In the orthodox Jewish tradition, the funeral takes place very rapidly after death. But mum and dad had opted out of the orthodox way and had planned to be cremated. Hence the week’s interval between dad’s demise and his funeral.
The funeral took place at South London Crematorium/Streatham Park Cemetery at 14:30 that day. The funeral was officiated by the Streatham Liberal Synagogue’s Rabbi. I wrote and read a eulogy which I shall upload here, with any other artefacts I think worthy of retention, when I go through the relevant papers.
We, family and friends retreated to the house in Woodfield Avenue after the funeral, for a simple reception. I think Janie and I (which means Janie, really) organised the catering. A nice young woman whose name escapes me, who had quite recently catered a celebratory event for us. Janie will remember her name…
I know that Steve the window cleaner came that Friday morning, but I can’t remember whether I got the call from mum before, during or after his visit. Soon after Steve left, I think.
Dad had collapsed at the foot of the stairs trying to get up to bed the night before; mum had found him there in the morning and called an ambulance.
My recall is very patchy. Dad was unconscious when I got to St George’s Hospital. I remember hanging around for quite a long time with mum and seeing a specialist with her and Janie quite late in the day. I remember the specialist explaining that one of dad’s hips had broken when he collapsed, but that basically the scans revealed that dad was riddled with cancer and there was nothing they could do other than keep him comfortable and free from pain.
I think mum insisted that we just take her home on that Friday; I recall she was much calmer that first day than on the subsequent days.
On the Saturday, Janie and I had arranged to see Charlotte for the evening – I think she came to us for dinner and I think we went ahead with that at mum’s insistence. Dad had not really regained consciousness on the Saturday in any case, so there was little we could do. Mum was in “I can cope” mode.
I recall that dad was conscious when we visited him on the Sunday. He was positive and upbeat (the doctors had told him they were checking everything out and would do everything they could for him, which I suppose was true in a way) but he was high as a kite on painkillers and told us some rather strange stories about stuff that had happened in the night, which must have been dreams or hallucinations but clearly were very real memories to him in his drug-fuelled state.
Mum was not in a good way by the Sunday – really very anxious and distressed, I felt. Janie was with us that day. I think we took mum to some sort of a restaurant place on Garrett Lane (more Wandsworth than Tooting). Janie recalls that she perked up quite a lot during that meal/distraction.
I was going to go again on the Monday after gym anyway, but while at the gym got the call (via Janie) that dad had died peacefully overnight. Naturally I went straight to St George’s to join mum. Mum was strangely calmer that day; probably exhausted more than anything else. Probably also in shock. In any case, from that point on, the process of going through formalities takes over for a day or so and I was able mostly to lead on those. Numb still; my memories of the subsequent formalities are also a bit of a blur.
It seems Henry had dropped out of the group by then, to be replaced by Gavin. Maz for some reason at that time was unwilling or unable to host, so the events were held:
18 April 2007 at Andrea’s;
5 June 2007 at my place;
31 July 2007 at Andrea’s again.
An October plan got postponed/cancelled so that was pretty much it for that year. No wonder I only got worse at the wretched game, playing so rarely. Plus ca change…
…Andrea and I had some weird bants by e-mail about baby-sitting and similarly tending to pet animals. I think this was probably connected with some strange excuses we were hearing or something like that. The thrust of the joke is lost in the mists of my poor memory and time.
A painful memory, this one. Not for the dinner itself, which was a culinary and social success, celebrating Janie’s birthday.
Painful, because we now know that dad only had a few weeks to live. There were just a couple of clues on the night.
Dad was just shy of 88 and was finding it harder to get in and out of the car without help, but on this occasion he needed a lot of help; far more than he had needed before.
The other clue was that dad didn’t finish his meal. He said the food was very good but that he didn’t have the appetite for any more than he had eaten. This was a very unusual thing for dad to do/say, but we thought little of it at the time.
In fact, dad was riddled with cancer by then. In early August, when he collapsed and we were given the news that he was in such a bad way, the specialist couldn’t believe that he had been more-or-less symptom free until five weeks before he collapsed.
This was a great party. Wonderfully well organised by Janie, with themeing help of course from Kim.
The theme was tropical, as Janie and I had been to Cuba and Jamaica earlier that year.
It was the early days of iPod use for me, but I made up a well cool iPod playlist, which I have maintained (as best I can) and printed in pdf form here – 2007 Caribbean Party In Full.
The food was catered by Jo Buckingham of TRUFFLEhound. Olivier the butler and his team were hired to look after the guests. We also put a lot of effort into designing an amazing rum cocktail to be a centrepiece for the drinks.
So what could possibly go wrong? Well, unfortunately I went down with the raging sh*ts overnight the night before, which left me not much use to anybody all day. I tried to sleep it off for most of the day, hoping to be fit by late afternoon onwards. But I didn’t get far when I tried getting up and helping out around 16:30, so I went back to bed again until just before the guests arrived.
As it turned out, I managed to get through the party more or less, but only by keeping away from the wonderful food and drink we had put so much effort into specifying. It really was only a 24 hour bug-type thing, so I was able to try leftovers on the Sunday, but that’s hardly the same thing.
Kim quasi-secretly hired a “butler in the buff” for the party. Naturally he arrived and needed to change soon after I had sloped off to the bedroom to lie down for a short while – as it turned out an even shorter while than I had intended. Here is a discreet picture of the gentleman:
Janie and I were trying to trawl the details of this evening from our memories.
I remember travelling to the house by tube, getting a little lost walking from the tube to the house and then travelling home by cab.
Image “borrowed” from an estate agent’s site. Right road, probably wrong house.
We both remember having a really good time.
