The Moat by Mark A C Brown, Network Theatre, Preceded By Hamsters v Dedanists Real Tennis Match At Hampton Court Palace, 17 October 2024

Hampton Court Palace – Moat by N Chadwick cc 2.0 from Wikimedia Commons

A long but very enjoyable day.

I had been democratically pressganged into match managing the annual Hamsters v Dedanists real tennis match at Hampton Court Palace, about which I have Ogblogged plenty in the past, e.g. my first encounter with that court and fixture five years ago:

There will be a match report from the 2024 fixture in the fullness of time, which I shall be sure to link here once that epic has been written, approved by the libel lawyers and published…

UPDATE – the lawyers have done their worst – here is a link to a scrape of that Dedanists’ page.

What better way would there be to round off a day of real tennis at a formerly moat-protected palace than a visit to The Network Theatre in Waterloo seeing one of my real tennis pals, Ian Falconer, perform in a play named The Moat.

If you need proof that Ian and I can form a formidable real tennis partnership, look no further than the following “lowlights” reel from the MCC tennis weekend earlier this year in which, as a strange reversal of the natural state of things, Ian played second fiddle to me in the absurd matter of leaving the ball to win points.

Absurdity being another helpful link between real tennis and the play, The Moat, which is grounded at an interesting junction between the Theatre of the Absurd and the Theatre of Cruelty.

The playwright, Mark A C Brown, describes the play thus on his website – click here for more on him and his work:

The Moat is an absurdist comedy set in the not too distant future in which the world is perpetually ablaze. Those who can afford it live amidst the inferno in moated communities. and one couple is trying to put on a dinner party. It would be going great if people would only stop dying and the fire would stop getting closer and closer.

To get the absurdity started before arrival, it is very clear on the Network Theatre website (and Ian Falconer’s entreaties to his cohort of ticket-holders) that the place is not exactly easy to find.

Network Theatre is rumoured to be difficult to find, so check out the map and directions below before your first visit.

We’re not on maps, but you can find Lower Road under Waterloo Station, leading off Waterloo Road, opposite Sainsbury’s.

Lower Road is a service road under Waterloo Station so you will need to ask for Network Theatre at the security gate (bring your e-ticket confirmation for access) and pass the loading bays before you find us on the left.

This video posted on YouTube shows you the way from Waterloo Station concourse.

If you have three minutes or so to watch the above-linked video, it is a masterpiece of suspenseful hand-held cinema, making The Blair Witch Project look like a Sunday afternoon picnic.

In Ian Falconer’s words:

…go down a long, murky tunnel… hopefully you make it and have time for a drink in the theatre bar beforehand…It’s a crumbling theatre space; don’t expect luxury – it’s very fringe!

Actually I got there in good time and my companion for the evening, Chris Swallow, a senior professional from the MCC real tennis court, had got there even earlier than me. It wasn’t quite as crumbly as Ian Falconer had led us to believe…

…let’s be frank, you can pay three figures for a West End show ticket and find yourself in a fairly crumbly place. And in that West End theatre you are unlikely to find such helpful and mostly friendly people as the volunteers who keep the Network Theatre going.

Imagine a world perpetually ablaze…

Returning to the play and production. The play is unsubtly allegorical, as indeed it is clearly intended to be. The party-throwing couple within the moat are supremely confident that their security systems and their moat can protect them from the incendiary dangers beyond, despite the clear and evident danger from the events we witness (or learn about) in their immediate vicinity. [Insert your own favourite social/political allegory here.]

Despite the characters being absurd caricatures of their types, the play works because it has an integral dramatic arc and a narrative line, with one or two sub-plots, that support that arc. After a while, I was able to “go with the flow” of the absurdity and enjoy the play. I only occasionally feel this way about absurdist pieces; on those occasions they tend to be written masterfully by playwrights such as Eugène Ionesco or Václav Havel.

I sense that director David Whitney has worked with writer Márk [sic] A C Brown before, which will surely have helped make the production flow, as this was not a simple piece to put on in a small fringe theatre. I thought the production values were very high given the constraints. I commend all of the crew as well as the cast – see this link for details; all shall have Ogblog tags.

Ian Falconer was excellent as the the lead character, Andre. I’m not just saying that because he is my friend. Of the supporting cast, I (and indeed Chris Swallow also) would single out Orietta Wanjiru Subrizi who played the part of delivery girl Eden with the right blend of contained gusto.

I do worry slightly about Ian becoming typecast in absurdist, allegorical plays about fire-engulfing situations. I note from his CV Fire in the Basement by Pavel Kohout and Huis Clos by Jean-Paul Sartre.

Parenthetically, my own trip to see Huis Clos, in 1989 (35 years ago…gulp), at the Lyric Studio, was in such a hot situation we the audience felt that we were experiencing the play in sense-around:

Mind you, as Ian Falconer’s nephew pointed out over drinks in the Network Theatre Bar afterwards, my regular choice of water bottle, for tennis and theatre alike, might have been designed for the play The Moat:

My thirst extinguishers tend to get dented by cricket balls and hard tennis balls

The MCC Tennis Weekend 2024: The Secret Diary Of Ian Harris Aged 61 and 5/12ths, 26 to 28 January 2024

Me looking to hit a rare winner

I wrote up my experience of the MCC Tennis Weekend as a “Secret Diary” piece which found its way onto the MCC website as the authoritative report on the event.

As everything I wanted to say about that most enjoyable weekend is contained in that report, I replicate it here, with the links to other resources for anyone who might be interested.

The Secret 2024 MCC Tennis Club Weekend Diary Of Ian Harris, Aged Sixty-One And Five Twelfths

I felt excited and fearful in equal measure when I learned that I had been promoted to Group B of the MCC Club Weekend this year. Surely Group C is where I belong.  The pros told me that Group B, this year, would be for 50-60 handicappers, like me.

I was to partner the actor Ian Falconer, with whom I had played a fair bit before. He can exert a calming and experienced influence over me. Anyway, there was no time to fret on Friday morning, as we played two tough matches, both of which we won; the second by quite some margin. My sense of imposter syndrome begone.

Ian Falconer said that I left the ball well in that second match. That reminded me of comments I have oft received about my cricket batting; that my best shot is the leave. Less kindly folk tell me that, apart from the block, the leave is my only cricket shot.

Tennis leaves don’t look very pretty on camera. Here is a link to a “lowlights” video package of our successful leaves in that Friday morning bout, with “musical” accompaniment. To be fair on our opponents, they hit some actual winners – e.g. these two top notch shots.

Our group then had a 24-hour break from the tennis, until Saturday afternoon. I enjoyed the convivial Friday evening dinner, with great company, great grub and surprisingly interesting speeches, not least from the Chairman, Bruce Carnegie-Brown, who broke the good news to us that real tennis play during test matches should be restored henceforward, with just a small risk of occasional interruption for media purposes.

Ian Falconer was unable to attend the dinner, as he is deep into rehearsal for a play in which he plays a domineering father. He was also to attend an audition the next morning, for a film role as Hitler.

Less aware of my partner’s acting techniques than his tennis techniques, I worried overnight that Ian might be a practitioner of The Method. If so, that calm, gentle, encouraging persona I had previously experienced, might be replaced with something…less comforting and more shouty. I decided that we should agree a safety phrase, “who do you think you are kidding, Mr Falconer?”, just in case matters got out of hand for the rest of the weekend. I am pleased to report that neither of us needed to resort to the safety phrase.

Saturday’s battles in our group were really close. We managed one (narrow) win and a draw, leaving us top of the table and qualified for a semi-final before the final day. All groups (including ours) had at least one, if not both, semi-final places up for grabs still on the Sunday.

There were many distractions for tennis-loving MCC folk early that Sunday morning. First thing, at home, I followed the India v England test match, the Australia v West Indies test, the Australian Open (lawn tennis) Men’s final and the live stream from Lord’s of our tournament. “Isn’t this a bit too much stimulation before you play?”, asked my wife, Janie. “Probably”, said I. By the time I set off for Lord’s, I knew that our pair had won Group B whatever happened in our last group match.

I got to Lord’s in time to see the final wicket fall in the India v England test along with my tennis friends in the dedans gallery, which was a wonderful watching moment ahead of playing our final group match.  We lost that match narrowly, despite having been ahead. “Foreshadowing”, as my dramaturge/actor tennis partner might well say.

We enjoyed lunch in the Long Room Bar between our last group match and the semi-final. All three days, in fact, lunch is an informal pleasure as part of this tournament. An opportunity to chat with friends, old and new, in convivial surroundings. The glorious sunshine all three afternoons added to that pleasure.

The tale of the Groups C/D category was one of mostly close-fought matches during the group stages. That characteristic persisted into the finals stages, with, in particular, a nail-biting semi-final Brunner & Vacher v Nelson & Stain. The Group C/D final, Brunner & Vacher v Lark & McDermott was similarly close and exciting to watch. Congratulations to the winners: Peter Brunner & Piers Vacher.

In the Groups A/B category, the main story was the dominance of the Cattermull & Parkes pairing. My own semi-final, Falconer & Harris v Bishop & Whiting, was one of the most exciting matches I have ever played. We had our chances…we came close. The final, Bishop & Whiting v Cattermull & Parkes, was one-sided in the final score, but was an excellent display of good tennis by all four players. It was just the relentless consistency of Paul Cattermull & Rufus Parkes, despite giving up significant handicaps, that saw them dominate their matches and storm home with the trophy.

It was a superb weekend which should live long in the memory. The organisers – Hannah and Dinesh, the professionals – Chris, Chris and Alex, and the tennis committee – especially Giles and Graeme, all deserve our thanks and praise.

If you only watch one of the video clips, I’d recommend this one: six “highlights” that couldn’t possibly be described adequately in words. [alternatively click the YouTube below]