Category: Friends and Family Events

The Time That The Heavy Rollers Started To Get Big On Us, Yet Also Went Downhill: Build Up To The 2004 Event

…and then there were nine…

I’m not sure why The Heavy Rollers became, for a few years, a significantly bigger and bolder event. Part of a natural life cycle for such things, perhaps. Possibly something to do with the England cricket team’s partial revival, prompting a bit more realistic optimism (rather than the “hope against hope” optimism of the 1990s and early years of the new century) in England’s potential performances.

Or possibly it was due to our spiritual leader, Nigel, adopting a policy of suggesting that our journey would soon reach an end.

Here’s the 19 November 2003 note from Nigel to us Rollers:

Subject: Heavy Rollers 2004-the penultimate tour

Dear Heavy Rollers , Associate and Junior members

Despite phone bookings not being available until January (Warwicks. CCC staff are so bribable) have just heard that our allocation sorted, usual places, although on Friday 2 of the group (now 9- what an evening game that should be) will be directly behind (Just in case this all sounds too far off and you are thinking I am a sad git for even considering booking it when Rugby is the game, they told me that the row we occupy is now sold out for the second day!). I am a sad git but that’s another matter.

Tickets are 30.25 x 2 each = £60.50 (I got stung for a second booking fee as I added more on!).


Payable between now and end of the year to avoid serious surcharges applying.

The nine for that year were, as depicted in the headline picture (left to right seated, then left to right standing):

  • David “David Peel” Steed;
  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil;
  • Me;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Dan “Dan Peel” Steed;
  • Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
  • “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
  • Biff.

Biff was the only “new boy” for The Heavy Rollers that year, having been a star player for The Children’s Society in the inaugural match against Tufty Stackpole a few years previously:

The First Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, 15 July 2001

In 2004, the core group seemed to solidify. Most who had attended previously in earnest wanted to attend.

David Steed sprang into action immediately, sealing the deal on the Wadderton element of our trip within a couple of days of Nigel’s missive. David’s reply on 23 November 02003:

Dear Heavy Rollers (all grades),


Suitable accommodation now reserved for the Wednesday and Thursday. I wonder if we can persuade her indoors (scuse me it’s her that’s doing this typing!!!) to repeat the lasagne?


We have actually found a REAL Heavy Roller deep in the undergrowth at the back of Wadderton, so if I slip Peter a couple of cans of Banks Original we may even attempt to roll out a strip!


Nigel – cheque in the post in couple of days – and thanks for being a sad git!

Sadly, our 2004 exploits proved to be a final hurrah for Wadderton, as far as the Heavy Rollers were concerned – Wadderton was gone by the summer of 2005. Mercifully, those 2004 exploits were wonderfully memorable, not least thanks to Charles Bartlett’s trusty Canon PowerShot camera.

Wadderton looking splendid, 28 July 2004

No sign of Peter having cut a strip by the time we got there in July 2004, quite possibly because the bribe of Banks’s Original didn’t make it from the Steed quarters into Peter’s hands. [I must admit that Banks’s Mild was always my personal Banks’s beer of choice, but I was not even faintly likely to cut a strip. I digress].

Observant readers will note, from the headline picture, that the Heavy Rollers were all wearing a Heavy Rollers Edgbaston 2004 shirt. This was the first of several years for which shirts were commissioned. Jeff and Chas were the brains behind the idea.

I vaguely heard a story about consternation over the production of this first shirt. Something to do with Chas taking the lead, a deal done down Romford market and Jeff’s dissatisfaction with the combination of quality and price. The upshot was that subsequent shirts were produced elsewhere under Jeff’s auspices. I cannot comment on that debate but I can, nearly 20 years later, still model the very shirt:

Thanks to Janie for this picture 19 March 2023

Frankly, in my case, nearly 20 years later, the shirt appears to be maintaining its look better than the wearer.

Downhill From Here: The Night Before The Test, 28 July 2004

Frankly I’m not sure a cut strip would have much enhanced our game the night before, but I am sure that the nine of us had a splendid early evening game.

I suspect that all who were present remember one particular detail of this game of yard cricket…probably to the exclusion of all other details. Certainly in my case, the one pivotal moment of the evening – one ball – has extinguished all and any other memories of the game.

I cannot remember who bowled it (it might even have been me), nor can I remember who struck the ball (certainly not me given the quality of the strike – probably Nigel or Biff), but I do remember who sought to field the ball. Charley.

The ball hurtled off in the direction of the lower slopes below the garden which was, in effect, our pitch. Coincidentally, Charley, who is a photographer extraordinaire as well as a fielder extraordinaire, had photographed those lower slopes earlier that afternoon:

The lower slopes of Wadderton

I don’t think Chas leapt over the fence, I think there was a strategic gap through which the ball, then Chas following the ball, went.

It took everyone (including Chas) a few seconds to realise that running as fast as you can down a hill to try to stop a ball has certain consequences in the matter of how the momentum of that run comes to an end. For an excruciating few moments it became obvious to everyone, probably including Chas, that his run would have to end with either an inadvisable dive or an involuntary tumble.

We could debate at great length the exact nature of the concluding moment. Suffice it to say that it looked extremely comical and yet at the same time, in the moment, I suspect we were all genuinely concerned for Chas.

I have asked Dall-E to help me depict this moment, both in cartoon form and in photograph form, by explaining the matter in words to the AI tool. Here are the results:

Chas Downhill in Cartoon Form

Chas Downhill in Photo Form

Once it became clear that Chas’s moans were the result mostly of bruised ego rather than serious physical harm, the incident became a matter of much mirth, for the rest of that evening…and the rest of that Heavy Rollers 2004 event…indeed for the rest of all time amongst those who witnessed it.

Other reports on the incident or other aspects of that evening’s game will be gratefully received.

I have no idea whether the evening meal was indeed centred around the ever-popular lasagne, but I strongly suspect that it was.

A memorably convivial evening at Wadderton

We sat around after dinner for quite some time that year, reminiscing about Heavy Rollers events past, the earlier events of the evening and of course looking ahead with eager anticipation to two days of test cricket between England and West Indies.

Chas looks revived – no doubt describing his “dive” in Jonty Rhodes/Paul Collingwood terms

I shall write up the Edgbaston element of the 2004 Heavy Rollers event separately.

Charles Bartlett’s wonderful pictures of the events described in this piece and of the 2004 Edgbaston trip can be found in the Flickr album linked here and below:

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Postscript: Indeed We Did Eat Lasagne

I have just discovered one more e-mail – this one from Anita to Nigel the weekend before the event. Proof positive that we had lasagne and also that we already knew that this stay would be Wadderton’s last hurrah, Heavy Roller-wise:

Subject: Re: Nearly time……

Hi Nigel,


David’s working this evening but I thought I’d reply anyway and if he wants to get back to you tomorrow then I am sure he will.


He and Dan are really looking forward to next Thursday and Friday. David is off work Wednesday too to prepare!!


I think everything is fine about people staying here but you will need to bring sheets or sleeping bags, pillow slips and towels, as the laundry contract has finished and I don’t think I have enough!


I have been commissioned to make another lasagne for one of the evenings and I think David has plans for food for the other one. He said he would book a minibus for Thursday but, if there are fewer of you needing to come back here after the cricket on Friday I can be chauffeur!


Looking forward to seeing you again.


Best wishes,


Love Anita

Heavy Rollers Meet Saffers, Their Comeuppance And The Elements At The Edgbaston Test, 24 & 25 July 2003

Photographs by Charles Bartlett. Above: Nigel & Jeff With Paul Adams

We shall return later to the above image of Nigel and Jeff smugly mingling with the South African players in the pavilion just before tea on Day One of the 2003 Edgbaston test.

Let us start this write up of the 2003 Heavy Rollers event from the beginning.

Big Match Build Up: October 2002 To May 2003

A lengthy e-mail from Nigel on 10 October 2002 set the ball rolling for this one. The key text:

The Edgbaston Test is scheduled for 24-28 July, 2003 vs. South Africa (where it all began!).Tickets go on sale in early January.
Get it into the diary before holidays, personal injury, life changes and other meek excuses hamper another traditional gathering in the interests of the wonderful game.

By that time, Nigel was no longer with The Children’s Society and had not been able to attend the previous year, as documented at length in the 2002 Heavy Roller’s piece. I was not sure that the tradition would continue and was very pleased to receive that e-mail.

Then, on 3 December, came confirmation via a similarly lengthy epistle from Nigel:

Your ticket secretary has reported back with news that tickets have been acquired for England v South Africa, Thursday and Friday 24/25 July 2003 (Row A Block 03 Seats 4-10). These will be held in safe keeping until a personal transfer can be effected but cheques for 2 x £30.00 per person would be appreciated in due course…

…The secretary is happy to bear all additional costs associated with daily calls to the very nice women in the box office, reports of postal applications going missing, resubmissions, original application surfacing, consequent near purchase of too many tickets etc. etc……what stress.

Possibly it was Nigel’s use of the word “hamper” in his first e-mail about this, but the rest of us were motivated by that second e-mail to club together and send Nigel & Viv a hamper of grub for Christmas, not only to thank him for his 2003 efforts but also the 2002 efforts which, from his personal point of view, resulted in no cricket at all.

I commissioned Dall-E to help me illustrate the gift:

Not bad, but the liquid bottles within were French and grape-based, not water

On 31 December, Nigel sent what might well be his most pretentious e-mail ever:

Monsieurs ‘Heavy Rollers’

C’est avec plaisir que je mange le grand cadeau et je bois le vin et le champagne.

Merci de votre generosite mes amis!

Amities,

Nigel (et femme)

Next, in mid-May, a disappointing development, passed on to the rest of us through Nigel:

Dear Heavy Roller

It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that one of the senior membership has been forced to put an exotic holidaying experience with spouse before this great, and possibly final, annual occasion. Just when English cricket begins its renaissance after the disappointments of the winter (and summer). David reassures us that, despite this dubious decision (yes it is he), the bookings remain solid for accommodation and limited overs warm up…

David himself chimed in a few days later, not least with the following statement.

…Not sure if Dan is up to the cooked breakfast but therein lies a challenge!!!…

These messages remind me of two Wadderton traditions that I have not previously discussed: games of garden cricket on the Wadderton lawns and the traditional cooked breakfast at Wadderton before setting off for the ground.

The Night Before The Big Match: 23 July 2003

Wadderton in 2004: more slope than Lord’s, more than a tinge of green on the track

I’m pretty sure that the garden cricket prior to 2003 had been a fairly low key affair – perhaps it started in 2001 with a gentle knockabout. In 2002 it was replaced by “yard cricket in the rain at Trent Bridge”, which was quite different.

My memory of the night before cricket in 2003 is quite strong and I recall quite a good game. David’s replacement (at one time his son Ben was mooted) turned out to be “Dan’s Mate” Robbie, who was good company, a keen scout and a very useful addition to the garden cricket. Here is the cast list for 2003:

  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
  • “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Me “Ged Ladd” (accompanied by Hippity The Green Bunny, Henry The Duck and Bananarama Monkey-Face);
  • Dan“Dan Peel” Steed;
  • “Dan’s Mate” Robbie.

This group made for some good garden cricket.

Towards the end of the game, we were joined by a woman named Jill Rose, whose company was supplying computers to The Children’s Society and who for some reason wanted to meet with Charles that afternoon/evening. I think it might have been as simple as the fact that she was nearby.

She was a larger than life character, I remember. I also recall her hoving into view from the main house, much later than she had intended to visit, while our game was in full sway. Mercifully, Jill did not tumble down that slope, nor did any of us tumble down the even steeper slope, which is out of view in the above photo. You’ll have to await the 2004 report for that story. Indeed, an abridged match report for the 2003 Wadderton Garden Games can be found in Nigel’s Epistle To The Rollers, at the end of this piece.

Jill watched us playing for a while and then, when we stopped playing for rain and Charles invited her to join us for the Chinese takeaway we had agreed we would get from the Barnt Green Chinese in David’s absence…

…was that place already named Happy Valley back then? Anyway it wasn’t bad…

…Jill insisted on getting the takeaway and refused to accept any money from us.

I vaguely remember Charles Bartlett describing “going to hell and back” form filling back at TCS HQ, at Charles Nall’s behest, to declare fully the circumstances behind this receipt of supplier hospitality. Whether that form-filling trumped the form filling required to get Day Two refunds on Edgbaston tickets, I cannot say, but I did end up doing the latter.

England v South Africa Day One: 24 July 2003

Did Dan provide a cooked breakfast in the style of his inimitable Dad? I have a feeling that he did and it would have been jolly tasty.

But it was Jeff, not Dan, who provided the central picnic for Day One of play. This included a fair amount of booze which Jeff was determined we should all smuggle in to the ground. Booze-smuggling into grounds does not come naturally to me. We had some interesting debates about “who should do what”, which I think resulted in me avoiding booze-mule duties, much to Jeff’s chagrin. My argument was that I would look guilty as hell if trying to hide something, would be likely to crumble when confronted by an authority figure and therefore was, in every way, the Roller least emotionally suited to muling and most likely to get caught.

I did not reveal, in those discussions, the infamous “jumping the border” episode from Janie’s and my trip to South-East Asia a couple of years earlier…

When Janie And I Jumped The Border Into Thailand At Chong Mek And Then Blagged Our Way Out Of Thailand Again, 19 and 26 February 2001

…which is a far more risky and serious form of smuggling than a bit of booze muling at Edgbaston. (Are you technically people smuggling when you smuggle yourselves across a border)? I digress.

In the end we all got in with our share of the stuff; legitimate and contraband alike.

Below is the view from the front row of the Priory Stand as it was then. This photo is the very first Heavy Roller’s photograph taken on a digital camera by Charles Bartlett. It makes Edgbaston, not least the Eric Hollies Stand beyond, look magnificent, which it truly is.

The Tye picnic

I note from the above photo evidence of the smuggled but (at lunchtime) barely concealed wine (see plastic cup on far right).

Kids playing Kwik Cricket – lunchtime entertainment. In the background the famous old Edgbaston pavilion, demolished and replaced 2010/2011, in all its (lack of) splendour

Twenty20 cricket was born a few weeks before this test match. This proto-mascot Warwickshire Bear, in cricket whites, with moll, looks more growly than subsequent mascot bears.

I’m hoping that Nigel can tell the story of how a few of the senior Heavy Rollers blagged their way into the pavilion between lunch and tea that day. Nigel mentions Clive in his epistle and I do recall there was a senior administrator by that name who was associated with our group’s peculiar ability to get the seats it wanted in all circumstances without us having been on a 30 year waiting list or anything like that.

My memory of the pavilion event is very limited, but I do remember a call coming through to the rest of us with the news. I remember declining the invitation. I think there were only one or two more spaces and I was less keen than others. In any case, I had little-‘uns with me and would not have wanted to leave them unattended.

Nigel and Jeff look chuffed

Paul “Frog-In-A-Blender” Adams, right, Thami Tsolekile (I think), left

Herschelle Gibbs followed by Graeme Smith returning undefeated for tea

Jeff Tye applauding in our so-far totally unrewarded England stalwarts at tea

Not much more than five minutes after the players went in for tea, Charles and the others were back in the Priory Stand with the rest of us when this incident happened.

Perennial joker of a supervisor steward, Paul Guppy (subsequently reported on in the Birmingham Mail honoured for his soccer stewarding) accosts me with some invented regulation prohibiting my little ‘uns from sitting in their favourite Priory Stand “seats”

Photographic evidence of Paul Guppy arresting Hippity while putting him into a dangerous stranglehold. Meanwhile I seek to rescue Bananarama Monkey-Face and another steward callously looks on

Moments after the above two pictures were taken, Paul Guppy was no longer able to keep a straight face and the ruse was undone. I think it was Jeff Tye who put Paul Guppy up to this, presumably while they were doing the pavilion thing. I guessed that it was pay back time for refusing to mule the booze. But it might have been Nigel and/or Charles who put Paul Guppy up to it. I do think, now that 20 or so years have passed, it should be confession time. Actually the incident was very funny, not least because Paul Guppy was a uniquely unsuited character to the role of officious senior steward concocting a ludicrous rule on the fly.

I am pretty sure that Jeff Tye organised the prediction game in 2003, as I have no record, either electronic or paper, of the game. From 2004 onwards the mantle had passed to me for the rest of all time.

I don’t recall what we did that evening – I don’t think we went out – I suspect that the Wadderton breakfast and Jeff’s picnic catering, into which we all naturally chipped in to cover the costs, had included enough food to tide us over between Days One & Two.

The Day Two That Didn’t Exactly Happen, 25 July 2003

It rained. This wasn’t anything like as bad as the 2012 rain story, click here or below…

Long To Rain Over Us, England v West Indies, Edgbaston, Days One and Two, 7 & 8 June 2012

…at least we had enjoyed some fine garden cricket and a glorious day at Edgbaston in 2003. In any case, if you were going to hang around waiting for nothing to happen, you’d sooner hang around at Wadderton than at Harborne Hall- especially the 2012 quasi-commercial manifestation of Harborne Hall with its novel “price per slice of breakfast toast” mentality.

Charles took some photos of us on that rainy day at Wadderton, around 10:15 that morning. It looks dark. It was dark.

Nigel looking resigned: “no chance”

Jeff emphatic: “you might as well go to New Street now, Ian”

The eternal optimist: “let’s wait and see”

Dan, sanguine: “heck, I’m at home anyway”.

As the rain persevered throughout the morning, one by one the Heavy Rollers succumbed to the inevitable and decided to leave. I think Jeff might have bailed out first. Then Nigel. Then Charles & Nick.

I maintained a level of optimism based on a detailed reading of the rainfall radar which told me that, as long as the wind speed and direction didn’t change, that better weather would start sweeping in to the West Midlands around 15:00.

Each departing Heavy Roller assured me that I was waiting in vain, while depositing their tickets with me, the designated mourner, which meant that I would be responsible for getting the refunds if play was indeed abandoned.

Anyway, I enjoyed sitting around chatting with Dan, who possibly shared my optimism, but in any case was off work for the day and at home. When the sun came out, we were both buoyed and feeling a sense of “told you so”…we even started planning our journey to the ground…until the announcement came on the Tv broadcast just a few minutes later that play had been abandoned for the day. There was not enough time to mop up after the relentless rain and get started before the cut off time.

So that was that, from our live cricket experience point of view. Here is the scorecard and Cricinfo resources for the whole match.

Dan very kindly drove me in to Birmingham New Street, in glorious sunshine, to catch a convenient train back to London.

I remember sitting with a nice cricket-lover on that journey home whose one day of test match cricket a year had just been washed out. I realised how lucky I was. Not only had I already seen a day of this test match but I was by then already a life member of Middlesex and seeing/due to see plenty of cricket that season.

I wrote the following missive to “the lads” at soon after 7:00 that evening:

OK, OK, You called it right

Folks

Daniel and I had the surreal experience of watching the televised inspection c3.15 with glorious sunshine at Wadderton (we were planning to set off for the ground), only to learn that play was abandoned for the day!

We were so disgusted that we tore up our tickets and yours – so sorry guys – no refund. Oh all right, I have your tickets and will sort out the refunds and will reimburse you if/when the dosh turns up.

Still enjoyed the cricket we did see and the splendid company for two days. Here’s to the next time.

Ian

Nigel responded later that evening, with sufficient detail to allow the observant reader to realise that I don’t really remember all of the above stuff – but I do save e-mails and possibly even re-read bits of them:

These weather forecaster were just wishful thinkers.


Us hardened ex-players and watchers knew from experience of endless pavilion waiting that it was going to be a long shot.

However, respect to you both for sticking with it. As I was driving S-Westerly (in relentless driving rain) I heard that the South Africans had left the ground, doubtless following Steve Rouse’s words of wisdom that it was going to take at least 2 hours once the rain stopped for any play to begin. Pat Murphy said he was “not optimistic” (Interesting that the Brumbrella is no longer due to it damaging the outfield and regularly breaking down!).

Perhaps the refunds can go towards the 2004 event? How can we ever relinquish this little bit of magic?

Thanks to Jeff for the food…brilliant and glad we have a photo (c/o
Charles) for David to witness. Thanks to Dan for extending the Wadderton/Steed hospitality.

The ‘yard cricket’ was an even affair with contributions from all (Robbie and Dan can play, Ian was turning it flatulently, but who can forget Nick’s runout and Charles’ 2×4’s to win the second match?? Only eclipsed by Jeff’s dismissal as the rain started).


Thanks due also to Clive (the tip at the 20-20 was worth its weight).

I have already started to bore people with tales of being, “that close” to frog-in-a-blender”. I v. nearly got into the changing rooms.

Hard to believe it is over for 12 months after waiting for it for so long.

Hope paths might cross between now and summer 2004 but there are a few memories to conjure it up during the dark winter nights?

(Ian’s muling antics will never be mentioned again, like yeah…) As T.S Eliot (might have) said “you never know the true lengths of your achievements in life until you try to take in drink to Edgbaston”.


Until the next time, your obedient, and ‘still lively off a short run in small doses’, Admissions Secretary, signing off for 2003.

Nigel xxxxx

Indeed, “that close to “frog-in-a-blender”

Finally, although I have used most of them, here is a link to all of Charles Bartlett’s pictures from that event:

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How Could We Sing The Heavy Rollers Song In A Strange Land? England v India At Trent Bridge, 8 & 9 August 2002

Trent Bridge Cricket Ground: view from the old Parr Stand, 1998 by John Sutton, CC BY-SA 2.0

Steeped in controversy, the 2002 visit to Trent Bridge. For reasons unbeknown to me, the idea of visiting Edgbaston in May for the early season test match there was rejected by the elders of The Heavy Rollers, in favour of this excursion.

The following e-mail from Nigel, dated 7 November 2001, sort-of explains.

Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,

We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional
places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May.
However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge.
This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India
(2nd
Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do
the 2 days.

So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.

In the end, neither Jeff – who pulled out of this idea quite early, I think – nor Nigel – who ended up withdrawing at the last minute due to Viv’s sudden and unfortunate indisposition – attended that year.

Indeed, on subsequent occasions, there were even suggestions (mostly emanating from Jeff, I suspect) that 2002 should be scrubbed from the record of Heavy Rollers events, by dint of it not being at Edgbaston and neither featuring Jeff nor Nigel.

Unfortunately, there is nothing in the sacred texts of The Heavy Rollers to provide a categorical answer to this question. Something akin to Exodus 20, with its tablets of stone and explicit commandments, might provide unequivocal guidance. But Nigel’s revelation that led to the Heavy Rollers is less tangible than that:

Curtains as specified in Exodus 26 – click here for the HR origins piece

My judgment on this point is clear. Nigel had organised the 2002 event and would have been there but for mishap. Ipso facto it was a Heavy Rollers occasion. Anyway, history is written and shaped by the victors; I am writing the history of The Heavy Rollers and I have deemed this most certainly to have been a Heavy Rollers event.

Importantly, 2002 was the first visit for several people who had, or have, a regular spot in The Heavy Rollers story – in particular Dan Steed and Harish Gohil.

Dan – at home with The Heavy Rollers in 2003

Harish in 2004 – by then a regular Roller

There was also an early example of a “one hit wonder” guest appearance that year. Here is the cast list from 2002:

  • Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil (a 2002 initiate);
  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
  • “Nick’s Mate” Matt (a one-hit wonder, Heavy Rollers-wise);
  • Me “Ged Ladd”
  • David “David Peel” Steed (second day only);
  • Dan “Dan Peel” Steed (a 2002 initiate – second day only).

We stayed in a hotel described in my records as Nottingham Premier Lodge. No Premier Inns go by that name now and there are several in Nottingham – it might have gone or it might have been this one…or at least one that looked like this – click here. It was functional, most certainly adequate, inexpensive, and also, it has to be said, rather soulless, as such places tend to be.

I seem to recall those of us who were staying at the hotel ahead of Day One (all but The Steeds) purchasing a picnic of sandwiches, drinks and snacks on the morning of the match on the way to the ground. Not yet the post-Steed fierce debates, about Doritos and the like, that latterly echoed through the hollow chamber of Harborne Waitrose on the morning of the match. Nor the beautifully crafted and curated picnics provided by Mrs Malloy to ease the pressure on the pre match Day One proceedings. For Day Two, I am pretty sure The Steeds brought with them a fine picnic for us all; that tended to be the Steed way.

In Jeff Tye’s absence, I picked up the mantle of running the prediction game…a mantle that Jeff, within a year or two, ended up leaving on my lap for posterity.

Below is the very first prediction game template that I produced.

By way of comparison, I have also managed to scan and upload Jeff Tye’s templates from 2001, which ended up in my hands after the Rollers fled for cover from the late afternoon rain that year:

The Heavy Rollers Witness Ashes Cricket Together For The First Time, Edgbaston, 5 & 6 July 2001

The unfortunately absent Nigel had secured us excellent seats. For Day One we were at the front of the Fox Road Stand, for Day Two at the front of the Radcliffe Road End.

Here is a link to the scorecard and other Cricinfo resources from that match.

The match was badly rain-affected, such that we only got the equivalent of one day’s play across the two days; roughly two sessions on Day One and one session on Day Two.

I especially remember Dan Steed sensing that the authorities made sure, on Day Two, that we got precisely enough play to deny ticket refunds but no more than that. I suspect that the matter was coincidental rather than by design, but who knows?

On Day Two especially there were lengthy breaks in play – it was very disjointed. I recall someone (either Dan or Matt) buying one of those souvenir mini bat and ball kits, with which we (mostly me, Nick, Matt & Dan) engineered some quite enjoyable “yard cricket” around the back at the Radcliffe Road end.

We probably looked quite comical – I have asked Dall-E to help me to reimagine the scene:

Studying the scorecard, I realise that those of us who were there on Day One witnessed Steve Harmison‘s debut and those of us who were there on Day Two witnessed Harmison’s first two test wickets. Priceless treasures for our memories of live cricket-watching, those.

2002 is still in the era for which we have no Heavy Rollers photographs from the event itself. You might have noticed that all of the photographs above quote years other than 2002. For a significant fee there are professional photographs from that match available for purchase from Alamy – I’m not going to purchase any myself but you can look at some and make your own decision on whether to purchase or not from this link.

Observant readers/link-clickers of the above link will have spotted flag wavers in the crowd quite consistently waving the Flag of India, which, in their hands and the hands of most wavers, looks like this.

Flag of India, regular look

Unfortunately, Harish went his own way with the waving of his India flag at the front of the Fox Road Stand, waving the flag thusly:

Flag of India, Harish style

Some India supporters spotted Harish and his flag and approached him. They gently explained to him that he was wielding the flag upside down. They also kindly explained to Harish and to all of us the significance of the colour scheme,: the green symbolising the land of India, the orange symbolising the glow of the sun above that land.

I have never forgotten their explanation and would henceforward be very sure which is the right or wrong way up…and why.

In a similar “never to be forgotten” vein, we Heavy Rollers have never let Harish forget the Indian flag incident, just to make absolutely sure that Harish never makes that same mistake again. We think of it as an act of kindness and educational policy to remind him about the matter at least once every four years when England play India…and occasionally on other occasions too.

Naturally, Harish’s trademark smile doesn’t leave his face when we are having such conversations.

I remember Harish cheering when England took a wicket, which to me seemed anomalous with the waving of an India flag. I asked him who he supports when England played India. His reply, typically harish, I paraphrase:

I love it when England play India, because whoever wins, my team has won.

I was reminded of this wonderful attitude recently, when chatting with one of my real tennis friends from Leamington, who said, again I paraphrase:

I always win when I play real tennis. I am on court playing a game I love. That’s a win. I am spending time with friends I want to spend time with. That’s also a win. I also try to win the match I am playing, but even if I don’t win that, I already have won two out of three.

I think this attitude translates also to Heavy Rollersism. Of course we want to see our team do well and go on to win. But even on the occasions when it doesn’t go so well for England…or on the rare occasions when we see little or no play, it is still two wins out of three because we are watching the game we love with people with whom we want to spend our time. That Nigel was on to something when the Heavy Rollers idea was revealed to him from behind the curtains in 1995.

The Heavy Rollers Witness Ashes Cricket Together For The First Time, Edgbaston, 5 & 6 July 2001

Yes, the big fuss is for that little urn. Do you have a problem with this?

In November 2000, there will have been an outbreak of joy in several households, not least mine, when we received the following missive from Nigel Hinks:

Just to confirm that despite “unprecedented interest” (Warwickshire CC) TICKETS have been secured in usual places (Priory Stand Row A 12-17) for the above.

Cost of £67 (32 Thursday+35 Friday). Payable as soon as you like………

Haven’t yet spoken with David. No assumptions about Wadderton or indeed David as ‘catering manager’. Just book it in the diaries and look at it throughout the winter months!!!

Nigel

Needless to say, Wadderton & David Steed’s catering management came through.

The team of Heavy Rollers for those six seats reverted to the 1999 contingent, listed again here with the nicknames allocated some years later (apart from mine, which had been around for years):

  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
  • “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
  • David “David Peel” Steed;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett (like me, a 1999 initiate);
  • Me “Ged Ladd”.

The mists of time have left a mystery, nay even controversy, surrounding the absence of Nick Bartlett in 2000. I’ll leave that debate for others to argue out in articles other than this one…or possibly in court if the debate gets too adversarial.

Differently controversially, my team of mascots, which had included Henry The Duck & Hippity the Green Bunny in 2000, was increased by the addition of Bananarama Monkey-Face in 2001.

Bananarama Monkey-face in 2004, no doubt “in care” having been rescued from Jeff’s clutches

Daisy & I were adopted by Bananarama Monkey-Face in Pickering in July 2000.
This image from his post trauma writing phase in 2014.

In many ways this 2001 visit was the first true manifestation of Nigel Hinks’s curtains-induced vision of watching Ashes cricket at a regular meet with friends.

Guest Piece by Nigel Hinks: The Birth Of The Heavy Rollers Tradition, Edgbaston, June 1998, Including The Revelations And Acts That Led To The Birth

I don’t suppose that Nigel’s 1995 vision included duck, bunny & monkey mascots, but that simply shows that revelations of that kind only reveal part of the future story. It also shows that, to some extent, you should always beware what you wish for, even if it is something as wonderful and enduring as The Heavy Rollers.

Actually it was Jeff Tye who seemed least pleased with the mascot contingent and took some pains over the forthcoming years to ease them out of the picture.

Many of us had a sense of foreboding about the 2001 Ashes, despite the seeming opposite from some of us in the November 2000 e-mail bants:

Jeff: What a prospect – the tide has turned – England 480 for 8 after 2days in Pakistan – just imagine the score after 2 days against Australia at Edgbaston – the book is already open Charles !!!!

Me: I just hope those Aussies can last two whole days.

Chas: I do not wish to sound unpatriotic, but the Aussies will give us the most extreme test of our cricketing abilities!

Our sense of foreboding was more than justified. Here is the match scorecard. The sense that England might somehow be in with a shout dissipated soon after lunch on Day One.

I’m pretty sure this was the match at which Charles managed to persuade some autograph-hunting youngsters that Nick was Andrew Flintoff, watching with us from the front row of the Priory Stand.

Nick Bartlett

Freddie Flintoff

You can see for yourselves above that this must have been an easy scam to pull off, especially with Nick ‘s poker face showing no sign whatsoever that this was a lark.

Nevertheless, a few dopey kids lined up and collected Nick’s forgery of Freddie Flintoff’s autograph.

Frankly, I think Charles might easily have passed himself off as Freddie Flintoff at that time. Again, judge for yourselves.

Freddie Flintoff setting a field

Charles Bartlett setting a field

Joking apart, and despite the fact that the memories of these matches, writing them up more than 20 years later, are quite faded, I do recall that we had a superb time yet again.

I also recall that, on the Friday afternoon, I popped out to the loo, anticipating an hour or so more of play, but when I came out of the loo the heavens had opened and everyone was pouring out of the stands. Nigel very kindly gathered up my things, rescuing Henry, Hippity and Bananarama-Monkey-Face from what could have been a very soggy demise.

As well as rescuing “my boys”, Nigel must also have rescued Jeff Tye’s “betting sheets” for the prediction game, which ended up in my hands for computation that year – perhaps for the first time but certainly not the last. Those relics remain with me to this day – here they are:

Unmistakably you can see Jeff’s templates with Jeff’s writing all over them…until you get to the computations which are in my trademark scrawl. I note that the going rate at that time was just 20p per punter per line.

I think several people had brought cars with them to the church grounds near Edgbaston Stadium with a view to driving home from the ground on the second day. Nigel kindly took me to the railway station on his way out of town. Our correspondence that weekend (I peppered his e-mail with comments):

Nigel: Hope you got home ok. Friday. We experienced the most amazing flooding in suburban Harborne after we dropped you off.


Me: Hope it didn’t hold you up too much – I got home c20.40


Nigel: Ah well we got the best couple of days and possibly the day of the series.


Me: almost certainly


Nigel: Shame about the collapse today again. But what a knock from Gilchrist who you fancied….just as well he didn’t get in on Friday!

Me: Yup

By November 2001, though, we were lining up for a breach of tradition in 2002. Nigel again:

Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,

We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May.


However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge.


This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India (2nd Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do the 2 days.

So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.