We both remember that the girls were there and that they were now old enough to join us and participate in much of the evening.
Did we take a stroll around the neighbourhood that time or was that a different evening?
Janie remembers taking drinks in the garden.
Janie remembers dancing with the girls in the living room.
Janie remembers roasted vegetables with thyme and Balsamic vinegar.
Janie remembers conversation about Sartre, existentialism and that sort of thing.
We both wonder whether all of Janie’s memories of this particular evening relate to this particular evening or whether several evenings have merged into one collection of memories.
I am 99% sure this was our last visit to John and Mandy in London – i.e. it was Saffron Walden the next time we visited. But frankly I’m not much help on this one memory-wise.
“JOHN! MANDY! You’re better at this than we are. What did we eat? Are Janie’s memories impressively good or a mixture of different evenings?”
Quite a few crossings-out in that early part of 2007. For example, we were due to see Kim and Micky in early January, but I think that got cancelled/postponed and became instead the gathering on 10 February.
20 January 2007
A Saturday evening out with Jamil and Souad. We started the evening at their place for drinks. Janie and I are straining to remember where we ate.
We know they like to eat at Noura in Belgravia (and have eaten there with them more than once) but Janie and I both have a feeling we ate in Mayfair that night. Perhaps they just fancied the change or perhaps Belgravia was unavailable when they chose to book.
In any case, we had a very pleasant evening as always with those two.
10 February 2007
We had Kim, Micky, DJ and his then girlfriend Julie over for dinner at Sandall Close that night.
We can’t honestly remember the menu, but with two vegetarians in the group (Kim and Julie) almost certainly one of Janie’s takes on Lebanese food (perhaps inspired by the Noura experience a few week’s before) so that four of us got a good meaty main course while the others had loads of dips, tabbouleh and the like to make up a substantial meal.
If it was anything more complex, there’d usually be some tell-tale notes in Janie’s diary, but there are none…
I was reminiscing about his last birthday, 2006. I took mum and dad to Lord’s for a birthday treat. Dad had no interest whatsoever in sport, but he did enjoy a nice meal and my parents had never before seen Lord’s.
It was good fortune that the Middlesex v Hampshire match went to a fourth day – indeed it eventually went the distance on that fourth day. I did have a Plan B, in case you are wondering, but Plan B was not needed.
As I reminisced just now, the piece seemed to be writing itself in my brain, almost as if I had already written it.
Just in case there’s anyone left on the planet who is bemused by the pseudonyms, I am Ged Ladd so my parents are “Mr & Mrs Ladd Senior”.
On re-reading that piece, I have little else to add about the day.
Here is a link to the scorecard for the match – interesting to see so many people who are now involved with England cricket and cricket at Lord’s (not only but including Middlesex) participating in that match. What a good match it was too.
One final reflection. I remember asking dad afterwards if he had enjoyed the day. His reply:
It was absolutely lovely. Thank you so much.
As much as anything else, it was nice to be with so many people of my own age somewhere other than the old age home.
I’m not sure that the Middlesex/MCC marketing people will be wanting to reuse that quote, but if they want it they can have it.
Like King Cricket, I first saw Tom Smith play in the summer of 2006, but in my case it was June and the weather was lovely.
My diary simply has a line through the Friday daytime and the word “Lord’s”. That means I went to Lord’s with me, myself and a heap of reading.
By the start of Day 3 (the Friday), the result of the match was barely in doubt; it was really only a question of whether Middlesex could salvage some pride and bat for a day on the road we call the Lord’s pitch.
I remember that day at Lord’s primarily for one silly thing, which, as it happens, did involve Tom Smith.
I chose to follow the sun (top up the tan for tomorrow’s party), so by the afternoon I had plonked myself in the front row of the Mound Stand, closer to the Edrich than the Tavern.
Scott Styris in particular was batting well; with some aggression as well as for survival. On one occasion Styris lofted the ball into vacant space, in my direction; a couple of bounces, then the ball bounced up and pretty much landed on my lap. To this day it is the only time I can recall the ball absolutely coming to me, personally, while watching a professional match.
I had on my lap at that juncture not only the book I was reading but also an apple I was about to munch by way of light lunch.
Tom Smith arrived to gather the ball. I considered throwing him the apple rather than the ball but momentarily thought better of it and simply threw him the ball. I then spent the rest of the afternoon regretting that I hadn’t played that practical joke on Tom Smith.
Smith looked very sharp as a pace bowler back then. I remember being very impressed with him, even though his figures for the day don’t look special. He looked “the lad most likely” that afternoon on a very flat track and I remember carrying high hopes for him as an England bowling prospect for a few years.
Saturday 24 June 2006
There is a line through Saturday which reads “party”, as it was the day of the famous “Arabian Nights/Moroccan Den” party at Daisy’s old maisonette in Sandall Close.
Tony (downstairs) let us use his garden as well as ours (in return for an invitation). Kim and DJ’s company, Theme Traders, themed the gardens up for the party (see picture above).
The weather was glorious for that one and the party really was a huge success. I struggled to take photographs on the night (enjoying myself too much and then couldn’t get the flash to flash) but perhaps some better pictures will emerge from friends.
I can just about make out Bobbie and John-Boy in the background. Tony in the foreground and a few members of the family.
There were quite a lot of people at the party; a few dozen anyway. I’m pretty sure I recall Bobbie, her Dave, Andrea and one or two others hanging around with us until very late indeed; it was one of those parties that people didn’t want to end.
I had just acquired my first iPod and I made up a good playlist for this party. I’ll dump the playlist in a file and attach it as an aside later.
Daisy (Janie) might well want to chip in with some memories of this party too.
