Marjory Proops was a very well-known agony aunt, said to bear an uncanny resemblance to my mum. Frankly, I think it was just the cruel spectacles combined with some ethnic stereotyping.
Anyway, point is, Proops died in November 1996 so I wrote the following lyric for NewsRevue, which, I think, went down well.
MARGE PROOPS
(To the Tune of “High Hopes”)
VERSE 1
If you want vice at a newspaper price,
There was lots to be learned from Proops’ advice.
Just what made that agony aunt,
Want to write with a sexual slant;
Editors thought an old aunt can’t,
Make their readership pant.CHORUS 1
But she was Marge Proops,
She was Marge Proops,
She was back of a barge, nose too large Proops.
If you’d a dud relationship,
‘jaculation’s quick,
Or you’d done a Hugh Grant.
You’d tell all to Marge the agony aunt,
{You’d tell all to Marge the agony aunt,}
You’d tell all to Marge the agony aunt.VERSE 2
If you gave head or were no good in bed,
She was not too much help and now she’s dead.
Just what made that agony aunt,
Make folk think her advice was extant?;
Anyone knows an old aunt can’t,
Do much other than rant.CHORUS 2
But she was Marge Proops,
She was Marge Proops,
She was light brigade charge, specs too large Proops.
So now if you are cryin’ she’s,
Not replyin’ cos,
She’s a stiff so she can’t;
Oops there goes another agony aunt,
{Oops there goes another agony aunt,}
Oops there goes another agony aunt.Ker plop!
Below is a video of Frank Sinatra and a chorus of kiddies singing High Hopes with the lyrics on the screen: