Photograph by Mark Ahsmann, CC BY-SA 3.0
I’m not really a boat person.
Yet, for more than two decades, I spent an inordinate amount of time on Michael Mainelli’s sailing barge, Lady Daphne. Most of that time was spent on the River Thames, sailing back and forth from London Bridge City Pier, via a Tower Bridge lifting or two…
…to the Dome or sometimes as far as the Thames Barrier, “edutaining” clients and prospects. Occasionally we’d use the boat as a static venue for a business workshop or a dinner.
Our business, Z/Yen, even had the old tub corporately branded at the topsail level, as evidenced here:
Back in 1996, the boat was a bit of a novelty in the Mainelli and Z/Yen world. I cannot remember exactly the date Michael bought Lady Daphne, but I do remember Michael dragging me from our office to St Katherine’s Dock, where he wanted me to act as his “legal advisor” on the purchase contract.
But I don’t know anything about maritime law and am really not qualified to review a procurement contract for a substantial asset…
…I said. But Michael demurred…
I know that. But the vendor has been messing around for weeks. I figure if I turn up with my “advisor” we can insist on closing the deal. Just look at the document for a few minutes, spot a couple of spelling mistakes or grammatical errors – there are bound to be some – then state that we can sign as long as those small changes are made in manuscript…
…which is exactly what happened. I felt a bit like Dr Gonzo to Michael’s Raoul Duke in Fear & Loathing.
A few weeks later, I found myself on the high seas (OK, The Solent) with Michael & Elisabeth, along with some of their close friends, boaty friends and close boaty friends.
We weren’t there for racing purposes – we were there in one of the more “corporate sail around” slots. It probably looked a bit like the following image from 1990:
In truth I remember little about the day, other than my general feeling of unease whenever I find myself on a boat.
I vaguely recall a decent lunch in a suitable hostelry in Cowes.
I recall the skipper – at that time Adrian I’m pretty sure – asking me if I wanted to take the helm for a while; an honour which, for everyone’s sake, I chose to decline.
I never did take the helm, but just occasionally I did need to “lead” on a Z/Yen boat trip in Michael’s absence. Naturally, I deferred to the skipper on all important matters, but I did the general introductions and safety announcements, while asserting that everything I know about boats could be written on the back of a postage stamp.
Below is the image from the back of that 2p stamp, which I always had with me when aboard the boat. If anyone asked me a question after my announcements, I’d show them the stamp and refer them to someone more knowledgeable.
The notes are a little faded and tarnished now, but I can still read the notes and expand on them accordingly:
- 90 foot barge out of Rochester 1923;
- Known as “Lucky Lady Daphne” due to a few narrow escapes;
- Daphne mostly schlepped Portland Stone;
- In the unlikely event that you hear seven short blasts of the horn followed by a long blast, that’s an emergency;
- Life jackets are stored fore and aft – the crew will be handing them out – if you are below deck, the exits are in the places I indicate fore and aft;
- Take your jacket up, don it when above and await the skipper’s instructions. The safest place is almost always to stay on the boat;
- Even without a full blown emergency there are hazards – glass can be a hazard so hand your used glasses in, ropes are generally doing something so be careful not to hold onto one as it might get pulled through a pully along with your hand, stairways and decks can become slippery…
- Then I’d explain where we are going, the rough timescales of the voyage and the edutainment game we were going to play.
Not bad for a land-lubber.
Actually my scariest boat moments have been overseas, e.g.
…not the 1996 “high seas” Solent adventure aboard Lady Daphne described in this post.
Postscript
Elisabeth has been in touch to remind me that she was there at that strange purchase meeting and that she can confirm the exact…and I mean EXACT…time and date of the purchase:
…signed at 16.10 hrs on 10 May 1996…
That means that Michael and Elisabeth bought Lady Daphne a week after Michael’s stag do…
…and a week before their wedding:
Priorities, priorities.