June 1997 – Ian Louis Harris

Submission To Aiden Tierney Re NewsRevue, 29 June 1997

Aiden Tierney
News Revue
(London WC1 Address Redacted)

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
EDINBURGH 1997 RUN

Dear Aiden

Welcome back to News Revue!! It was good to get your message the other day. As you requested, here is a starter pack which consists of my latest songs plus some older ones which have longevity or are still topical.

Feel free to give me a call on (0171) 243-0725 if you want anything else or want a rewrite or two. Good luck and I look forward to seeing you soon.

Ian Harris

Song Title
Original Title/
Artist on Tape Approx.. No. of weeks performed
7+ 4-6 1-3 New
side 1
labour medley world war two songs by ghastly soldiers 7+
david hellfgott in concert all by myself / eric carmen 4-6
jack straw my name is jack / manfred mann N
gordon brown golden brown / stranglers 4-6
when you fall out when you’re in love / dr hook 4-6
me and paula jones me and mrs jones N
maggie might maggie may N
ffion rave on / buddy holly 1-3
julio down by the seaside julio down by the school yard / paul simon N
side 2
the shit of araby the sheik of araby / spike jones 7+
plagiarise walk on by / dionne warwick 4-6
my cherie earns more my cherie amour / stevie wonder 4-6
taliban carrie anne / hollies N

Dinner At Les Porte Des Indes, With Kim & Micky, 28 June 1997

Photo of Les Porte Des Indes by trolvag, CC BY-SA 3.0

Crickey we were dashing about a lot at that time.

After taking The Duchess to see Carmen at the ENO on the Thursday evening, Janie and I both worked full days on the Friday (Janie starting crack of dawn) ending up in New Orleans (in Ealing, not Louisiana) for a late supper on Friday night…

…then tennis at 10:00 on Saturday (not much change there in 25 years except the location) blah blah.

But then we relaxed for an evening at La Porte Des Indes on the junction of Old Quebec Street & Bryanston Street – recently (25 years on) departed but a relatively new restaurant then.

Below is Helen Fielding’s review from when it opened the previous year:

La Porte Des Indes Fielding Indy 17 Mar 1996, Sun The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Janie and I both remember our evening with Kim and Micky there as a fun, celebratory evening with good food and wine.

The place looked like this:

Picture by the (now defunct) restaurant “borrowed” as fair use via Open Table

Carmen by Georges Bizet, English National Opera At London Coliseum, 26 June 1997

I think I have the programme somewhere but this was on my mystery list until I found it in both our diaries while doing one of my “25 years on” trawls.

This was a “birthday treat” for Janie in which I expect i picked up the tab and Pauline, Duchess of Castlebar, graced us with her presence.

Janie’s not much one for opera but we all agreed that Carmen was a good place to really test that hypothesis. I had “done” Carmen as a small child of course – type cast as an urchin boy – another story for another Ogblog.

Anyway…

…this was the Jonathan Miller production at the ENO.

Edward Seckerson in The Independent sort-of liked it:

Carmen Edward Seckerson Indy 15 Sep 1995, Fri The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Geroge Norris in The Telegraph loved it:

Carmen Geoffrey Norris Telegraph 16 Sep 1995, Sat The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

While Kate Kellaway in The Observer didn’t like it:

Carmen Kate Kellaway Observer 17 Sep 1995, Sun The Observer (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

I think we were fairly indifferent to the production. It certainly wasn’t as good as the Putney Operatic Society’s version 25 years earlier…I wasn’t in it for a start.

You, Me & Julio Down By The Seaside, NewsRevue Lyric, 24 June 1997

This was an attempt at a perennial silly summer holiday song for NewsRevue. I’m not sure it works, despite a few good lines. I’m pretty sure it didn’t get used in NewsRevue.

YOU ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SEASIDE
(To the Tune of “You Me And Julio Down By The School Yard”)

VERSE 1 – BOTH

We’re Sharon and Tracy, plan to get away,
Want to fly to the Costa Brava;
Gary got sloshed, so we borrowed his dosh,
Which started the whole ffff palaver.
It’s not against the law,
It’s not against the law,
A bit of fun and more,
That’s what we came ‘ere for.

VERSE 2

SHAZZA: Julio waits in the “Cafe Ole”,
So we ordered his huge paella,
TRACE: Shazza got laid, while muggings here paid,
And got a bleedin’ dose of salmonella
We’re well on our way,
We don’t know where we’re staying,
We’re well on our way,
We’ll ‘ave some fun while we sort it out;
Goodbye to Gary and Wayne back in Essex,
It’s you, me and Julio down by the seaside;
Screw you, me and Julio down by the seaside.

VERSE 3

In a couple of days, coppers took us away,
And the Spanish cells are not well nice;
The judge looked delighted when he had us extradited,
We was all over El Pais;
(TRACE: You was all over the bleedin police ‘n’ all
SHAZZA: Shut up you fat slag. You can bleedin’ talk)
We’re well on our way,
We’re flying back to England,
We’re well on our way,
Hopin’ Gary and Wayne don’t mind;
Goodbye to Julio and his Tapas on the ‘ouse
(SHAZZA: Tap us on the arse – ha ha
TRACE: Shut up you fat slag),
You, me, Wayne and Gary down home in Southend,
You, me, Wayne and Gary sloshed down in Southend,
Shaz, Trace, Wayne and Gary sloshed down in Southend – Ole.

Below is the official Paul Simon video of Me And Julio Down By the Schoolyard which I’d never seen before and is well worth the three minutes investment required.

Click here for the lyrics to Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard.

Ffion, Newsrevue Lyric, 23 June 1997

The suggestion, back in 1997 when William Hague, the then Tory leader, married Ffion Jenkins, was that this was a marriage of convenience.

Writing more than 20 years later, in May 2019, it appears either that the chatterati were mistaken or that it remains convenient.

Anyway, my lyric below was in the show for some while, until someone else came along (was it Debbie Barham? John Random? Noel Christopher? Other?) and wrote a wonderful version of Wimoweh – “Ffion Sleeps Tonight”, inferring even less subtly than my lyric below that there was little intimacy between William and Ffion.

FFION
(To the Tune of “Rave On”)

CHORUS 1 – OTHER FEMALE

We-e-e-e-e-ll the little bitch dates William Hague,
I’d sooner have bubonic plague,
F-Ffion,
A crazy moniker,
I’d need,
A gin and tonic or
Prozac,
To get laid,
F-F-Ffion with him.

CHORUS 2 – FFION

The way he dances on the floor,
You’d think he’s pushing eighty four;
F-F-F-Ffion,
I’m William’s totty,
And folk say,
I must be potty,
He’s like,
A three pound note,
Straight as a claw.

MIDDLE EIGHT

F-F-F-F-FFion,
A crazy party,
Votes in,
Her bloke, a smarty,
Pants who,
Takes a tarty,
To look cool.

OUTRO

F-F-F-F-F-FFion
He’s like a willow,
Hague would
Prefer Portillo
Than spend,
A night with you,
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, you knew,
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, true blue.

Below is a video of Rave On by Buddy Holly with lyrics on the screen.

Life Support by Simon Gray, Richmond Theatre, 20 June 1997

We went on a Friday evening to see part of a preview run of this play/production, which went on to have a good long stint at the Aldwych and which had previously been tested at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford (according to my notes) and/ot Theatre Royal Bath according to the Theatricalia entry.

Anyway…

…I have always been partial to a bit of Simon Gray and also partial to a bit of Alan Bates’s acting and Harold Pinter’s directing, so this was a “must see” for me and Janie – hence the Friday evening booking.

Below is a rare review of the actual Richmond performances from the Ealing & Acton Gazette:

Life Support Ealing & Acton Gazette Tim Harrison 20 Jun 1997, Fri Ealing and Acton Gazette (Ealing, London, England) Newspapers.com

Below is a charming interview piece from the Guardian about the genesis of this play:

Life Support Simon Gray Claire Amitstead Guardian 26 Jul 1997, Sat The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Nicholas de Jongh in The Standard didn’t much like the play when he saw it at The Aldwych:

Life Support de Jongh Standard 06 Aug 1997, Wed Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Whereas Suzannah Clapp liked it more in The Observer:

Life Support Clapp Observer 10 Aug 1997, Sun The Observer (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

We voted it “good”, which is not great, but we did rate the piece and the performances highly enough.

Laurie Johnson’s London Big Band, Barbican Hall, 8 June 1997

This was a weird but memorably fun evening.

Janie had known Laurie & (especially) Dot Johnson for a great many years – the latter being one of Janie’s clients.

Laurie was very well known in show business and media circles, primarily for writing TV theme tunes such as the following, which Janie and I both remembered fondly from our childhoods:

In 1997, it seems that Laurie, in an attempt to stave off dotage, was launching an autumnal recording and touring career with a new combo; Laurie Johnson’s London Big Band.

Dot kindly invited us to the 8 June concert and the star-studded after show party.

We were among the youngest people in the audience that night. Actually, I think our combined ages at that time (75-ish) might still have made us among the youngest people at the show that night.

Titter ye not, people – lounge music was “a thing” that year. Further, one of Laurie Johnson’s recordings with that new combo, Theme From the Professionals, had been in the pop charts during the preceding few weeks, making the event far more of a hip event than any of us might have imagined:

Janie and I, seated among the guest celebs in that central block of seats deemed the best in the Barbican Hall, enjoyed watching the bobbing heads of the elderly concert-goers in front of us, making micro-movements in recognition of the swinging beat of the music.

Indeed, for years…nay decades after the concert, Janie and I would mimic the uber-syncopation, not least the cymbal beats, of the Big Band’s rendition of the This Is Your Life Theme:

That one seemed to go down especially well with the elderly bobbing-head brigade.

The after show party was very enjoyable. I guess that we technically met a great many celebs: Laurie Johnson, Ron Moody, Jack Parnell, Don Lusher, Kenny Baker, Benny Green and Tommy Whittle were all on the bill…

…as was a lovely young woman named Alexia, who was a singing waitress at a restaurant that Laurie and Dot liked. They had taken Alexia somewhat under their wings and were promoting her through this show/tour.

Clipping from The Evening Standard 19 June 1997

We had a long chat with her – she seemed a really delightful young person – and resolved to try her Ripe Tomato eatery. To our shame never got around to eating there. It has only recently (25 years on) closed down and is only a few doors down from the All Saints Road location where we find my [Harris] family during the first world war, soon after arriving in Britain.

We didn’t meet John Dankworth & Cleo Laine that evening, much to Dot’s chagrin, as she seemed very keen for Janie to meet them, but for some reason (health we think) they were unable to attend. Nor was Lionel Bart there, possibly for the same sort of reason.

I do however remember chatting at length with Herbert Kretzmer, who was a good friend of the Johnsons and was very interesting company for quite a while at that function. Fellow lyricists and all that – me and Herbie had a great deal in common. 😉

Go on, bob your head gently to the swinging strains of the This Is Your Life theme again – you know you want to:

The Caucasian Chalk Circle by Bertolt Brecht, Olivier Theatre, 7 June 1997

We were tending to book RNT things in preview or very early in runs, so this was an unusually late visit to see this one – perhaps we couldn’t get the seats we wanted until later or perhaps we missed it in the first block of dates.

Anyway, we thought this was “very good”.

One of our favourite troupes, Théâtre de Complicité, was responsible for this one. Juliet Stevenson played the lead along with Simon McBurney who also directed. The Theatricalia entry can be found here.

This was the first of those “in the round” productions that the RNT did at The Olivier while it was being refurbished.

Nicholas de Jongh in The Standard was not too keen on it: