The suggestion, back in 1997 when William Hague, the then Tory leader, married Ffion Jenkins, was that this was a marriage of convenience.
Writing more than 20 years later, in May 2019, it appears either that the chatterati were mistaken or that it remains convenient.
Anyway, my lyric below was in the show for some while, until someone else came along (was it Debbie Barham? John Random? Noel Christopher? Other?) and wrote a wonderful version of Wimoweh – “Ffion Sleeps Tonight”, inferring even less subtly than my lyric below that there was little intimacy between William and Ffion.
FFION
(To the Tune of “Rave On”)
CHORUS 1 – OTHER FEMALE
We-e-e-e-e-ll the little bitch dates William Hague,
I’d sooner have bubonic plague,
F-Ffion,
A crazy moniker,
I’d need,
A gin and tonic or
Prozac,
To get laid,
F-F-Ffion with him.CHORUS 2 – FFION
The way he dances on the floor,
You’d think he’s pushing eighty four;
F-F-F-Ffion,
I’m William’s totty,
And folk say,
I must be potty,
He’s like,
A three pound note,
Straight as a claw.MIDDLE EIGHT
F-F-F-F-FFion,
A crazy party,
Votes in,
Her bloke, a smarty,
Pants who,
Takes a tarty,
To look cool.OUTRO
F-F-F-F-F-FFion
He’s like a willow,
Hague would
Prefer Portillo
Than spend,
A night with you,
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, you knew,
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, true blue.
Below is a video of Rave On by Buddy Holly with lyrics on the screen.