There must have been something in the news about sex education to trigger this one. Probably the perennial debate about whether it should be a job for parents or teachers.
Nice idea but doesn’t really work as a lyric, in retrospect.
_ TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SEX _
(To the Tune of “Teach Your Children Well”)
VERSE 1 – PARENTS
You, who are under age, must have a stage,
Prone to suggestion;
And you, who are in your youth, are so uncouth,
That you ask questions.CHORUS 1 – STILL THE PARENTS
Teach your children sex, make sure the text,
Is not offensive;
And teach, the birds and bees, the storks and trees,
To be defensive.
Why are our brats carping us, what’s the point of asking us,
“Mummy, what’s cunnilingus?” (parents look at each other, shrug, and concede.)
An Irish airline?.
(Bickering alternately. “Isn’t it?” “I don’t know. You tell them.” “Ask your father.” “Ask your mum.” “Ask one of your teachers.”)VERSE 2 – CHILDREN {WITH PARENTS HARMONICALLY}
Adults, do not always know, what they should show,
{Don’t ask questions, no suggestions, don’t be rude dear, don’t be crude dear}
In pocket sex guides;
Like cults, in the back of cars, with a king size Mars,
{Generations, revelations, explanations, sexplanations,}
And packs of girl guides.CHORUS 2 – THE CHILDREN CONCLUDE
Teach your parents sex, a bag and flex,
Is not suggested;
And tease them with your dream, Hagan Daz ice cream,
Can be digested;
Don’t you ask them what they know, they are as thick as Fabio,
And so they think fellatio’s an Eyetie model.
(Father in Fabio voice: “I believe that love between two people is fantastic, as long as you are between the right two people. I never got that joke neither and I’m really intelligent”).
Below is a video with Crosby Stills Nash and Young singing Teach Your Children Well and some scenes from a movie named Melody: