Vanessa-Mae, NewsRevue Lyric, 10 June 1995

This one did very well in NewsRevue. I’m not sure that the then teenager Vanessa-Mae deserved quite such harsh treatment, but life’s not always fair and by gosh did she strike gold as a star despite.

Writing in April 2017, I realise that this lyric wouldn’t need too much work to be topical and nasty about a certain prime minister…

…wouldn’t help/can’t be bothered.

VANESSA MAE
(To the Tune of “Enola Gay”)

VERSE 1

Vanessa Mae,
Prancing about just like an easy lay;
It’s such a sin,
The way you desecrate the violin.

That piece you slay,
I’d like to hear it done the proper way,
Oh, oh Vanessa Mae,
It’s such a fiddle with the crap you play.

INSTRUMENTAL 1

(Vanessa comically fiddles away at the instrumental bit of the tune)

VERSE 2

Vanessa Mae,
Why do they have to dress you up that way,
You pout and fawn,
As if your instrument is the French horn;

You’re just sixteen,
But heaven knows where on earth you’ve been,
I saw you pouting on the video,
Like an exponent of the pink oboe.

INSTRUMENTAL 2

(Vanessa even more comically fiddles away at the instrumental bit of the tune)

VERSE 3

Vanessa Mae,
Now JS Bach is turning in his grave,
Your awful goal,
Is scratching out Baroque and Roll;

Those ancient strains,
Sound like the soundtracks of computer games,
Vanessa Mae,
Just wish the stupid cow would go away, hey.

Here is Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark (OMD) singing Enola Gay, with lyrics on the screen. If you don’t like synthesised music, don’t click: