Ancient Arithmetic: The Possible Origins Of The Tennis Scoring System, Part One Of Four Pieces On Tennis History

Pondering tennis scoring, abacus in hand, Moreton Morrell, 2019

Why Score Points/Strokes in 15s?

Lovers of tennis have long pondered the origins of the scoring system. In particular, the notion that the first point scores 15, the second point 30 and so on, until one player has scored four points, or, if the score reaches three-all, once one player has subsequently taken two consecutive points.

There are a great many theories about the origins of this convention.

At the time of writing this piece (the summer of 2020) there are two prevailing “origins” theories on the internet, both of which fail the credibility test as soon as some historical facts are thrown into the mix.

The most common of the fallacious origin theories is that tennis scorers habitually used clock faces to score the games, taking the minute hand numbers as scores, i.e. 15 to signify a quarter of the job done, 30 to signify half, 40 (as an abbreviation for 45), 60 to conclude the game.

Chronoswiss MG 2645

Unfortunately for this elegant, oft-touted and much-believed theory, there are early written accounts of the 15/30/45 scoring system dating back to the Renaissance; long before anyone had considered the idea of minute markings on clock faces. While it is possible that such devices might have been used at times in the last 300 years, this simply is not a credible “origins” theory.

The second style of origin theory, often to be found on the internet, is connected with the chase markings on a real tennis court. Variations of this theory include the notion that there were traditionally 14 chase lines on the floor, so the concluded point was called, to avoid confusion, 15. The other main variation of the “floor plan” theory is that the court was traditionally 90 feet long (45 feet on each side) and that the server had to advance 15 feet on winning the first point, a further 15 on winning the second etc.

Tennis court layout

Lovers of the early forms of the game, known variously as real tennis, royal tennis, court tennis and jeu du paume, will recognise that there is no such standardisation of courts, whether on length or on court markings (or even on how to name the game). Just naming it “tennis” pleases me best.

There was a tradition in France at one time to have 14 floor marks on the service side, but that French tradition of floor marking was initiated long after the scoring system was established. It is possible that the French floor marking style was a nod to the fact that the scoring system was based on 15/30/45/60, but it cannot have been the cause of that scoring system.

While Internet Babble Might Hinder, So Might Historic, Original Sources, Now Available Freely Through The Internet, Help

So internet babble couldn’t solve this one for me. I needed to retreat into ancient texts on tennis. There I found such a rich collection of writings I could happily generate several essays on the origins of many aspects of the game; indeed I intend to do just that.

The Willis Faber Book Of Tennis & Rackets by Lord Aberdare (I had to purchase this one; it is not in the public domain) is an authoritative book on the subject. Aberdare shows documentary evidence that 15/30/45 were used as far back as the Middle Ages. Heiner Gillmeister quotes an early 15th Century Middle English poem about the Battle of Agincourt, which uses a game of tennis as a metaphor for the battle and quotes the scores XV, XXX and XLV. A poem by Charles d’Orleans, dated in the 1430s, also mentions 45 in the context of tennis. Erasmus’s Colloquies c 1518, mention the scoring of a love game as Quindecim, Trigenta, Quadraginta quinque.

Lord Aberdare also tells us that writers as far back as the 1430s wondered “why 15s?”, but could find no satisfactory answer.

Aberdare also quotes and lists his sources extensively. A great many of those original sources are now freely available on-line through the internet archive and other such public domain sources. I have provided links in this article where such sources exist.

In The Renaissance Period, The Italians & The French Were Doing Most Of The Running In Tennis

The very first treatise on tennis, attempting to set down its rules comprehensively, was written by Antonio Scaino in 1555, Trattato del Giuoco della Palla (Treatise of the Ball Game). Like so many of these ancient texts, it is freely available on-line through the Internet Archive – click the preceding link or image below to read the document.

I need to rely on Julian Marshall’s translation and interpretation of that text in his wonderful, seminal English work on the history of tennis; The Annals Of Tennis, 1878, which is also freely available through the internet archive. Julian Marshall’s work will feature large in some of my later pieces on tennis history. Lord Aberdare relies on Marshall heavily for the history of the game.

According to Marshall, Antonio Scaino advances a rather convoluted theory for the use of 15, based on (as he sees it) three types of game and the five points required to turn a 0-40 position into a game in one’s own favour.

While Scaino’s theory seems rather weak to my modern, forensic mind, yet it is still fascinating to note that Scaino speaks of this kind of scoring, including the use of deuces, as a standard thing for almost all ball games. Marshall writes:

This was, evidently, even then a matter of universal custom which needed no comment; and, with the “setting” of the game at deuce (a dua), it was common, Scaino says, to all ball-games, with the exception of foot-ball…

In La Maison Academique – 1659 – the first French book on games – also available on-line today – a much earlier, late 16th century work: Signification de l’ancien jeu des chartes pythagorique et la déclaration de deux doubtes qui se trouvent en comptant le jeu de la paume by Jean Gosselin is quoted at length, debating his “deux doubtes” (two doubts) about the origins of the scoring system:

…why we should count, as from time immemorial we have counted, 15, 30, 45 and then game, which latter should be equivalent to 60, rather than by any other numbers greater or lesser than these.

Gosselin comes up with two “solutions” to his doubts. One based on astronomy or a sextant, being a sixth part of a circle itself consisting of 60 degrees and sixty minutes. Unfortunately, at that time, a set tended to comprise four games, not six as has more recently become common, so his 60 times four does not complete the circle.

His second theory is based on geometry and a rather convoluted theory around Roman measures, as four fingers =1 palm, 4 palms = 1 foot and 1 Clima = a square of 60 feet by 60 feet, 1 Actus = 2 Climates in length and breadth, 1 Jugerum = 2 Actus in length and 1 Actus in breadth.

After dancing around his two theories for a while, Gosselin concludes that he has solved the matter decisively, Q.E.F. (as the French say).

Readers might form their own views on Gosselin’s “extremely complicated” (as Lord Aberdare puts it) geometrical theories and the somewhat arrogant tone of Gosselin’s certainty that he has solved the doubts about the origins of the scoring system.

But I shall shortly return to the notions, which are undoubtedly so, that the origins are buried in antiquity and that, again as Lord Aberdare summarise it:

…the number 60 often represented a complete whole in mediaeval times…

While Italian written sources go back to the mid 16th century and relevant French ones to the late 16th century, there are no English authorities on tennis until the 19th century; just the occasional fragment or mention of tennis in other works.

On the question of using the term “forty” rather than “forty-five”, which several correspondents have raised, I have written a short Appendix:

19th & 20th Century English Contributions To Tennis History

The first English book on tennis was published in 1822: A Treatise on Tennis By a Member of the Tennis Club, now attributed to Robert Lukin. “The Club” referred to in the title was the James Street Court in Haymarket; at the time the club acted as “guardian of the laws” of tennis, until “the Tennis Club” closed and handed that guardianship role to the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) in the 1860s.

Again, these days, you can simply click the link and read the whole book on the internet archive. A fun and short read. That book is strong on odds/handicaps and also has a fascinating appendix with historical notes about notable royal lovers/players of the game, but the scoring system is merely stated as fact with the aside that strokes:

…are reckoned in a manner, which makes it at first very difficult to understand.

The first Stroke or point is called 15

The second…30

The third…40 or 45

So it really isn’t until Julian Marshall’s 1878 book, The Annals of Tennis (previously mentioned and linked, but, heck, here’s the link again) that the origins of the scoring system is given thoughtful coverage in English. Marshall’s influence spans lawn tennis as well as real tennis, as I shall explain in a subsequent piece about the intriguing ways the two games have developed, like conjoined twins, somewhat independent and yet in several ways metaphorically joined at the hip. Marshall was also a prominent MCC member who played a major role in the codification of the laws of tennis in the last few decades of the 19th century.

But Marshall doesn’t progress the thinking about the origins of the scoring system, he simply catalogues the Italian and French writings on the topic authoritatively and helpfully.

More recently, in the 1990s, the subject has had in depth and well-researched coverage in Heiner Gillmeister’s book, Tennis: A Cultural History:

Gillmeister is a leading expert on the history and origins of ball games generally and in particular tennis. Gillmeister’s extensive research leaves him in little or no doubt that the game we recognise today as tennis, including the scoring system, has its origins in medieval Europe and that scoring games using base 60, divided by four, is probably related to money matters at the time.

Whisper it, people, but medieval tennis, once it became popular among the secular classes, was not played for honour and valour; it was primarily played for money. It was a mechanism for the players and also sometimes spectators, to wager.

Many jurisdictions had wager limits embedded in the law. Nuremberg commoners are:

…enjoined not to play for more than sixty “haller”and for no object or possession valued at over sixty “pfennige”

A similar edict from Munich in 1365 limits stakes to 60 “denare” (deniers). But there is no direct evidence that such limits were applied in France, nor is there direct evidence that these regulations, which were applied to dice games, would also have been deemed to apply to wagers on tennis.

Gillmeister also says, regarding such gambling regulations:

…they do without doubt prove one thing: by at least the end of the thirteenth century and during the fourteenth century, the time when sous worth fifteen deniers were in circulation, games played for stakes of over 60 deniers were forbidden

Now Mr Gillmeister might know a heck of a lot about linguistics and the history of ball games, but I’m not as convinced that he has quite such a strong grasp on the history of money. While there were many variations of coinage at that stage of the medieval period, the relative standard of 12 deniers to the sous and 20 sous to the livre was fairly well established across Europe. In England this was expressed as 12 pennies to the shilling, 20 shillings to the pound. There were many local variations, including a coin known as the patard which was, at times, in circulation and worth 15d. At the higher end of the scale, Gillmeister mentions the double royal d’or and the gros denier tournois, but frankly neither of those coins became a standard based on sixty sous or fifteen deniers.

Still, I find compelling the arguments that medieval tennis was regularly played for stakes and that a maximum stake of 60 pfennigs (or 60 deniers, or 60 pennies) per game might have been a de facto standard regulation at a vital stage of the development of tennis. I find the “coinage arguments” for division into 15s less convincing, but it is quite possible that the principle of “the first to four wins the game, unless…” was well-established, making 15 the natural point counter, if you seek to get to 60 points for a game.

A further point regarding money, which Gillmeister misses but I recognise and find compelling, is the notion that, if 60 represents a game, 240 would, at that time, have represented a set. Until relatively recently, a set was, more commonly, the first to four games, not the first to six. Sets of tennis mostly being to six emerged as a standard in the last 200-300 years. So while Gillmeister agonises over coins that might or might not have been valued at 15 deniers in various places at various time, he misses some clear evidence in plain view, that a set of tennis, if counted to four games of 60, i.e. 240, would almost universally in Europe have represented a livre, or, as we say in English old money, 240 pennies makes one pound.

Gillmeister is far more convincing and consistent on the “medieval chivalric” case for deuces, or at least the principle that games should be determined by a margin of two points, not just one point. Jan Van Berghe – he of the early 15th century Agincourt poem, discusses, in a later work, the continuation of play from deuce until one player has won two consecutive chases.

Scaino, our Italian Renaissance correspondent from 1555, is emphatic on this point in his Trattato:

The method of fighting such a distinguished battle should be removed from any suspicion of chance or fortune. He who wins must be sure that he has won by his own valour, not by any outside favour. Who does not see now that the game could not be devised with good reason to end with only one point? The good and staunch Cavalier is judged not by one thrust of his lance; the elegant Dancer not by just one leap, however bold and skilful…

Less convincing, to my mind, is Gillmeister’s alternative view on the origins of the term “love” to describe the “lack of” score for the unfortunate player who has not yet won a stroke. He is not convinced that “love” is a bastardisation of the French word “l’oeuf”, i.e. egg, representing “0” – zero. He prefers the Dutch or Flemish word “lof”, meaning honour, or “nothing more than the love of the game”. Gillmeister is a linguist as well as a ball game historian, so what do I know when I say that I find the “oeuf” explanation more convincing than the “lof” argument?

The Stuff Of Ancient Legend; As Deep In Antiquity As Can Be

Gillmeister starts his book Tennis: A Cultural History with a fascinating legend from the late 12th century.

A young, intellectually-challenged trainee monk does a deal with the devil in order to shine in his studies. One day he falls ill and has a near-death experience, during which he descends into a hellish valley where demons fashion his soul into a ball and play jeu de paume (medieval tennis) with it.

The story is recorded in the early 13th century work, Dialogus Miraculorum, by Caesarius of Heisterbach – yet another of these wonderful old texts that is freely available on-line if you wish to read or just look in awe at the ancient text.

This legend, along with the Gillmeister’s central numerical point about the scoring system; that the use of base 60 was important in medieval Europe, brought another, much earlier culture to my mind.

The very earliest civilisation known to have urbanised, the Sumerians in Southern Mesopotamia.

They started writing stuff down around 5000 to 5500 years ago, did the Sumerians. Most of the stuff they wrote down was rather dull, accounting type records, in cuneiform, on clay tablets.

The Sumerians used the sexagesimal (base 60) counting system. Sexagesimal is, in many ways, a more sensible base for counting and dividing stuff up than the decimal system we use today. As the wikipedia entry so succinctly puts it:

The number 60, a superior highly composite number, has twelve factors, namely 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 12, 15, 20, 30, and 60, of which 2, 3, and 5 are prime numbers.

Given that the Sumerians basically wanted to count crops, divide them up and pay for them, sexagesimal made a great deal of sense. They also wanted to measure angles and stuff; these latter habits in sexagesimal became so deeply established in ancient times (the Greeks and Romans persevered with those aspects) that elements of sexagesimal have found their way into measures in our society still; 360 degrees to a circle, hence latterly 60 minutes to an hour, 60 seconds to a minute, etc.

Unlike the hotch-potch of currencies and translation rates known to have existed in medieval Europe, records indicate that Sumerian money was unequivocally denominated in terms linked with base 60. The basic monetary unit was the shekel. There were 60 shekels to the mina and sixty minas to the talent.

Not only did the Sumerians leave plenty of evidence of proto accountants, they also left evidence of proto lawyers. The Code of Ur-Nammu is the oldest known legal code, more than 4000 years old (c.2100 BC). Only some of this code survives, sadly. But those surviving passages include fines and compensation rates, which include the following:

If a man divorces his first-time wife, he shall pay (her) one mina (60 shekels) of silver.

If it is a (former) widow whom he divorces, he shall pay (her) half a mina (30 shekels) of silver.

If the man had slept with the widow without there having been any marriage contract, he need not pay any silver. (Love).

If a man commits a kidnapping, he is to be imprisoned and pay 15 shekels of silver.

We also know that the Sumerians (and their successor civilisation, the Babylonians) were very keen on games. Boards for the Royal Game Of Ur have been found dating back more than 4500 years. Some boards have been found with additional counters, believed to be evidence of gambling on the games.

The Royal Game Of Ur

The game is a proto-game closely related to chase games popular today, such as ludo and backgammon. Sumerians used several four-sided dice for this game. A rules tablet for the Royal Game Of Ur was discovered and translated in the early 1980s.

“So did the Sumerians play ball games?”, I hear you cry.

Yes, they did.

Unfortunately, we, as yet, have very little on record as to what those ball games might have been like.

But the Epic Of Gilgamesh, arguably the earliest surviving work of great literature, written more than 4000 years ago, has passages that allude to ball games at the start and end of the epic.

At the start of the epic story, Gilgamesh exhausts his male companions through the playing of ball games while exercising his droit du seigneur on the local female brides. He’s not a nice chap, that Gilgamesh.

The final part of the story (in some ways disconnected from the earlier parts) is known as Gilgamesh, Enkidu and the Netherworld. In this story, Gilgamesh’s ball and ball-playing implement (sometimes translated as a mallet) has found its way into the Netherworld. Enkidu, who is Gilgamesh’s companion and/or nemesis throughout the epic, descends into the netherworld to retrieve the ball game apparatus, with predictably epic results.

This last story is hauntingly similar to the medieval story about a hellish game of tennis at the beginning of Heiner Gillmeister’s tennis history. It is also achingly similar to folklore tales throughout the world. A fascinating academic paper on this topic, The Ball Game Motif in the Gilgamesh Tradition and International Folklore by Amar Annus and Mari Sarv, can be found on Researchgate through the preceding link. Many traditional folk stories have ball games as their plot triggers, including Persian direct descendants of the Gilgamesh legends and the Estonian stories described in the “Ball Game Motif” paper.

Conclusion: An Absence Of Claims But A Wealth of Interesting Stuff

Let me be clear about this; I am not claiming that the ancient Sumerians played tennis or even anything like it. The ball games played in Sumeria were probably more akin to hockey or polo. But while we don’t know exactly how they played ball games; we do know for sure that they played such things, with implements, to the extent that such artefacts were the subject of legend.

We also know for sure that the Sumerians counted, divided and used a monetary system in base 60. We know that Sumerian regulations used denominations of 15, 30 and 60 as compensation payments and fines. We also know that this very ancient civilisation not only played ball games but also board games using four-sided dice. We strongly suspect that they gambled.

We know that lawyers and accountants tend to get involved in games as guardians of the rules and as scorers. In more modern times, the MCC is a living example of that phenomenon (in the matters of cricket and tennis anyway) and has been so for several hundred years.

Me, marking, with Hampton Court abacus in hand

The Sumerians devised the abacus too.

One of the other truly intriguing things about the Sumerian civilisation is that we still have so much to discover about them. Only a fraction of the relics that are almost certainly preserved and buried there waiting to be discovered have yet been excavated from Southern Mesopotamia. So we (or our descendants) might yet learn some further fascinating details about Sumerian games and scoring systems.

But my main point in this piece is that legends, cultural mores and gaming traditions have a strange habit of surviving and/or re-emerging across centuries and millennia.

Our game, tennis, undoubtedly emerged in medieval times and evolved from there. The extent to which the scoring system was novel in the middle ages, based on the monetary system and gambling regulations, or was based on traditional counting and gaming conventions handed down across the centuries and millennia, is unknown and cannot be known. Such mysteries are part of the fun playing and observing a game so steeped in traditions and history.

Other Pieces On Tennis History

This piece is part one of four pieces. The other three pieces are:

Also, the following appendix to this piece, which explains why the third point is colloquially called as “forty” rather than “forty-five”:

FoodCycle’s Spiritual Home In Rossmore Road & Other Tales, 24 June 2020

Nearly 40 years ago, around about the time I went off to university, Graham Greenglass and I would occasionally swap mix tapes, as young folk in those days oft did.

Graham (left with tickle stick), Ros, Alan & Paul – spring 1979

On one of those tapes was the quirky song, Rossmore Road, by Barry Andrews. I loved that song and listened to it (along with its companions) a great deal in my early months at Keele.

If you’ve never heard it before, click the YouTube below and you might well be transfixed. If you have heard it before, I suspect that you have already clicked the link without waiting for my edict.

So, imagine my delight when Janie and I were instructed, for our next Marylebone FoodCycle gig, to forsake the Roman Catholic Church of Our Lady on the junction of Lodge Road & Lisson Grove, which had previously always been our starting point. Instead, we were to start and end our gig at St Paul’s Church, Marylebone, on Rossmore Road.

Jenny (left), Curate Ali & Me at the Church of Our Lady the week before
Worra lorra grub! Church of Our Lady the week before
Dumbo The Suzuki Jimny piled high
Returning to Rossmore Road after the gig…
…specifically, returning the temperature controlled box and temperature checking apparatus

Of course I have walked and driven past Rossmore Road hundreds of times on my way to Lord’s. But this was the first time I had ever actually had an appointment on Rossmore Road. I mentioned this fact to Curate Ali, who, surprisingly, previously had no idea that there was a cult-status song about the road in which her parish church is located.

But it’s not all about Rossmore Road.

Janie and I have had one or two interesting occurrences and adventures over the past few weeks.

A couple of weeks ago we needed to go into the congestion zone, south of the ring-road. There was a contraflow just outside the block we needed to get to for our drop, so (contrary to Janie’s entreaties) , I insisted on driving around the block and walking the food around the block, rather than causer a possible obstruction, even for just a few minutes. Sometimes our drops can take some time.

Doing the more southerly Marylebone drop

In the course of that simple walk around the block, three different, unconnected people stopped us at various junctures to quiz us about our face guards. It was as if such things had not been seen in that part of London before! It felt really weird.

On progressing to our next drop, the road we wanted to use was closed for some unknown reason (there are SO MANY road closures in the parts of London we are serving for FoodCycle just now), so we were trying to navigate our way around those narrow Marylebone Streets while working out what to do without the help of the sat. nav. which was blissfully unaware of the road closure.

A car came down the road the other way, quite quickly, making it impossible for either car to get through without a convoluted “dance” of reversing and manoeuvering. The other driver hollered at me aggressively. Janie leant across with our FoodCycle permission letter to let him know that we were doing charity deliveries and could do without his aggression. I finished off the interaction by saying…

…behave yourself…

…which Janie told me afterwards might well have come across as a little bit passive-aggressive. Tough.

As we drove around the block looking for an escape route, a car came the other way.

It’s him again…

…said Janie.

Looks nothing like him…

…I said…

…100% sure it is him, he’s just hanging his head in shame, so he looks a bit different…

…said Janie.

We’re delivering to all sorts of interesting people on these rounds. One thing they almost all have in common is how grateful they see for the help FoodCycle are giving them.

And it’s not just the Marylebone round that we’ve been doing; we also do the East Acton gig quite often.

Janie with Richard (aka Friar Tuck – at least that’s what i have decided to nickname him), Alannah & Francesco

But next week we’ll be at Rossmore Road again – I can hear that dreamy saxophone refrain from the start of the song; it’s become an earworm for me again some 40 years after its first appearance there in my ear:

At Odds With Janie Over Tennis, 14 June 2020

Janie and I have been back on the modern tennis court now for a month or so.

Real tennis, an indoor sport, is still a hope rather than an expectation in this time of Covid.

Anyway, Janie and I threw ourselves into playing modern tennis (or “lawners”, as some real tennis types call it) with abandon. Unfortunately, this switch from “nuffing” to “every day” did not seem to please Janie’s arm. I don’t suppose lugging heavy grub bags for FoodCycle has helped much either:

Anyway, point is, Janie is rehabilitating and we felt the game needed a bit of evening up while Janie’s arm gets better. I proposed using the handicapping system which we deploy as standard in real tennis. Janie, now steeped in the ways of real tennis, received the idea with alacrity.

Now, I know what some readers are thinking. “You can’t use the real tennis handicapping system for modern tennis”. “Doesn’t work”. “Serving whole games each messes up the system”.

I have heard all of those arguments before.

But here’s the thing.

In the very early days of modern tennis, the game was absolutely played on handicap, or “odds” as handicapping was known back then; to the same or arguably to a greater extent than in real tennis. And yes, the odds/handicaps work absolutely fine in modern tennis.

What’s a bisque?

We’ve had a lot of fun trying different handicaps. When the injury was still quite bad and Janie’s play unpredictable, we used moving (sliding) handicaps on a steep gradient. For example, Janie would receive 15 for the first game, but if she lost that game she’d receive 15 and I’d owe 15 (start on -15) for the next one. If she won that game we’d go back to receive 15, but if she ended up two games down we’d progress to receive 15/owe30 and so on.

Now that Janie is almost better, we’ve tried a fixed handicap of owe15, which comes close to evening up the odds. But we’re enjoying more using a shallow moving handicap, where we start at owe 15 and adjust by one notch if either of us wins two games in a row. So if I go two games up the handicap goes up to receive 15, if Janie wins two in a row in goes to level.

Anyway, it does mean that we have been having some really close matches and have both been enjoying the contest despite. Now that Janie’s arm is almost better, we might even start playing level again, although a little bit of moving handicap does keep the match tight even if one of us is not performing at our best for whatever reason. It might even become part of our regular playing conditions. For sure, playing one point at 40-40 enables us readily to progress through a whole set in the 50-55 minutes we now get due to the “social distancing dance” we need to do with the previous and subsequent court-users.

Meanwhile I have been fascinated by the research I have been doing into the history of the tennis scoring system and the use of odds/handicaps for many centuries. I have found a wealth of material on-line, including some wonderful old books written by some extraordinary old characters. Meet Eustace Miles, for example.

In short, I have discovered that several of the game’s creation myths are…frankly…myths.  Further, the reality is more messy, complicated and fascinating than many of the myths. I am planning three short pieces for the real tennis community on the following topics:

  • Ancient origins of the tennis scoring system;
  • Variety and evolution of tennis odds/handicaps – from esoteric to algorithmic;
  • 150 years of symbiosis in the development of real and modern tennis rules and odds/handicaps.

Catchy titles, huh? Watch this space, folks.

Folks?

Where’s everybody gone?

They must be in here somewhere!

Travel To The Very Edge, ThreadZoomMash Piece, Performed At “The Virtual Glad”, 10 June 2020

The Beechwood Hotel, renamed The Lakeside Hotel, prior to closure

I shouldn’t be here this evening. I should be in Edgbaston, savouring the build up to the first cricket test match of the summer. It’s an annual gathering with good friends I met through The Children’s Society; we started our Edgbaston tradition more than 20 years ago.

It’s OK. I’m glad to be here with you. I like being here, in virtual ThreadMash or ThreadZoom or ZoomMash or whatever we’re calling it now…

…with you.

It’s just that I wouldn’t be here at all, but for the virus.

I’d be travelling.

Rohan has asked us to write about travel.

Rohan has advised us, “let’s do this without any pictures or music”. He didn’t say, “this advice is not a request – it is an instruction”, but he could have done.

Anyway, for me, the instruction, “write about travel”, is not a difficult one. I have travelled a lot and have been writing up my travels on Ogblog these past few years. 

I considered relating to you the tale of me and Janie jumping the border between Laos and Thailand at Chong Mek, then blagging our way out of Thailand again. Don’t try that stunt at home…hmm.

I thought you might relish hearing about the occasion when, in Nicaragua, I put my naviphobia aside  only for us to end up marooned in a boat on the Pacific. We survived that one as well…obviously.

Or, I might have stuck with the theme of cricket – after all I should be in Edgbaston this week, not here – and tell you about the weird day when I was press-ganged into commentating live on a cricket match in Jagdalpur, Chhattisgarh – a tribal state in the central plains of India. Janie and I were all over the papers and cable TV for that one.

But no.

Sod it.

I should be in Edgbaston right now and the minor matter of a global pandemic is not going to stop me from going there.

Birmingham might not exactly be an exotic location, nor is it a remote location, but going to Birmingham IS travel.

I’m going to Edgbaston and I’m going right now and I’m taking you lot with me…

…to the very worst hotel I have ever stayed in.

Late May 2006. Most of our gang, known as The Heavy Rollers, who together had savoured the 2005 Edgbaston test, a match that will forever be part of Ashes folklore, were to be reunited as a group for the first time since that match.

We knew that 2006 was to be different. 2005 had marked the end of our early era, which had enabled us to base ourselves at the Wadderton Conference Centre, the Children’s Society place in rural Worcestershire, just outside Birmingham. David Steed, who was one of our number in the Heavy Rollers, ran the place and lived on site. The Children’s Society was pleased for a bit of income from guests in the quiet summer period and it was mighty convenient and pleasant for us, with a suitable garden for pre-match cricket antics.

The time that Charley “The Gent Malloy” chased a cricket ball down the Wadderton slope, only to realise too late that the incline was too steep for a graceful deceleration, such that he went…how do I put this politely…arse over tit, into a heap at the bottom of said slope…remains as much part of Heavy Rollers folklore as the classic 2005 Ashes test match.

But I digress.

Late May 2006. Wadderton had closed permanently that winter. Now David Steed, bless him, ran Wadderton wonderfully and was subsequently a superb host at his Birmingham house. But he possibly wasn’t the best judge of a hotel unseen. Cheap and near the ground seemed sufficient criteria for him. An e-mail came:

Accommodation is confirmed as previously written about and subsequent telephone chat at Beechwood Hotel on the Bristol Road approx. 200 yards from the main entrance at Edgbaston…no deposits required…

The subsequent inquiry identified Nigel “Father Barry”, our de facto leader, as the other side of correspondence that clearly lacked the investigative skills, penetrating questions and due diligence that such matters deserve.

Thus the term “each with private bathroom”, did not preclude each of us having to toddle down a corridor to get to our nominated ablution booth.

“Private”, I suppose, did not necessarily mean “en suite” in this Beechwood world. Nor did it mean anything more than a tiny, decrepit shower cubicle. I recall some very inappropriate jokes about Zyklon B from my companions during conversations about those ghastly, disgusting showers.

The place was clearly used mostly as a sort-of social services half-way house for people who were having a multitude of difficulties. I took detailed notes about my alarming next-door neighbour, who I discovered heavily tattooed, talking frantically to himself and pissed…at six in the evening. At least he called me “young fella” when he greeted me warmly. We had a bizarre conversation or two.

But the most bizarre conversations were with Tom; I hesitate to use the title, “manager”, who tended to sidle up to us in the bar/common parts areas of the hotel and bend our ears with tales of his roller-coaster and/or imagined past. I made some fragmented notes:

I was a millionaire at 21…a multi-millionaire at 24…lost it all at 33…I’ve been out with Miss Jamaica, Miss Bromsgrove, the lot. I had an Aston Martin – would cost about £125,000 today…Do fast cars while you’re young, young man, you won’t fancy it once you are your dad’s age….I made a million when a million was real money; when a million was really a million…

In a more modern era, we would never have ended up there. At least one of us would have looked at TripAdvisor to check out the Beechwood Hotel. But back then, such web sites barely existed. The earliest on-line review of the Beechwood Hotel is on holidaywatchdog.com, TripAdvisor’s UK predecessor, a year after our stay; Spring 2007.  There are six reviews on that site, before the hotel was closed down in 2009 and became a squat for the Earth First Social Justice Permaculture warriors.

All six reviews give the Beechwood Hotel one-out-of-ten: “awful”. One reviewer takes pains to point out that the system doesn’t allow their preferred score of nought-out-of-ten.

Rohan said, in his instruction, “I think the words you use will create much more vibrant pictures than anything that can appear on a screen”. 

But in the mode of that great traveller, Dominic Cummings, I shall now break the spirit if not the letter of Rohan’s guidance, by using the words of others, those six unfortunate holidaywatchdog.com reviewers who followed in our footsteps, rather than my own words, to complete the painting of those vibrant pictures. One extracted quote from each victim:

  • “This hotel makes Fawlty Towers seem like luxury.”
  • “I really cannot believe that places like this are allowed to operate.”
  • “This hotel should be condemned on health and safety grounds!”
  • “I do not recommend this hotel to anyone if you have standards”.
  • “Hell hole!”. 

And my personal favourite, the final review, from August 2009:

“Please stay away – I have stayed in 100s of hotels and B&BS all over the UK – this one has to be the worst by a long way… DO NOT STAY THERE, you’d be better off in a cardboard box.”

The Beechwood Hotel Garden and Roller.
With thanks to Charles Bartlett for this picture.

Editing George And Edith Corke’s Honeymoon Diary With John Random, May/June 2020

Seymour Hicks & Ellaline Terrissnot George & Edith

In May 2020 John Burns (aka John Random) sent me an electronic transcript of his great-grandfather’s honeymoon diary, from June/July 1901. The picture above shows John with that anique artefact.

I suggested the idea of upping it as a guest piece on Ogblog and hence a fascinating mini-project was born. Here’s the thing:

There are some truly charming touches in George’s diary. I absolutely love the fact that he couldn’t describe an escalator at Earls Court on July 3rd, presumably because he hadn’t seen one before. He refers to the thing as

Endless staircase lift. You stand still and it takes you to the top for 1d.

By 10 july in Paris, though, he’s mastered these things and merely describes:

Moving staircase.

Another interesting thing is slight changes in tone as the holiday goes on. Firstly there are increasing mentions of money, especially after 4 July when they:

Called at Paris Bank re more money. 

Perhaps the trip to Paris was an afterthought and/or perhaps they realised that they were spending more than they originally planned.

George’s notes get pithier as the trip goes on, especially when in France where the touring (I think with Thomas Cook) reads incredibly intense and therefore quite tiring I imagine. I know the feeeling from my own travel logs.

George & Edith’s wedding took place on 27 June 1901. That was the day after the original intended date for Edward VII’s coronation, which had to be postponed due to the King’s ill health. The coronation’s postponement was announced 24 June.

George and Edith’s wedding might have been arranged at fairly short notice, although their wedding party as described seems quite large and their subsequent honeymoon quite complex for a rush job.

One additional piece of evidence is the baptismal record for John’s grandmother, Dorris:

That date is just 36 weeks after the wedding day. Dorris apparently went to her grave believing herself to be a premature baby whereas John’s mother never bought in to that explanation.

The truth of that matter is lost in the mists of time.

What survives is a truly charming diary, written with great clarity and a lack of pomposity.

Below are some more detailed notes and thoughts about the content; some arising from conversations between me and John, others arising from subsequent research.

27 June 1901 – late in the day George & Edith arrive at “37 Bedford Place, Russell Square, which is kept by the Misses Dobson.” That place is now (in 2020) The Grange Clarendon, a boutique hotel. How boutiquey it was in 1901 I cannot tell, but I don’t think that Bloomsbury was anywhere near as up-market then as it is now.

28 June 1901 – Ellaline Terriss & Seymour Hicks were huge stars back then, so George & Edith’s evening at The Vaudeville Theatre seeing Sweet & Twenty was a big deal. I have managed to find a contemporaneous review from The Idler:

Coincidentally, while I was researching and writing up these notes, Janie popped in and, on seeing Ellaline Terriss’s name, told me that she had, many years ago, treated the daughter, Betty, at her home in Richmond. I believe that this linked photograph of Eamonn Andrews interviewing Terriss was taken in that very Richmond house. The Sweet And Twenty Playwright, Basil Hood, has a fascinating, sad story of his own and the most Edwardian moustache ever!

2 July 1901 – Called at Sharp Perrins. John’s mum added a note to her transcript when the couple returned to that establishment 6 July – “(wholesalers to the drapery trade. The bride and groom ran a draper’s shop in Victoria Rd. Widnes.)” – I have moved the note to this first mention of the firm. That evening the happy couple went to see HMS Irresponsible at the Strand Theatre. There is no west end listing of cast and creatives for that production but there is a record of it opening 27 May 1901 and there is a Theatricalia entry from its Bristol transfer in 1902 – click here. Arthur Roberts is still listed. The playwright, J F Cornish, is hard to find on-line. One or two name-drops/mentions, mostly as an actor. Cornish doesn’t make the index of Seymour Hicks’s 1910 autobiography. Arthur Roberts does…once.

3 July 1901 – Military Exhibition. The entire catalogue from that exhibition is ion the public domain. You can view it on-line at Hathi Trust through this linkor this pdf uploaded to Ogblog here. John’s mum inserted a ? at the mention of Canton river, but the map/catalogue confirms that one of the attractions was a boat ride on Canton river.

5 July 1901 – the happy couple saw Emma Calvé as Carmen. John extracted a chunk of the Wikipedia entry for Emma Calvé in that topic. I have simply placed a link to the wikipedia entry in the 1901 blog – here is John’s chosen extract.

Wikipedia Entry for Emma Calvé

Her next triumph was Bizet's Carmen. Before beginning the study of this part, she went to Spain, learned the Spanish dances, mingled with the people and patterned her characterization after the cigarette girls whom she watched at their work and at play. In 1894, she made her appearance in the role at the Opéra-Comique, Paris. The city's opera-goers immediately hailed her as the greatest Carmen that had ever appeared, a verdict other cities would later echo.[citation needed] She had had many famous predecessors in the role, including Adelina Patti, Minnie Hauk and Célestine Galli-Marié, but critics and musicians agreed that in Calvé they had found their ideal of Bizet's cigarette girl of Seville.

6 July 1901 – after spending the day in London, the happy couple travelled overnight to Paris via Newhaven & Dieppe, arriving the next morning. I have located their hotel, Rapp et Duphot in the 1900 Baedeker, a book which is available in its entirety on the Internet Archive (Wayback Machine) – here.

Neither the hotel name, nor the road name, Richepense are still active, but that road, now renamed rue du Chevalier de Saint George, has the Hotel Richepense at No 14, which I suspect is an enlarged version of the same establishment.

8 July 1901 – the reference to “Cook’s four in hand coach as per programme ” tells us that the Paris leg of their honeymoon was arranged through Thomas Cook & Son. I have added the 1901 brochure cover at the end of the Wednesday 10th touring, which is when it seems the touring side of things ended. I don’t believe there was a Cook’s Guidebook for Paris for a further few years, which reinforces my view that George & Edith probably used the 1900 Baedeker if they used a guide book at all.

John sent me several pictures of Edith Corke in later life. He has none of George. I chose one to illustrate the end of the main honeymoon diary but thought the others would show nicely here.

I like the cheeky expression on Edith’s face in this last one. I imagine that someone has just asked her, “was Dorris really a premature baby?”

An Open Letter To My MP, 25 May 2020, Plus Postscript With Update & Reply The Next Day

Felicity Buchan MP, House of Commons, London, SW1A 0AA

By e-mail only           

25 May 2020

Dear Felicity

DOMINIC CUMMINGS, BORIS JOHNSON & THE HEALTH PROTECTION (CORONAVIRUS, RESTRICTIONS) (ENGLAND) REGULATIONS 2020:

AN OPEN LETTER

You probably don’t even need me to set out my argument in this letter.

Like most of your constituents, I accepted the above regulations, the most extreme impediment to my civil liberties in my circa six decade lifetime, for the good of our nation and the health of my fellow citizens.

My circumstances allow me to do volunteering for the community and enjoy a reasonable lifestyle despite the constraints. Friends and many of the people I am helping with my volunteering are not so lucky. I have friends who have not yet seen in person their new-born grandchildren and/or been unable to see their aged parents. My volunteering uncovers people who have been left destitute by the coronavirus crisis and those who are making incredible sacrifices in an attempt to do the right thing.

It is patently clear that Dominic Cummings, like so many of those people, had difficult choices to make.  But unlike most people, Cummings patently made the wrong choices under pressure, by flouting the above regulations and putting himself and others at risk by making long journeys during lockdown. 

It is an utter disgrace that the Prime Minister is backing Dominic Cummings in such circumstances, rather than sacking him or insisting that he resign.

