Virginia, NewsRevue Lyric, 3 July 1994

This lyric feels like it emerged on the back of another of those requests, along the lines of, “we really like You Can’t Hurry Trusts“…

…”can you write a different one along similar lines?”…

…which I could do, of course. I even quite like this one, which focuses on the health secretary, Virginia Bottomley:

_ VIRGINIA _

(To the Tune of “Cecilia”)

CHORUS 1

DOCTORS:Virginia, you’re breaking our hearts,
You’re closing more hospitals daily;
Oh Virginia, we’re down in your leagues,
We’re begging you please, do not close,
PATIENT:Do not close.

VERSE 1

A DOCTOR:Doing sums from dawn till night,
While Virginia’s in the Isle of Wight;
(DOCTORS:….doing sums…..)
PATIENT:I got up cos I got bored,
But when I went back to bed she had closed down my ward.

CHORUS 2

DOCTORS:Virginia, we’re only two star,
You’re shaking our confidence daily;
PATIENT:Oh Virginia, I’m down on my knees,
My callipers seized and withdrawn, just withdrawn.
DOCTORS:Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

CHORUS 3

DOCTORS:Jubilation, we’re three star again,
We do all our work in out patients;
PATIENT:Ruination, I won’t walk again,
They do all their work without patients.
(Doctors merrily pick up the poor hopeless patient and carry him offstage while oh-oh-oh-ing the merry “jubilation” tune)

Below is a video of Simon & Garfunkel singing Cecilia with the lyrics on the screen:

https://youtu.be/_NFIdgK7Qpw

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