Month: March 1994

Andra Dean recently (August 2020) found the above photograph, which she chose to e-mail to me wondering whether I remembered the infamous “Fruit ‘n’ Nut evening.

Of course I remembered it…vaguely. As did Andrea. We swapped notes.

It was supposed to be a bridge evening at Andrea’s place in Ormiston Grove, Shepherd’s Bush. Somebody didn’t turn up, so we couldn’t play bridge.

Andrea had been given the game Fruit ‘n’ Nut, probably Me magazine, possibly as a freebie and/or perhaps to review for the magazine.

At least three of us, possibly with an additional non-bridge playing fourth person, got really quite drunk and played Fruit ‘n’ Nut instead.

The juxtaposition of a citrus fruit in my mouth in the photograph suggests temporal proximity to the demise, in February 1994, of Stephen Milligan, who sadly died of autoerotic asphyxiation in similar circumstances…

…by which I mean “with an orange in his mouth”, not “while playing Fruit ‘n’ Nut round Andrea’s place”.

Stephen Milligan’s passing is said to have been one of the nails in the coffin of John Major’s hapless “Back To Basics” morality campaign. From my point of view, Milligan worked wonders for my Get Back To Basics NewsRevue lyric, which ran and ran in early 1994:

Get Back To Basics, NewsRevue Lyric And Ben Murphy Recording, 2 January 1994

But returning to Shepherd’s Bush and the Fruit ‘n’ Nut evening, my abiding mystery questions revolve around who else was there and why we didn’t have four for bridge.

Around that time, we were mostly playing at my place, Daniel’s place or Andrea’s place. For some months, Marianne (Maz) had not been the fourth bridge person as she and Daniel had split up. For reasons known only to Daniel and Maz, it was Daniel who “got” me and Andrea as bridge companions in the “Daniel & Maz split settlement”. Later, when Daniel took the only practical step possible to avoid playing bridge with us – emigrating to Australia – Maz rejoined us and became a regular part of our irregular bridge arrangements for many years.

Anyway, I have a funny feeling that Daniel was part of the Fruit ‘n’ Nut mayhem, but I don’t know who the missing fourth person might have been. Tessa certainly became part of the group around that time – perhaps she had to withdraw at the last minute or something.

I don’t know why I associate Wendy with that evening – it might be a false memory – but it is the sort of crazy evening memory that tends to have Wendy’s fingerprints over it. Perhaps it was one of those evenings when Wendy had a go at playing bridge but we all gave up on the bridge idea early in favour of the fascinating and sophisticated card-based game that is Fruit ‘n’ Nut.

Anyway, this piece is a shout out to whoever else might have been there. Please let me and Andrea know if you were one of the Fruit ‘n’ Nut cases that evening. You can send us a private message if you wish, but public confessions as comments on this piece would be even more welcome.

Then there’s the question of what the game Fruit ‘n’ Nut is about. What is its central conceit? What are the nuances that make this game truly special? Is it comparable with bridge in terms of its call on cognitive ability and mental stamina?

Basically I remembered Fruit ‘n’ Nut as a slightly elaborated version of snap, with bespoke cards and a bell.

I recall distinctly that the amount of fun and profound meaning we were getting out of playing the game increased as the evening wore on. This might be because it is one of those games whose subtleties become apparent the more you play it…or it might be because we were all getting drunk as the evening wore on.

Andrea has gone one better than my dodgy memory. It’s the investigative journalist in her I guess. Andrea has researched the origins of the game on-line, even finding an instructional video.

It seems that Fruit ‘n’ Nut has different names in different places. In the USA it is known as Halli Galli. The above video is worth the investment of 2’20” for its serious mode of delivery if nothing else. It explains the game in excruciating detail and describes it as a blend of “dexterity and quick math skills”.

My recollection, in our version, was a requirement not only to strike the bell but also to ejaculate the phrase, “fruit and nut” as vociferously as possible. Was this our own playing condition or does this form part of the UK rule book?

Even the website Boardgamegeek seems a little light on detail for this game, but it is still an amusing and worthwhile read.

The lack of standardisation in the playing conditions and even in the naming of the game reminds me of the chaos that ensued in the 1870’s with lawn tennis (aka pelota, aka Sphairistikè); a subject I have been researching and writing up recently:

Scoring Synchronicity: How Real Tennis Scoring Was Adopted For Lawn Tennis Scoring – Then Lawn Tennis Handicapping Methods Wormed Their Way Into Real Tennis, Part Four Of Four Pieces On Tennis History

In the matter of tennis in the 1870s, naturally the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) was called upon to standardise and codify laws for the nascent sport of lawn tennis, as it had done for cricket and for real tennis.

I wonder whether the good services of the MCC might be called upon again, to become the international guardian of the laws of Fruit ‘n’ Nut. Indeed, not only the laws but also the spirit of the game, which is surely the very essence of the honourable sporting activity that is Fruit ‘n’ Nut. In particular, no “early peek” at the card you are about to turn over when it is your turn to lay a card.

Perhaps also there should be a dress code for the game. I’d suggest whites, but then as an MCC cricket and tennis sort of fellow, you’d expect nothing else.

Sadly, my sartorial standards back then were well below the requisite for such a sport, as the photograph from the evening sadly attests.

Even more sadly, the results of our matches were not recorded, so they are lost in the mists of time. I’m pretty sure that my ability to recognise shapes and count to five would not have been diminished by alcohol, although my bell-thumping speed and dexterity might have been adversely affected.

I suppose a rematch is out of the question?