Tag: Charles Bartlett

The Heavy Rollers Witness Ashes Cricket Together For The First Time, Edgbaston, 5 & 6 July 2001

Yes, the big fuss is for that little urn. Do you have a problem with this?

In November 2000, there will have been an outbreak of joy in several households, not least mine, when we received the following missive from Nigel Hinks:

Just to confirm that despite “unprecedented interest” (Warwickshire CC) TICKETS have been secured in usual places (Priory Stand Row A 12-17) for the above.

Cost of £67 (32 Thursday+35 Friday). Payable as soon as you like………

Haven’t yet spoken with David. No assumptions about Wadderton or indeed David as ‘catering manager’. Just book it in the diaries and look at it throughout the winter months!!!

Nigel

Needless to say, Wadderton & David Steed’s catering management came through.

The team of Heavy Rollers for those six seats reverted to the 1999 contingent, listed again here with the nicknames allocated some years later (apart from mine, which had been around for years):

  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
  • “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
  • David “David Peel” Steed;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett (like me, a 1999 initiate);
  • Me “Ged Ladd”.

The mists of time have left a mystery, nay even controversy, surrounding the absence of Nick Bartlett in 2000. I’ll leave that debate for others to argue out in articles other than this one…or possibly in court if the debate gets too adversarial.

Differently controversially, my team of mascots, which had included Henry The Duck & Hippity the Green Bunny in 2000, was increased by the addition of Bananarama Monkey-Face in 2001.

Bananarama Monkey-face in 2004, no doubt “in care” having been rescued from Jeff’s clutches

Daisy & I were adopted by Bananarama Monkey-Face in Pickering in July 2000.
This image from his post trauma writing phase in 2014.

In many ways this 2001 visit was the first true manifestation of Nigel Hinks’s curtains-induced vision of watching Ashes cricket at a regular meet with friends.

Guest Piece by Nigel Hinks: The Birth Of The Heavy Rollers Tradition, Edgbaston, June 1998, Including The Revelations And Acts That Led To The Birth

I don’t suppose that Nigel’s 1995 vision included duck, bunny & monkey mascots, but that simply shows that revelations of that kind only reveal part of the future story. It also shows that, to some extent, you should always beware what you wish for, even if it is something as wonderful and enduring as The Heavy Rollers.

Actually it was Jeff Tye who seemed least pleased with the mascot contingent and took some pains over the forthcoming years to ease them out of the picture.

Many of us had a sense of foreboding about the 2001 Ashes, despite the seeming opposite from some of us in the November 2000 e-mail bants:

Jeff: What a prospect – the tide has turned – England 480 for 8 after 2days in Pakistan – just imagine the score after 2 days against Australia at Edgbaston – the book is already open Charles !!!!

Me: I just hope those Aussies can last two whole days.

Chas: I do not wish to sound unpatriotic, but the Aussies will give us the most extreme test of our cricketing abilities!

Our sense of foreboding was more than justified. Here is the match scorecard. The sense that England might somehow be in with a shout dissipated soon after lunch on Day One.

I’m pretty sure this was the match at which Charles managed to persuade some autograph-hunting youngsters that Nick was Andrew Flintoff, watching with us from the front row of the Priory Stand.

Nick Bartlett

Freddie Flintoff

You can see for yourselves above that this must have been an easy scam to pull off, especially with Nick ‘s poker face showing no sign whatsoever that this was a lark.

Nevertheless, a few dopey kids lined up and collected Nick’s forgery of Freddie Flintoff’s autograph.

Frankly, I think Charles might easily have passed himself off as Freddie Flintoff at that time. Again, judge for yourselves.

Freddie Flintoff setting a field

Charles Bartlett setting a field

Joking apart, and despite the fact that the memories of these matches, writing them up more than 20 years later, are quite faded, I do recall that we had a superb time yet again.

I also recall that, on the Friday afternoon, I popped out to the loo, anticipating an hour or so more of play, but when I came out of the loo the heavens had opened and everyone was pouring out of the stands. Nigel very kindly gathered up my things, rescuing Henry, Hippity and Bananarama-Monkey-Face from what could have been a very soggy demise.

As well as rescuing “my boys”, Nigel must also have rescued Jeff Tye’s “betting sheets” for the prediction game, which ended up in my hands for computation that year – perhaps for the first time but certainly not the last. Those relics remain with me to this day – here they are:

Unmistakably you can see Jeff’s templates with Jeff’s writing all over them…until you get to the computations which are in my trademark scrawl. I note that the going rate at that time was just 20p per punter per line.

I think several people had brought cars with them to the church grounds near Edgbaston Stadium with a view to driving home from the ground on the second day. Nigel kindly took me to the railway station on his way out of town. Our correspondence that weekend (I peppered his e-mail with comments):

Nigel: Hope you got home ok. Friday. We experienced the most amazing flooding in suburban Harborne after we dropped you off.


Me: Hope it didn’t hold you up too much – I got home c20.40


Nigel: Ah well we got the best couple of days and possibly the day of the series.


Me: almost certainly


Nigel: Shame about the collapse today again. But what a knock from Gilchrist who you fancied….just as well he didn’t get in on Friday!

Me: Yup

By November 2001, though, we were lining up for a breach of tradition in 2002. Nigel again:

Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,

We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May.


However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge.


This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India (2nd Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do the 2 days.

So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.

How did that all pan out? Well, unless you can remember, you’ll simply have to await the next exciting episode to find out.

The Children’s Society v Z/Yen Cricket Match, Regent’s Park, 28 June 2001

Who is wearing the brighter whites? Chas or Ged?

A memorable match in many ways.

Charles “Charley the Gent Malloy” Bartlett and I had sloped off to the nets a couple of times ahead of this fixture, if I remember correctly. The tuition paid dividends for both of us. We both achieved scores of 20 not out (retired).

But…

…on this one occasion on Regent’s Park, Z/Yen was to prevail.

David Highton, with his reliable medium paced dobble-bowling, took a hat-trick for Z/Yen, ripping the heart out of the Children’s Society batting line up.

Charles kept his pads on, as the “retired not out” batsman was permitted to resume if the innings would otherwise be complete.

On resumption, Chas somehow managed to lob the simplest of catches to me at midwicket.

“Tell anyone about that catch and Tony The Tarantula will pay you a visit. He knows where you live, know what I mean?”

I wrote to Chas early the next day, a long and rather dull e-mail about work stuff, in which I concluded:

Look forward to seeing you Wednesday – oh and I have not yet told [anyone] about the dolly catch.

Chas replied that morning with one of the worst, laugh-out-loud excuses for a dismissal I have ever read:

As I recall I was being verbally abused by some of your close-in fielders – and to my dismay some of my own team on the sidelines!

In an attempt to satisfy everyone (low scoring but wickets tumbling around me!) and finding it almost impossible to get a bat near any ball. Wides, no balls and balls trickling along the ground. I attempted a pull shot to leg, only to be temporarily blinded by a shinning white vision, which turned out to be Ian’s brand new cricket whites!!

That is pretty much as I remember it!!

One vital matter that emerges from this piece of cricket archaeology is proof positive – we might call it silicon dating – that I bought my cricket troos that spring, 2001, confirming that they are significantly older than England cricketer Rehan Ahmed, which was a matter of some conjecture and debate in King Cricket circles when that lad had his debut. Indeed they are older than I suspected when I estimated 2002 or 2003 as the purchase date.

Six things older than Rehan Ahmed

Here are the scorecards from that historic and seminal 2001 match, which Z/Yen won by a smidgeon – 4 runs:

England v West Indies, 5th Test, Oval, 31 August 2000 but not 4 September 2000

Thursday 31 August 2000

I have documentary evidence to prove that I went to the Oval on the first day of the fifth test. Not much was arranged by e-mail in those days, but I wrote an e-mail to TMS. I was reminded of same, today (13 January 2017) as a result of some discussions about left and right-handedness on King Cricket – click here – which triggered a memory that I possess a great essay on the subject in The Boundary Book: Second Innings.

I found the book. Marking that very essay in my copy of The Boundary Book: Second Innings was a printout of the following e-mail, to TMS:

In the hope & expectation that Nagamootoo will be selected for the Oval, try this limerick for size.

There is a young man Nagamootoo,

Who the girls find it hard to stay true to;

He’s a little too shy,

Like the song by that guy,

Named Limahl from the group Kajagoogoo.

Do look out for us today, near the front of the Peter May North Stand. A monkey, a green rabbit, four chaps (including two American rookies trying test cricket for the first time) and a yellow duck named Henry.  Henry bears more than a passing resemblance to Henry Blofeld.

Ian

Earlier that same summer at the first test with the Heavy Rollers, plus Hippity the Green Bunny, Henry the Duck but no monkey. The monkey joined our household later.

We met Bananarama Monkey-Face in Pickering in early July 2000. This photo from 2014, after he’d established his own small-time writing career.

FALSE MEMORY PARAGRAPH

I have a feeling that the first day of the fifth test must be the occasion that Jeremy, Michael and I went together, with the additional American Rookie being a client or prospective client of Michael’s who turned out to have the attention span of a flea. He watched for about 5 or 10 minutes, got bored, wandered off and made us feel thoroughly irritated, as we knew loads of people who would have loved that hot ticket. As Michael said afterwards, “I’m not making that mistake again”.

CORRECTED MEMORY PARAGRAPH

Following an e-mail trawl for other summer 2000 matters, I realise that the above memory is false, or rather a memory from a later year/test match day. On 31 August 2000 the attendees were:

  • me
  • Michael “Timothy Tiberelli” Mainelli
  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett
  • Bob “Big Mac” Reitemeier (this pseudonym previously unused, but in the grand tradition of On The Waterfront characters as pseudonyms).

Both Michael and Bob were suitably interested in the cricket and indeed both have attended first class cricket and/or played several times since their initiation that day. Perhaps Charles also has some memories of that day. Big Mac e-mailed to say:

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the day.  I must admit that I did follow the events on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with some interest following my induction on Thursday.  Great stuff.   The hook has been planted…

What about Monday?

But far more importantly, Aggers clearly liked my limerick a lot, because I heard him read it out at one point and learned that he broadcast it more than once during the day on that first day of the match.

I got very excited on the Friday, as Clean Business Cuisine (still available at all good bookshops, both on-line and real world) had just come out and we were promoting it heavily, so I got our book PR lass, Tanya, to bike a copy of the book to the TMS team at the Oval with a note of thanks re the limerick. I am now sure that such effort and expense is utterly futile. We live and learn.

That evening (the Friday) Janie and I saw Anthea and Mitchell. My diary says so. On the Saturday evening we saw Maz – my diary says so. I think it was her goodbye party ahead of going off to Malawi. A trawl of Janie’s diaries (and other people’s memories) at some stage in the future might well retrieve more stuff about those two evenings.

Monday 4 September 2000

Somehow, England, a shocking test match side at the time, had got itself ahead in a series against the (once) mighty West Indies (heck, they still had Walsh and Ambrose in those days, ageing though they might have been).

Going into the final test, England were 2-1 up. And now England were poised, in a great position to win the historic match and series on Day 5.

Click here to see the match scorecard.

I was reminded of all this 18 months ago (summer 2015) when King Cricket cricket wrote a piece about the summer of 2000 – click here.

Several of us recovered our memories for that piece and commented. Here’s my comment about 4 September 2000:

I remember taking an early call from Big “Papa Zambezi” Jeff on the final day of the series, wondering whether I wanted to join him on a walk-up expedition south of the river (Thames, not Zambezi) to the Oval. He reckoned we’d still get good seats walking up Day 5 and it turned out he was right. But I had unmovable client commitments that day (long since forgotten by me and probably the clients), so he walked up and got splendid seats for an historic day without me. I made amends by buying Day 5 seats for the Oval in 2005 as a precautionary measure; Big “Papa Zambezi” Jeff was one of the beneficiaries of that forethought.

Well I have now looked up my diary and can see exactly what I did that day. I was sort-of on a deadline with an important report. Plus lots of calls. But I did have some slack that week.

Could I have burned some midnight oil and caught up? Of course I could.

Should I have gone with Jeff that day? Of course I should.

Oh well.

The Children’s Society Cricket Match, Regent’s Park, 24 August 2000

I came across an entry in my diary for 24 August 2000 which had me completely…

…forgive the pun…

stumped.

17:00 Children’s Society, Regent’s Park

I couldn’t remember a thing about this event. It certainly wasn’t a Z/Yen thing.

Following some archaeology on the old e-mails, I ascertained that this was some sort of a match between The Children’s Society and Cable and Wireless; but still nothing came back to my memory.

It was clear from the e-mail trail that both Nigel and Chas had been involved with this match, so I wrote to both of them to see if they had any recollection of this event.

I needn’t have worried – yes they did.

Their replies were so comprehensive…

…and amusing…

…that with a little bit of sub-editing they made a very jolly two-hander for the King Cricket website, which published the piece in January 2018 – click here or below to read the piece.

Charity cricket in Regent’s Park – match report

If by any chance the King Cricket link doesn’t work, I have scraped the piece to here.

To my mind, this is one of the wonderful things about Ogblog – an opportunity to re-engage such memories. Sometimes an event that was not so memorable for me might have been, for some reason, especially memorable for someone else.

Nigel – still shouting from the rooftops about the August 2000 match, perhaps?

The Heavy Rollers Double-Up For The First Two Days Of The England v West Indies Edgbaston Test Match, 15 & 16 June 2000

The first ever picture of The Heavy Rollers, taken, quite brilliantly, by “that joker of a supervisor steward”, Paul Guppy. From left to right starting with, in the green shirt and shades: Nigel, Charles, Jeff, Me (with Hippity & Henry The Duck), David. I have often wondered about the person two seats to the right of David. Did he not want to be seen on camera? Was he having a Sneed-snooze? Had he existentially expired?…

…or perhaps the chap with his head down had just heard one of Paul’s terrible jokes

Following the resounding success of the 1999 Heavy Rollers visit to Edgbaston – my first one:

My First Taste Of The Great Cricket Tradition That Is The Heavy Rollers, England v New Zealand Test Day One, Edgbaston, 1 July 1999

…which itself was the sequel to the inaugural Heavy Rollers outing in 1998:

Guest Piece by Nigel Hinks: The Birth Of The Heavy Rollers Tradition, Edgbaston, June 1998, Including The Revelations And Acts That Led To The Birth

…at some point a decision was made to make it two days rather than one for 2000. That decision was as yet unmade in early December 1999, when Nigel wrote:

Whatever your reasoning-to see Charles take money off Jeff, Ian’s mascot/s, the cuisine, the cricket even….the time has come to believe in the future. Things can improve.

England v West Indies, same place, Thursday June 15th and possibly 16th too?

Let me know,soon.

Nigel

I cannot see my reply or even any e-mail replies on the e-mail trail, yet somehow we must have all communicated to Nigel our considered opinion on expanding the adventure to two days: YES PLEASE!

We were all working together a lot in late 1999, so my guess is that everyone had the opportunity to discuss the matter with Nigel and for all the arrangements to be communicated by means other than e-mail. An extraordinary thought 20+ years later.

In the absence of a swathe of photos and documentary evidence, memory evidence is thin. The traditions described in the above two pieces (1998 and 1999) would have been pursued without doubt. We will have stayed at Wadderton, certainly on the Wednesday and Thursday night. David will have done the honours with the picnic on both days. Jeff will have done Edgebaston [sic] betting sheets. I would have trained home on the Friday evening.

One strong memory I have of this episode was a moment of fame for one of my mascots, Henry the Duck.

Same location, same two teams, four years later

I’m pretty sure it was on the TV highlights we saw at Wadderton on the evening after the first day’s play. I’m guessing it was when Graeme Hick was out for a duck, the camera panned to Henry for a few moments and Michael Holding said, words to the effect of:

that just about sums it up.

Traditions take a while to settle, of course. Even The Heavy Rollers. So there was some fragmentation and controversy that summer.

No-one has ever managed to establish why Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett wasn’t there. Nick is convinced he wasn’t invited. Nigel insists that he would only have needed the nod from Chas and Nick would have been an automatic pick. There are rumours that some indecision might have been involved. The truth will never be established.

Later in the summer, the fragmentation meant that Chas and I, together with Michael Mainelli and Bob “Big Mac” Reitemeier spent the day together at the Oval on Day One of The Fifth Test.

England v West Indies, 5th Test, Oval, 31 August 2000 but not 4 September 2000

That event might inadvertently have kicked off the short spate of ill-conceived attempts by senior Children’s Society folk to join The Heavy Rollers and the resulting accusations of elitism.

On Day Five of the fifth test, Jeff Tye called me in the morning and suggested that we “walk up” and see the day’s play together, as it promised to be potentially historic – indeed it turned out unquestionably so. As I explain in the above piece, to my regret since, I let work get in the way. Jeff was smarter and/but went to the Oval on his own that day.

But returning to Edgbaston in June 2000, here is a link to the scorecard for the match...then feast your eyes again on that early incarnation of The Heavy Rollers…

My First Taste Of The Great Cricket Tradition That Is The Heavy Rollers, England v New Zealand Test Day One, Edgbaston, 1 July 1999

A Facsimile of David Steed’s 1999 spread, actually Jeff Tye’s 2003 spread, Photo by Charles Bartlett

I have written up the tale of the “aha” moment, in July 1998 (click here or below), when I learnt about The Heavy Rollers and they twigged that I shared their devotion to cricket.

The Day The Heavy Rollers Entered My Consciousness & Indeed When My Devotion To Cricket Entered Theirs, 23 July 1998

How or why they reached their decision to invite me to join them in 1999 is shrouded in mystery and secrecy, other than to say that I was working very closely with Charles, Nigel and Jeff at that time; I suspect cricket came into the casual conversation quite a few times.

My diary suggests that I originally planned to make it a day trip on that Thursday but reworked my plans into a three day visit to the West Midlands, the first two of which revolved around several meetings organised by Charles and (separately) Jeff and Nigel at The Children’s Society’s West Midlands Conference Centre, Wadderton.

Wadderton, The Spiritual Home Of the Heavy Rollers

Wadderton – Photo by Charles Bartlett

In the early years of The Heavy Rollers (and, heck, 1999 was only the second year of this great tradition) the overnight meal and chat at Wadderton before the match was a quintessential element of the experience. So was the enjoyment of a David Steed picnic at the cricket (see example in headline photo), lovingly prepared by David (who ran Wadderton) and schlepped by him and several others of us to Edgbaston.

Those who rolled in 1999 (and the nicknames I gave them all some years later) were the following:

  • Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
  • Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
  • “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
  • David “David Peel” Steed;
  • Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett (like me, a 1999 initiate);
  • Me “Ged Ladd”.

Only one 1998 character was dropped from the original 1998 five; Paul “Fifth Beatle” Griffiths. The who, what and why of Paul’s “dismissal” should be told by someone far better able to explain than me (Nigel). One of the reasons, as I understand it, was Paul’s inability to engage realistically with the prediction betting game.

The Prediction Betting Game

Ah, the prediction game! One of the several traditions that appears to have emerged almost fully formed in the earliest incarnation of the Heavy Rollers. Jeff was the curator of that game originally, handing out sheets asking attendees to predict, at the start of the day, an array of different scores and match factors achieved at various intervals in the day. 50p per line, placing a theoretical five to seven pounds at risk, although most people would end up merely a pound or two up or down. It’s not about the money, it’s about the bragging rights. Actually, come to think of it, it’s not even about that. It’s traditional, so of course we do it each year.

Within two or three years, I had taken up the prediction game mantle from Jeff, as my mental arithmetic and precision in applying rules was deemed, by the majority, to be superior to that of Jeff; not the highest benchmark I have ever exceeded, but there we go. I think I might even have carried forward Jeff’s traditional mis-spelling of the word Edgbaston as Edgebaston the first time I did the sheets. Below is the earliest version that survives in electronic form – 2004 -but this e-template was created in 2002.

The Steed Picnic Followed By (As Night Follows Day) The Steed Snooze

The headline picture (one of Charles’s many superb efforts) depicts an example of a David Steed-style picnic (actually Jeff Tye brought this picnic, in 2003 as it happens), set out atop the fence at the front of the Priory Stand. In those days, the Priory Stand’s front row extended pretty much to the boundary, making those seats an excellent front row view and an opportunity to chat with unsuspecting fielders who might be standing very close indeed to us, guarding that part of the boundary.

The coloured clothing is kids playing Kwik Cricket during lunch

Beady-eyed observers and cricket historians will observe, to the right of the picture, a plastic cup filled with lightly coloured liquid that resembles, in look, white wine. It is white wine. David always ensured that there was plentiful wine for the picnic. In those early years, I think it was still permissible to bring alcohol into the ground. Latterly, when such permission was revoked, various “drinks muling” operations were devised. David’s best was un-shelling wine boxes and disguising quite large quantities of wine as picnic coolers at the bottom of his hamper.

Most would take some wine with the lunch. Some would also be partaking of beer; some would stick with beer, some would only drink wine.

Most of us, if we are being honest, would be a little hazy on the details of the sessions of play after lunch. But David could be relied upon to go a step or two further, having an extended snooze – sometimes dropping off even before the resumption of play after lunch. It was part of the Heavy Rollers tradition. It would have been rude of David not to snooze. It would have been even more rude of us not to observe the snooze and incorporate the only uncertain aspect of it (the exact timing) into the prediction game.

That Particular 1999 Heavy Rollers Event

I especially remember socialising at Wadderton on the evening before the event. It was possibly the first time that I had spent significant social time with Nigel and Jeff. I had got to know Charles a year or so earlier and therefore better – not only through work events at Wadderton that had required overnight stays and evening time together, but also through the early Z/Yen & Children’s Society sporty socials, including cricket, tennis & even ten-pin bowling (Ogblogs to follow).

One aspect of the night before which sticks in my mind is seeing a “big match build up” piece on the TV – I think it might have been on the local West Midlands news – but this was excitingly unusual for me as I had no TV in those days. I would sometimes see TV at Janie’s place but I don’t think I’d previously experienced that feeling of watching a news/magazine item on the TV and thinking “I’ll be there witnessing that tomorrow”.

I remember little, in truth, about the day itself, other than the impressionistic view that I had a superb time and very much hoped that the experience would be repeated…

…although I’m not sure that I would have imagined in my wildest dreams that the tradition would be sustained into a third decade.

I used to buy a programme in those days (I gave up on that some years ago as I tended barely to look at them after I while – I still have my 1999 one.

I do remember wanting and advocating for bowling changes far too frequently. Every time I said “I think they should have replaced so-and-so” – more than once Andy Caddick -that bowler would go on to take a wicket…or two.

I also recall wondering out loud whether Nasser Hussein was desperate bringing Mark Butcher on to bowl before lunch, only for Butch, naturally, to take a wicket. Jeff Tye in particular found my low-grade captaincy ideas hilarious.

Here’s a link to the cricinfo scorecard.

Below is a highlights reel for the series.

One tradition that was not formed from the outset, but which flowed from/after the 1999 gathering, was the idea that one day of Heavy Rolling at the test was insufficient for our cricketing appetites and that we should aim for two henceforward.

I suspect that most of the others stayed at Wadderton after that 1999 day at the test and I’m not too sure how I got my luggage and myself back to London. I suspect that David Steed had arranged a mini-bus of some sort to take the group back to Wadderton and arranged for my luggage to be brought on it. I vaguely remember being dropped at Five Ways and wending my way back to Birmingham New Street and then home from there.

When I say “home”, I was staying at Janie’s that summer while “The City Quarters” were being refurbished. That explains why I recall watching highlights on the TV at the end of that day – another rare treat for me at that time.

The Aftermath

I wrote to most of the Rollers at 9:00 the next morning:

To: HINKS NIGEL; BARTLETT CHARLES; TYE JEFF
Subject: 1 July 1999

also to David by post

Just a quick note to thank you all for the good company yesterday and especially to thank Nigel for organising it and David for making the splendid spread. It was a super day out.

Sun is shining today – easier wocket – here’s to 350+ for England. (Hope springs……..)

See you all soon.

Ian

Charles wrote the following response to all the e-mailees at lunchtime:

Having just heard that England are 45 for 6 I think 350 is a trifle optimistic!..

Charles

In a vain attempt to extricate myself with my dignity intact, I wrote the following missive at 7:30 a.m. on the Monday:

Gentlemen

Like I said – 350+ 1st innings (226 NZ + 126 Eng = 352 – which is more than 350) – there’s creative accounting for you. Anyway, England won and the naysayers were confounded.

Ian

Nigel responded pithily:

(Never)Trust an accountant!

The Heavy Rollers tradition of post-match e-mail bants was now well and truly formed. Although, given my dire prediction skills in 1999, the biggest surprise is that the elders of The Heavy Rollers didn’t give me “the Fifth Beatle treatment”, but instead, thank goodness, invited me back again…and again…and again…

The Day Charley The Gent And I Witnessed The Tied World Cup Cricket Semi Final At Edgbaston…On A Screen In Barcelona, 17 June 1999

Image “Diving For A Tie” produced in collaboration with Dall-E

The headline is a little deceptive, because Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett and I were not in Barcelona the City, but we were, along with a great many Z/Yen people and one or two other Children’s Society people, in Barcelona, the tapas and wine bar in The City.

Twenty years later, at the time of writing, Barcelona is still there – click the image for a link.

I had spent the whole day in the City. My diary says we had a PAYE inspection that day. I think it might have been that magnificent day that the inspector challenged us for claiming that we had an expenses procedure dispensation (which of course we did have) as he could find no record of us ever having been issued with such a dispensation. Linda Cook went to the archive files and dug out our dispensation letter which happened to have been issued by “Phil”, the very tax inspector who was before us that day. He almost apologised, claiming that files had been lost in an office move. He didn’t stay long after that.

But of course you don’t win tax inspections; the best you can hope for is an honourable draw or a tie.

Which brings me to the World Cup Semi Final.

But before that I need to explain why Charley The Gent was at our offices that day. You see, Teresa Bestard, who was one of Z/Yen’s first employees and who had done a great deal of work for The Children’s Society under Charley’s auspices, was leaving Z/Yen that day.

Teresa was (is) a Catalan with roots in Barcelona and Majorca. She chose the Barcelona tapas and wine bar as a suitable venue for her leaving do.

I arranged to meet Charley and Tony to go through some business stuff at Z/Yen around 16:00, so they could conveniently join the leaving do afterwards.

Nobody had been thinking about cricket at this juncture. Not even Teresa, who was good pals with Bob Willis, following a different wine bar incident (with me and others) in a different part of London – see relevant Ogblog piece by clicking here or below:

An Evening With Teresa Bestard, Bob Willis & Others, Albertine Wine Bar, 19 August 1997

On arrival, Chas did ask me if I was aware of the Australia v South Africa semi-final score. I wasn’t. He told me. I said it sounded close, but edging towards South Africa. Chas said he fancied Australia for the match. He wanted to bet. I said I don’t like to bet. He suggested a one pound stake. I accepted, with the proviso that if the match was a tie, both pounds would go to The Children’s Society.

Chas doing his Children’s Society cricket captain bit, back in 1998

We were not expecting to follow the latter stages of the World Cup Semi-Final, but Barcelona had other ideas. They were pumping the match out on big screens throughout the bar.

Great…

…said the cricket tragics, e.g. me and Charley. Teresa did not seem well pleased. She was already vocally irritated with us for a supposed slight; we had invited Mary O’Callaghan along to the event. Teresa saw this as Z/Yen inviting Teresa’s replacement to Teresa’s own leaving do. Actually we had hired Mary before we even knew that Teresa was leaving and had asked Mary along to several events to meet the team before she joined; this was the one she could make.

Some neutrals, such as Jacqueline Goldberg, Michael Mainelli and Linda Cook, used the language of indifference towards the cricket, but in truth couldn’t help but become more and more interested in the final overs of the match, as it became clear that the result was on a knife edge and the match was a real thriller.

Here is a link to the scorecard and Cricinfo resources.

I hope The Children’s Society made good use of the £2 it scored from that bet. The charity benefited from our subsequent charity matches to a much greater extent than this wager.

Below is a video of the highlights/denouement of that match:

Teresa’s leaving do went on for hours after the cricket finished and everyone relaxed into the wine and tapas. It was a very good leaving do for a very special member of the team.

But I’m afraid the cricket tragics amongst us will remember the evening primarily for that astonishing tied World Cup Semi Final, as we lived every moment on those big screens in Barcelona.

Evenings Of Ten Pin Bowling In Romford With Z/Yen & The Children’s Society Crowd, 3 December 1998 & 15 February 1999

Photo by Xiaphias, CC BY-SA 3.0

My memories from these particular evenings are fairly impressionistic.

We had good turnout from the Z/Yen crowd, despite the fact that none of us were really into ten-pin bowling. The Children’s Society (TCS) turnout was not as good, although Charles Bartlett and Tony Duggan were into ten-pin bowling.

I think one of these evenings must have been the first time I met Dot Bartlett. Probably the second one when Janie also came along.

Despite Charles’s constant jokes about Romford being a gangsta’s paradise, the Romford bowling alleys we attended seemed remarkably peaceful and friendly. Perhaps Charles made it known to the Romford underworld that he was being visited by people he considered to be family and that, therefore, “this ain’t your night”. Ever “Charley the Gent Malloy”, is Chas.

I say alleys rather than alley, as I think we went to a different place each time. Perhaps the place known 25 years later as Namco Funscape the first time, then a place now known as Rollerball the second time.

I remember Elisabeth Mainelli doing exceptionally well, especially on that first occasion, having said that she had never so much as seen a ten-pin bowling alley before.

Charles insisted on having Teresa Bestard (who worked for Z/Yen but was doing a lot of work with TCS at that time) on his team. I don’t think this was a tactical move in the matter of improving the standard of his team, but it was an attempt to even up the sides, at least numbers-wise.

Naturally TCS prevailed the first time regardless of the intricacies of team selection and numbers.

In kicking off the arrangements for the second event, I wrote:

I promised to come up with some Monday dates for bowling.  Janie is currently keeping Monday 8 February and Monday 15 February evenings free.  If you recall, we plugged for Monday evening to enable Dean Burnell to attend.

The Z/Yen team been training hard for many weeks now.  I’m not sure whether the management skills training will help the bowling – we’ll find out.

Chas replied:

Both dates are good for me although the second date (15 Feb) probably best as I am on leave to whole week prior to the 8th Feb and it would be helpful that I am around.

How many do you anticipate from Z/Yen for the ritual slaughter?

regards

Charles.

It might or might not have been ritual slaughter. I seem to recall Z/Yen doing a bit better second time around. But my main memory of the event was Janie trying to put Chas off while he was bowling, by wandering down the side of the lane, within his peripheral view, staring like an avid fan at Chas preparing his shot.

Chas got really discombobulated by this trick, claiming a complete inability to concentrate, keep a straight face and/or complete his bowl.

I think Chas might be over it by now, 25 years later. I have a feeling it didn’t stop TCS from winning again.

Chas was over it by 12 September 2005, when we saw England regain The Ashes at The Oval

The Very Second Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match – The First With The Children’s Society, 25 August 1998

We returned to the scene of the first Z/Yen charity cricket match, which had taken place just a few week’s earlier…

The Very First Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match, Barnardo’s, 22 July 1998

…again to play with Barnardo’s, but this time also with The Children’s Society.

I know that Ian Theodoreson and Bob Harvey gave us and their Barnardo’s charges every encouragement to make these evenings happen, but I have a feeling that neither of them made it to either evening.

Anyway, it was a very jolly evening and a great chance for people to get to know each other as well as mess around a bit playing cricket.

Not only did Barnardo’s still supply a bunch of dudes who knew what they were doing – see photo above…

…The Children’s Society was also blessed with some half-decent cricketers, including Chief Executive and glove man Ian Sparks:

Ian Sparks on gloves, Harish Gohil at bat; presumably this was warming up pre contest
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett – starting as he meant to go on

I can’t remember in detail the playing conditions we came up with for this particular evening, but sort-of having three teams in an after work round robin in August was never going to work brilliantly as matches. I have a feeling we played sort-of eight a side with additional supply fielders from the sides that weren’t batting.

No slide rule – but the Barnardo’s score book and my own trusty light meter
Reservoir Dogs but without the ultraviolence? Kevin Parker (striding, front left), Rupert Stubbs (hatted, central), Michael Mainelli (arms folded in disgust, right).
Spot the ball (obviously going uppishly to backward square leg, that’s me batting)
Mainelli looks relieved to have been dismissed.

I still think the whole idea had started with Kevin Parker and some of the Barnardo’s team he was working with – I wonder if I can extract a confession from him.

Kevin probably doesn’t realise quite what a Z/Yen tradition he kicked off. Kevin was long gone by the time Garry Sobers came to watch us play, for example…

The Day Garfield Sobers Watched Me & Z/Yen Play Cricket, Lord’s, 30 June 2009

…but I digress.

We had a lot of fun with the Barnardo’s and Children Society folk in that summer of 1998.

Below is a link to all the pictures from both of the 1998 matches:

Cricket_1998 (1)

The Day The Heavy Rollers Entered My Consciousness & Indeed When My Devotion To Cricket Entered Theirs, 23 July 1998

With thanks to DALL-E for collaboration with the images

This is the tale of a memorable moment, a short and sweet vignette, that went on to help forge many years, indeed decades of friendship and kinship over cricket.

The Sweet Anecdote Of That July Day

I had arranged to spend the afternoon with Jeff Tye at a Children’s Society project in Mitcham; one that Jeff had chosen to be a pilot in our seminal performance measurement and recording project, MART.

I think I had already arranged to visit my parents in Streatham that evening, so I think there was an element of opportunism in the choice of project, although I recall that Mitcham was one that Jeff was especially keen to involve.

I had played cricket for the first time in many years the night before – a match between tiny Z/Yen and great big Barnardo’s…

The Very First Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match, Barnardo’s, 22 July 1998

…so cricket would have been very much at the front of my mind. All the more so, because the third test match between England and South Africa was starting that day.

I had arranged to pick Jeff up from Children’s Society HQ, having spent the morning with another client relatively nearby (Regents Park).

Jeff was a relatively new client to me then – I think I had only met him a couple of times before this day. I remember rehearsing in my mind a way to broach the question of possibly putting the radio on with test match special as we drove from Clerkenwell to Mitcham. I ended up with a form of words along these lines, just before starting the engine:

Please feel free simply to say no, but would you mind if I put the radio on with test match commentary as we drive from here to Mitcham?

Jeff beamed from ear to ear.

Oh my goodness, I’d been wondering all morning whether or how to ask you exactly the same question. I’m so pleased you asked me!

I thought Jeff might give me a hug, he seemed so pleased.

As we drove along, Jeff explained to me that almost everyone I knew and was working with in that charity was fanatical about cricket, not least: Ian Sparks, Edward Bates, Charles Bartlett, Nigel Hinks and himself.

He also explained that he and several others (including Nigel and Charles) had recently spent a day at Edgbaston watching the first day of the test series.

Jeff and I did our bit at that Mitcham project. When we came out, the sun was shining on a glorious summer’s day. I had arranged to drop Jeff at Tooting and then go on to my folks.

Janie, with Nobby, at his last resting place

I had recently acquired Nobby; my wonderful souped-down Honda CRX, which was convertible by dint of removing its solid roof. Jeff was keen to enjoy the benefit of that, even for a short drive.

You’ve got to take advantage of that feature when you can. How many times have you taken the roof off? [Once before, I think was the answer. Perhaps twice.] Anyway, you’ve got to show off that feature to your parents by arriving at their house with the open top.

Of course Jeff was right. So there we were – big Jeff – quite clearly oversized for a small car like Nobby – in the passenger seat – me – in the driving seat – driving along Tooting Broadway and Tooting High Street, listening to the cricket.

South Africa were only four down and nearing 200. I stopped at some traffic lights. Then a crescendo from the radio:

…the umpire’s given him…

Jonty Rhodes, LBW, b Angus Fraser.

Jeff and I both cheered and (to the extent that you can leap when wearing a seatbelt) leapt in the air. Passers by must have thought that we were a pair of lunatics.

The Traditions Forged

Those summer weeks of 1998 were, for me, a reawakening of my devotion to cricket. We had arranged a second game of cricket with the Barnardo’s people; I re-engineered it to include Children’s Society folk as well as Z/Yen and Barnardo’s

The Very Second Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match – The First With The Children’s Society, 25 August 1998

Of course, I cannot write the story of the actual origins of The Heavy Rollers. That story can only be written by one of the people who attended Day One of the Edgbaston Test in June, witnessing a rare example in those days of England batting long.

In fact – let’s name names here – the true Heavy Rollers origins story can probably only be written by Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks, who can also relate tales of proto-visits to matches with colleagues before the 1998 outing that is deemed, by all the leading authorities, to be the first actual Heavy Rollers event.

Nigel – get your word-processor out!

Postscript – Nigel got his word-processor out:

Guest Piece by Nigel Hinks: The Birth Of The Heavy Rollers Tradition, Edgbaston, June 1998, Including The Revelations And Acts That Led To The Birth

It’s hard to believe that the Heavy Rollers tradition will be quarter-of-a-century old this year, as I write in January 2023.

When I look at the names connected with the, for me, seminal summer of cricket that was 1998, I am still in touch with so many of them. Not just the Heavy Rollers, but also Kevin Parker and Ian Theodoreson who initiated the playing of cricket tradition that was later adopted even more wholeheartedly by the Children’s Society gang. Even Angus Fraser, who took the wicket that made me and Jeff leap. is still in my orbit, through my Middlesex and Lord’s activities.

I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.