How did that all pan out? Well, unless you can remember, you’ll simply have to await the next exciting episode to find out.

The Passing Of Ivan Shakespeare, 3 February 2000

I am writing this 20 years to the day since the sudden and tragic death of Ivan Shakespeare, who collapsed and died of a heart attack while jogging.

Ivan was a friend through and fellow writer for NewsRevue.

His career as a comedy writer was well documented some years ago on the comedy collective writers project website – now, like Ivan, no longer with us. But that site, including the excellent Ivan Shakespeare biography piece, has been preserved on the Wayback Machine click here.

I learnt of Ivan’s passing a few days later, I believe.

I recall John Random phoning me and also asking me what I thought he should say in the Independent newspaper obituary piece he had been asked to write. I remember saying that I thought the irony, dying while undertaking activity to try and get fit, would not have been wasted on Ivan. I was chuffed that John used that idea at the start of his obituary – transcribed in the biography above and scanned, with thanks to John Random, below.

John has also, kindly, scanned one or two other obituary pieces:

I have extracted the relevant page from The Stage, which shows not only Ivan’s obit but the good company he kept that week.

Along with several other fellow NewsRevue writers, I attended Ivan’s funeral at Hoop Lane Crematorium. I remember the comedic touch of Ivan’s trademark hat sitting atop the coffin. I remember feeling so very sad for Elspeth, Ivan’s partner.

I remember how awkward everyone felt; we were a comedic lot, struggling to deal with a tragic situation. To what extend could/should we make light of any part of the event? To be sure it was not a time for mordant or sardonic humour. I concluded that many comedy writers are, at heart, amongst the most maudlin people on earth.

Yet a magnificent thing emerged from this tragedy.

A few week’s before his untimely death, Ivan sent an e-mail to the few of us who were already e-mail friendly, suggesting that, although several of us had started to drift away from the regular NewsRevue gatherings, it would be nice to meet occasionally in any case, perhaps dine together, perhaps watch the show or perhaps both.

A few of us at the funeral concluded that we really must implement that lovely idea. John Random picked up the mantle and we have met several times a year, every year, since.

We have named those gatherings Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinners.

The first was, I think, around May 2000. I’ll write it up in the fullness of time. I have written up most of the more recent ones – see above link (repeated here). The next one (at the time of writing) is scheduled for early April 2020.

Ivan would have loved those events. He would also have loved the idea that he initiated and caused them.

20 years gone and still missed. Ivan Shakespeare.

An Attractive Young Note In Janie’s Diary, But Not In Mine, 14 November 1999…Or Do We Mean 12 November 1999

In Janie’s diary for Sunday 14 November, but not mine, the following reminder – presumably based on me saying to Janie, “let’s not forget to listen to…”

The Attractive Young Rabbi. Barry Grossman. 11:30 Radio 4.

Word must have reached me through the NewsRevue community that Barry Grossman’s radio series, The Attractive Young Rabbi, was about to broadcast.

What do you mean, you missed it at the time and now can’t get hold of it?

What do you mean, you heard it at the time but can’t remember it?

It’s there to be heard on the Internet Archive if you now where to look. Click this link, for example, and you’ll find the first series.

Tracy-Anne Oberman was also a NewsRevue (or more specifically, SportsRevue) alum, so this series was definitely a tribute to our NewsRevue “Class of ’92”.

Class Of ’92 Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner, Café Rouge Holborn, 5 October 2017

There’s Barry in the Guinness World Record photo, with specs, holding the award.

I enjoyed listening to The Attractive Young Rabbi again. It is quintessentially BBC Radio Four comedy.

Postscript: Barry Grossman Writes…

Thanks Ian, except you and Janey [sic] must have missed it because it was actually on Friday, the 12th of November.

And there were no i-players, BBC Sounds or internet archives in those more innocent times. Perhaps you taped it on your reel-to-reel tape recorder the size of a house and listened to it on the Sunday.

I responded to Barry as follows:

Weird but clearly true that the broadcast was on the Friday not the Sunday, yet the note is unquestionably written in the Sunday section of Janie’s diary. 

My guess is that Janie wrote the note there because the Friday page was completely crammed with patient appointments.  The Saturday block is covered in notes about something completely different and unintelligible.  So the only space for an additional note on that page was the Sunday block. 

Quite right that there was no public domain technology to help us listen at an alternative time, but Janie did have a midi hi-fi thing in the maisonette that would enable you to record onto cassette from the radio.  I was out visiting clients that day, but she would have been able to press the record button on her midi gadget at the appointed hour.  My guess is that the note was a reminder to do that.

No gargantuan reel-to-reel tape recorder available at that time – that device lives in the flat and the flat was being refurbished that autumn.  Probably just as well – Janie was reluctant enough to press a “record” button on a bog-standard midi system.  My reel-to-reel would have seemed like something out of Mission Impossible to Janie…

… https://youtu.be/4y9NtHlJvbY …

…which would have made listening to the recording on the Saturday or Sunday…impossible.

Bank Holiday & Birthday Treats: Dinner At Nobu & A Party At Lammas Park Tennis Courts, 28 & 29 August 1999

Nobu Tuna Sashimi Salad by Tzahy Lerner, CC BY-SA 3.0

Janie’s treat to me, I suppose: a slap up meal at Nobu in Mayfair, which was all the rage back in the late 1990s and priced accordingly.

We were there just a couple of months after Boris Becker’s now famous tryst in the broom cupboard, of which we were blissfully unaware when we visited.

Everyone who was anyone dined at Nobu back then…and so did we. I recall the meal being fabulous and I also realise that it was the first (but far from the last) time I tasted black cod in miso sauce. Exquisite.

