Category: Writing (my writing)

This summertime special has a perennial quality to it, but I think it wasn’t much if at all used by NewsRevue; perhaps for that very reason.

I rather like it still and think it has some timely and reflective relevance in these #MeToo times – he says writing in October 2018.

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO ST TROPEZ?

(To the Tune of “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?”)

 

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

VERSE 1 – GOLD DIGGERS OF 1993

Do you know the way to St Tropez,

We hope to find that France, gives us a chance to score today.

Do you know the way to St Tropez,

We’re going out to find, some rich gold mine in St Tropez.

MIDDLE BIT 1 – STILL THE GOLD DIGGERS

Juan is a great big freebie,

Find a wealthy guy and fly to Cannes,

In a week maybe two you’ll have a sun tan,

And some melanoma on the way;

And all the Sloanes are on their yachts,

And cruising gently round the bay.

 

VERSE 2 – LES FRENCH LADS

We were born and raised in St Tropez,

We’ve got a lot of cash, we’ll make a splash and have our way.

We can both get laid in St Tropez,

We find that English chicks, all want some kicks on holiday.

 

MIDDLE BIT 2 – ENCORE LES FRENCH LADS

We attract them like a magnet,

Screw a hundred, OK maybe ten,

They believe that we all are French noblemen,

When they learn the truth they will be sad;

The only count inside our pad,

Is counting all the girls we’ve had.

 

OUTRO

LES GIRLS:We both made a wrap in St Tropez,

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

LES LADS:We both caught the clap in St Tropez,

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

We both blew the works in St Tropez, (revealing empty pockets)

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

LES GIRLS:We sponged off these burks in St Tropez,

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

ALL:Wo.

Here is a video of Dionne Warwick singing Do You Know the Way To San Jose…

…while the following one also shows you the lyrics to that fine Hal David & Bert Bacharach song:

Writing in March 2019, it is strange to recall that sense we had in the early 1990s that somehow the Labour Party was conspiring with itself to avoid ever returning to power. That emotion seems so very late 2010’s.

In 2019, the irony of my mentioning the newborn UNISON in this 1993 song is not wasted on me either, as my working life has got me so very close to that organisation these last 20 years or so.

There is irony that I hope goes unwasted in my choice of Brecht/Weill music for this lyric. But then what would an ethnically-challenged dude like me know of irony, I can almost hear Jeremy Corbyn cry?

Anyway, here’s the lyric:

THE INADEQUACY OF SOCIALIST ENDEAVOUR


(To the Tune of “The Inadequacy Of Human Endeavour”)
 
VERSE 1
 
The Labour Party’s not,
About to stop the rot,
We always seem to top the polls but still win not a lot.
Every by-election,
Seems to go the Liberals way,
When will we Socialists find,
Something new to say?
 
VERSE 2
 
Trades unions main whim,
Is keeping Labour’s vim,
They merge to form a big block vote and longer acronym.
COHSE, NUPE, NALGO,
Now all work in UNISON;
Even tho’ six months ago,
None of them got on.
 
VERSE 3
 
The Tories reach nadirs,
With frauds and sexual smears,
But Labour still has failed to win for nearly twenty years.
Smith and Margaret Beckett,
Are an unattractive pair;
No-one believes the rumours,
About their affair.
 
VERSE 4
 
Now we’re more like the right,
We’ll get out of our plight,
The people will trust us again and then we’ll win the fight.
Cuts and lower taxes,
Claw back benefits we paid ‘ya;
Soon all the woolly lefties,
Will vote for John Major.

Here is a link to the song Das Lied von der Unzulänglichkeit des menschlichen Strebens, sung by Bertold Brecht himself, with the lyrics underneath. Or, if you just want to hear the song and see what Brecht looked like, click the embedded link below.

If you want an English translation of the lyrics, The Inadequacy (or Insufficiency) Of Human Endeavour, click here.

Writing more than 25 years later (March 2019), I realise that the manner in which political parties govern themselves is and has been a perennial source of difficulty.

This lyric, from June 1993, in about the trades union block vote in the Labour Party constitution at that time. John Smith was the leader of the Labour Party then.

BLOCK VOTER

(To the Tune of “Blockbuster”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Oh-ah, oh-ah,
You’d better beware, of the union scare,
Cos people say Labour and unions would power share;
To come from behind, Labour party’s resigned,
That voting at the Labour conference must be redesigned.
 
VERSE 2
 
Oh-ah, oh-ah,
But just look and see, the TUC,
Won’t lie back and take loss of power quite that easily;
Bill Morris pouts, John Edmonds shouts,
And Labour must listen cos unions still have the clout.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Does anyone rue the day, they heard John Smith say,
SMITH:”We just haven’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, that he can clear away,
The block voters.
 
VERSE 3
 
Their backs were up, they all ran amok,
But ruining labour means unions are still all stuck;
The unions thought, their balls are caught,
This quarrel could be the last battle that Socialists fought.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Can anyone hear the way, or grasp what Jim Knapp says,
KNAPP:”We just haven’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, the TUC will sway,
The block voters.
 
CHORUS 3
 
Does anyone know the way, to change the folk who say,
VOTER:”Labour hasn’t got a clue what to do”;
Does anyone know the way, there’s got to be a way,
To win voters.
 
 

Below is a video of glam rock band, the Sweet, singing Blockbuster:

If you want to read The Sweet lyrics, then click here.

I submitted this one several times without success and even rejigged it a bit in October 1993 with hope for the John Random run, with similar results.

Perhaps foodie stuff just didn’t seem topical enough, although I feel that trend towards ubiquitous fusion food did kick off around then.

Indeed one of the ironies that comes to my mind on re-reading this song is that the Canal Cafe’s food concession was taken by a Thai chef soon after I wrote this song – probably the best food set up they had at the place during that 1990’s era.

Click here or below for a YouTube of the original recording of this song, Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Click here for a link to the original lyrics of the song.

Below is my somewhat improved October 1993 version of the song:

THAI AND YELLOW CHICKEN – VERSION 2

(To the Tune of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon”)

 

VERSE 1

I’m up in town I’ve done my job,

And at home there’s nothing cooking on the hob;

Me and my pals we’ll try a pub that’s called the Old Oak Tree,

We’ll have a simple dinner and we’ll drink a pint or three, but what’s this grub I see?

 

CHORUS 1

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the Old Oak Tree,

After three long pints we want chips and peas, {chips and peas}

We don’t want Myanmaran chicken or Vietnamese,

We’ll kick up a fuss, get on the bus, lets go home and see,

If there is something plain and simple down the old home freeze.

 

VERSE 2

My pals and I we’ll pay a call,

To the late night shops where there is a food hall;

We’ll choose some beer and lager then we’ll go and choose I guess,

Some simple cook chill dinners that we’ll buy from M&S, but these appeal still less.

 

CHORUS 2

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the old home freeze,

There’s Malaysian duck or there’s Guangdongese {Guangdongese}

There’s oven ready Singaporan beef and Pekinese,

A Pol Pot noodle, Rambutan strudel, someone spare us please,

From imitation oriental in the old home freeze.

 

VERSE 3

My pals and I we all agreed,

That we’re partial to an oriental feed,

But we like to taste the spices rather than a plastic sheet,

We’ll try the Chinese restaurant and get some food we’ll eat, then we’ll be replete.

 

CHORUS 3 AND OUTRO

Oh Thai and yellow chicken in the old Chinese,

We’ll get three strong meals in the Gold Yangtze…….

But the whole food trade’s gone crazy,

Cos I can’t believe I see,

A hundred pukka pies and chips inside the Gold Yangtze.

(c) Ian Harris 1993