;

In Mostar the costs are that convoys are overrun,

But Mad Frogs and Englishmen lug aid to the Bosnians.

VERSE 2

Most people deplore the extent of war they see,

So many Nations seem to fight although they know it can’t be right;

Humanitarian aid, the majority pay deftly,

But when it comes to volunteers most stay at home to drink their beers and watch TV.

Whizz splatt, whizz splatt – Scud missile attack – different war this time – nyyowww;

It seems such a shame when the UN claim the earth, that they give rise to so much ridicule and mirth,

Ha-ha-ha, oh dear.

CHORUS 2 & CHORUS 3

Mad Frogs and Englishmen drag aid to the Bosnians, the UN’s a defender quite likely to surrender;

A long war is ignored if Asian or African, as French and English cures stop in Europe;

The Middle East won’t in the least be borne such a harried snack,

In Central Asia there’s little aid for Nagorno Karabakh;

In Phnom Penh the strong men won’t help a Cambodian,

But Mad Frogs and Englishmen run aid to the Bosnians.

Mad Frogs and Englishmen shlep aid to the Bosnians, the Russians try to ban it the Yankees help them plan it,

General Rose we must suppose has spent too long in the sun, as most war zones just wish an aid mission;

In Guatemala the pantry parlours aren’t filled with flown in fare,

Iraqi Kurds think it absurd their lack of aid’s so unfair,

In Mogadishu the big issue is that the yanks have cut and run,

But Mad Frogs and Englishmen take aid through the Serb lines, dodge past the Croats,

Give a little, get a little, mercy mercy mercy mercy aid to the Bosnians.

Thank you very much.

Just in case you are unfamiliar with Noel Coward’s patter song, Mad Dogs and Englishmen, here it is:

Below is one of the better updates for NewsRevue, when the war took a slightly different turn in the summer of 1995. Possibly even tighter than the first version.

MAD FROGS AND ENGLISHMEN – SUMMER 1995 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Mad Dogs And Englishmen”)

VERSE 1

In Balkan climbs these are torrid times they say,
When former Yugoslavs conspire to lie in wait and open fire;
It’s one of those wars where guerrillas cause affray,
In which a wise peacekeeping force is not prepared to stay the course and goes away.
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat – machine gun fire – whizz splatt, whizz splatt;
We make Serbs irate yes their warlords hate our guts, because our aid workers are definitely nuts.

CHORUS 1

Mad Frogs and Englishmen take aid to the Bosnians, Americans don’t care to, Italians wouldn’t dare to;
The loss via the cross fire cannot be described as fun, but England has beserker aid workers;
In Sarajevo they are so brave, oh why did poor Zepa yield?,
Srebrenica’s like the blitz only thank God no Gracie Fields.;
In Mostar the costs are that convoys are overrun,
But Mad Frogs and Englishmen lug aid to the Bosnians.

VERSE 2

Most people deplore the extent of war they see,
So many Nations seem to fight although they know it can’t be right;
Humanitarian aid, the majority pay deftly,
But when it comes to volunteers most stay at home to drink their beers and watch TV.
Whizz splatt, whizz splatt – Scud missile attack – different war this time – nyyowww;
It seems such a shame when the UN claim the earth, that they give rise to so much ridicule and mirth,
Ha-ha-ha, oh dear.

CHORUS 2

Mad Frogs and Englishmen drag aid to the Bosnians, the UN’s a defender quite likely to surrender;
UNPROFOR is ignored and has nowhere else to run, cos French and English cures stop in Europe;
The Middle East won’t in the least be borne such a harried snack,
In Central Asia there’s little aid for Nagorno Karabakh;
In Phnom Penh the strong men won’t help a Cambodian,
But Mad Frogs and Englishmen run aid to the Bosnians.

CHORUS 3

Mad Frogs and Englishmen shlep aid to the Bosnians, the Russians try to ban it, the Yankees help ’em plan it,
Rupert Smith must be high on spliff as he sits upon Mount Igman but most war zones just wish an aid mission;
In Guatemala the pantry parlours aren’t filled with flown in fare,
Iraqi Kurds think it absurd their lack of aid’s so unfair,
In Mogadishu the big issue was that the yanks just cut and run,
But Mad Frogs and Englishmen take aid through the Serb lines, dodge past the Croats,
give a little, get a little, mercy mercy mercy mercy aid to the Bosnians.
Thank you very much.

I also wrote a majorly adapted version of it for Casablanca The Musical, transferring the action to World War Two, click here or below for a link to that one:

Mad Frogs And Englishmen – WW2 Resistance Version, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 27 July 2001

Oh boy, I do my bit for recycling.