[christopher simon [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]
I suppose I was hellish busy on return from our four-week trip to China, Hong Kong & Bali, so I didn’t write any humour for more than 10 days after my return.
But over that Christmas break I had a rich flowering of creative energy for NewsRevue, the first of which was this medley lyric, written on Christmas Eve.
The central conceit of it as topical humour was a news item I read that said that Meatloaf was drinking his own urine on his doctor’s advice to help his voice. Yet that specific aspect plays only a small part of the medley.
This lyric ran long in the show and in more than one format. My abiding memory has the great Paul Cawley singing the lead, but several performers capable of delivering belters did it justice.
_ MEDLEY FROM HELL _
(A Meatloaf Mini Opera)
There is nothing a director could do to desecrate this piece. Motorcycles, blood and Gothic monstrosities would all be welcomed by the author.
NEIGHBOURS FROM HELL 1
(To the Tune of “Bat Out Of Hell”)
(Chorus or single voice other than Meatloaf sings)
He was born down in Texas many decades ago and his parents called him Marvin Aday,
But he said he would sooner change his name to Meatloaf because he eats a hundred burgers a day; He was offered Eddie’s role in the Rocky Horror Show and he took it for three hundred quid,
He was the Hot Patootie in the Rocky Horror movie,
(Enter Meatloaf outrageously, singing..)
But when the song said Eddie, never loved his teddy, they knew I was a no good kid;
(Now Meatloaf sings and Chorus hums refrain {sic})
But my records weren’t selling and my belly was swelling so Jim Steinman said that I should cut loose,
So I peddled my soul to that devil Rock’n’roll now my songs all sound like copies of Bruce;
And it isn’t much fun imitating Born To Run as I cannot warble nearly as well,
But I shouldn’t complain, should be laughing like a drain,
Cos I’ve made a pile like a fat cat out of hell.
(Chorus sings gleefully)
And all your neighbours from hell play Meatloaf till the morning comes,
Eighty five decibels and the neighbours bang the floor like drums drums drums,
And if you call the old Bill they don’t show up till the morning comes,
So you crawl off to work and you feel like a burk when you fall asleep at noon;
(Meatloaf sings mournfully)
But as I’ve sung so loud since the early seventies, I’m losing my voice too soon.
I PUT MY URINE INTO MY MOUTH
(To The Tune of “You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth”
And so I put my urine into my mouth,
Think my doctor must have took the piss;
I put my urine into my mouth,
Cos the doctor swore that it just about might save my volume,
CHORUS:volume,
And so I put my urine into my mouth,
CHORUS:think his doctor must have took the piss,
I put my urine into my mouth……..
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR CASH
(To the Tune of “I Would Do Anything For Love”)
……Cos I would do anything for slush,
Yes I would do anything for dosh,
Yes I would do anything for cash,
But I won’t lose fat,
No I won’t lose fat.
FATTER THAN HELL II
(To another bit of the tune “Bat Out Of Hell”)
So now I’m fatter than hell,
And now my stomach has swelled,
And my bladder as well.
Yes now I’m fatter than hell(CHORUS: like a fat cat from hell his record sales are unrelented),
Yes I’m as fat as a bell(CHORUS: like Mr Blobby as well these fatsos are not talented).
And yet my records still sellllllllllllllllllllll!
Below is Bat Out Of Hell by Meatloaf with the lyrics on the screen, but do bear in mind that the lyrics don’t even start until 1’55”
Below is You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth by Meatloaf with the lyrics on the screen, but do bear in mind that the relevant “took the words right out of my mouth” ones don’t come up until 2’05”
Below is the official video for I Would Do Anything For Love by Meatloaf, which gives the motorcycles and Gothic feel, which is probably more useful than the lyrics for this one:
In early 1994, I rewrote a scaled down solo version of this piece, with just the “Fatter Than Hell” refrain. Probably on request. I think both versions were used at one time or another:
_ FATTER THAN HELL _
(A Meatloaf Monstorosity To The Tune of “Bat Out Of Hell)
VERSE 1
I was born down in Texas many decades ago and my parents called me Marvin Aday,
But I said I would sooner change my name to Meatloaf because I eat a hundred burgers a day;
I was offered Eddie’s role in the Rocky Horror Show and I took it for three hundred quid,
I was the Hot Patootie in the Rocky Horror movie,
But when the song said Eddie, never loved his teddy, they knew I was a no good kid;
VERSE 2
But my records weren’t selling and my belly was swelling so Jim Steinman said that I should cut loose,
So I peddled my soul to that devil Rock’n’roll now my songs all sound like copies of Bruce;
And it isn’t much fun imitating Born To Run as I cannot warble nearly as well,
But I shouldn’t complain, should be laughing like a drain,
Cos I’ve made a pile like a fat cat out of hell.
CHORUS
And all your neighbours from hell play Meatloaf till the morning comes,
Eighty five decibels and the neighbours bang the floor like drums drums drums,
And if you call the old Bill they don’t show up till the morning comes,
So you crawl off to work and you feel like a burk when you fall asleep at noon;
But I’ve been eating so much since the early seventies, inflating like a balloon……
FINALE
So now I’m fatter than hell,
And now my stomach has swelled,
And my bladder as well.
Yes now I’m fatter than hell(CHORUS: like a fat cat from hell his record sales are unrelented),
Yes I’m as fat as a bell(CHORUS: like Mr Blobby as well these fatsos are not talented).
And yet my records still sellllllllllllllllllllll!