As a result, the Prime Minister and the Government is losing its authority over the public in the matter of this pandemic and indeed, potentially losing its ability generally to govern with consent. This moral deficit and diminished dominion is a huge risk to our Nation. 

Frankly, if you cannot persuade Boris Johnson to remove Dominic Cummings in these circumstances, you and your fellow MPs should take urgent and prompt steps to remove both Dominic Cummings and Boris Johnson.

Yours sincerely,

Ian Harris

I sent the above letter to my MP, cc:ing Boris Johnson. I also posted it on Facebook, where it seems to have picked up quite a few shares and comments in just a few minutes.

Postscript: 26 May 2020

The following morning, I resent the letter with the following e-mail message:

Felicity

Just in case you imagine that the events in Downing Street yesterday afternoon/evening have superseded my letter of yesterday morning, I would like to assure you that my views have, if anything, hardened in the light of those events.  My wife is so upset by the injustice, mendacity and double-standards displayed, she is talking about leaving the country if the Government continues to treat the British public with such contempt.

I therefore attach the letter again for your attention and urge you to seek to influence the Government as requested in the attached letter. 

With best wishes

Ian Harris

Fewer than five hours later, I received this direct reply to the above e-mail:

Dear Mr Harris,

Thank you for your letter and emails in regards to Dominic Cummings.  I have received many emails on the subject over the weekend.

I would like to first say that I am very conscious of the many sacrifices that people in Kensington have made during the lockdown; and for some this has been a particularly harrowing experience.  I am sorry to hear about your wife’s thoughts of moving away – I will convey this in the strongest terms. I also believe strongly that those in Government should not be treated differently from those outside.

I want you to know that over the weekend and this morning I have fed through your views on the subject to the Government and have made clear the strength of feeling on this matter. 

However, it is important that this issue does not become all consuming as there are many important decisions that need to be made in the upcoming days and weeks, as we look to reopen schools and in general look to restart the economy.

I will keep you updated on any developments from my side.

Best wishes,

Felicity

Felicity Buchan MP

Member of Parliament for Kensington

Finally We Really Are NHS Responders, 19 May 2020

Daisy loading up Dumbo with our first NHS Responder client’s shopping.

The morning after the Government announced the NHS Responder scheme for the Covid-19 crisis, 25 March, Janie and I both signed up for it.

Even before the Government scheme, we had joined the local community volunteering network, but it was clear that, apart from a bit of help for older/isolating neighbours that we (Janie) pretty much would have done anyway, there’s far more supply than demand in Noddyland.

My NHS Responder application was accepted very quickly (27th March), whereas Janie had to wait quite a few more days before her application was accepted. Clearly my bona fides for such matters simply shone through my application, whereas Janie’s needed more thorough checking.

Then the waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

We knew the initiative had got started to some extent, because Cathy Driscoll, wife of my old school pal Paul, had been a Daily Telegraph poster child (somewhat to her chagrin) for the pilot launch in the first half of April.

Anyway, Janie was especially keen that we do something and started investigating charity options, hence the valuable and rewarding work we have been doing with FoodCycle:

We’ve now done several gigs for FoodCycle and intend to do more.

But until very recently, silence from NHS Responder.

The thing that seems to have changed is the fact that we can now play tennis and are going through West Ealing to Boston Manor and back to do that.

On Monday (18th), our NHS Responder alarms went off just as we were leaving the tennis courts. That potential gig turned out to be a false alarm, as the gentleman we called told us that neighbours were helping him regularly and he didn’t need any other help at the moment. I suspect that he has been set up on the system for a weekly call just in case the neighbours let him down.

The next day, Janie’s responder went off while I was driving us back from the tennis courts. This time, there was a real need for a woman with suspected Covid-19 who cannot do her own shopping at the moment.

“OMG, what do we do now?” we both thought, having steeped ourselves in the instructions/protocols back in early April, but having done other stuff under other protocols since then.

Fortunately, the “NHS Respondee” woman didn’t want a rapid response – indeed she even suggested that we might leave it until the next day as she hadn’t yet composed her shopping list, so we had time to go home, freshen up, mug up and return to the client to collect her instructions and fulfil the gig an hour or two later.

The list looked extensive to me with a few luxury items on it and she had furnished us with a mere £40 for the shop. I thought we’d have to leave some items out.

Her instructions were explicit, although it proved to be like a bit of a treasure hunt to find the exact outlets she wanted us to use for the exact products that she gets at those exact prices.

This is not our world and it was eye-opening.

Of course, our client knew what everything cost so her £40 was almost but not entirely exhausted and we managed to get all of the items.

She seemed like a very nice woman and was extremely grateful and pleased when we got to the end of it.

And of course NHS Responder alerts are like buses – you wait for ages and ages and then two come along at the same time. The alarm went off again while we were doing that gig in West Ealing.

I guess the lesson is that there is more volunteer supply than demand in West Acton, whereas in West Ealing there is more demand than supply.

I suspect we’ll see some more action if we keep playing tennis down at Boston Manor – all the more reason to go there.

Waterloo Sunset, Unplugged, 18 May 2020

Preparing for my singing lesson tomorrow, I was struck by this lovely song, Waterloo Sunset. The meaning of the lyrics can seem very different from its original meaning in this strange time of lockdown.

They are evocative lyrics at any time. I have loved this song since I first came across it as a teenager.

It also occurred to me that this song mentions two of my ThreadMash friends, Terry and Julie.

Last week at ThreadMash, in addition to some business with satsumas, Rohan encouraged us all to sing Geraldine by Ian Dury and the Blockheads to one of our number, Geraldine, with predictably hilarious results given the latency on Zoom and Rohan’s technical “mastery”, or lack thereof, viz sound engineering.

Anyway, I’ve found a song that mentions two Theadmash people. That has to be a good thing. Waterloo Sunset. I hope I do it justice. Here it is again:

An Authentic Tale Of New York, Virtual Threadmash Performance Piece, 13 May 2020

The challenge, set by Rohan Candappa, the doyen of Threadmash, was to write a piece inspired by one of three pieces of music Rohan sent to us.

I, along with most of the Threadmashers, chose New Amsterdam by Moondog. Here’s my piece.

I first came across Moondog’s music in the late 1970s, when I was buying up second hand albums at Record & Tape Exchange.  I talked in my first ThreadMash piece about my misadventure-ful date at R&TE with a young woman named Fuzz

…whose real first and second names are lost to posterity. I believe it was on that fateful day with Fuzz that I bought the sampler album, Fill Your Head With Rock, which included my first Moondog track, Stamping Ground.

In truth I paid Moondog’s music only occasional heed until 10-12 years ago, when Janie and I began exploring Jazz. But Moondog’s story has long fascinated me and I have always associated him and his music with New York.

Rohan’s choice of piece, New Amsterdam, is a case in point. New Amsterdam was her name, Before she was New York; New Amsterdam is a dame, The heart and soul of Big Apple city.

To my mind, Moondog’s music is the second most quintessential New York music.

So I was surprised, when I started researching this piece, to learn that Moondog was not a native New Yorker. Louis Thomas Hardin, known as Moondog, haled from Kansas. He moved to New York City at the age of 27 and lived there for only 30 of his 83 years. Moondog moved to Germany in the early 1970s, where he lived out his remaining decades. 

Of course this doesn’t take away from the fact that Moondog was known as The Viking Of 6th Avenue. Nor from the fact that Moondog’s music is unquestionably inspired by a glorious mixture of  New York City’s ethnic sounds. But authentic New Yorker, he wasn’t.

So, if Moondog is merely the second most quintessential New York sound ever, what, to my mind, is THE most quintessential?  Ah, well, that comes down to my own New York experience.

My first ever visit to New York was in November 1989 at the age of 27, the same age as Moondog when he moved to New York. Coincidence strongly links my New York timeline with Moondog’s; he made a rare visit to New York, for his last major gig there. that very month.

But my soundtrack of my first New York visit was not Moondog’s music; it was Pump Up The Jam. By Technotronic, featuring Felly.

It seemed to be played everywhere, all the time, while I was in New York. It is said to be the first hip-house hit and has been described as a dance masterpiece. Just listen to those amazing accents; New York, African-American Vernacular. That’s authentic, no?

No. When I returned to the UK with my copy of Pump Up The Jam proudly in hand and played it to my half-Belgian friend, Daniel Scordel, suggesting that it was THE New York sound, Daniel told me that his kid sister reliably informed him that Technotronic was a Belgian act.

Googling now informs me that Felly, the “featured artiste” was in fact a Congolese model who lip-synced on the video and posed for the cover of the Belgian record as a marketing ploy. The actual singer with the “authentic” New York accent was Ya Kid K, an androgynous-looking Congolese-Belgian woman, who was also a co-author of the song. Worse yet, the hip-house genre is said to cross-fertilise Chicago & London styles. Not New York.

In truth, the late 1980’s was not exactly a golden age for authentic popular music.  Consider the Eurodance chart topper just before I set off for New York, Ride On Time, Italian in this case; an even messier mix of lip-synching models in the vid

and samples “liberated” from uncredited artistes.

Walk right in, soul diva Loleatta Holloway; unsung hero, yet one of the most sampled singers of all time.

But now I must move on to my authentic tale of New York.

On the Sunday before I set off for New York, I went to the Barbican Hall.  The story of my chance encounter there with Rita Frank, our bizarre drive in the densest London fog I have ever seen and the coincidence that Rita turned out to live just a few blocks from the Manhattan apartment where I was about to stay, would be worth the price of admission to the Virtual Glad alone.

When I got to New York, Rita insisted that I allow her 20 year-old daughter, Mara, known as Moose, to be my guide. My adventures with Moose (and with other people) in New York are well documented on Ogblog and would also be worth the price of admission to the Virtual Glad alone.

I did have a holiday romance on that trip, but not with Moose – you need to read between the lines of that write up to find it. Instead, Moose was a superb guide; a charming & fun companion in New York.  We became firm friends. I resolved to return the guiding favour when Moose was due to come to London the following year.

But that favour was not to be returned. In June 1990, I was felled by a serious back injury; multiple prolapses in my lower back. Don’t talk to me about lockdown. This was a solo lockdown; my world got smaller for many months. Everyone else was out there having a good time while I was in excruciating pain, alone in my flat, rehabilitating.

It’s at times like those when you find out who your friends are. Many of my long-standing friends turned out to be true friends. So did Moose. Moose still wanted to see me. Moose would bring in shopping for me. Moose spent happy times with me in my confined world. Moose turned out to be an authentic friend.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. You recall the story of Fuzz, whose real first and second names remain a mystery.  Is Moose similarly obscure? Is this Harris bloke a specialist in befriending young women with monosyllabic nicknames, enabling them conveniently to vanish without trace?

In Moose’s case, we did lose touch with each other after she returned to the States, but I did know her real names and I knew where she lived.

So in late 2019, while writing up my New York adventures, Mr Google helped me find her. It took me about three minutes. Not bad, considering she now goes by her married name and has moved to California.

She has 24 children…Meet:

Felly Kilingi, former Congolese model…no no no…Meet:
…Loleatta Holloway, the late great unsung samples singer…no, no, no… Meet:

Mara Holtz.

Mara has 24 different children every year. Mara is a primary school teacher.

The next few lines are dialogue.

MARA: “I am so glad that you contacted me. I’ve thought about you over the years and wondered how you were doing…I’m amazed that you found me…It’s so nice to hear from you.”

ME: “I’m so pleased that you are glad to hear from me…Are you still known as Moose?

MOOSE: “…very few friends still call me Moose. However…I seemed to have accidentally developed a Moose themed classroom, so I usually end up with students calling me Professor Moose.”

MOONDOG: “No matter what name she goes under, I dig her deeply and no wonder, For she’s been lovely to me, And I’m the better for having met her”.

Oh Joy – We’re Back On The Tennis Court, Boston Manor, 13 May 2020

Linda Massey pulled out all the stops to get us back on court day one of the Covid-19 partial unlocking . Thanks Linda.

I was the second person to log on and book, but while Alfred went for a leisurely 11:00 booking, the only slot we could do on a busy day of work, FoodCycle charity round and Virtual Glad performance (all to come) was 10:00.

So we were the first people back on court. Yah boo.

As you can see from the headline photo, I couldn’t even remember what to do with the tennis bag – I look utterly bewildered as indeed I was.

Court Two has not been vandalised – it has been decommissioned while social distancing remains in full force.

You can even tell from the pictures that Janie was up for it to a greater extent than me. She took the first set 6-2. I started to come back second set, leading 5-3 when it was time for us to leave.

Normally, of course, the next pair on need to drag us off the court kicking and screaming because we still want to play.

But on this occasion, due to social distancing, we politely yielded the court, donning gloves and wipes to ensure that the gate handle is kept as germ free as possible.

We saw several of the regular dog walkers who waved at us and we waved back. We even exchanged a few words at extreme distance which I’m sure is not a breach of the spirit or even the letter of the social distancing rules.

It really is great to be back on court at Boston Manor. Thanks again to Linda Massey for organising it so quickly.