Then it dawned on me; Harold sent me a recording of Marion Ryan singing the song, so the second version must be my transcription of their tweaked version of the lyric.
It also dawned on me that I might even find the recording somewhere…
…and so I did.
So here is Marion Ryan singing Arthur:
…and here is their slightly tweaked version of the lyric.
ARTHUR
(To the Tune of “Laura”)
VERSE 1
Arthur,
Mr Crames who is sixty now,
Share deals, they just rise, never fall;
Self made, warm-hearted and from Bear Stearns,
But won’t say what he earns,
At all;
VERSE 2
You won’t see Arthur,
On the plane that is passing through,
He likes, beach and pool to be near;
He has the very best meals for you,
So for Arthur,
Let’s all give a big cheer.
…and here (again) is Sinatra singing Laura. Sadly no recording of him singing Arthur:
When Janie and I were first going out with each other, we’d sometimes have Sunday lunch with Kim, Micky, DJ, Gary, Clifford and others. Occasionally Gary’s dad, Harold Davison, would join us.
Harold took an interest in my lyric writing and occasionally asked me to write a lyric for performance at a private party. The lyrics were sometimes to be performed by Harold’s wife, Marion Ryan. Sometimes by Frank Sinatra.
This one was for a banker friend of theirs and I recall it was to be performed by Marion Ryan (although Sinatra had made the song Laura famous, of course).
Harold was most encouraging and more than once said that I should try writing “real lyrics”, reminding me that Sammy Cahn had started by writing spoofs a bit like mine. Flattery will get you everywhere.
On reflection, I suspect that Sammy Cahn (who was very much part of Harold and Marion’s entourage) had been their party lyricist until his untimely demise…around the time Harold started tapping me up for these things…
…still, you can do worse than be the replacement lyricist for Sammy Cahn, even when it is only for private party freebies.
ARTHUR (To the Tune of “Laura”)
VERSE 1
Arthur, Mr Crames who is sixty, turns Share deals, that will rise, never fall; Self made, warm-hearted and from Bear Stearns, But won’t say what he earns, At all;
VERSE 2
You won’t see Arthur, On the plane that is passing through, He likes, ranch and beach to be near; He gave the very best meals to you, So for Arthur, Let’s all give a huge cheer.
Here’s Sinatra singing Laura, with lyrics on the screen:
Postscript
I subsequently found a later version of the Arthur lyric. Then it dawned on me; Harold sent me a recording of Marion Ryan singing the song, so the second version must be my transcription of their tweaked version of the lyric.
It also dawned on me that I might even find the recording somewhere…
Now I have also found the covering letter that went with that lyric to Florida:
Harold Davison 23 October 1994
(Boca Raton, Florida address redacted)
Dear Harold
ARTHUR CRAMES SONG
I attach “Arthur” to the tune of “Laura”. It was an interesting request, as it didn’t occur to me when we spoke that the song “Laura” only has about 8 lines to it. Nevertheless, as part of a swinging party I don’t suppose the guests will be looking for complex and lengthy lyrical content.
Do feel free to request changes, rewrites, or a different song if you wish. I actually think that the choice of song is a good one, as it is so well known.
I’m sorry that it has taken me rather a while to get round to having a first stab at an Arthur Crames song for you. As Gary might have told you, I have recently left my safe job with a large firm to set up my own professional advisory business, Z/Yen, with some friends and former colleagues. The initial chaos is now subsiding, so I am able and willing to devote time to the really important things in life, such as the songs.
I hope all is well with you and your and look forward to hearing from you.
This letter to the late Harold Davison regarding a request by Harold for me to write a party lyric for Arthur Crames and regarding the Sammy Cahn Obituary Lyric:
Harold Davison 29 August 1994 The Addison 1500 South Ocean Boulevard Appt S101 Boca Raton Florida 33432 USA
Dear Harold
SATIRICAL SONGS
It was a pleasure to speak with you on the phone yesterday. I shall work on the Arthur Crames song and shall send you a first draft as soon as I am able.
In the meanwhile, to wet your appetite, I enclose the Sammy Cahn Obituary Song, which I wrote in January 1993 just after he died. I thought that Gary had sent it to you at the time, but hope that this tribute, like the great man’s work, is timeless.
Indeed Harold had told me that Sammy Cahn was impressed by my parody lyrics and had suggested that I try writing some original lyrics as my next move…which apparently had been the route (from parody to witty originality) that Sammy Cahn himself took as a youngster.
Whether that idea really did come from Sammy or was more Harold’s own thinking is lost in ancient history.
Harold had also told me that Frank Sinatra hated My Way, simply because he didn’t like the song…
…and that Sammy Cahn hated the fact that people tended to assume that he had written the lyrics to My Way, whereas it really isn’t his kind of lyric at all.
So in truth, this obituary lyric of mine was a bit of an in joke, which is why it probably never saw the light of day in public – I don’t think NewsRevue used it even in the week of his death.
I suspect this lyric did raise a quiet smile or more among “the in crowd” though, when Harold shared it with his pals. Re-reading it for the first time in ages, 25 years after writing it, I still like it.
SAMMY CAHN OBITUARY SONG
(To the Tune of “My Way”)
VERSE 1
And now the end is here, and so I’ll darn a final lyric;
My friends, I’ll say it clear, that Sammy Cahn’s verse was satyric;
He liked pianos grand, he used a Bechstein and a Steinway,
And yet that Sammy Cahn, did not write “My Way”.
VERSE 2
I’ve heard this song before, I have high hopes it’s magic will pay;
Saturday night, teach me tonight, time after time I’ll go all the way;
Sam didn’t write “My Way”, the words are by some other wanker,
Jul-e Styne or Hammerstein? (thinks for a moment…….sudden flash of light)
On the back of the material I was writing for the Canal Cafe, I chatted with Harold Davison at lunch the Sunday before this letter. He is Gary’s dad; I have known Gary for ages through DJ and Kim.
Anyway, Harold wanted to show a lyric of mine to Frank Sinatra and Sammy Cahn…and who was I to refuse?
Flat 4 12 Clanricarde Gardens London W2 4NA 71-243-0725
23 November 1992
Dear Harold,
I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN
It was a pleasure to meet you at the Royal Garden last week. I found your comments on lyric writing and satire both interesting and helpful.
I have produced a parody of the above number, as requested. I hope it meets with your approval, and with that of Sinatra himself. I would be most interested to learn how it is received.
I must now away, to prepare myself for the Venice trip with my Chiropodist friend!
Harold Davison was, by this time, taking some of my lyrics back to the states with him and showing them to his friends.
Harold told me that Frank Sinatra would enjoy a parody lyric to the tune “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”, as that song was a personal favourite of Frank’s.
Never one to waste an opportunity to double or treble up, my mind turned to the recent Fergie & Johnny Byrne royal toe-sucking scandal and to the profession of my new squeeze, Janie, in the hope that the same song might strike NewsRevue gold.
It didn’t strike NewsRevue gold, although Janie really liked it.
Harold told me that Frank thought the lyric was funny, but I think that if Frank had actually sung it at a smoker or a party, Harold would have told me about it.
I’VE MUSHROOMS UNDER MY SKIN
(To the Tune of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”)
SPOKEN INTRO
This song is dedicated to all the unfortunate people out there whose health problem prevents them from enjoying the most trendy erotic pleasures. I mean of course, those blighted with the dreaded fungus, athletes foot.
VERSE 1
I’ve mushrooms under my skin,
I’ve mildew deep in the arch of feet;
So deep in my arch they really enlarge my feet,
I’ve mushrooms under my skin.
VERSE 2
You’ve got me on the Mycin,
You’ve got me deep in chiropody;
So deep is your cut it’s really podiatry,
You’ve got me on the Mycin.
MIDDLE BIT
I crave for a tender pedal caress,
From a former actress or ex Duchess;
For there’s love afoot with sensuousness,
When my mate,
Osculates,
On my toe.
CLIMAX
Even priests confess,
It isn’t a sin;
To want to bed you for,
An oral pedicure.
But each time you do,
The sight of mildew,
Makes you stop before you begin,
Cos I’ve mushrooms under my skin.
(And I like nudes under my shin.)
Here’s a vid of “Ole Blue Eyes” singing that Cole Porter song:
The diaries are light on detail, but I believe I was in Bristol on business Thursday/Friday and Janie spotted an opportunity to combine my presence in Bristol with a family visit.
Janie’s diary shows her only taking morning clients on the Friday and arrangements for taking the train to Bristol that afternoon.
Mine just shows the Thursday and Friday marked out “Bristol” and loads of scribbles about confectionary for some reason – something to do with someone wanting confectionary puns I think – plus “Jane” for the Saturday.
If I recall correctly, I was staying in The Royal, aka The Swallow Hotel on College Green. We might have stayed at Hilary & Chris’s place in their spare room on their Z-bed that time on the Friday night – I think we did that a couple of times before agreeing that we could afford our own privacy when we stayed.
Anyway, this was the first time I met the Boswell branch of Janie’s family; Hilary (big sis), Chris (husband) and kids Paul & Scott. The boys were still little-uns back then.
I think we came back on the Saturday evening and stayed at Sandall Close ahead of DJ’s birthday bash Sunday lunchtime at the Kensington Royal Garden Hotel. Not a huge crowd that time but I know that Kim, Micky, Clifford, Gary and Gary’s dad Harold Davison were there – this was the first time I met Harold and I wrote to him a week or so later.
We returned to that hotel for Sunday lunches several times – they did rather appealing themed Sunday lunches that worked well for groups. A sort of buffet dining that Janie and I have rather comprehensively rejected since, but at that time it wroekd well for that sort of gathering. Large tables, well spaced out and something for everyone…even Kim…on the menu!
