Tag: Margaret Thatcher

Maggie Might, NewsRevue Lyric, 27 May 1997

Soon after Tony Blair became Prime Minister, news broke of him having “secret” meetings with Mrs Thatcher. This lyric for NewsRevue examined the possibilities around such meetings. I’m not sure whether or not it was used. I don’t recall seeing it performed.

MAGGIE MIGHT
(To the Tune of “Maggie May”)

VERSE 1 – BLAIR

Come back Maggie, I think I’ve got something to say to you,
We’re deep in Europe and about to join the EMU;
I’ve got a summer of summits this year, and still have no idea,
Oh Maggie, I can’t stand Leon Brittan’s face.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1 – BLAIR

You led us away from home, you’ve even read The Treaty of Rome,
You sold us out and that’s what really hurts.

VERSE 2 – THATCH/BLAIR

THATCH: All you need now is a mum to lend a helping hand,
THATCH: That damned fool Major did the same with old Jim Callaghan;
BLAIR: I laughed at all of your jokes, like your Tory Cabinet blokes;
THATCH: Those sleaze bags have all gone without a trace.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2 – BLAIR

You led us for donkey’s years, you might allay the worst of my fears,
The Germans think the EMU is world war three;

VERSE 3 – THATCH/BLAIR

THATCH: You should give that ghasty Kohl a mighty gagging,
THATCH: Take me with you and I’ll give Helmut a handbagging;
BLAIR: I’ve listened to the words that you’ve said, think I’d sooner stay at home in bed;
BLAIR: Oh Maggie, I wish I’d never won this job.

MIDDLE EIGHT 3 – BLAIR/THATCH

BLAIR: You’ve made a first class fool out of me,
THATCH: That job was pitifully easy,
BLAIR: Our secret meeting was on every damned front page;
THATCH: You’ve made me look like a prize bender,
THATCH: James Goldsmith’s livid back in his hacienda,
BLAIR: Mandelson and Tony Benn are in a rage.

OUTRO (as they exit)

BLAIR: Same time next week, then, Maggie?
THATCH: Certainly. It was great fun. I’ll bring the whips and amyl nitrate next time.

Below is a video of Rod Stewart singing Maggie May – click here to find the lyriics in the notes below the vid.

https://youtu.be/7T5hYlUsQ0s

Johnny Maggie, NewsRevue Lyric, 19 September 1993

Some good lines in this one but I have a feeling it wasn’t used. I had plenty in the show at that time and perhaps this wasn’t my strongest political lyric when taken as a whole.

JOHNNY MAGGIE _

(To the Tune of “Johnny Reggae”)
 
INTRO
 
CHORUS:What’s he like Margaret?
MAGGIE:He’s a real dreary geezer.
 
VERSE 1 – MAGGIE THATCHER
 
He’s going bald a bit and he’s been in power much too long;
And he wears a nylon tie with the label “C&A” on;
He always makes a cock up when decisions cross his path,
He’s stupid over cricket,
And he couldn’t run a bath.
 
CHORUS 1 – CHORUS
 
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,
Slag off Johnny Maggie,
Johnny Major Maggie,
Lay it on him;
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,
In your memoirs Maggie,
Slag off Johnny Maggie,
Blame it on him.
 
VERSE 2 – JOHNNY MAJOR
 
While still in power she promised she would go on and on;
And most of Maggie’s memoirs are like a dose of Mogadon;
Her publishers were anxious cos they want a best seller;
They told her “spice it up a bit,
Slag off that Major fellah.”
 
CHORUS 2 – CHORUS
 
Maggie is a menace,
She slurs more than Dennis,
Her book shook John then it’s
Hit the stalls;
Johnny tried to cage her,
But he can’t upstage her,
Maggie’s got John Major by the balls!!!

Below is a video of The Piglets singing Johnny Reggae:

Here is a link to the lyrics of Johnny Reggae.

Better The Leader You Know, NewsRevue Lyric, 16 May 1993

This is not one of my better lyrics and I’m pretty sure it never made the show.

                                           BETTER THE LEADER YOU KNOW

                                    (To the Tune of “Better The Devil You Know”)
 
WOGANESQUE VOICE:Good evening and welcome to the Eurotory leadership contest.  The UK jury is definitely out tonight as we go over now to hear this year’s losing entry by the UK Tory Party.
 
VERSE 1 – JOHN MAJOR
 
One thing about those Tory blues,
They rarely treat their leaders true;
When I do something not quite right,
They’re round with long knives in the night.
It is a chore to be PM,
But the job’s mine and not for them.
 
CHORUS 1 – STILL JOHN MAJOR
 
Better the leader you know than the leader you don’t,
Oh yes, oh yes,
I can buy a little time by sacking Lamont,
Oh yes oh yes;
Better the leader you know than the leader you don’t.
 
VERSE 2 – MAGGIE THATCHER
 
I tell him he’s a wally almost every day,
I’m out of my head or so the brain shrinks say;
He wont assert himself like the real Tory men,
He’s got the key to my place, meaning Number 10.
You know I’ve more spunk than those men,
We’ll junk John then I’ll run again.
 
CHORUS 2 – MAGGIE THATCHER
 
Better the leader you know than the leader you don’t,
Ah ha, ah ha,
I can cause a lot of fuss while these new Tories wont,
Ah ha, ah ha.
 
OUTRO
 
MAJOR:Don’t chose Portillo,
THATCHER:Or Hestletine;
BOTH:No peccadillos, that job is mine.
Better the leader,
Better the leader you know than the leader you don’t. 

The above lyrics work to the tune of Better The Devil You Know, which was the UK’s Eurovision entry in 1993. Decide for yourselves whether my lyric or the Eurovision song is more dreadful: