Tag: Ben Murphy

VE Day (Victory in Elections), NewsRevue Medley, 22 April 1995

I must have been very confident that Labour was going to rout the Tories in the 1995 local elections. I wrote the following medley two weeks before polling day (4 May 1995) and didn’t change a word afterwards.

The 50th anniversary of VE day was due a few days later; hence my Wheel Vera Lynn song as well, authored a couple of days later – Ogblogged here.

This stuff ran for months in the show and I think might well have made it to Edinburgh and Christmas special status too.

VE (VICTORY IN ELECTIONS) DAY MEDLEY – LOCAL ELECTIONS 
(A medley to various World War Two tunes)

VOICEOVER: And now we go across to Walworth Road in Southwark where the Labour party are holding a street party to celebrate VE Day (Victory in Elections Day)
IN THE LOCAL COUNCIL POLLS
(To the tune of “The Quartermaster’s Stores”)

There was Blair, Blair, winning fair and square,
In the polls, in the polls;
There was Blair, Blair, every-bloody-where,
In the local council polls.
My eyes are dim I cannot see,
A single Tory victory,
I can’t see one Tory victory.

 

EASE UP GORDON BROWN
(To the tune of “Knees Up, Mother Brown”)

Ease up Gordon Brown, ease up Gordon Brown,
Labour councils won the rout,
Chucked a load of Tories out;
All you do is grimace,
All you do is frown,
Ease up, ease up, join in our knees up,
Ease up Gordon Brown.

 

ROLL OUT THE TORIES
(To the tune of “Roll Out The Barrel”)

Roll out the Tories,
See what the Tories have done;
Roll out the Tories,
We’ve got those Blues on the run;
Read lots of stories,
About their former careers;
Its sex and cash and arms with Tories,
But now it’s Labour’s year!!

Ben Murphy recorded the above medley, along with some of his own material and  including a wonderful version of the Wheel Vera Lynn song:

Just in case any Ogblog readers are unfamiliar with the original words and tunes for these Second World War classics, here are some YouTube links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x09fzAuNfYU

Be patient with Roll Out The Barrel: the song/lyrics don’t appear until about 1:20 into the following recording.

 

Crap Tarrantino Man, NewsRevue and Ben Murphy Lyric, 12 March 1995

This did well in NewsRevue and Ben Murphy adapted it for his “edgy family show” in the west country.

The version below is date stamped November 1995, but it was first written in March. I certainly didn’t suggest that it was a new version, so changes, if any, must have been minimal.

CRAP TARANTINO MAN
(To the Tune of “Son of a Preacher Man”)

For audiences with a nervous disposition, all the expletives (in bold type) should be replaced with beeps

VERSE 1

Tarantino got bored a lot,
And so he made some schlock movies and swore a lot;
When his characters make conversation,
They never pass on information,
It’s just a cesspit of degradation,
Half the words should be deleted,
Cos they’re fucking shit expletives.

CHORUS 1

The only cunt who could use invectives,
Was that crap Tarantino man;
The only prick who makes fuck effective,
Is that crap Tarantino man.
‘Cos he says shit and suck and motherfuck;
The only one who makes foul-mouthed flickers,
Is that motherfucking bum Tarantino man,
He won’t use words like oh blast and knickers,
Cos they ain’t foul Tarantino style;
He just says prick and butt he should be cut…….

Ends suddenly!!!!

Here’s Dusty singing Son of a Preacher Man with lyrics on the vid:

…and here is Ben Murphy’s adapted version of my lyric.

Letter To Ben Murphy, 7 March 1995

I’m not sure about signing myself off as Z/Ian. I think Ben must have been taking the piss out of our (then quite new) company name.

Ben Murphy                              7 March 1995
(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben

YET MORE STUFF

I’ve tried to call you but you aren’t in. I enclose some new stuff – hope you like it. Still thinking about the other stuff for you.

How’s the tape coming along? Is the tape coming along? Do send those old tapes: I am still getting a trickle of interest from across the pond on the information superhighway.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris (Z/Ian)

Encs.

Ideas For Ben Murphy, Fragment, Origins of the Tarrantino Lyric, 16 February 1995

A strange fragment document on my computer – I usually scribbled things on jotters in those days.

Guy kicked – frog in his throat
leg over down the palace
the nut’s named eric

son of preacher man
let’s stay together
you never can tell
pulp fiction – quentin tarrantino

I’ll guess that I typed a few phrases while chatting with Ben on the phone. Mostly meaningless to me now. But clearly this was the seed of my Tarrantino lyric, which Ben loved, used a lot and indeed recorded, albeit with a great deal of his own lyrical variations thrown in; not least because he performed in politer company than NewsRevue.

I’ll up my lyrics when I get to them. In the meantime, here is Ben’s wonderful version of Tarrantino while you wait.

Letter To Ben Murphy Plus Donald and Lydia, 16 February 1995

Hmmm, I wonder whether I kept that tape of Ben Murphy’s out-takes – they sound like fun. Another mini Ogblog project for the jotter.

I recommend that Ben records Donald and Lydia in this letter and Ben complies – see MP3 below the letter. What power of persuasion I must have had. Such a shame he ignored my other requests.

I still really like For What It’s Worth – one of my first baritone ukulele efforts and I still play it quite a lot.

 

Ben Murphy                                     16 February 1995
(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben

THE PROMISED STUFF

It was good to talk to you last night. I enclose the stuff I promised and shall think about the other stuff.

The songs from your out-takes I really liked were:
For What It’s Worth (number one request)
The Irish Rover
Dreaming just comes natural (or something – C&W number about about Lydia & Donald – I really like it)

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris

Encs.

 

Here is Ben Murphy’s clear and crisp recording of Donald and Lydia:

 

But if you’d prefer to hear (or want to hear as well) John Prine’s wonderful original version:

 

Letter To Ben Murphy Re Mr Barrymore, 29 January 1995

I assume Mr Barrymore is the comedian Michael Barrymore.

Strange that Ben Murphy asked me to do stuff about a TV personality, as I had no TV in the 1990s so presumably was writing to some sort of characteristic brief provided by Ben.

Also strange to uncover this stuff today, as the same comedian’s name came up earlier today, in conversation at Lord’s with “real tennis Tony”. Yet that name probably hadn’t entered my consciousness in decades.

Letter and some fairly inexplicable quickies follow. I don’t think Ben used any of this stuff; perhaps the odd scrap live.

Ben Murphy                                                 29 January 1995

(Wells address redacted)
Dear Ben

AT LAST – SOME STUFF

I have not had much time for writing or thinking since we last spoke, but here is an update of some stuff and my thoughts so far for Mr Barrymore. I’ll try and come up with some more soon but don’t hold your breath.

You were going to send me some of your tapes for punting around to hopefuls in the States etc. – is that still a happening thing?

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris

Encs.

…and the relevant enc…

BARRYMORE IDEAS
GRAND ROLEX WATCH

My grand Rolex watch was too large for my wrist,
So it sat there for years in my drawer;
I daren’t put it on just in case I get pissed,
Or get mugged when I walk out the door.

T’was a gift from me dad,
Who was always such a lad,
But gawd knows how he paid for this clock.

(look at watch in anger)
Now it’s stopped, short, never to go again,
(smash watch)
It’s fake from Bangkok.

 

STATIONARY TRAIN

The stationary train sat on the track, didn’t move;
The stationary train sat on the track, didn’t move;
The passengers knocked the ale back,
While tannoy voice blamed it on Railtrack, leaves and crew, crew, crew, crew, crew.

The tannoy said (crackle crackle) “we apologise to passengers for blah blah blah), didn’t move,
The tannoy said (crackle crackle) “would passengers waiting blah blah blah), didn’t move,

 

THERE’S A KIND OF HUSH

There’s a kind of hush,
All over the world tonight……..
(Voice off): So shut up then!!!
IF I HAD A STAMMER

Guitarist gently strums the pleasant riff from this song.
He encourages the audience to sing along with him on the oohh oohhs each time.

QUICKIE 1 – STAMMER

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;
If I had a stammer,
I’d stammer in the morning,
I’d s s s s s s;

 

QUICKIE 2 – HAMMOCK

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;
If I had a hammock,
I’d (snorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

 

QUICKIE 3 – WHAMMER (not for children or people of a nervous disposition)

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;
If I had a whammer,
I’d (makes wanking gesture) in the morning,
I’d (makes wanking gesture) in the evening,
All over this hand.

 

QUICKIE 4 – HUMMER

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;
If I were a hummer,
I’d hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm,
Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm,
Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm.

 

QUICKIE 5 – GRAMMAR

Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;
If I had no grammar,
I’d in the morning grammar,
I’d evening in the grammar…..(ends in confusion)

Commerce With Ben Murphy, Autumn Correspondence, Culminating 15 November 1994

Ben Murphy is/was a very funny fellow and I enjoyed doing business with him. But several of the NewsRevue writers struggled with him, usually at the “getting paid” level.

He certainly wasn’t very business-like (but then nor are some of the NewsRevue lot), so I suspect that my correspondence felt a bit more urgent to him.

I always got paid eventually, for as long as he wanted more material, as I’d simply withhold new stuff until I was paid for the old stuff after a while.

The other problem dealing with him was working out where he was. He moved around a lot, partly for summer season purposes but possibly for other reasons. I hope he didn’t pay me rather than the rent that month…perhaps that explains the move.

Anyway, the correspondence and invoices below (from the early Z/Yen days when I needed to invoice) give a good flavour of it all.

I got paid and got continuing business for a couple more years. Ben started calling me Z/Ian after the second of the letters below.

Ben Murphy                  12 October 1994

(Wells address redacted)

Dear Ben

SONGS

As promised, Ben, here are those new songs. Hope you can use them..

Looking forward to receiving the dosh soon. Hope to increase my volume of output again shortly – so watch this space.

Do let me have your new address and phone number a.s.a.p. Speak to you soon.

Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris

encs

…and with a little more urgency…

Ben Murphy                                   15 November 1994

(Wells address redacted)

Dear Ben

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY

Thank you for the telephone message that I have just received. I hope this letter gets to you, as your message did not identify your new address and telephone number.

I enclose copies of my fee notes (bloody yuppie he’s becoming) and copies of the very small number of new songs I’ve produced since we last spoke (nice guy ‘tho’, how could you possibly hate him on principle?).

I shall resort to private detectives and all sorts of shit unless I get a new address and telephone number out of you by the end of the month. I’ve just got to get these new songs to you!!

Love and kisses.

Cheers.
Yours sincerely
Ian Harris

Encs.

…and the invoices…

INVOICE
VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Ben Murphy Date: 12 September 1994

Tax point:14 August 1994

(Wells address redacted)

INVOICE TO: Ben Murphy
ACCOUNT REF: MU01
INVOICE NO: 02003
In respect of songs and sundry patter for your summer season, May to 12 August 1994.
£

ROYALTIES 150.00
VAT – NIL (PRE REGISTRATION) –

LESS: ADVANCE PAID 25.00

————-
TOTAL £125.00
========
This amount is now due. Many thanks in advance of your prompt attention.

 

INVOICE – FILE COPY VAT REG NO GB 646 1995 04

FAO Ben Murphy Date: 12 September 1994
Taxpoint: 12 September 1994

(Wells address redacted)

INVOICE TO: Ben Murphy
ACCOUNT REF: MU01
INVOICE NO: 02004
In respect of songs and sundry patter for your summer season, mid August to September 1994.
£

ROYALTIES 25.53
VAT @ 17.5% 4.47
————-
TOTAL £30.00
========
This amount is now due. Many thanks in advance of your prompt attention.

Letter To Ben Murphy, 12 July 1994

Ben Murphy 12 July 1994
[address redacted]
Wells
Somerset

Dear Ben
 
SONGS

 
As promised, Ben, here are those new songs. Hope you can use them. I think the Camilla one is easily adaptable into a solo. Possibly also the Jeffrey  and Virginia ones.
 
Looking forward to receiving the tapes soon. (And subsequently also some dosh from the tapes also!!)
 
Speak to you soon.
 
Yours sincerely
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ian Harris
 
encs

Letter To Ben Murphy, 23 May 1994

Ben Murphy 23 May 1994
Ben Murphy Associates?
[Address and Postcode Redacted]
Newquay
Cornwall

Dear Ben
 
MORE SONGS

 
Have you noticed how sole practitioner businesses tend to be called “Suchandsuch Associates”? The word “associates” is the giveaway that this person has no associates. And possibly no friends either. Anyway, I needed to put something in the space marked “organisation”.
 
Here are the new ones.
 
I am standing by the letter box waiting to receive huge wads of readies.
 
Have fun in the studio. Speak to you soon.
 
Yours sincerely
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ian Harris
 
encs

Barrymore’s Tight Awright, NewsRevue & Ben Murphy Lyric, 23 May 1994

Ben Murphy encouraged me to write about this fellow, Michael Barrymore, who had only minimally entered my  consciousness previously.

I wrote and logged this lyric 23 May 1994. Not sure why I copied it, seemingly verbatim, to Amipro 30 November 1994 – probably just a resubmission thing and a desire for a while to port some of the existing lyrics into Amipro as templates for future lyrics.

Not sure if this ever got used. Ben Murphy did a Barrymore thing loosely based on it, using a different tune, I think.

BARRYMORE’S TIGHT AWIGHT
(To the Tune of “Saturday Night’s Alright”)
VERSE 1

It’s Saturday, late,
I need some opiate,
Cos Michael Barrymore is here;
Seven o’clock, so I’ll snort some rock,
Then I’ll get a belly full of beer.

My old lady, Cheryl,
Says my life is deep in peril,
But my producer knows I’m sane;
He says I look cute when we’re ready to shoot,
With a heap load of shit in my brain.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh….

CHORUS 1

Don’t give me more rehabilitation,
Cos drying out’s an effing bore;
Saturday night’s awight for tripping,
When you’re Michael Barrymore.

Speed has got me talking like a diesel train,
I’m gonna strike it lucky tonight;
Saturday night’s awight for snorting,
Saturday night’s awight.
Awight, awight, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
(Barrymore collapses and tries to crawl off the stage)

OPTIONAL OUTRO

(Chorus enters to help carry Barrymore off. As they do this they chant)
Barrymore, Barrymore, Barrymore, Barrymore, Barrymore, Barrymore,
Barrymore, Barrymore, Barrymore’s tight awight.

Here’s Elton John singing Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting with lyrics on the screen: