Then it dawned on me; Harold sent me a recording of Marion Ryan singing the song, so the second version must be my transcription of their tweaked version of the lyric.
It also dawned on me that I might even find the recording somewhere…
…and so I did.
So here is Marion Ryan singing Arthur:
…and here is their slightly tweaked version of the lyric.
ARTHUR
(To the Tune of “Laura”)
VERSE 1
Arthur,
Mr Crames who is sixty now,
Share deals, they just rise, never fall;
Self made, warm-hearted and from Bear Stearns,
But won’t say what he earns,
At all;
VERSE 2
You won’t see Arthur,
On the plane that is passing through,
He likes, beach and pool to be near;
He has the very best meals for you,
So for Arthur,
Let’s all give a big cheer.
…and here (again) is Sinatra singing Laura. Sadly no recording of him singing Arthur:
When Janie and I were first going out with each other, we’d sometimes have Sunday lunch with Kim, Micky, DJ, Gary, Clifford and others. Occasionally Gary’s dad, Harold Davison, would join us.
Harold took an interest in my lyric writing and occasionally asked me to write a lyric for performance at a private party. The lyrics were sometimes to be performed by Harold’s wife, Marion Ryan. Sometimes by Frank Sinatra.
This one was for a banker friend of theirs and I recall it was to be performed by Marion Ryan (although Sinatra had made the song Laura famous, of course).
Harold was most encouraging and more than once said that I should try writing “real lyrics”, reminding me that Sammy Cahn had started by writing spoofs a bit like mine. Flattery will get you everywhere.
On reflection, I suspect that Sammy Cahn (who was very much part of Harold and Marion’s entourage) had been their party lyricist until his untimely demise…around the time Harold started tapping me up for these things…
…still, you can do worse than be the replacement lyricist for Sammy Cahn, even when it is only for private party freebies.
ARTHUR (To the Tune of “Laura”)
VERSE 1
Arthur, Mr Crames who is sixty, turns Share deals, that will rise, never fall; Self made, warm-hearted and from Bear Stearns, But won’t say what he earns, At all;
VERSE 2
You won’t see Arthur, On the plane that is passing through, He likes, ranch and beach to be near; He gave the very best meals to you, So for Arthur, Let’s all give a huge cheer.
Here’s Sinatra singing Laura, with lyrics on the screen:
Postscript
I subsequently found a later version of the Arthur lyric. Then it dawned on me; Harold sent me a recording of Marion Ryan singing the song, so the second version must be my transcription of their tweaked version of the lyric.
It also dawned on me that I might even find the recording somewhere…
Now I have also found the covering letter that went with that lyric to Florida:
Harold Davison 23 October 1994
(Boca Raton, Florida address redacted)
Dear Harold
ARTHUR CRAMES SONG
I attach “Arthur” to the tune of “Laura”. It was an interesting request, as it didn’t occur to me when we spoke that the song “Laura” only has about 8 lines to it. Nevertheless, as part of a swinging party I don’t suppose the guests will be looking for complex and lengthy lyrical content.
Do feel free to request changes, rewrites, or a different song if you wish. I actually think that the choice of song is a good one, as it is so well known.
I’m sorry that it has taken me rather a while to get round to having a first stab at an Arthur Crames song for you. As Gary might have told you, I have recently left my safe job with a large firm to set up my own professional advisory business, Z/Yen, with some friends and former colleagues. The initial chaos is now subsiding, so I am able and willing to devote time to the really important things in life, such as the songs.
I hope all is well with you and your and look forward to hearing from you.
Indeed Harold had told me that Sammy Cahn was impressed by my parody lyrics and had suggested that I try writing some original lyrics as my next move…which apparently had been the route (from parody to witty originality) that Sammy Cahn himself took as a youngster.
Whether that idea really did come from Sammy or was more Harold’s own thinking is lost in ancient history.
Harold had also told me that Frank Sinatra hated My Way, simply because he didn’t like the song…
…and that Sammy Cahn hated the fact that people tended to assume that he had written the lyrics to My Way, whereas it really isn’t his kind of lyric at all.
So in truth, this obituary lyric of mine was a bit of an in joke, which is why it probably never saw the light of day in public – I don’t think NewsRevue used it even in the week of his death.
I suspect this lyric did raise a quiet smile or more among “the in crowd” though, when Harold shared it with his pals. Re-reading it for the first time in ages, 25 years after writing it, I still like it.
SAMMY CAHN OBITUARY SONG
(To the Tune of “My Way”)
VERSE 1
And now the end is here, and so I’ll darn a final lyric;
My friends, I’ll say it clear, that Sammy Cahn’s verse was satyric;
He liked pianos grand, he used a Bechstein and a Steinway,
And yet that Sammy Cahn, did not write “My Way”.
VERSE 2
I’ve heard this song before, I have high hopes it’s magic will pay;
Saturday night, teach me tonight, time after time I’ll go all the way;
Sam didn’t write “My Way”, the words are by some other wanker,
Jul-e Styne or Hammerstein? (thinks for a moment…….sudden flash of light)
Harold Davison was, by this time, taking some of my lyrics back to the states with him and showing them to his friends.
Harold told me that Frank Sinatra would enjoy a parody lyric to the tune “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”, as that song was a personal favourite of Frank’s.
Never one to waste an opportunity to double or treble up, my mind turned to the recent Fergie & Johnny Byrne royal toe-sucking scandal and to the profession of my new squeeze, Janie, in the hope that the same song might strike NewsRevue gold.
It didn’t strike NewsRevue gold, although Janie really liked it.
Harold told me that Frank thought the lyric was funny, but I think that if Frank had actually sung it at a smoker or a party, Harold would have told me about it.
I’VE MUSHROOMS UNDER MY SKIN
(To the Tune of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”)
SPOKEN INTRO
This song is dedicated to all the unfortunate people out there whose health problem prevents them from enjoying the most trendy erotic pleasures. I mean of course, those blighted with the dreaded fungus, athletes foot.
VERSE 1
I’ve mushrooms under my skin,
I’ve mildew deep in the arch of feet;
So deep in my arch they really enlarge my feet,
I’ve mushrooms under my skin.
VERSE 2
You’ve got me on the Mycin,
You’ve got me deep in chiropody;
So deep is your cut it’s really podiatry,
You’ve got me on the Mycin.
MIDDLE BIT
I crave for a tender pedal caress,
From a former actress or ex Duchess;
For there’s love afoot with sensuousness,
When my mate,
Osculates,
On my toe.
CLIMAX
Even priests confess,
It isn’t a sin;
To want to bed you for,
An oral pedicure.
But each time you do,
The sight of mildew,
Makes you stop before you begin,
Cos I’ve mushrooms under my skin.
(And I like nudes under my shin.)
Here’s a vid of “Ole Blue Eyes” singing that Cole Porter song:
