By the time I wrote this piece, I had probably overdone the subject of Tory “back to basics” hypocrisy over moral issues, especially homosexuality, for NewsRevue.
A pity, really, as I think this lyric might, purely in lyrical terms, be the best of the lot.
_ SIXTEEN BUGGER YOUR EIGHTEEN _
(To the Tune of “Sixteen Going On Seventeen”)
INTRO
MP:You wait, little chap, till you’re twenty one; until then you masturbate on,
Your life, little chap, is an empty one, for MP’s to legislate on.
GAY(S):We wait on….
VERSE 1
MP:You are sixteen going on seventeen, God help you if you’re gay;
Fellows you meet, would give you a sweet and make you go the wrong way.
You are seventeen going on eighteen, too young to be so lax,
You’ll have to wait unless you are straight to indulge in sexual acts.
Totally unprepared are you to face a world of men,
Gaiety undeclared, for you are too young to consent.
You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do;
I’m a minister don’t think I’m sinister I’ll defile your youth.
VERSE 2
GAY(S):Under eighteen we’re in the gay scene, we don’t think we’re naive;
Your back to basics makes us young gays sick, practice what you believe.
You are sixty going on seventy, you are all out of touch,
Old public schools where you learnt the rules did not sway you old sods much.
Totally unprepared were you to equalise the age,
Tory MPs are scared, for you, must now face gay outrage.
We’ll try something harsher and wilder to get our message through,
We want sixteen bugger your eighteen, we’ll out all of you.
Here are Richard Haydn and Eleanor Parker singing Sixteen Going On Seventeen in the Sound Of Music movie:
Click here for the lyrics to Sixteen Going On Seventeen.
In 1997 I updated this lyric for some House Of Lord’s reason:
SIXTEEN BUGGER YOUR EIGHTEEN – 1997 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Sixteen Going On Seventeen”)
INTRO
LORD(S): You wait, little chap, till you’re aged eighteen; until then you masturbate on,
Your life, little chap, is an empty one, for we Lords to legislate on.
GAY(S): We wait on….
VERSE 1
LORD(S): You are sixteen going on seventeen, God help you if you’re gay;
Fellows you meet, would give you a sweet and make you go the wrong way.
You are seventeen going on eighteen, too young to be so lax,
You’ll have to wait unless you are straight to indulge in sexual acts.
Totally unprepared are you to face a world of men,
Gaiety undeclared, for you are too young to consent.
You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do;
I’m an ageing peer, no-one calls me a queer, I’ll define your youth.
VERSE 2
GAY(S): Under eighteen we’re in the gay scene, we don’t think we’re naive;
Not up for blokes and too young for smokes, this can’t be what you believe.
You are sixty going on seventy, you are all out of touch,
Old public schools where you learnt the rules did not sway you old sods much.
Totally unprepared are you to recognise young men,
New Labour want the change cos they have Chris Smith and Red Ken.
We’ll try something harsher and wilder to get our message through,
We want sixteen bugger your eighteen, we’ll out all of you.