Tag: Long Finance

Tennis, Estonia, Bullshit Jobs, Pear Tree, Cricket And Party Time, 8 to 11 May 2018

An unusual week to say the least. A short one, as the Monday was a bank holiday. The bank holiday weekend weather had been glorious – Janie and I had spent most of the weekend enjoying the benefits of the garden in good weather.

On the Tuesday (8 May) I was asked to join the senior doubles at lunchtime, while I had my regular court booked at 18:00. It was a beautiful day and I was busy writing my pamphlet on Bullshit jobs, so thought that a few hours writing long-hand would do the piece and my posture no harm. I was right.

On the Wednesday morning I went to collect my Estonian e-Residency card, so i am now officially an e-Resident of the Republic of Estonia. Once I had finished my heavy writing sessions, I looked at some Arvo Pärt music in the evening to celebrate my new status.

On Thursday I had a rather frustrating music lesson as my machine kept playing up – in fact all of my machines seemed to be on go slow for some reason. Then Janie and I went to the Pear Tree for dinner with Toni, John and Tom Friend, plus Deni & Tony. Excellent food and an interesting evening.

On Friday morning my Bullshit Jobs pamphlet went up…

Pamphleteers Of the World Unite

…before I went on to Lord’s, playing a good game of tennis at 10:00 and then sticking around for the cricket. Janie joined me for most of the final session of the day, before we both went to the Middlesex kit sponsors party, which was fun. Always a nice bunch of people there.

Not only all that, but I got a lot of work done that week too. No wonder I was well-tired by the end of it.

Several Work-Life Balance Testing Events: The Second Long Finance Conference, Beyond Crisis, History Of Nearly Everything & Payroll Giving Awards, 20 September, 28 September, 30 September & 5 October 2010

20 September 2010: Second Long Finance Conference, Guildhall

Not content with being berated by the Evening Standard and mobbed by a groupie after singing at the inaugural Long Finance Conference…

Inaugural Long Finance Conference, Singing, Talking, Dinner And BASIC Event, 1 February 2010

…I agreed to write another singalong for the second Long Finance conference. Another high-falutin’ bunch, including Neal Stephenson and Faisal Islam graced our event. Here is the rubric on the event.

I thought I took great care to choose a suitably reverent but not religious tune for this event and explained such on the lyric sheet:

Interlude

WHO WOULD REAL COMMERCE SEE
(Song to the Tune of “He Who Would Valiant Be” *)

Who would real commerce see,
Let us come hither;
Market stability,
Come wind, come weather;
There’s no discouragement, shall make us once relent;
Our first avowed intent, to see long finance.

Growth came so thick and fast,
For many seasons;
Few thought it wouldn’t last,
Despite the reasons;
Up graphs and surging charts, disguised the trend in part;
Still we can make a start, to be long finance.

No goblin nor foul gnome,
Can much restrain us;
We know that in the end,
Truth will sustain us;
Stale thinking go away, we’ll find a better way;
And labour night and day, strictly long finance.

Who would real commerce see,
Let us come hither;
Market stability,
Come wind, come weather;
There’s no discouragement, shall make us once relent;
Our first avowed intent, to see long finance.

We would like to thank Steve Cunliffe for kindly providing the soundtrack.

* This traditional folk melody is also known as “Our Captain Cried All Hands”, “Monksgate”, “Blacksmith” and probably several other names. With acknowledgement to John Bunyan’s poem “Who Would True Valour See” and to Ralph Vaughan Williams who spotted this lovely folk tune’s anthem quality.

Nevertheless, one battleaxe attendee accosted me and complained bitterly that my use of that tune was sacrilege. No amount of explaining satisfied her; sacrilege was sacrilege. I thought at the time that I got off lightly with just a verbal handbagging – she looked ready to let rip.

I discussed this with Brian Eno some days later, who suggested that, across two gigs, a total of one rubbishing by the press, one flattering groupie and one nutcase hater was about par for the course.

Anyway, the speakers and we organisers had a dinner with Dudley Edmunds at The Farmers Club that evening, which was an interesting and pleasant way to end the day.

28 September: Beyond Crisis, Gill Ringland, Gresham College, Museum Of London

I was to give a lecture in the same series a few weeks later…

Changing Money: Communities & Longer Term Finance & You, Ian Harris, Gresham College, Museum Of London, 16 November 2010

…so felt it was only polite to turn up to the other lectures in the series. In any case, Gill Ringland is always good value and this Gresham Lecture was no exception.

The Gresham site says that the lecture was at 12:00 midnight but believe me it was early evening:

30 September: An Even Shorter History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson, Gresham College, Guildhall

Two days later I was in the Gresham fold again and also back at The Guildhall; the scene of the “crime” that was my Long Finance song.

Bill Bryson‘s lecture was excellent.

The Gresham site says that the lecture was at 12:00 midnight but believe me it was early evening:

For some reason, Bill’s is embeddable whereas Gill’s is not:

I seem to recall a pleasant reception afterwards too and a brief opprtunity to meet the great man.

5 October: Payroll Giving Awards, Scheduled For No 11 Downing Street But Actually At the Treasury That Year

I was still chairing the panel of judges at that time.

I recall some amusing business with regard to the Police Service of Northern Ireland, who didn’t want to commit to travel to the event unless they had won, but we were of course sworn to secrecy over the matter.

I managed to find a way to encourage them to come without actually telling them that they had won. i think I used language along the lines of:

The last thing I’d want is some angry policemen from Northern Ireland in the room at the end of that evening, but I would very much like you to come along if you possibly can.

I think the gentleman got the hint because they came and were thrilled with their win, which was much deserved that year. Here is a link to results.

Nick Hurd did the presentations that year (as he did again two years later) – he came across as somewhat tired and emotional at the 2010 event – unimpressively so.

We had been scheduled for No 11 that year, but something went awry with those plans. We did land No 11 the following year, thouygh, to make up for it.

Still, we had a very good evening at the Treasury in 2010.

Inaugural Long Finance Conference, Singing, Talking, Dinner And BASIC Event, 1 February 2010

I don’t Ogblog much work related stuff – Ogblog is supposed to be about life beyond work. But of course work and life overlap at times – into “work life”.

This was such a day.

Following much thought and planning, Michael Mainelli had arranged an inaugural Long Finance conference – click here for the resource on the event.

We wanted the event to have a slightly different feel, so Michael suggested that I pen a couple of silly songs to use as interludes, getting the audience to exercise their lungs occasionally rather than just get geeky and morbid about the long-term future of finance, post the debacle of 2008.

Partly through Michael connecting up with The Long Now Foundation and partly through my personal connection with Brian Eno through my health cub, the event included a panel with Brian, Stewart Brand and Zander Rose, which was a very generous gift of time and reputation for a fledgling idea such as Long Finance.

Bernard Lietaer also kindly gave of his time and energy for our inaugural event, proving to be both fascinating and charming in equal measure.

Our honoured guests seemed happy with the idea of light audience participation interludes for this event; Brian was positively encouraging of the idea, on the grounds that singing helps open up minds to fresh ideas.

Anyway, here are the two little ditties I concocted and conducted for the conference:

MY FUND MAN
(Song to the Tune of “My Old Man Said Follow The Van”)
My fund man,
Said “borrow and plan,
So don’t fret,
When you run up some debt”.
Off went me house to a mortgage tracker,
In went the cash to an equity knacker;
Which dillied, then rallied,
Rallied, then dillied,
Lost its way and sank just like a stone.
Oh you can’t trust the bankers,
They’re a load of…….thankless-
-Folk who repossessed my home.

Not the best I have ever written…nor the worst.

Home In On The Range
(Song to the Tune of “Home On The Range”)
Oh give me a home.
For the finance I own,
Where the bulls and the bears can all play;
With seldom a jump,
Or discouraging slump,
So that value’s preserved for decades.
Home in on the range,
Where the bulls and the bears can all play;
We’re girding our loins,
For some eternal coins,
Cos “Long Finance” is now here to stay!

After one of them, I think the first, Brian said “don’t give up the day job”, which sounded like highly sensible advice, yet said in a friendly, tongue in cheek manner.

We all enjoyed a decompression session at Z/Yen after the conference, after which Brian left us, as he had a diary clash with dinner; a BASIC event to organise at his studio. Stewart, Zander and Bernard joined we Z/Yen folk and others for an early evening “Musing Dinner” at the Farmers Club to continue the Long Finance discussions.

Before departing, Brian suggested that Stewart and I might like to join his BASIC event at the end of the evening, as I live round the corner from Brian’s studio and Stewart was staying very nearby.

So after the dinner, Stewart and I went to the studio. By that time, the formal elements of the BASIC evening were over and there was a party in full swing. Brian’s studio parties are always good fun and this one was no exception.

I discovered that I had acquired a sort-of groupie at the Long Finance conference; a young Swiss woman who lived nearby and had come along, I think at Brian’s suggestion, then gone on to the BASIC event. She spoke in glowing terms about the sing-song, which was rather flattering. I would run into her in the neighbourhood quite frequently for several months after this day. I don’t think she was stalking me. Nor I her, I hasten to add.

I wrote to Brian the next morning:

Just a quick note to thank you for your hospitality last night.  I met some very interesting, BASIC (and non-BASIC) people.  It is a real shame that our two events ended up clashing, as I would have enjoyed hearing the formal part of the evening.

I can report smugly that I soldiered my way to the gym at 8:00 this morning, but I shall no doubt need a power nap for a while this afternoon if I am to make it through the whole day.

Once again, many thanks.

That weekend, I received a short missive from Brian:

I saw a bloody piece in some paper or other which picked up my ‘Don’t give up the day job’ quip..of course. Why didn’t I see that one coming?

I’m sorry – it was meant as a joke, as I think you realised. In fact both Stewart and I were full of admiration that you had the balls to do that, and I think it was a great contribution to the event – it made people laugh, and also got them involved. I use singing myself often in serious situations, but usually at the end. The beginning is a good place too.

I hadn’t seen it. I needed to do some Googling to get to the bottom of the matter…The Evening Standard of course…then replied:

Many thanks for your kind words.

When The Evening Standard approves of everything we’re doing, then I might really consider giving up the day job.  Please don’t give that matter another thought.  Despite “The Standard”, Michael is suggesting that we make group singing a tradition of Long Finance gatherings.

More than seven years later, I tried to find the offending Standard piece, to link to this Ogblog piece.

Gone from The Standard site. Airbrushed out of history. Understandably so.

But, undaunted, I thought this would be an excellent test for the Wayback Machine, which I have oft thought about possibly using for Ogblog purposes but have not previously needed.

Well, it took some rummaging through the 305 billion or more Wayback Machine pages, but I surprisingly quickly found what I was looking for and scraped it to Ogblog: City Spy_ Singalong gives Willis and Brian Eno the blues… _ London Evening Standard.

I can cope with the indignity of the piece, but being so cruelly juxtaposed with a picture of Prince Andrew really gets my goat. In the interests of decency, The Standard could have used this august image instead: