My First Letter To Harold Davison, 23 November 1992

On the back of the material I was writing for the Canal Cafe, I chatted with Harold Davison at lunch the Sunday before this letter. He is Gary’s dad; I have known Gary for ages through DJ and Kim.

Anyway, Harold wanted to show a lyric of mine to Frank Sinatra and Sammy Cahn…and who was I to refuse?

Here is a link to the tag of all my correspondence/lyrical interactions with Harold.

Flat 4
12 Clanricarde Gardens
London W2 4NA
71-243-0725
 
                                                                         23 November 1992
 
Dear Harold,
 
I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN
 
It was a pleasure to meet you at the Royal Garden last week.  I found your comments on lyric writing and satire both interesting and helpful.
 
I have produced a parody of the above number, as requested.  I hope it meets with your approval, and with that of Sinatra himself.  I would be most interested to learn how it is received.
 
I must now away, to prepare myself for the Venice trip with my Chiropodist friend!
 
Yours sincerely
 

An Evening At Circus Space With Kim & Micky, 21 November 1992

Photo by Achim Raschka, CC BY-SA 3.0

Not really our sort of thing, but Kim persuaded me and Janie to join her and Micky at Circus Space on the Caledonian Road.

Now (he says, writing in December 2019) known as the National Centre for Circus Arts and based in Hackney, this training organisation for circus skills has long raised funds by putting on shows for the public.

Kim was a fan and we went along to give it a look-see.

I’m not a fan of circuses, my main beef being to do with making caged animals perform. Kim has an even more profound animal rights thing than I do, so her choice of Circus Space reflected the fact that they do not (or at least did not) do any animal related stuff.

I remember coming away from the evening feeling that the performers were very accomplished and that they deserve a decent audience…

…but it only reinforced my view that circus-type performance isn;t really for me.

Janie barely remembers the evening at all – unusually for her when it comes to performance-related memories. I think the circus was a big turn-off for her.

Where are the clowns?…
…There ought to be clowns.

Oh well.

We’ll have had a nice meal and will have enjoyed the evening together despite the circus, I am sure.

I’ve Mushrooms Under My Skin, Lyric For NewsRevue and/or Frank Sinatra, 21 November 1992

Harold Davison was, by this time, taking some of my lyrics back to the states with him and showing them to his friends.

Harold told me that Frank Sinatra would enjoy a parody lyric to the tune “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”, as that song was a personal favourite of Frank’s.

Never one to waste an opportunity to double or treble up, my mind turned to the recent Fergie & Johnny Byrne royal toe-sucking scandal and to the profession of my new squeeze, Janie, in the hope that the same song might strike NewsRevue gold.

It didn’t strike NewsRevue gold, although Janie really liked it.

Harold told me that Frank thought the lyric was funny, but I think that if Frank had actually sung it at a smoker or a party, Harold would have told me about it.

I’VE MUSHROOMS UNDER MY SKIN

(To the Tune of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”)

 

SPOKEN INTRO

This song is dedicated to all the unfortunate people out there whose health problem prevents them from enjoying the most trendy erotic pleasures.  I mean of course, those blighted with the dreaded fungus, athletes foot.

 

VERSE 1

I’ve mushrooms under my skin,

I’ve mildew deep in the arch of feet;

So deep in my arch they really enlarge my feet,

I’ve mushrooms under my skin.

 

VERSE 2

 

You’ve got me on the Mycin,

You’ve got me deep in chiropody;

So deep is your cut it’s really podiatry,

You’ve got me on the Mycin.

 

MIDDLE BIT

I crave for a tender pedal caress,

From a former actress or ex Duchess;

For there’s love afoot with sensuousness,

When my mate,

Osculates,

On my toe.

 

CLIMAX

Even priests confess,

It isn’t a sin;

To want to bed you for,

An oral pedicure.

 

But each time you do,

The sight of mildew,

Makes you stop before you begin,

Cos I’ve mushrooms under my skin.

(And I like nudes under my shin.)

Here’s a vid of “Ole Blue Eyes” singing that Cole Porter song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiSKXxWgA4w

…and a link to the lyrics of I’ve Got You Under My Skin – here.

 

Dinner With “The Back Knack Team”, 20 November 1992

I had for some time wanted to invite for dinner the folks who had helped put my back together again after my disc catastrophe in 1990. The advent of Janie (we were some three months in to our relationship by then), Janet Hill’s announcement that she and Mary were planning to return to Perth (Western Australia) and a convenient date when Janie was in any case going to be in town nearby come Friday dinner time, proved to be suitable triggers.

The back knack team, as in: “those who dined that evening with me and Janie”, were:

  • Michael Durtnall – chiropractor extraordinaire;
  • Claire Durtnall – Michael’s charming and lovely wife;
  • Janet Hill – the first rate masseuse Michael suggested to me and with whom I had been working for a couple of years (more on that anon);
  • Mary – Janet’s partner.

I took the day off work (I had bags of accumulated holiday some of which was reaching “use it or lose it proportions”) and probably cooked up a storm of Chinese food.

We didn’t take food porn photos in those days – we only rarely took “here we all are around the table” photos…

…so here is someone else’s food porn photo of wontons that look decidedly like my ones.

Wontons, CC BY-SA 3.0

I think I probably did the “whole fish” thing and perhaps chicken with cashew nuts or similar. Possibly I did the cha chiang lettuce wrap dish too – I tended to do mine with minced veal or a mixture of pork and veal.

Stuff like that, it would have been.

Janie and I both remember a very convivial evening…

…as does Michael Durtnall, although he did admit that he couldn’t remember Janet and Mary being at my flat that evening.

Let’s see if we can track down Janet and retrieve her memories of the evening. She’ll probably also remember the very first time she massaged me (indeed the very first time I had been massaged) and her surprise, after my unhelpful reaction to just about everything she did, when I made a second appoitnment. I still have regular theraputic massage, Janet; thanks for taking the trouble to “break me in”.

My First Letter To Ben Murphy, 20 November 1992

I’m not sure how I missed this one on my first electronic pass, as I do have an electronic copy of the letter. I’m guessing that Harriet must have given Ben my phone number.

The first of much too-ing and fro-ing with Ben, who was an Irish comedy performer based in the South-West. Here is a link to the tag showing all of my interactions with him posted so far.

I mention the White House song – I wonder what the other one was?:


                                                           20 November 1992
 
Dear Ben,
 
Thank you for calling me yesterday regarding my lyrics.  I enjoyed talking with you about them. 
 
I enclose the two songs you requested.  The White House song I have slightly revamped for you into a solo version.  (I also enclose the original duo version for your information).
 
As we agreed, these two songs are £10 each for you to try, plus a further £15 each should you decide to use them as a regular feature in your live show.  As we discussed, this agreement covers live performance only and is non-exclusive. 
 
Should you wish to use the material for other purposes (e.g. broadcast, publication or recording) we would need to discuss terms.  Please note that in most of these circumstances you would also need permission from the publishers of the music.  I imagine that your agents would be able to help you with these arrangements should the need arise.
 
I understand that you are performing in London in the near future and that some of the News Revue crowd are planning to see your show.  I shall try to make myself available for that trip.
 
I shall give some thought to the styles that we discussed on the phone and may have a go at writing some lyrics along those lines.  By all means get in touch if you think of anything else you want.
 
I look forward to hearing from you and meeting you soon.  Thank you once again for your interest in my material.
 
Yours sincerely

White House, NewsRevue Lyric, 20 November 1992

This lyric is dated as above, so I must have written it soon after Bill Clinton was confirmed as President, but it didn’t get used until Mark Bowden’s run in early 1993, which possibly makes sense as that was around about the time that the Clintons actually moved in to the White House.

I commented on Mark’s working of this song when I wrote to him the day after his run started – click here for that letter.

It seems just a little strange posting this lyric now, in 2016, just after Trump has beaten Hillary to the White House. I wasn’t all that sure about the Clintons the first time around, was I?

Janie really liked this one. Not least because it is based on Our House by Crosby Stills Nash and Young which she really likes – click here or below for YouTube with tune and original lyrics.

♬ WHITE HOUSE ♬

(A song for Bill and Hillary Clinton to the Tune of “Our House”)

VERSE 1

HILLARY:I’ll light the fire, you use the powers,

As the Governor of State;

BILL:Sittin’ by the fire, with Gennifer Flowers,

While the wife’s out working,

She’ll be earning,

Ten times more than me, ee, ee,

All legally, ee, ee.

 

VERSE 2

HILLARY:Deep in the South {BILL:Deep in the South}

With gravy, grits and gingham dresses,

God, Guns, Geeks and Goops;

BILL:Joint in my mouth,{HILLARY:Joint in his mouth}

I smoke my spliff without inhaling,

Voters bought it,

They must be e-ven more stoned than me, ee, ee,

Ill-legally, ee, ee;

 

CHORUS 1

BOTH:Our house, is a very very very fine house,

Electric chairs will shock,

In down town Little Rock,

We rednecks kicked the shit out of George Bush;

We say, (cocking a snook)

Na, na, nananana, nananana, nanana nanana, nanananananananana,

(OptionalNa, na, nananana, nananana, nanana nanana, nanananananananana);

 

CHORUS 2

BOTH:The White House, is a very very very fine house,

White marble on the floor,

This sure beats Arkansas,

Though everything is hicky since George Bush….

….moved out;

 

VERSE 3

HILLARY:I’ll light the fire,

BILL:While I wear the pointed hat,

And sheets that we bought to-day-ay-ay-ay-ay.

A Weekend In Bristol And Then Kensington, 13 to 15 November 1992

The diaries are light on detail, but I believe I was in Bristol on business Thursday/Friday and Janie spotted an opportunity to combine my presence in Bristol with a family visit.

Janie’s diary shows her only taking morning clients on the Friday and arrangements for taking the train to Bristol that afternoon.

Mine just shows the Thursday and Friday marked out “Bristol” and loads of scribbles about confectionary for some reason – something to do with someone wanting confectionary puns I think – plus “Jane” for the Saturday.

If I recall correctly, I was staying in The Royal, aka The Swallow Hotel on College Green. We might have stayed at Hilary & Chris’s place in their spare room on their Z-bed that time on the Friday night – I think we did that a couple of times before agreeing that we could afford our own privacy when we stayed.

Anyway, this was the first time I met the Boswell branch of Janie’s family; Hilary (big sis), Chris (husband) and kids Paul & Scott. The boys were still little-uns back then.

I think we came back on the Saturday evening and stayed at Sandall Close ahead of DJ’s birthday bash Sunday lunchtime at the Kensington Royal Garden Hotel. Not a huge crowd that time but I know that Kim, Micky, Clifford, Gary and Gary’s dad Harold Davison were there – this was the first time I met Harold and I wrote to him a week or so later.

We returned to that hotel for Sunday lunches several times – they did rather appealing themed Sunday lunches that worked well for groups. A sort of buffet dining that Janie and I have rather comprehensively rejected since, but at that time it wroekd well for that sort of gathering. Large tables, well spaced out and something for everyone…even Kim…on the menu!

A Weekend Without Janie By The Looks Of It, 6 to 8 November 1992

My diary shows me playing bridge with Daniel & Marianne on the Friday evening (probably also with Andrea).

Then it shows spending the day on Saturday with Michael Mainelli writing “Zen Things You Wanted To Know About Business”…which was the working title of the subsequent hit book Clean Business Cuisine...

…what do you mean, haven’t read it?

It’s as topical now as it was when it was written…

…it’s set c500 b.c.e. for goodness sake…

...read all about it here…

…or better still, buy it here.

Anyway, it looks as though Janie worked all day on the Saturday and there is no sign in the diaries of us seeing each other on the Sunday. There are some electronic signs of me working on my canon of NewsRevue material ahead of the Christmas run, that Sunday.

My First NewsRevue Christmas Run Submission, To Jacqui Somerville, 8 November 1992

This submission helps me to realise which of my songs (at least those that had a bit of longevity to them) had been in the show during that first year of writing for NewsRevue.

I think this might have been the first time I submitted a table-style note in this fashion along with a cassette and wad of lyrics. Perhaps Jacqui suggested same when we met a few week’s earlier.

The old WordPerfect table doesn’t replicate, sadly, but I have tweaked to show the information reasonably clearly, I hope.

I cannot remember which were used, but I think I had perhaps three songs in that Christmas run – not bad for a newbie.

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
JACQUI SOMERVILLE (XMAS) RUN

Song Title/OriginalTitle/Artist on Tape Aprox. No. of Performances
7+ 4-6 1-3 Nil*

Side A of Tape

Coal Digger/Goldfinger/Shirley Bassey 1-3^
Closed to You / Close to You/Carpenters 4-6^
Kate Adie / Dream Lover/Bobby Darin 7+^
Ultimate Love Song / Nothings Gonna Change My Love/Glenn Medeiros 4-6^
Mama Mia Farrow / Mama Mia/Abba 1-3^
You Can’t Hurry Trusts / You can’t Hurry Love/Supremes 7+^
Snowbush / Snowbird/Anne Murray 1-3^
Mick’s Unpleasant Things / My Favourite Things/Sound of Music Cast 1-3
Coppers Dressed as Hippies Teddy Bear’s Picnic/Henry Hall 7+
Eugene Terre’Blanche Sweet Gene Vincent/Ian Dury & Blockheads 4-6
We’re a Member As Well I Remember it Well/Gigi Cast 4-6
Midnight Plane to Jordan Midnight Train to Georgia/Gladys Knight & Pips Nil
Snatchbroker Snatchbroker Matchmaker Matchmaker/Fiddler on the Roof Cast 1-3
Stand By Your Bank Stand By Your Man/Tammy Winette 1-3
Steroids I Just Don’t Know What To Do/Dusty Springfield 4-6

Side B of Tape

Come Back Labour / Come Back My Love/Darts 1-3
Trucker Strikes / Summer Loving/Grease Cast 1-3
Maxwell’s Wife / Mack the Knife/Louis Armstrong 1-3
You’ll Never Watch a Game / You’ll Never walk Alone/Gerry & Pacemakers 7+
Mrs T / I Will Survive/Gloria Gaynor 7+
John Major Rock / Crocodile Rock/Elton John 4-6
Norman Lamont / Norweigan Wood/Beatles 4-6
Bye Bye NHS / Bye Bye Love/Simon & Garfunkle 4-6
As Time Goes By (Sketch and Medley) Falling in Love Again/Techno Twins / Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree/Andrew Sisters
We’ll Meet Again/Vera Lynn / Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No 2 Mov 2 1-3^

* but should have been in by now.

^ still running in the show at the moment 8 November 1992

White House, NewsRevue Lyric, 8 November 1992

Bill Clinton was elected President and I felt motivated to write about it straight away for NewsRevue. This lyric did very well in the show; but not until early the following year when Mark Bowden and his troupe used it, when the Clinton’s actually entered the White House.

Writing exactly 25 years later, it is an interesting reminder that most of us weren’t too sure about Bill Clinton at the very start, although what would we give to have someone of his stature, albeit flawed, in the White House today…

…his wife, for example?

I didn’t know how to spell “Hillary” back then but I’ll cut and paste the lyric as I wrote it.

The writing log says 8 November 1992 but the electronic file reads 20 November, so I must have tweaked slightly – perhaps in response to it not being used immediately. 

One slight regret about this lyric is that it has rather messed up my perception of “Our House” by Crosby Stills Nash and Young. It is a simply superb song (enjoy the link below whether you know the song or not), but for a quarter of a century now, hearing it has relentlessly made Bill and Hillary Clinton pop into my head.

WHITE HOUSE

(A song for Bill and Hilary Clinton to the Tune of “Our House”)

 

VERSE 1

HILARY:I’ll light the fire, you use the powers,

As the Governor of State;

BILL:Sittin’ by the fire, with Gennifer Flowers,

While the wife’s out working,

She’ll be earning,

Ten times more than me, ee, ee,

All legally, ee, ee.

 

VERSE 2

HILARY:Deep in the South {BILL:Deep in the South}

With gravy, grits and gingham dresses,

God, Guns, Geeks and Goops;

BILL:Joint in my mouth,{HILARY:Joint in his mouth}

I smoke my spliff without inhaling,

Voters bought it,

They must be e-ven more stoned than me, ee, ee,

Ill-legally, ee, ee;

 

CHORUS 1

BOTH:Our house, is a very very very fine house,

Electric chairs will shock,

In down town Little Rock,

We rednecks kicked the shit out of George Bush;

We say, (cocking a snook)

Na, na, nananana, nananana, nanana nanana, nanananananananana,

(OptionalNa, na, nananana, nananana, nanana nanana, nanananananananana);

 

CHORUS 2

BOTH:The White House, is a very very very fine house,

White marble on the floor,

This sure beats Arkansas,

Though everything is hicky since George Bush….

….moved out;

 

VERSE 3

HILARY:I’ll light the fire,

BILL:While I wear the pointed hat,

And sheets that we bought to-day-ay-ay-ay-ay.

If you click through this link – here – you can also read the lyrics…or just watch by clicking below: