Another very early attempt at a comedy lyric that didn’t go anywhere other than a few living rooms around W2 & W11.
Actually I had more time for Robin Cook as a politician than I had/have for most, although you wouldn’t tell from this lyric. In fact, I recall Paul Magrath saying that it sounded like a skit at a Federation of Conservative Students conference – a comment which made me so dislike the lyric, it hasn’t seen the light of day since…
…until Ogblog.
RANTIN’ ROBIN
(To the tune of “Rockin’ Robin” for soloist with a Chorus in italics)
Tweedleedeedleedum, tweedleedeedleedum,
Tweedleedeedleedee, tweedleedeedleedee,
Terribly tedious speech, terribly tedious speech, speech, speech, speech speech.
He rants in the commons all day long, all the labour benches are singing his song;
They say that he’s a thinker of great quality, but no-one understands his health policy.
Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech), Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech),
Poor old Rantin’ Robin Cook he really don’t look healthy to me.
He wants central planning called top down, from country down to region and the district and the town;
To operate this programme Robin must install, a thousand extra bureaucrats in Whitehall.
Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech), Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech),
Come on Rantin’ Robin Cook we’ve surely got enough bureaucracy.
Up and down the country Rantin’ Robin takes the stand,
Explaining to the people why their taxes must expand;
He acts as if he knows it all but bless my soul,
He doesn’t know his elbow from his vitriol.
He rants in the commons every day, to try to get health workers well deserved extra pay;
He gets up people’s noses ‘cos he sounds like squeaking glass, he thinks the sun shines out of his working class.
Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech), Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech),
If only Rantin’ Robin Cook could get his points across effectively.
He wants the Health Service to spend more, to try to bring down waiting lists and better serve the poor;
If Robin were to speak more softly and to have a shave, he’d look and sound the same as Willie Waldergrave.
Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech), Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech),
Rantin’ Robin and the Tories don’t seem all that different to me.
He publishes his documents with launches to excess,
Perhaps he’d better spend his time inside the NHS;
He says he favours medicine in the home,
But will the doctors listen to a garden gnome?
He rants in the commons all day long, he’s never been in power so he may be right or wrong;
The Nation’s health may rest on his ability, so I’ll be joining BUPA or with PPP.
Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech), Rantin’ Robin (speech, tedious speech),
Maybe Rantin’ Robin Cook should after all have stuck with industry.
Tweedleedeedleedum, tweedleedeedleedum,
Tweedleedeedleedee, tweedleedeedleedee,
Terribly tedious speech, terribly tedious speech, speech, speech, speech speech.
29 February 1992
Below is The Jackson Five singing Rockin’ Robin: