Tag: Lady Daphne

We Partied Like It’s 1999…Because It Was December 1999

Sailing Barge Lady Daphne, Photo by Jtaylor100, CC BY-SA 4.0

“Surprise” Party For Elisabeth Mainelli, Lady Daphne, 2 December 1999

Janie has written directions to St Katherine’s Dock in excruciating detail in her diary for that event. I merely wrote “surprise! boat”.

I have a funny feeling that this surprise party was not the best kept secret in the City that year. I sensed that Elisabeth feigned surprise rather than was seriously surprised.

It would have taken quite a ruse to lure her to the boat in December on the evening of her birthday without some suspicion arising.

Still, I recall that it was a good party.

Caroline’s Engagement Party, The Ruts, 4 December 1999

We moved our Hedda Gabler theatre tickets from the Saturday to the Friday in order to attend this party.

Hedda Gabler by Henrik Ibsen, A Version by Frank McGuiness, Theatre Royal Plymouth At The Richmond Theatre, 3 December 1999

I hope Caroline and Alan appreciate being given priority over Francesca Annis for our Saturday night entertainment.

*Spoiler Alert* The Caroline and Alan story had a happier ending than Hedda Gabler.

Joking apart, it was a great party as I remember it. Caroline’s mum went to town producing amazing grub for the party and there was a very happy buzz about the evening.

Z/Yen Seasonal Event – Park Inn, Wellington Terrace W2, Preceded By Drinks At Ian’s Newly Refurbished Flat, 17 December 1999

Sofa, so good – the living room in my flat

This was one of the more memorable Z/Yen seasonal events…but mostly for the wrong reasons.

Firstly, there was a mad rush to get my flat ready to accommodate the drinks party at mine ahead of the dinner at The Park Inn. Gavin’s snail-like progress was doing Janie’s and my head in – it would have been TOO embarrassing to have had to relocate the drinks because the flat wasn’t ready.

At one point- I think it was the preceding Friday as Janie and I both took that day off for this purpose – Janie even ended up on her hands and knees helping Gavin to varnish the floorboards – subjected to the indignity not only of doing the work for which we were paying but being bossed around by Gavin in the style that had put off his many attempts at engaging assistants:

GAVIN: NO! Don’t do it like that! Do it like this!

JANIE: Does it really make a difference, Gavin? I can’t see the difference and we need to get this finished.

GAVIN: NO! NOT LIKE THAT!

To add to the problematic nature of this event, several member of staff went down with an especially nasty lurgy in the days running up to the event. I think in the end only about seven or eight people attended, one of whom was Linda Cook who turned up despite feeling under the weather and ended up crashing out on my (brand new) bed and then going home rather than staying for dinner.

Fortunately, we knew May at The Park Inn so well that the constantly reducing of numbers and the eventual relatively small table was all handled with her usual professional and service-oriented demeanour, so all who ate, ate well.

No quizzes and no Secret Santa yet. Linda got into her stride from the early 2000s onwards in those regards.

Michael wrote the song that year…

Toil and Play

God rest ye Z/Yen par-tic-i-pants,
There’s no point in dismay
Remember Christmas parties
All end in disarray
Don’t save yourself from whiskey’s pow’r
You might as well a’stray

O tidings of bromo and fizz
Bromo and fizz
O tidings of bromo and fizz

From year to year we reappear
And wonder all the same
How business so chaotic
With such an awful name
Can still inspire Nippon songs
And ever-woeful games

O tidings of toil and play
Toil and play
O tidings of toil and play

But when to Ze-e-Yen they came
Where their dear project lay
And found us all hung-over
But still prepared to pay
We found our invoice quick and fast
And saved ’em from May-Day

O tidings of toil and pay
Toil and pay
O tidings of toil and pay

Only Michael could choose the words “bromo and fizz” to replace comfort and joy. It seems that Bromo-Seltzer has a long and (in)glorious history in song lyrics. Who knew? (Well, Michael did, obviously). Perhaps you had to be there…or to have sent a sick note at the time…to get the gist of that song.

Wanton disregard for puns and comedic timing

Mad Cowes Disease – The Day I Went On The Solent With Michael Mainelli Aboard Lady Daphne, 8 August 1996

Photograph by Mark Ahsmann, CC BY-SA 3.0

I’m not really a boat person.

Yet, for more than two decades, I spent an inordinate amount of time on Michael Mainelli’s sailing barge, Lady Daphne. Most of that time was spent on the River Thames, sailing back and forth from London Bridge City Pier, via a Tower Bridge lifting or two…

A typical Z/Yen boat trip

…to the Dome or sometimes as far as the Thames Barrier, “edutaining” clients and prospects. Occasionally we’d use the boat as a static venue for a business workshop or a dinner.

Our business, Z/Yen, even had the old tub corporately branded at the topsail level, as evidenced here:

Jtaylor100, CC BY-SA 4.0

Back in 1996, the boat was a bit of a novelty in the Mainelli and Z/Yen world. I cannot remember exactly the date Michael bought Lady Daphne, but I do remember Michael dragging me from our office to St Katherine’s Dock, where he wanted me to act as his “legal advisor” on the purchase contract.

But I don’t know anything about maritime law and am really not qualified to review a procurement contract for a substantial asset…

…I said. But Michael demurred…

I know that. But the vendor has been messing around for weeks. I figure if I turn up with my “advisor” we can insist on closing the deal. Just look at the document for a few minutes, spot a couple of spelling mistakes or grammatical errors – there are bound to be some – then state that we can sign as long as those small changes are made in manuscript…

…which is exactly what happened. I felt a bit like Dr Gonzo to Michael’s Raoul Duke in Fear & Loathing.

A few weeks later, I found myself on the high seas (OK, The Solent) with Michael & Elisabeth, along with some of their close friends, boaty friends and close boaty friends.

We weren’t there for racing purposes – we were there in one of the more “corporate sail around” slots. It probably looked a bit like the following image from 1990:

Derzsi Elekes Andor, CC BY-SA 3.0

In truth I remember little about the day, other than my general feeling of unease whenever I find myself on a boat.

I vaguely recall a decent lunch in a suitable hostelry in Cowes.

I recall the skipper – at that time Adrian I’m pretty sure – asking me if I wanted to take the helm for a while; an honour which, for everyone’s sake, I chose to decline.

I never did take the helm, but just occasionally I did need to “lead” on a Z/Yen boat trip in Michael’s absence. Naturally, I deferred to the skipper on all important matters, but I did the general introductions and safety announcements, while asserting that everything I know about boats could be written on the back of a postage stamp.

Below is the image from the back of that 2p stamp, which I always had with me when aboard the boat. If anyone asked me a question after my announcements, I’d show them the stamp and refer them to someone more knowledgeable.

The notes are a little faded and tarnished now, but I can still read the notes and expand on them accordingly:

  • 90 foot barge out of Rochester 1923;
  • Known as “Lucky Lady Daphne” due to a few narrow escapes;
  • Daphne mostly schlepped Portland Stone;
  • In the unlikely event that you hear seven short blasts of the horn followed by a long blast, that’s an emergency;
  • Life jackets are stored fore and aft – the crew will be handing them out – if you are below deck, the exits are in the places I indicate fore and aft;
  • Take your jacket up, don it when above and await the skipper’s instructions. The safest place is almost always to stay on the boat;
  • Even without a full blown emergency there are hazards – glass can be a hazard so hand your used glasses in, ropes are generally doing something so be careful not to hold onto one as it might get pulled through a pully along with your hand, stairways and decks can become slippery…
  • Then I’d explain where we are going, the rough timescales of the voyage and the edutainment game we were going to play.

Not bad for a land-lubber.

Actually my scariest boat moments have been overseas, e.g.

Nicaragua, Morgan’s Rock to Mukul, 16 February 2016

…not the 1996 “high seas” Solent adventure aboard Lady Daphne described in this post.

Postscript

Elisabeth has been in touch to remind me that she was there at that strange purchase meeting and that she can confirm the exact…and I mean EXACT…time and date of the purchase:

…signed at 16.10 hrs on 10 May 1996…

That means that Michael and Elisabeth bought Lady Daphne a week after Michael’s stag do…

Harrendous, A Poem For Michael Mainelli’s Stag Night, 3 May 1996

…and a week before their wedding:

Michael & Elisabeth Mainelli’s Wedding – The Build Up & Wedding Day Itself, 14 to 18 May 1996

Priorities, priorities.