Nigel “Father Barry” – Page 3

Unforgettable Days With The Heavy Rollers, Days One & Two Of THAT Edgbaston Test Match, 4 & 5 August 2005

All Photographs By Charles Bartlett Except Where Indicated (This one by a steward, probably Paul Guppy, on Charles’s camera)

Even before we got to Edgbaston, the 2005 Heavy Rollers gathering was going to be one of the most memorable ever, by dint of the wonderful late afternoon and evening we had spent at Tye Towers the previous day, playing cricket and enjoying a glorious summer barbeque together.

On The Eve Of The 2005 Edgbaston Test, A Heavy Rollers Extravaganza At Tye Towers, 3 August 2005

We all stayed at Tye Towers. Janie recalls that I sent her a lengthy SMS message (now lost in the mists of time and/or recoverable only by the security services) waxing lyrical about the wonderful time we were having.

Charles got up early the next morning and took a stroll around “the estate” with his camera, taking all the following pictures before 7:00 am.

We thought we had allowed bags of time to get to Edgbaston & into the ground for the first ball. We were used to going to Edgbaston for the first day of the test match. But we hadn’t accounted for the massive early queues (previously unprecedented at Edgbaston – at least in then recent times) and the additional security required, as there had been a major terrorist incident on London transport only a few weeks earlier. Indeed, Nigel’s son, Adam – himself an occasional Heavy Roller and guest star in our charity cricket matches – had been on one of the bombed trains; mercifully Adam far enough away from the explosion not to be injured.

*Adam Hinks – rolling with us the following year*

Returning to the queue on the morning of 4 August 2005, our mood regarding the match to come was one of great hope but diminished expectation, on the back of England having played a poor game at Lord’s leaving England 1-0 down in the five match series. I had spent a couple of days at that Lord’s test…

…a link to my Ogblog postings on that match will appear here in the fullness of time…once those postings are writ…

…we all knew that England would need to up its game considerably to catch up and overtake Australia in the series. This Edgbaston test was crucual.

Then, suddenly, one of our number (I think it was Charles but it might have been Harish) took a call from Kyle Bullock, who was working at The Children’s Society HQ at that time.

Kyle had played in the annual Z/Yen v Children’s Society cricket match in Regents Park a few weeks earlier. Kyle had cruelly dismissed me in that match with an off-spinning delivery that bounced and spun even more than I had anticipated, clipping my glove and thus yielding a catch. To add to the cruelty of that dismissal, the spitting cobra of a spinning ball had clipped a joint on one of my fingers which, despite the so-called protection of a glove and the relative slowness of the ball, had led to trigger finger pain that was sustained for several months. Kyle simply thought this was funny whenever I mentioned it to him.

Kyle at Tufty Stackpole Match 31 July 2005

On the positive side, Kyle had played an important part in one of the most exciting cricket matches I have ever played, click here or below) just a few days before we set off for Bedfordshire and Edgbaston.

Far And Away The Most Exciting Game Of Cricket I Have Ever Played, Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society, North Crawley, 31 July 2005

At the time, we thought of Kyle as “an Aussie”. In fact, he is, like many people, someone whose nationality and sporting allegiance is somewhat divided between Australia and England. In fact, Kyle’s allegiance for those Ashes leant towards England, we subsequently discovered.

The reason I labour all of this seemingly superfluous material, is the fact that Kyle informed us, by telephone, that Glenn McGrath, Australia’s most reliable bowler at that time, had injured himself in warm-ups and was out of the match, possibly out of the series.

At first we all thought this was a wind up. I had already suffered that summer at the hands of Kyle’s spin and was not going to buy this unlikely-sounding story easily.

But within moments a whisper started to go through the queue and the ground, as plenty of people around us were listening to radios and/or taking calls from friends. The truth of this perhaps-series-defining story was confirmed.

We soon also learned that Australia had nevertheless elected to bowl having won the toss.

Our hope (and that of England fans everywhere) was well and truly restored.

Intriguingly, Nigel’s recollection of the McGrath incident is quite different from mine, as he, Jeff Tye and The Steeds came in separate cars from me, Chas, Nick and Harish. They were entering the ground at a different (probably slightly earlier) time. Nigel writes:

It was the amiable Brummie steward [Paul Guppy] who informed me/us of the ‘unfortunate’ McGrath accident…[Paul] appeared joyful in the sense of “ I know summink amazing that you don’t”. He sensed our doubts as he had, until then, had a tendency to enjoy the odd wind up, to put it kindly. “I should know, I helped put him into the back of a car”. His insights may have been shared elsewhere, but we self importantly formed the impression he had made a beeline for us! Word started to spread as a result…hopes began to escalate.

*Paul Guppy a couple of years earlier winding me up*

Here is a link to a match highlights video that, like this article, covers the first two days of the match. You’ll need to survive some adverts before you see just over 30 minutes of footage.

Above embedded video from The Daily Motion.

The video shows the queue of people entering the ground through the Pershore Road entrance, which is the entrance we use, but the queue was much longer than that shown when we arrived in it.

The video highlights for the first two days of this great match also include an infeasibly large number of shots showing us Heavy Rollers in the crowd – especially shots from the first session of the match. I suppose we stood out for the cameras that year, being lined up in our red Heavy Rollers shirts.

Here’s an example screen grab from the above video. Don’t ask how much fiddling around it has taken to grab that. It is c4’36” into the film.

*David (floppy hat), Jeff, Dan, Nick, Chas, Hippity, Monkey-face, Nigel, Me, Harish (obscured)* *– this photo grabbed from the Daily Motion as video above.*

Lunch was a typically wonderful picnic (see Heavy Rollers reports passim), I think a joint effort provided by the Steeds supplemented by the Tyes – not least Liz Tye’s iconic scotch eggs, which Nigel recalls her contributing on several occasions…surely this being one of them… and Samina’s samosas – Samina being a colleague of Nigel and especially Jeff’s from the Bedford office of The Childrens’ Society. Samina contributed samosas for our trip on several occasions.

*This picture of a home made scotch egg by Kolforn (Wikimedia), CC BY-SA 4.0*

*This picture of home made samosas by Fantaz, CC BY 2.0*

Chas, Nigel & Jeff were still star struck from their previous exploits blagging their way into the old Edgbaston pavilion – see Heavy Rollers write ups passim, in particular the 2003 one linked here and below…

Heavy Rollers Meet Saffers, Their Comeuppance And The Elements At The Edgbaston Test, 24 & 25 July 2003

In 2005 they did it again, with Chas taking several photos including the following:

*Kevin Pietersen, taken while wandering at or just after lunch*

The following ones from within the pavilion on the stroke of tea Day One…don’t ask!

And one just after tea, proving that Chas, at least, hung around for the whole of the tea interval.

*You were a bit obsessed with KP at that time, Chas. Pinning hopes…*

The evening meal was at an Indian Restaurant (or should I call it a Balti House in Birmingham?) on the recommendation of the Steeds (“Peels”) and a jolly good recommendation it was too, as evidenced by the following sole photo of the evening.

*Some faces and arms almost as red as the red curries*

We stayed the night at Harborne Hall – our first of several stays there. Why we rejected the place in 2006 in favour of the worst hotel ever in the entire world…

The Worst Place We Have Ever Stayed In For Cricket, England v Sri Lanka at Edgbaston, 25 & 26 May 2006

…is a bit of a mystery. But I digress.

Another mystery is why Chas took one…but only one…picture on Day Two of the match.

I can only imagine that Chas felt that he had failed to catch an image of his favourite player on Day One, so returned with his camera determined to put matters right on Day Two…which he certainly did with the above image.

We had a great time on Day Two, much as we had on Day One. David Steed once again did the honours with a splendid picnic and all seemed well with the world as we left the ground at the end of that day.

Shane Warne’s dismissal of Andrew Strauss towards the end of Day Two kept us all thinking that, despite England’s healthy-looking lead, the game was far from over…

*Photo by PaddyBriggs at English Wikipedia, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons*

…and oh boy was the game far from over.

Here and below is a link to all of Charles’s photos from the match itself.

The wonderful Daily Motion highlights reel (repeated below) shows an insightful view of those two days of unforgettable cricket. Top viewing for Heavy Rollers and non-Rollers alike. For The Heavy Rollers, it was an unforgettable, life-affirming gathering over three days as well as an unforgettable match.

Above embedded video from The Daily Motion.

On The Eve Of The 2005 Edgbaston Test, A Heavy Rollers Extravaganza At Tye Towers, 3 August 2005

Jeff said that he’d cut a strip for our evening game…he REALLY cut a strip

(All photos kindly supplied by Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett)

So much has been written about the astonishing Ashes series of 2005, not least the extraordinary match at Edgbaston. We Heavy Rollers were fortunate enough to witness the first two days of that classic match.

Yet one aspect of our wonderful experience of that match was truly unique to us Heavy Rollers: the evening and night before the test at “Tye Towers”, Big Papa Zambezi Jeff’s Bedfordshire residence, where we played cricket, enjoyed a magnificent barbeque and bonded like a band of brothers.

*Our banner unfurled that afternoon, before we played*

Make no mistake – Jeff’s wonderful offer to provide us all with accommodation that night and to turn his garden into a temporary cricket ground and barbeque venue was not our only option. Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett had blagged us into the Edgbaston Cricket Centre for an hour in the nets that evening. Who knows how Chas used to pull off such coups? But we ended up rejecting Edgbaston’s kind offer in favour of Jeff’s place.

[A King Cricket piece describing the choice of venue for our pre test yard cricket will appear some time soon and be linked here when it does.]

I’m pretty sure that I journeyed to Jeff’s place reasonably early in the afternoon with Charley and Nick. For several years, Charles would kindly arrange to meet me at a suitably convenient Central Line station (was it Redbridge or Gants Hill or Newbury Park?) and then we’d travel up together. I’d get a train home. There would sometimes be lively debate as to the music we would listen to on these journeys. I might be mistaken, but I have a feeling that Neil Young had some prominence as the in car entertainment that year.

Anyway, for sure we three were all at Tye Towers quite early, as evidenced by the photographs Chas took mid to late afternoon.

*There’s me, in whites, sorting out the stumps. Jeff supervising, Nick indifferent*

I have no idea what the following picture of Nigel is about. Presumably he was owed ticket money by some and was much relieved to have received it.

*Or is this evidence of yard cricket match fixing?*

Once the yard cricket got underway, Chas put away his camera until the after match festivities, so we have no images of the pitch once it was completed, nor of the action.

Memory will have to serve for the match itself and I might well need the help of others.

I believe I can compile a complete list of the people who played:

David “David Peel” Steed;
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil;
Me;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Dan “Dan Peel” Steed;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Geoff “Tufty Geoff” Young (the only participant who did not also attend the match with us).

In the matter of playing conditions, I recall that we had some additional fielders to try and keep the batsmen honest:

The roller depicted in the above photograph, fielding at slip to the right-handed batsman;
In front of the flag pole, a mermaid statue (or something of that ilk) – those two objects combined to field at leg slip to the right-handed batsman.

Hitting one of those artefacts on the full was deemed to be out caught.

I contrived to get caught by the statue on one occasion. Lots of people had near misses with the roller and possibly even the odd dismissal on the off side, but I think I was alone in managing to strangle one to the mermaid.

Harish had an especially good evening at Tye Towers, as did Tufty Geoff, who was one of those irritatingly excellent yet self-effacing cricketers who tended to hide himself in the lower reaches of the Tufty Stackpole team yet consistently perform well for them when needed. Here and below is a link to a report on a subsequent Tufty match :

Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society, North Crawley CC, “Match Report”, 30 July 2006

Anyway, Tufty Geoff won the trophy that year, for both bating and bowling, while Harish picked up a “man of the match” or “play of the day” award, I think for his bowling. Indeed I think Harish pulled off several fine dismissals including my strangle down the leg side snaffled up by a statuesque fielder.

*Tufty Geoff picking up his miniscule trophy from me*

*Harish collecting his slightly larger trophy from yours truly*

Nigel reflects on the match and trophies as follows:

Can’t recall who was snaffled by the inert metal object but someone certainly was.

Jeff was equally displeased when I picked out the roof of his prized cabin-bar for two “maximums” using my prized Hansie Cronje Rawalpindi bat.
I expected glory not abuse! (Sadly I never owned a bat during my playing days and can only wonder what my numbers might have been if such equipment had come my way earlier? The bat was given to Hansie who didn’t like it so gave it to his brother who became the pro at Todmorden where it fell into the hands of my brother then me). Chas had earlier compared my running style between wickets to that of a “trotting pony”. Maybe that provoked some big hitting?

I supplied the trophies. It was a last minute decision. One each for batting and bowling. Having called in to a modest local establishment it was a question of enquiring “what have you got that I can take now?” Consequently the quality of the awards left much to be desired despite the price. So, it was no surprise that one of them required a small repair before it left for Bedford, thus provoking the comment, “you were done” from Liz Tye while we were preparing for the tournament.

I recall your comment after calculating the final scores, if not verbatim. “Perhaps there should be some recognition for the runner up?” Because the same player came a close second in both categories. (Clue- it wasn’t Harish). So near but……….

Looking again at the awards ceremony photos, I seem to be tucking in to a glass of full-bodied red wine there, which, given the very little I can remember about the rest of the evening (other than that delightful, oblivious, impressionistic sense that we were having a wonderful time) must have been pretty good.

Dan Steed recalls the event as follows:

My favourite Heavy Roller memory! What a few days, starting with such a wonderful afternoon/evening!

Well worth the trip from the edge of Birmingham to drive back to Birmingham the next day for the first two days of the “Greatest Test”!

Oh and the Banoffee pie….wow 😋, and watching a combine harvester at work at some late hour!

At this juncture we should recognise the enormous contribution that Liz Tye made to that wonderful evening, in the background, producing much of the food – not least Dan’s beloved banofee pie, and generally being a “hostess with the mostess” in every way.

The next few photos show the barbeque and festivities in full sway. I think we have used enough words to conjure a sense of the mood.

The next morning, it seems that Chas got up early and went for a stroll around the estate taking some more photos. I’ll use those in the next piece, but here and below is a link to all of the photos Chas took at Tye Towers, both the evening of 3rd August and the morning of 4th August:

The Birmingham Nine: Heavy Rollers At Edgbaston, England v West Indies, 29 & 30 July 2004

Photographs thanks to Charles Bartlett, but this one was taken by a complete stranger in the Warwickshire CCC (Edgbaston) car park

I have written up the preliminaries, including the slapstick events of the night before, in a separate piece, click here or below:

The Time That The Heavy Rollers Started To Get Big On Us, Yet Also Went Downhill: Build Up To The 2004 Event

Ever true to his word, David Steed indeed booked a minibus for our transport that year, in the light of our increased size of group. Here is the picture, presumably taken by Anita, of us all dressed up and ready to go first thing on that first morning, at Wadderton:

Of course there would have been many bants about drinks muling, as had been the case in previous years, but I think the consensus by 2004 was that most muling was likely to get caught. Thus only the expert did the muling – a wine box (outer removed of course) disguised as a cool bag bottom.

I suspect this trick doesn’t work any more, but here are photos of the operation in process:

David will have been describing the picnic contents in a quickfire patter stylee

*Gang-master Jeff looks smug and satisfied*

Jeff took on the role of mastermind rather than implementer in the matter of the prediction game too. I remember getting a call from him early in the morning of 28th, while I was getting ready to leave the flat.

JEFF: Ian, it’s Jeff here. I’ve screwed up. I cannot lay my hands on a prediction game template and need to go out now. I know you did one for Trent Bridge – any chance you could print it out for Edgbaston this year? It’ll be the devil’s job to try and get it done at Wadderton.

ME: I’m rushing to set off this morning too…but leave it with me…

…which Jeff did…for the rest of all time.

By 9:02 on 28 July (according to the meta-data), I had produced this masterpiece, which became the base template for all subsequent Edgbaston trips. Please note the correct spelling of Edgbaston & everything:

*Not entirely suited to the nine player version of the game, but still*

The next picture was taken just over an hour into the match. Note that our regular seats in the Priory Stand had a splendid view of the notorious Eric Hollies Stand while being a very safe distance from it. Even the 12th man seemed to be eyeing the Hollies with suspicion, while Bananarama Monkey-Face tried to sneak into any photo he possibly could photo bomb.

At lunch we peruaded a friendly steward, quite possibly Paul Guppy, to take a group photo of us:

Later in the lunch hour, Chas must have gone for one of his traditional lunchtime strolls, observing some cultural appropriation of Caribbean music:

My memory and the official record is silent on the delights that David served up to us for dinner on the Thursday evening. We won’t have been all that hungry because a David Steed Wadderton picnic left little room for dinner. It will have been very tasty, whatever it was. Everyone will have been in excellent spirits – England was doing extremely well.

Here is a link to the Cricinfo scorecard and stuff for that match.

Chas took a few more pictures on the second day.

*I think the player kindly giving Chas the thumbs up is Jermaine Lawson*

At lunchtime Chas must have wandered over to the book signing, but whether he commissioned a private message about London buses and pigeons from Blowers, or simply took a photo of him plying his trade in audiobooks, I suspect is lost in the mists of time.

Following the coup with Nigel and Jeff the previous year, getting into the pavilion for a session or so (click here or below)…

Heavy Rollers Meet Saffers, Their Comeuppance And The Elements At The Edgbaston Test, 24 & 25 July 2003

…Chas couldn’t resist trying the same wheeze again – seemingly with some success.

*Andrew Flintoff returning with a daddy-hundred to his name*

If you look very closely at the above photo, you can see, in the distance, the number ten batsman striding towards the crease. That is a young James Anderson and this was our first (but far from our last) sighting of him as Heavy Rollers.

We had a wonderful time in 2004, as always, but I do recall a sense that 2004 was an especially good one. I don’t think any of us realised at the time that we were at the dawn of a golden era for England as a cricket team and The Heavy Rollers as a motley band of visiting enthusiasts.

If you want to see all the pictures, including scans of the prediction game results sheets (surely everyone will want to know, as much as anything else, how I cunningly accounted for nine players on an eight-column template), you can see it all in the Flickr album linked here and below:

The Time That The Heavy Rollers Started To Get Big On Us, Yet Also Went Downhill: Build Up To The 2004 Event

…and then there were nine…

I’m not sure why The Heavy Rollers became, for a few years, a significantly bigger and bolder event. Part of a natural life cycle for such things, perhaps. Possibly something to do with the England cricket team’s partial revival, prompting a bit more realistic optimism (rather than the “hope against hope” optimism of the 1990s and early years of the new century) in England’s potential performances.

Or possibly it was due to our spiritual leader, Nigel, adopting a policy of suggesting that our journey would soon reach an end.

Here’s the 19 November 2003 note from Nigel to us Rollers:

Subject: Heavy Rollers 2004-the penultimate tour

Dear Heavy Rollers , Associate and Junior members

Despite phone bookings not being available until January (Warwicks. CCC staff are so bribable) have just heard that our allocation sorted, usual places, although on Friday 2 of the group (now 9- what an evening game that should be) will be directly behind (Just in case this all sounds too far off and you are thinking I am a sad git for even considering booking it when Rugby is the game, they told me that the row we occupy is now sold out for the second day!). I am a sad git but that’s another matter.

Tickets are 30.25 x 2 each = £60.50 (I got stung for a second booking fee as I added more on!).

Payable between now and end of the year to avoid serious surcharges applying.

The nine for that year were, as depicted in the headline picture (left to right seated, then left to right standing):

David “David Peel” Steed;
Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Harish “Harsha Goble” Gohil;
Me;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Dan “Dan Peel” Steed;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Biff.

Biff was the only “new boy” for The Heavy Rollers that year, having been a star player for The Children’s Society in the inaugural match against Tufty Stackpole a few years previously:

The First Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, 15 July 2001

In 2004, the core group seemed to solidify. Most who had attended previously in earnest wanted to attend.

David Steed sprang into action immediately, sealing the deal on the Wadderton element of our trip within a couple of days of Nigel’s missive. David’s reply on 23 November 02003:

Dear Heavy Rollers (all grades),

Suitable accommodation now reserved for the Wednesday and Thursday. I wonder if we can persuade her indoors (scuse me it’s her that’s doing this typing!!!) to repeat the lasagne?

We have actually found a REAL Heavy Roller deep in the undergrowth at the back of Wadderton, so if I slip Peter a couple of cans of Banks Original we may even attempt to roll out a strip!

Nigel – cheque in the post in couple of days – and thanks for being a sad git!

Sadly, our 2004 exploits proved to be a final hurrah for Wadderton, as far as the Heavy Rollers were concerned – Wadderton was gone by the summer of 2005. Mercifully, those 2004 exploits were wonderfully memorable, not least thanks to Charles Bartlett’s trusty Canon PowerShot camera.

*Wadderton looking splendid, 28 July 2004*

No sign of Peter having cut a strip by the time we got there in July 2004, quite possibly because the bribe of Banks’s Original didn’t make it from the Steed quarters into Peter’s hands. [I must admit that Banks’s Mild was always my personal Banks’s beer of choice, but I was not even faintly likely to cut a strip. I digress].

Observant readers will note, from the headline picture, that the Heavy Rollers were all wearing a Heavy Rollers Edgbaston 2004 shirt. This was the first of several years for which shirts were commissioned. Jeff and Chas were the brains behind the idea.

I vaguely heard a story about consternation over the production of this first shirt. Something to do with Chas taking the lead, a deal done down Romford market and Jeff’s dissatisfaction with the combination of quality and price. The upshot was that subsequent shirts were produced elsewhere under Jeff’s auspices. I cannot comment on that debate but I can, nearly 20 years later, still model the very shirt:

*Thanks to Janie for this picture 19 March 2023*

Frankly, in my case, nearly 20 years later, the shirt appears to be maintaining its look better than the wearer.

Downhill From Here: The Night Before The Test, 28 July 2004

Frankly I’m not sure a cut strip would have much enhanced our game the night before, but I am sure that the nine of us had a splendid early evening game.

I suspect that all who were present remember one particular detail of this game of yard cricket…probably to the exclusion of all other details. Certainly in my case, the one pivotal moment of the evening – one ball – has extinguished all and any other memories of the game.

I cannot remember who bowled it (it might even have been me), nor can I remember who struck the ball (certainly not me given the quality of the strike – probably Nigel or Biff), but I do remember who sought to field the ball. Charley.

The ball hurtled off in the direction of the lower slopes below the garden which was, in effect, our pitch. Coincidentally, Charley, who is a photographer extraordinaire as well as a fielder extraordinaire, had photographed those lower slopes earlier that afternoon:

I don’t think Chas leapt over the fence, I think there was a strategic gap through which the ball, then Chas following the ball, went.

It took everyone (including Chas) a few seconds to realise that running as fast as you can down a hill to try to stop a ball has certain consequences in the matter of how the momentum of that run comes to an end. For an excruciating few moments it became obvious to everyone, probably including Chas, that his run would have to end with either an inadvisable dive or an involuntary tumble.

We could debate at great length the exact nature of the concluding moment. Suffice it to say that it looked extremely comical and yet at the same time, in the moment, I suspect we were all genuinely concerned for Chas.

I have asked Dall-E to help me depict this moment, both in cartoon form and in photograph form, by explaining the matter in words to the AI tool. Here are the results:

Once it became clear that Chas’s moans were the result mostly of bruised ego rather than serious physical harm, the incident became a matter of much mirth, for the rest of that evening…and the rest of that Heavy Rollers 2004 event…indeed for the rest of all time amongst those who witnessed it.

Other reports on the incident or other aspects of that evening’s game will be gratefully received.

I have no idea whether the evening meal was indeed centred around the ever-popular lasagne, but I strongly suspect that it was.

*A memorably convivial evening at Wadderton*

We sat around after dinner for quite some time that year, reminiscing about Heavy Rollers events past, the earlier events of the evening and of course looking ahead with eager anticipation to two days of test cricket between England and West Indies.

*Chas looks revived – no doubt describing his “dive” in Jonty Rhodes/Paul Collingwood terms*

I shall write up the Edgbaston element of the 2004 Heavy Rollers event separately.

Charles Bartlett’s wonderful pictures of the events described in this piece and of the 2004 Edgbaston trip can be found in the Flickr album linked here and below:

Postscript: Indeed We Did Eat Lasagne

I have just discovered one more e-mail – this one from Anita to Nigel the weekend before the event. Proof positive that we had lasagne and also that we already knew that this stay would be Wadderton’s last hurrah, Heavy Roller-wise:

Subject: Re: Nearly time……

Hi Nigel,

David’s working this evening but I thought I’d reply anyway and if he wants to get back to you tomorrow then I am sure he will.

He and Dan are really looking forward to next Thursday and Friday. David is off work Wednesday too to prepare!!

I think everything is fine about people staying here but you will need to bring sheets or sleeping bags, pillow slips and towels, as the laundry contract has finished and I don’t think I have enough!

I have been commissioned to make another lasagne for one of the evenings and I think David has plans for food for the other one. He said he would book a minibus for Thursday but, if there are fewer of you needing to come back here after the cricket on Friday I can be chauffeur!

Looking forward to seeing you again.

Best wishes,

Love Anita

Heavy Rollers Meet Saffers, Their Comeuppance And The Elements At The Edgbaston Test, 24 & 25 July 2003

Photographs by Charles Bartlett. Above: Nigel & Jeff With Paul Adams

We shall return later to the above image of Nigel and Jeff smugly mingling with the South African players in the pavilion just before tea on Day One of the 2003 Edgbaston test.

Let us start this write up of the 2003 Heavy Rollers event from the beginning.

Big Match Build Up: October 2002 To May 2003

A lengthy e-mail from Nigel on 10 October 2002 set the ball rolling for this one. The key text:

The Edgbaston Test is scheduled for 24-28 July, 2003 vs. South Africa (where it all began!).Tickets go on sale in early January.
Get it into the diary before holidays, personal injury, life changes and other meek excuses hamper another traditional gathering in the interests of the wonderful game.

By that time, Nigel was no longer with The Children’s Society and had not been able to attend the previous year, as documented at length in the 2002 Heavy Roller’s piece. I was not sure that the tradition would continue and was very pleased to receive that e-mail.

Then, on 3 December, came confirmation via a similarly lengthy epistle from Nigel:

Your ticket secretary has reported back with news that tickets have been acquired for England v South Africa, Thursday and Friday 24/25 July 2003 (Row A Block 03 Seats 4-10). These will be held in safe keeping until a personal transfer can be effected but cheques for 2 x £30.00 per person would be appreciated in due course…

…The secretary is happy to bear all additional costs associated with daily calls to the very nice women in the box office, reports of postal applications going missing, resubmissions, original application surfacing, consequent near purchase of too many tickets etc. etc……what stress.

Possibly it was Nigel’s use of the word “hamper” in his first e-mail about this, but the rest of us were motivated by that second e-mail to club together and send Nigel & Viv a hamper of grub for Christmas, not only to thank him for his 2003 efforts but also the 2002 efforts which, from his personal point of view, resulted in no cricket at all.

I commissioned Dall-E to help me illustrate the gift:

*Not bad, but the liquid bottles within were French and grape-based, not water*

On 31 December, Nigel sent what might well be his most pretentious e-mail ever:

Monsieurs ‘Heavy Rollers’

C’est avec plaisir que je mange le grand cadeau et je bois le vin et le champagne.

Merci de votre generosite mes amis!

Amities,

Nigel (et femme)

Next, in mid-May, a disappointing development, passed on to the rest of us through Nigel:

Dear Heavy Roller

It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that one of the senior membership has been forced to put an exotic holidaying experience with spouse before this great, and possibly final, annual occasion. Just when English cricket begins its renaissance after the disappointments of the winter (and summer). David reassures us that, despite this dubious decision (yes it is he), the bookings remain solid for accommodation and limited overs warm up…

David himself chimed in a few days later, not least with the following statement.

…Not sure if Dan is up to the cooked breakfast but therein lies a challenge!!!…

These messages remind me of two Wadderton traditions that I have not previously discussed: games of garden cricket on the Wadderton lawns and the traditional cooked breakfast at Wadderton before setting off for the ground.

The Night Before The Big Match: 23 July 2003

Wadderton in 2004: more slope than Lord’s, more than a tinge of green on the track

I’m pretty sure that the garden cricket prior to 2003 had been a fairly low key affair – perhaps it started in 2001 with a gentle knockabout. In 2002 it was replaced by “yard cricket in the rain at Trent Bridge”, which was quite different.

My memory of the night before cricket in 2003 is quite strong and I recall quite a good game. David’s replacement (at one time his son Ben was mooted) turned out to be “Dan’s Mate” Robbie, who was good company, a keen scout and a very useful addition to the garden cricket. Here is the cast list for 2003:

Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett;
Me “Ged Ladd” (accompanied by Hippity The Green Bunny, Henry The Duck and Bananarama Monkey-Face);
Dan“Dan Peel” Steed;
“Dan’s Mate” Robbie.

This group made for some good garden cricket.

Towards the end of the game, we were joined by a woman named Jill Rose, whose company was supplying computers to The Children’s Society and who for some reason wanted to meet with Charles that afternoon/evening. I think it might have been as simple as the fact that she was nearby.

She was a larger than life character, I remember. I also recall her hoving into view from the main house, much later than she had intended to visit, while our game was in full sway. Mercifully, Jill did not tumble down that slope, nor did any of us tumble down the even steeper slope, which is out of view in the above photo. You’ll have to await the 2004 report for that story. Indeed, an abridged match report for the 2003 Wadderton Garden Games can be found in Nigel’s Epistle To The Rollers, at the end of this piece.

Jill watched us playing for a while and then, when we stopped playing for rain and Charles invited her to join us for the Chinese takeaway we had agreed we would get from the Barnt Green Chinese in David’s absence…

…was that place already named Happy Valley back then? Anyway it wasn’t bad…

…Jill insisted on getting the takeaway and refused to accept any money from us.

I vaguely remember Charles Bartlett describing “going to hell and back” form filling back at TCS HQ, at Charles Nall’s behest, to declare fully the circumstances behind this receipt of supplier hospitality. Whether that form-filling trumped the form filling required to get Day Two refunds on Edgbaston tickets, I cannot say, but I did end up doing the latter.

England v South Africa Day One: 24 July 2003

Did Dan provide a cooked breakfast in the style of his inimitable Dad? I have a feeling that he did and it would have been jolly tasty.

But it was Jeff, not Dan, who provided the central picnic for Day One of play. This included a fair amount of booze which Jeff was determined we should all smuggle in to the ground. Booze-smuggling into grounds does not come naturally to me. We had some interesting debates about “who should do what”, which I think resulted in me avoiding booze-mule duties, much to Jeff’s chagrin. My argument was that I would look guilty as hell if trying to hide something, would be likely to crumble when confronted by an authority figure and therefore was, in every way, the Roller least emotionally suited to muling and most likely to get caught.

I did not reveal, in those discussions, the infamous “jumping the border” episode from Janie’s and my trip to South-East Asia a couple of years earlier…

When Janie And I Jumped The Border Into Thailand At Chong Mek And Then Blagged Our Way Out Of Thailand Again, 19 and 26 February 2001

…which is a far more risky and serious form of smuggling than a bit of booze muling at Edgbaston. (Are you technically people smuggling when you smuggle yourselves across a border)? I digress.

In the end we all got in with our share of the stuff; legitimate and contraband alike.

Below is the view from the front row of the Priory Stand as it was then. This photo is the very first Heavy Roller’s photograph taken on a digital camera by Charles Bartlett. It makes Edgbaston, not least the Eric Hollies Stand beyond, look magnificent, which it truly is.

I note from the above photo evidence of the smuggled but (at lunchtime) barely concealed wine (see plastic cup on far right).

Kids playing Kwik Cricket – lunchtime entertainment. In the background the famous old Edgbaston pavilion, demolished and replaced 2010/2011, in all its (lack of) splendour

Twenty20 cricket was born a few weeks before this test match. This proto-mascot Warwickshire Bear, in cricket whites, with moll, looks more growly than subsequent mascot bears.

I’m hoping that Nigel can tell the story of how a few of the senior Heavy Rollers blagged their way into the pavilion between lunch and tea that day. Nigel mentions Clive in his epistle and I do recall there was a senior administrator by that name who was associated with our group’s peculiar ability to get the seats it wanted in all circumstances without us having been on a 30 year waiting list or anything like that.

My memory of the pavilion event is very limited, but I do remember a call coming through to the rest of us with the news. I remember declining the invitation. I think there were only one or two more spaces and I was less keen than others. In any case, I had little-‘uns with me and would not have wanted to leave them unattended.

Paul “Frog-In-A-Blender” Adams, right, Thami Tsolekile (I think), left

Herschelle Gibbs followed by Graeme Smith returning undefeated for tea

Jeff Tye applauding in our so-far totally unrewarded England stalwarts at tea

Not much more than five minutes after the players went in for tea, Charles and the others were back in the Priory Stand with the rest of us when this incident happened.

Perennial joker of a supervisor steward, Paul Guppy (subsequently reported on in the Birmingham Mail honoured for his soccer stewarding) accosts me with some invented regulation prohibiting my little ‘uns from sitting in their favourite Priory Stand “seats”

Photographic evidence of Paul Guppy arresting Hippity while putting him into a dangerous stranglehold. Meanwhile I seek to rescue Bananarama Monkey-Face and another steward callously looks on

Moments after the above two pictures were taken, Paul Guppy was no longer able to keep a straight face and the ruse was undone. I think it was Jeff Tye who put Paul Guppy up to this, presumably while they were doing the pavilion thing. I guessed that it was pay back time for refusing to mule the booze. But it might have been Nigel and/or Charles who put Paul Guppy up to it. I do think, now that 20 or so years have passed, it should be confession time. Actually the incident was very funny, not least because Paul Guppy was a uniquely unsuited character to the role of officious senior steward concocting a ludicrous rule on the fly.

I am pretty sure that Jeff Tye organised the prediction game in 2003, as I have no record, either electronic or paper, of the game. From 2004 onwards the mantle had passed to me for the rest of all time.

I don’t recall what we did that evening – I don’t think we went out – I suspect that the Wadderton breakfast and Jeff’s picnic catering, into which we all naturally chipped in to cover the costs, had included enough food to tide us over between Days One & Two.

The Day Two That Didn’t Exactly Happen, 25 July 2003

It rained. This wasn’t anything like as bad as the 2012 rain story, click here or below…

Long To Rain Over Us, England v West Indies, Edgbaston, Days One and Two, 7 & 8 June 2012

…at least we had enjoyed some fine garden cricket and a glorious day at Edgbaston in 2003. In any case, if you were going to hang around waiting for nothing to happen, you’d sooner hang around at Wadderton than at Harborne Hall- especially the 2012 quasi-commercial manifestation of Harborne Hall with its novel “price per slice of breakfast toast” mentality.

Charles took some photos of us on that rainy day at Wadderton, around 10:15 that morning. It looks dark. It was dark.

Jeff emphatic: “you might as well go to New Street now, Ian”

The eternal optimist: “let’s wait and see”

Dan, sanguine: “heck, I’m at home anyway”.

As the rain persevered throughout the morning, one by one the Heavy Rollers succumbed to the inevitable and decided to leave. I think Jeff might have bailed out first. Then Nigel. Then Charles & Nick.

I maintained a level of optimism based on a detailed reading of the rainfall radar which told me that, as long as the wind speed and direction didn’t change, that better weather would start sweeping in to the West Midlands around 15:00.

Each departing Heavy Roller assured me that I was waiting in vain, while depositing their tickets with me, the designated mourner, which meant that I would be responsible for getting the refunds if play was indeed abandoned.

Anyway, I enjoyed sitting around chatting with Dan, who possibly shared my optimism, but in any case was off work for the day and at home. When the sun came out, we were both buoyed and feeling a sense of “told you so”…we even started planning our journey to the ground…until the announcement came on the Tv broadcast just a few minutes later that play had been abandoned for the day. There was not enough time to mop up after the relentless rain and get started before the cut off time.

So that was that, from our live cricket experience point of view. Here is the scorecard and Cricinfo resources for the whole match.

Dan very kindly drove me in to Birmingham New Street, in glorious sunshine, to catch a convenient train back to London.

I remember sitting with a nice cricket-lover on that journey home whose one day of test match cricket a year had just been washed out. I realised how lucky I was. Not only had I already seen a day of this test match but I was by then already a life member of Middlesex and seeing/due to see plenty of cricket that season.

I wrote the following missive to “the lads” at soon after 7:00 that evening:

OK, OK, You called it right

Folks

Daniel and I had the surreal experience of watching the televised inspection c3.15 with glorious sunshine at Wadderton (we were planning to set off for the ground), only to learn that play was abandoned for the day!

We were so disgusted that we tore up our tickets and yours – so sorry guys – no refund. Oh all right, I have your tickets and will sort out the refunds and will reimburse you if/when the dosh turns up.

Still enjoyed the cricket we did see and the splendid company for two days. Here’s to the next time.

Ian

Nigel responded later that evening, with sufficient detail to allow the observant reader to realise that I don’t really remember all of the above stuff – but I do save e-mails and possibly even re-read bits of them:

These weather forecaster were just wishful thinkers.

Us hardened ex-players and watchers knew from experience of endless pavilion waiting that it was going to be a long shot.

However, respect to you both for sticking with it. As I was driving S-Westerly (in relentless driving rain) I heard that the South Africans had left the ground, doubtless following Steve Rouse’s words of wisdom that it was going to take at least 2 hours once the rain stopped for any play to begin. Pat Murphy said he was “not optimistic” (Interesting that the Brumbrella is no longer due to it damaging the outfield and regularly breaking down!).

Perhaps the refunds can go towards the 2004 event? How can we ever relinquish this little bit of magic?

Thanks to Jeff for the food…brilliant and glad we have a photo (c/o
Charles) for David to witness. Thanks to Dan for extending the Wadderton/Steed hospitality.

The ‘yard cricket’ was an even affair with contributions from all (Robbie and Dan can play, Ian was turning it flatulently, but who can forget Nick’s runout and Charles’ 2×4’s to win the second match?? Only eclipsed by Jeff’s dismissal as the rain started).

Thanks due also to Clive (the tip at the 20-20 was worth its weight).

I have already started to bore people with tales of being, “that close” to frog-in-a-blender”. I v. nearly got into the changing rooms.

Hard to believe it is over for 12 months after waiting for it for so long.

Hope paths might cross between now and summer 2004 but there are a few memories to conjure it up during the dark winter nights?

(Ian’s muling antics will never be mentioned again, like yeah…) As T.S Eliot (might have) said “you never know the true lengths of your achievements in life until you try to take in drink to Edgbaston”.

Until the next time, your obedient, and ‘still lively off a short run in small doses’, Admissions Secretary, signing off for 2003.

Nigel xxxxx

Finally, although I have used most of them, here is a link to all of Charles Bartlett’s pictures from that event:

The First Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society Cricket Match, 15 July 2001

Village Cricket At the Turn Of The 21st Century – by Dall-E & Me

We interrupt The History of The Heavy Rollers to cover a related (and soon to be overlapping) activity: Tufty Stackpole v The Children’s Society cricket matches. In the same way that we cannot entirely separate the birth of Z/Yen charity cricket matches…

The Very First Z/Yen Charity Cricket Match, Barnardo’s, 22 July 1998

…from the early development of The Heavy Rollers…

The Day The Heavy Rollers Entered My Consciousness & Indeed When My Devotion To Cricket Entered Theirs, 23 July 1998

…several of the people involved in Heavy Rollers outings in the first decade of this century were friends from the Tufty Stackpole matches.

Much like the early Heavy Rollers outings, there is precious little actual evidence from the events. The odd e-mail but no photos and no contemporaneous match reports. Only memories, which might be flawed or partial. Strangely, I have very strong memories of the first Tufty match and almost none of the second. Hopefully others who participated can chime in with comments and help me to improve the pieces.

The initial shout out for the first Tufty Stackpole match came from Charles Bartlett on 29 May:

Game against ‘Tuffty Stackpole’ (I met members of this team on the TCS trek’s in China and Peru). They are a village side and take their cricket very seriously. So experience will be useful. The match is arranged to be played on Sunday 15 July at their ground at North Crawley which is near Milton Keynes

Students of historical research based on e-mail trawling will realise why this e-mail was hard to find in my archive 20+ years later – note Chas’s spelling of “Tufty”.

Anyway, I persuaded Janie that this event would make the perfect culmination for our planned mini break in Yorkshire – a couple of days at The White Swan Inn in Pickering, which we had enjoyed so much the previous year, followed by a night in Halifax seeing Mike Ward’s latest play, followed by dinner with Mike & Lottie.

The Pausanias Affair by Mike Ward, The Actor’s Workshop, Halifax, 14 July 2001

It was quite a late night for us on the Saturday night in Halifax. Mike and Lottie sure know how to make guests welcome. I’m sure some especially juicy red wine will have flowed to accompany excellent beef and other culinary delights late in the evening after the show.

But that didn’t really matter, as we knew that we had time in the morning to take a breakfast at the Imperial Crown and get most of the way back down the M1 in plenty of time.

Actually we half expected to be stopping only briefly on our way home, as the weather was poor and the forecast, on Saturday, for the next day, yet poorer.

But in the morning, when I turned on the Ceefax (this was back in the days before smart phones and internet access on the fly), the simple weather chart suggested that the shoddy weather was at its worst in the North of England…and in the South of England, with the Midlands, including Beds/Bucks/Northants borders villages such as North Crawley, spared the rain and expecting sunshine.

We motored through driving rain until just after Sheffield – thereafter the weather looked promising to the point of looking like cricket weather. When we got there, we learnt that those travelling from the south had experienced similar poor weather until they got a few miles north of the M25.

“Two Pubs!” Richard Schmidt / North Crawley – Wikimedia Commons

Lovely village. Lovely cricket ground in the village. Great bunch of local people too. Tufty Stackpole was basically the veterans side of a “proper” village team. These people could play.

The Children’s Society team had its own weapons for that first fixture. Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks was with us, along with his uber-enthusiastic brother Martin. “Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye brought his mate Biff with him:

Probably the best batsman in the county never to have played for Northamptonshire…

…said Jeff…and you don’t argue with Jeff when he’s talking up his mate.

The Children’s Society also had Charley “The Gent Malloy” Bartlett, me and a few other enthusiasts of no fixed ability.

My abiding memories of the cricket that day are quite strong.

Most of the enduring Tufty folk were there that first time: Geoff Young, Glenn Young (I think), Ian Cooper, Trevor Cooper, Nick Cooper, Trevor Stapleton, Mike Archer, Nick Church (I think) plus the gentleman who sometimes kept wicket whose name I never learnt but whom we nicknamed “Builder’s Bum” because of his appearance when wicket-keeping.

With thanks to Dall-E, which couldn’t quite bring the troos down to builders’ level

We didn’t really have the bowling depth to put the Tufty batting line up under too much pressure. Nigel bowled well and took a couple of wickets, but in a 40 over match each bowler can only bowl 8 overs. Martin was quite useful with the ball too, but there were still 24 other overs to try and escape from;
It didn’t help to have several fielders of my “quality” in the long grass. I think it was at that first Tufty match that I juggled a couple of would-be catches but basically spilled them, much to the chagrin of my skipper and team mates – not that I was the only fielder to spill catches;
Martin kept encouraging his older brother, Nigel, to field closer and closer in the hope of snaffling a catch off his bowling. Frankly Martin’s bowling wasn’t really good enough to justify insanely close fielding. Eventually one came straight to Nigel at high speed, which he took, partly in self-defence but a clean catch. The bruise was visible at the back as well as the front of Nigel’s hand within seconds. Barely a wince. Brave lad;
Tufty Stackpole made plenty. Still, we had some weaponry in the batting department, so preserved an element of hope while everyone tucked in to one of the quintessentially English summer village cricket match teas, provided by, I’m pretty sure, the Merry Wives Of Tufty Stackpole. Derry Young was almost certainly involved in that aspect;

I asked Dall-E to help me reproduce the look of such a cricket tea – indeed there I am enjoying a cuppa in a virtual village hall before a lavish spread:

I was scheduled to bat 7 or 8, so I umpired at the start of the resumption;
Biff was clearly a proper batsman, but he hadn’t played for ages and kept complaining to me bitterly, whenever he got down to my end, that he wasn’t timing it properly and that he was finding it all very difficult after all this time. I tried to boost Biff’s confidence by telling him, truthfully, that he was, relatively speaking, in the context of our game, batting extremely well. Also that he would get back into the swing of it as the innings progressed;
Chas was one of the earlier wickets to fall and took over from me umpiring when the third or fourth wicket fell;
Nigel batted one place ahead of me. Biff was still batting well and keeping us just about in the game when Nigel joined him at the crease. Nigel himself can tell you the extent to which he was able to bat normally with such a badly bruised hand. I do recall Nigel getting his eye in and then launching at least one big straight six. At that point, just for a very short while, some of us perhaps dreamt of victory. But Nigel’s attempt to replicate the six resulted in a clattering noise behind him and it was my turn to bat;
I joined Biff and again tried to boost his confidence, which, given that he had by then scored well north of 50 and might even have been thinking of 100, he was still chastising himself for not batting as well as he used to decades earlier when he batted regularly. “Problem is”, he said, “I’m completely exhausted now. Do we have to keep running ones and twos?” My problem, of course, is that I don’t really have shots at all, so ones is probably the best you can hope for unless I take absurd risks. Biff was by now so tired that his scoring shots were not quite making it to the boundary so we did run a few twos;
Eventually Biff played a tired shot and was out. It was an honour for me to have shared the crease with him for a while. We were still some way from the Tufty’s score and frankly we knew we didn’t have the batting to score at the requisite rate, which might have been something like 80 runs needed off 8 or 9 overs at that stage. Big Papa Zambezi Jeff joined me at the crease with the instruction, “we’re to bat for the draw”;
This instruction was playing to my extremely limited skills as a batsman – i.e. to prevent a competent but tiring bowling attack from getting me out. It transpired that Jeff had similar skills. We frustrated the Tufty Stackpole bowlers and managed to extract some honour from that first match by not being bowled out.

*North Crawley pitch – “borrowed” from Facebook*

Don’t ask me which North Crawley pub we all retired to after the match. It might have been The Cock Inn…

…but equally well might have been The Chequers…

…North Crawley has two pubs and the cricket club is honour bound to divide its business between the two. Over the years we certainly tried both.

We enjoyed the post-match conviviality for quite a while and revelled in raising a goodly sum for the charity. I remember that Janie and I got home quite late, ahead of punishingly early starts the next morning. We only made that mistake the once, opting to take the morning or even the whole Monday off after subsequent Tufty matches.

The Heavy Rollers Witness Ashes Cricket Together For The First Time, Edgbaston, 5 & 6 July 2001

Yes, the big fuss is for that little urn. Do you have a problem with this?

In November 2000, there will have been an outbreak of joy in several households, not least mine, when we received the following missive from Nigel Hinks:

Just to confirm that despite “unprecedented interest” (Warwickshire CC) TICKETS have been secured in usual places (Priory Stand Row A 12-17) for the above.

Cost of £67 (32 Thursday+35 Friday). Payable as soon as you like………

Haven’t yet spoken with David. No assumptions about Wadderton or indeed David as ‘catering manager’. Just book it in the diaries and look at it throughout the winter months!!!

Nigel

Needless to say, Wadderton & David Steed’s catering management came through.

The team of Heavy Rollers for those six seats reverted to the 1999 contingent, listed again here with the nicknames allocated some years later (apart from mine, which had been around for years):

Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
David “David Peel” Steed;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett (like me, a 1999 initiate);
Me “Ged Ladd”.

The mists of time have left a mystery, nay even controversy, surrounding the absence of Nick Bartlett in 2000. I’ll leave that debate for others to argue out in articles other than this one…or possibly in court if the debate gets too adversarial.

Differently controversially, my team of mascots, which had included Henry The Duck & Hippity the Green Bunny in 2000, was increased by the addition of Bananarama Monkey-Face in 2001.

*Bananarama Monkey-face in 2004, no doubt “in care” having been rescued from Jeff’s clutches*

Daisy & I were adopted by Bananarama Monkey-Face in Pickering in July 2000.
This image from his post trauma writing phase in 2014.

In many ways this 2001 visit was the first true manifestation of Nigel Hinks’s curtains-induced vision of watching Ashes cricket at a regular meet with friends.

Guest Piece by Nigel Hinks: The Birth Of The Heavy Rollers Tradition, Edgbaston, June 1998, Including The Revelations And Acts That Led To The Birth

I don’t suppose that Nigel’s 1995 vision included duck, bunny & monkey mascots, but that simply shows that revelations of that kind only reveal part of the future story. It also shows that, to some extent, you should always beware what you wish for, even if it is something as wonderful and enduring as The Heavy Rollers.

Actually it was Jeff Tye who seemed least pleased with the mascot contingent and took some pains over the forthcoming years to ease them out of the picture.

Many of us had a sense of foreboding about the 2001 Ashes, despite the seeming opposite from some of us in the November 2000 e-mail bants:

Jeff: What a prospect – the tide has turned – England 480 for 8 after 2days in Pakistan – just imagine the score after 2 days against Australia at Edgbaston – the book is already open Charles !!!!

Me: I just hope those Aussies can last two whole days.

Chas: I do not wish to sound unpatriotic, but the Aussies will give us the most extreme test of our cricketing abilities!

Our sense of foreboding was more than justified. Here is the match scorecard. The sense that England might somehow be in with a shout dissipated soon after lunch on Day One.

I’m pretty sure this was the match at which Charles managed to persuade some autograph-hunting youngsters that Nick was Andrew Flintoff, watching with us from the front row of the Priory Stand.

You can see for yourselves above that this must have been an easy scam to pull off, especially with Nick ‘s poker face showing no sign whatsoever that this was a lark.

Nevertheless, a few dopey kids lined up and collected Nick’s forgery of Freddie Flintoff’s autograph.

Frankly, I think Charles might easily have passed himself off as Freddie Flintoff at that time. Again, judge for yourselves.

Joking apart, and despite the fact that the memories of these matches, writing them up more than 20 years later, are quite faded, I do recall that we had a superb time yet again.

I also recall that, on the Friday afternoon, I popped out to the loo, anticipating an hour or so more of play, but when I came out of the loo the heavens had opened and everyone was pouring out of the stands. Nigel very kindly gathered up my things, rescuing Henry, Hippity and Bananarama-Monkey-Face from what could have been a very soggy demise.

As well as rescuing “my boys”, Nigel must also have rescued Jeff Tye’s “betting sheets” for the prediction game, which ended up in my hands for computation that year – perhaps for the first time but certainly not the last. Those relics remain with me to this day – here they are:

Unmistakably you can see Jeff’s templates with Jeff’s writing all over them…until you get to the computations which are in my trademark scrawl. I note that the going rate at that time was just 20p per punter per line.

I think several people had brought cars with them to the church grounds near Edgbaston Stadium with a view to driving home from the ground on the second day. Nigel kindly took me to the railway station on his way out of town. Our correspondence that weekend (I peppered his e-mail with comments):

Nigel: Hope you got home ok. Friday. We experienced the most amazing flooding in suburban Harborne after we dropped you off.

Me: Hope it didn’t hold you up too much – I got home c20.40

Nigel: Ah well we got the best couple of days and possibly the day of the series.

Me: almost certainly

Nigel: Shame about the collapse today again. But what a knock from Gilchrist who you fancied….just as well he didn’t get in on Friday!

Me: Yup

By November 2001, though, we were lining up for a breach of tradition in 2002. Nigel again:

Dear Jeff, Ian, David, Charles and Nick,

We agreed, I think, unanimously that we won’t resume our traditional places at Edgbaston this coming year given that it is taking place in May.

However some mutterings abound for us to up sticks and try Trent Bridge.

This would be for 8th and 9th August, in Nottingham, against India (2nd Test) and it would mean adding in some accommodation costs if we do the 2 days.

So, before I do anything, could you let me know if you are interested.

How did that all pan out? Well, unless you can remember, you’ll simply have to await the next exciting episode to find out.

The Children’s Society Cricket Match, Regent’s Park, 24 August 2000

I came across an entry in my diary for 24 August 2000 which had me completely…

…forgive the pun…

stumped.

17:00 Children’s Society, Regent’s Park

I couldn’t remember a thing about this event. It certainly wasn’t a Z/Yen thing.

Following some archaeology on the old e-mails, I ascertained that this was some sort of a match between The Children’s Society and Cable and Wireless; but still nothing came back to my memory.

It was clear from the e-mail trail that both Nigel and Chas had been involved with this match, so I wrote to both of them to see if they had any recollection of this event.

I needn’t have worried – yes they did.

Their replies were so comprehensive…

…and amusing…

…that with a little bit of sub-editing they made a very jolly two-hander for the King Cricket website, which published the piece in January 2018 – click here or below to read the piece.

Charity cricket in Regent’s Park – match report

If by any chance the King Cricket link doesn’t work, I have scraped the piece to here.

To my mind, this is one of the wonderful things about Ogblog – an opportunity to re-engage such memories. Sometimes an event that was not so memorable for me might have been, for some reason, especially memorable for someone else.

Nigel – still shouting from the rooftops about the August 2000 match, perhaps?

The Heavy Rollers Double-Up For The First Two Days Of The England v West Indies Edgbaston Test Match, 15 & 16 June 2000

The first ever picture of The Heavy Rollers, taken, quite brilliantly, by “that joker of a supervisor steward”, Paul Guppy. From left to right starting with, in the green shirt and shades: Nigel, Charles, Jeff, Me (with Hippity & Henry The Duck), David. I have often wondered about the person two seats to the right of David. Did he not want to be seen on camera? Was he having a Sneed-snooze? Had he existentially expired?…

…or perhaps the chap with his head down had just heard one of Paul’s terrible jokes

Following the resounding success of the 1999 Heavy Rollers visit to Edgbaston – my first one:

My First Taste Of The Great Cricket Tradition That Is The Heavy Rollers, England v New Zealand Test Day One, Edgbaston, 1 July 1999

…which itself was the sequel to the inaugural Heavy Rollers outing in 1998:

Guest Piece by Nigel Hinks: The Birth Of The Heavy Rollers Tradition, Edgbaston, June 1998, Including The Revelations And Acts That Led To The Birth

…at some point a decision was made to make it two days rather than one for 2000. That decision was as yet unmade in early December 1999, when Nigel wrote:

Whatever your reasoning-to see Charles take money off Jeff, Ian’s mascot/s, the cuisine, the cricket even….the time has come to believe in the future. Things can improve.

England v West Indies, same place, Thursday June 15th and possibly 16th too?

Let me know,soon.

Nigel

I cannot see my reply or even any e-mail replies on the e-mail trail, yet somehow we must have all communicated to Nigel our considered opinion on expanding the adventure to two days: YES PLEASE!

We were all working together a lot in late 1999, so my guess is that everyone had the opportunity to discuss the matter with Nigel and for all the arrangements to be communicated by means other than e-mail. An extraordinary thought 20+ years later.

In the absence of a swathe of photos and documentary evidence, memory evidence is thin. The traditions described in the above two pieces (1998 and 1999) would have been pursued without doubt. We will have stayed at Wadderton, certainly on the Wednesday and Thursday night. David will have done the honours with the picnic on both days. Jeff will have done Edgebaston [sic] betting sheets. I would have trained home on the Friday evening.

One strong memory I have of this episode was a moment of fame for one of my mascots, Henry the Duck.

Same location, same two teams, four years later

I’m pretty sure it was on the TV highlights we saw at Wadderton on the evening after the first day’s play. I’m guessing it was when Graeme Hick was out for a duck, the camera panned to Henry for a few moments and Michael Holding said, words to the effect of:

that just about sums it up.

Traditions take a while to settle, of course. Even The Heavy Rollers. So there was some fragmentation and controversy that summer.

No-one has ever managed to establish why Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett wasn’t there. Nick is convinced he wasn’t invited. Nigel insists that he would only have needed the nod from Chas and Nick would have been an automatic pick. There are rumours that some indecision might have been involved. The truth will never be established.

Later in the summer, the fragmentation meant that Chas and I, together with Michael Mainelli and Bob “Big Mac” Reitemeier spent the day together at the Oval on Day One of The Fifth Test.

England v West Indies, 5th Test, Oval, 31 August 2000 but not 4 September 2000

That event might inadvertently have kicked off the short spate of ill-conceived attempts by senior Children’s Society folk to join The Heavy Rollers and the resulting accusations of elitism.

On Day Five of the fifth test, Jeff Tye called me in the morning and suggested that we “walk up” and see the day’s play together, as it promised to be potentially historic – indeed it turned out unquestionably so. As I explain in the above piece, to my regret since, I let work get in the way. Jeff was smarter and/but went to the Oval on his own that day.

But returning to Edgbaston in June 2000, here is a link to the scorecard for the match...then feast your eyes again on that early incarnation of The Heavy Rollers…

My First Taste Of The Great Cricket Tradition That Is The Heavy Rollers, England v New Zealand Test Day One, Edgbaston, 1 July 1999

A Facsimile of David Steed’s 1999 spread, actually Jeff Tye’s 2003 spread, Photo by Charles Bartlett

I have written up the tale of the “aha” moment, in July 1998 (click here or below), when I learnt about The Heavy Rollers and they twigged that I shared their devotion to cricket.

The Day The Heavy Rollers Entered My Consciousness & Indeed When My Devotion To Cricket Entered Theirs, 23 July 1998

How or why they reached their decision to invite me to join them in 1999 is shrouded in mystery and secrecy, other than to say that I was working very closely with Charles, Nigel and Jeff at that time; I suspect cricket came into the casual conversation quite a few times.

My diary suggests that I originally planned to make it a day trip on that Thursday but reworked my plans into a three day visit to the West Midlands, the first two of which revolved around several meetings organised by Charles and (separately) Jeff and Nigel at The Children’s Society’s West Midlands Conference Centre, Wadderton.

Wadderton, The Spiritual Home Of the Heavy Rollers

In the early years of The Heavy Rollers (and, heck, 1999 was only the second year of this great tradition) the overnight meal and chat at Wadderton before the match was a quintessential element of the experience. So was the enjoyment of a David Steed picnic at the cricket (see example in headline photo), lovingly prepared by David (who ran Wadderton) and schlepped by him and several others of us to Edgbaston.

Those who rolled in 1999 (and the nicknames I gave them all some years later) were the following:

Charles “Charley The Gent Malloy” Bartlett;
Nigel “Father Barry” Hinks;
“Big Papa Zambezi” Jeff Tye;
David “David Peel” Steed;
Nick “The Boy Malloy” Bartlett (like me, a 1999 initiate);
Me “Ged Ladd”.

Only one 1998 character was dropped from the original 1998 five; Paul “Fifth Beatle” Griffiths. The who, what and why of Paul’s “dismissal” should be told by someone far better able to explain than me (Nigel). One of the reasons, as I understand it, was Paul’s inability to engage realistically with the prediction betting game.

The Prediction Betting Game

Ah, the prediction game! One of the several traditions that appears to have emerged almost fully formed in the earliest incarnation of the Heavy Rollers. Jeff was the curator of that game originally, handing out sheets asking attendees to predict, at the start of the day, an array of different scores and match factors achieved at various intervals in the day. 50p per line, placing a theoretical five to seven pounds at risk, although most people would end up merely a pound or two up or down. It’s not about the money, it’s about the bragging rights. Actually, come to think of it, it’s not even about that. It’s traditional, so of course we do it each year.

Within two or three years, I had taken up the prediction game mantle from Jeff, as my mental arithmetic and precision in applying rules was deemed, by the majority, to be superior to that of Jeff; not the highest benchmark I have ever exceeded, but there we go. I think I might even have carried forward Jeff’s traditional mis-spelling of the word Edgbaston as Edgebaston the first time I did the sheets. Below is the earliest version that survives in electronic form – 2004 -but this e-template was created in 2002.

The Steed Picnic Followed By (As Night Follows Day) The Steed Snooze

The headline picture (one of Charles’s many superb efforts) depicts an example of a David Steed-style picnic (actually Jeff Tye brought this picnic, in 2003 as it happens), set out atop the fence at the front of the Priory Stand. In those days, the Priory Stand’s front row extended pretty much to the boundary, making those seats an excellent front row view and an opportunity to chat with unsuspecting fielders who might be standing very close indeed to us, guarding that part of the boundary.

The coloured clothing is kids playing Kwik Cricket during lunch

Beady-eyed observers and cricket historians will observe, to the right of the picture, a plastic cup filled with lightly coloured liquid that resembles, in look, white wine. It is white wine. David always ensured that there was plentiful wine for the picnic. In those early years, I think it was still permissible to bring alcohol into the ground. Latterly, when such permission was revoked, various “drinks muling” operations were devised. David’s best was un-shelling wine boxes and disguising quite large quantities of wine as picnic coolers at the bottom of his hamper.

Most would take some wine with the lunch. Some would also be partaking of beer; some would stick with beer, some would only drink wine.

Most of us, if we are being honest, would be a little hazy on the details of the sessions of play after lunch. But David could be relied upon to go a step or two further, having an extended snooze – sometimes dropping off even before the resumption of play after lunch. It was part of the Heavy Rollers tradition. It would have been rude of David not to snooze. It would have been even more rude of us not to observe the snooze and incorporate the only uncertain aspect of it (the exact timing) into the prediction game.

That Particular 1999 Heavy Rollers Event

I especially remember socialising at Wadderton on the evening before the event. It was possibly the first time that I had spent significant social time with Nigel and Jeff. I had got to know Charles a year or so earlier and therefore better – not only through work events at Wadderton that had required overnight stays and evening time together, but also through the early Z/Yen & Children’s Society sporty socials, including cricket, tennis & even ten-pin bowling (Ogblogs to follow).

One aspect of the night before which sticks in my mind is seeing a “big match build up” piece on the TV – I think it might have been on the local West Midlands news – but this was excitingly unusual for me as I had no TV in those days. I would sometimes see TV at Janie’s place but I don’t think I’d previously experienced that feeling of watching a news/magazine item on the TV and thinking “I’ll be there witnessing that tomorrow”.

I remember little, in truth, about the day itself, other than the impressionistic view that I had a superb time and very much hoped that the experience would be repeated…

…although I’m not sure that I would have imagined in my wildest dreams that the tradition would be sustained into a third decade.

I used to buy a programme in those days (I gave up on that some years ago as I tended barely to look at them after I while – I still have my 1999 one.

I do remember wanting and advocating for bowling changes far too frequently. Every time I said “I think they should have replaced so-and-so” – more than once Andy Caddick -that bowler would go on to take a wicket…or two.

I also recall wondering out loud whether Nasser Hussein was desperate bringing Mark Butcher on to bowl before lunch, only for Butch, naturally, to take a wicket. Jeff Tye in particular found my low-grade captaincy ideas hilarious.

Here’s a link to the cricinfo scorecard.

Below is a highlights reel for the series.

One tradition that was not formed from the outset, but which flowed from/after the 1999 gathering, was the idea that one day of Heavy Rolling at the test was insufficient for our cricketing appetites and that we should aim for two henceforward.

I suspect that most of the others stayed at Wadderton after that 1999 day at the test and I’m not too sure how I got my luggage and myself back to London. I suspect that David Steed had arranged a mini-bus of some sort to take the group back to Wadderton and arranged for my luggage to be brought on it. I vaguely remember being dropped at Five Ways and wending my way back to Birmingham New Street and then home from there.

When I say “home”, I was staying at Janie’s that summer while “The City Quarters” were being refurbished. That explains why I recall watching highlights on the TV at the end of that day – another rare treat for me at that time.

The Aftermath

I wrote to most of the Rollers at 9:00 the next morning:

To: HINKS NIGEL; BARTLETT CHARLES; TYE JEFF
Subject: 1 July 1999

also to David by post

Just a quick note to thank you all for the good company yesterday and especially to thank Nigel for organising it and David for making the splendid spread. It was a super day out.

Sun is shining today – easier wocket – here’s to 350+ for England. (Hope springs……..)

See you all soon.

Ian

Charles wrote the following response to all the e-mailees at lunchtime:

Having just heard that England are 45 for 6 I think 350 is a trifle optimistic!..

Charles

In a vain attempt to extricate myself with my dignity intact, I wrote the following missive at 7:30 a.m. on the Monday:

Gentlemen

Like I said – 350+ 1st innings (226 NZ + 126 Eng = 352 – which is more than 350) – there’s creative accounting for you. Anyway, England won and the naysayers were confounded.

Ian

Nigel responded pithily:

(Never)Trust an accountant!

The Heavy Rollers tradition of post-match e-mail bants was now well and truly formed. Although, given my dire prediction skills in 1999, the biggest surprise is that the elders of The Heavy Rollers didn’t give me “the Fifth Beatle treatment”, but instead, thank goodness, invited me back again…and again…and again…

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Downhill From Here: The Night Before The Test, 28 July 2004

Postscript: Indeed We Did Eat Lasagne

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Big Match Build Up: October 2002 To May 2003

The Night Before The Big Match: 23 July 2003

England v South Africa Day One: 24 July 2003

The Day Two That Didn’t Exactly Happen, 25 July 2003

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Wadderton, The Spiritual Home Of the Heavy Rollers

The Prediction Betting Game

The Steed Picnic Followed By (As Night Follows Day) The Steed Snooze

That Particular 1999 Heavy Rollers Event

The Aftermath

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