Lammas – returning to the scene some years later

Back then we played tennis at Lammas Park Tennis Courts every weekend – much as we now play at Boston Manor. It was run by a chap named Larry and his belle, whose name escapes me. When things went awry between those two (not long after this party) things went rapidly downhill at Lammas Park until we had long since escaped and then the place got taken over by Will To Win (or initially one of its predecessors).

Anyway, this bank holiday party was billed as “party – bring wine”. Which we did. It was informal and fun I’m sure.

“Move Geddy To Country Quarters”, 15 August 1999

The Country Residence

Having berated Daisy for her diary entry from four days earlier which read “leave London for Peter’s party” (in Streatham)…

The Day That Dad Turned Eighty And We Threw A Party For Him After Celestial Bodies, Like, Totally Eclipsed His Special Day, 11 August 1999

…I discover in Daisy’s diary, unquestionably in my handwriting…

Move Geddy To Country Quarters

(Ealing)…

..immediately after, in Daisy’s own writing, “10:00 Shola tennis”.

We were having a bit of tuition from Shola that summer at Lammas Park. This paid dividends for us in ways we would never have expected, when the Lammas Park set up went tits-up a few months later and Shola helped us to find “refugee status” at the then yet to be refurbished Boston Manor courts, where we play to this day (25 years later).

But I digress.

Move Geddy to country quarters was a temporary measure. I had bought the Clanricarde Gardens flat that summer and arranged for the very talented (but ultimately volatile) Gavin to refurbish the flat for me.

This was to be a bit of a tester for me and Janie. We’d been going out together for seven years by then. Could we live with each other for six weeks. I mean, it was only going to be for six weeks…

…but naturally those six weeks turned into four months…

…those are other stories.

Coping, coping…

The Day That Dad Turned Eighty And We Threw A Party For Him After Celestial Bodies, Like, Totally Eclipsed His Special Day, 11 August 1999

Dad partying like it’s 1999…because it WAS 1999

It was Dad’s eightieth birthday. I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted a party.

Mum said he didn’t want a party.

MUM: You don’t want a party, Peter. What would you want a party for?

DAD: It’s my eightieth birthday. Ian’s asked me what I want. I want a party. I haven’t had a party before. I’ll probably never have a party again.

ME: You want a party? You shall have a party.

Janie and I organised a party. Our household records indicate that we ordered wine to be delivered from Oddbins and pies to be delivered and served by The Pie Man – much as we had done for “The Duchess of Castlebar” (Pauline’s) 70th a few weeks earlier:

Dinner With The Family: A 70th Birthday Do For The Duchess, 3 July 1999

My diary reminds me that I went to a lunchtime party at Theodore Goddard’s offices (at the invitation of Graham Stedman) to witness the total solar eclipse, which the celestial bodies had obviously arranged to honour my father’s 80th birthday.

I think I made my way to Woodfield Avenue by public transport from that party, while Janie brought the car having spent the earlier part of the day working. I’ll rephrase that: I spent the earlier part of the day working by dint of being “looked after” by our company lawyers, while Janie had a more regular working morning in the company of several pairs of feet.

In those days, Janie obviously still thought of crossing the river to visit my parents as a major expedition beyond her normal boundaries. Her appointment diary entry reads:

3.00 pm – leave London for Peter’s party.

…in Streatham, which, apparently, is not in London. Anyway…

…the party went swimmingly well.

I’m struggling to remember who was there and we only have a handful of photos from that party, which were in “Mum’s Photo Box”, identifying only a few of the guests.

Pam and Michael Harris were there, as evidenced pictorially. The neighbours were there, in the form of Eardley and Adrienne Dadonka, plus John & Lily Hogan. Peter Harris (no relation) from next door confirms that he was away, unfortunately. Norman and Marjorie Levinson were there, the pictures prove. I remember Lionel and Dina Aarons being there. I’m sure that Stanley and Doreen Benjamin would have been there if around, as would Malcolm and Delia Cedar, John & Angela Kessler (my cousin, Dad’s niece), Len and Jacquie Briegal (cousins and close friends from Mum’s side), plus Leatrice Levene (Arnold had recently died back then). But I have a feeling quite a lot of “the usual suspects” were away.

I think there were about 20 people there all in all. The size of the crowd didn’t matter – Dad was no Trump (a little August 2024 topical joke there, as I write 25 years after Dad’s event). Dad had a great time as evidenced by the couple of photos I have inherited. I wonder who took them? They are the only pictures I have of the Woodfield Avenue living room from that angle, pretty much as it looked for most of mum’s life and nearly half of Dad’s.

I’m so glad that we did throw the party Dad wanted on that auspicious day. Dad wasn’t really a party person, but most of the time he did know how to have fun.

I know who took this picture of Dad: Me. August Bank Holiday Weekend, 1977.

Dinner With The Family: A 70th Birthday Do For The Duchess, 3 July 1999

Pie depicted – Alpha from Melbourne, Australia, CC BY-SA 2.0

Judging by all the scribbles in Janie’s diary, she put a heck of a lot of effort into arranging a family do at Sandall Close for her mum, Pauline (Duchess of Castlebar)’s 70th birthday.

The out of town bits of the family will have stayed at local hotels.

The menu and arrangements look to me as though she got Murray Tollemache aka The Pie Man to cater this one. He was certainly one of our favourite dudes for Z/Yen functions at that time and the order list of pies is a bit of a giveaway.

Strangely, 25 years after the event (and many more years after Murray started The Pie Man business, he’s still going strong under the name TPM Catering.

Most of the family probably appreciated the effort that Janie had gone to. The Duchess almost certainly didn’t.

Coincidentally, Janie and I went to see Dinner With The Family with the Duchess the following week.

Dinner With The Family by Jean Anouilh, The Questors Student Group, 10 July 1999